The pink hues in the sky illuminate the room; the few moments the sun has left to shine will be gone until tomorrow. Darkness will soon fill the space, leaving nothing but the familiarity of what I most look forward to at the end of the day. There is nothing I love more than this moment here, lying next to him. This is my favorite part of the day; when he comes home and we share our evening in front of the fireplace. I watch the burgundy liquid swirl around my glass, kissing the rim as it gently swooshes over. It stains the fabric of my white shorts and I watch the droplet expand. I touch the stain with my finger and smile. It’s a beautiful red, just like his lips. I have been sipping from my glass since early this afternoon in hopes that the alcohol flowing in my system will do the talking.

“I missed you today,” I whisper against his chest. We sit on our favorite couch together. It’s a brown leather piece we picked up in a rummage sale when we first moved here; it’s old and worn but comfortable. I hear the firewood crackle and watch the flames dance around. I want to talk about having a baby because it’s all I can think about right now. It’s like babies are everywhere I turn. I see them everywhere. I hear them everywhere. It’s like I’m drawn to them. I think my maternal clock is ticking, and I’m hoping and praying his paternal clock will be ticking, too. We have been married for a few years, but we have never discussed children. Our lives have been so busy with our careers.

William and I both grew up in Austin, where we met in junior high. Right from the beginning, he captured something in me and we soon became a couple. Everyone in school identified us as one, Wilphia. It was a funny joke at first then everyone just caught on because we were always together. It wasn’t until college that we each got our own identity back. Even though we had different majors we not only remained together constantly, but our relationship became stronger. It was no surprise to our parents that we wanted to get married before graduating from college Will needed two more years after his four year degree to receive a masters, but we were insistent on getting married. We couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to be Mrs. William Stephen Collins. It was the beginning to our forever together.

Six months later we did it. We tied the knot despite our financial situation with school loans and only one income — my career as an interior designer. I didn’t have any clientele so I had to get a second job at the local Pluckers restaurant. Tips were good, which helped us but the hours were exhausting. Will finally graduated and accepted a job at an architectural firm in San Antonio, the place we have called home for about six years now. My life is perfect I truly believe the trials we face mold us to who we are today. Sometimes misfortunes lead to opportunities, and now I can’t help but feel fortunate for all that I have.

I snuggle into him again, closing my eyes. My nerves are through the roof, my stomach is in knots, and my heartbeat just kicked up a notch. I am trying to generate the right words because I know this is the right moment; it just feels right, I know it. I don’t want time to slip away from us and end up two grumpy old people who never had children. To be able to have a piece of the man I love grow inside me would be the most amazing experience. I just need to convince him we are ready for a baby.

Working from home has its benefits and raising a family is one. I’m going to bring it up to him tonight in hopes that he will be as ready as I am. I haven’t taken my pill in months and would hate to get pregnant without him knowing but I’m willing to take the risk.

I sit up to pour myself another cup of wine and realize the bottle is almost empty. His glass is still sitting on the coffee table and it’s full; he hasn’t even had a sip. I couldn’t have had the whole bottle. Or two? Three maybe? I had been sipping on my glass for several hours, shit! If I am thinking of conceiving, I cannot be drinking. I need to stop now. That is it. Absolutely. No. More. Wine. What kind of mother will I be? I set the glass back down and lean back into him. The warmth of the wine is working through my veins. My body feels warm and relaxed. It has helped calm my nerves. My eyes are heavy and my vision is blurred. Oh, no, I had too much to drink. I just realize we didn’t have dinner. I was so preoccupied thinking about baby talk that I forgot about dinner. I still want to talk about conceiving, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea when I’m drunk. I mentally roll my eyes at myself for being so dumb.

The next best thing when talking about a baby is making a baby, I laugh at myself as I think about it. I wonder if Will realizes we haven’t had dinner. I don’t want to tell him. I’ll ask him what he wants in a moment. Now, I just want him. I want him to hold me, to kiss me, to give me all his love.

I stand, trying to keep my balance and head toward the bedroom, knowing he will follow. It’s dark; the only light is coming from the bedroom lamp, slightly illuminating the hallway. I am trying my best to walk without stumbling, keeping one foot in front of the other. I turn back to make sure he is following behind me and he is. A smile breaks across my face. I reach for his hand and his fingers gently brush mine. I stop to kiss him before turning the corner in the hallway, keeping my eyes open, fearing that if I close them I’ll lose my balance and fall flat on the floor. I see the whites of his beautiful blue eyes before he closes them to kiss me. He holds me steady, placing his arm on my back. I can smell the scent of his cologne; I love that smell. His kisses are sending chills down my spine as he grips my thighs and lifts me up and spins around, placing a kiss between my breasts. It only makes me dizzier; I hit his arm to set me down, he complies. He holds my face in his hands, the way he’s done a million times before and looks me straight in my eyes. He doesn’t have to say “I love you” because I know he does. I have always known he does. He kisses my nose, then my cheeks, and lastly my lips.

I grab his hand to lead him toward the bedroom. I’m so dizzy, the room is spinning and the darkness is making it worse. I turn back to tell Will to lead the way but I can’t see him. I look in front of me and the room is spinning like Zero Gravity at the carnival. I don’t know which way is the bedroom.

“Oh my God, help me, Will!” I scream. I think I am going to vomit.

I need to run to the restroom. I don’t know which way to run. I try running toward the light; I feel like I am running sideways. I move swiftly, not stopping until I feel the warmth of my bed surrounding my body and the darkness consumes me.