Carter
JULIAN ARRANGED FOR my appearance on The Actor’s Couch after I’d landed the role in Hard Times. He leveraged the film credit to convince the show’s producers that I was on the brink of hitting A-lister status. It’s been a few days since Tori left LA, and I’ve heard nothing from her in that time. I’m not in the right headspace to field questions about my personal life, but withdrawing now would be unprofessional, and I don’t need any additional hits to my reputation. My one consolation: The show isn’t filmed before a live audience.
As I walk onto the set, the poor reviews for the film hover over me like a rain cloud. The producers of Swan Song will see this interview. If there’s any possibility they’d still cast me as the lead, this is my shot to show them I’m still the budding heartthrob they think I am. I’ll have to project confidence in my work and assure anyone who’s watching that Hard Times was an anomaly.
The set literally consists of a couch for the guest and a club chair for the host. It’s a comfortable couch, at least.
The host, Elaine Daubert, and I exchange pleasantries, and then she gives me a brief rundown of what to expect during the interview. “Our most popular interviews are ones in which the actor looks relaxed. If it’s scripted, the audience will pick up on it, even if your acting skills are extraordinary.”
She’s probably given this speech countless times and knows it by rote. “Sure, sure.” I settle into the couch as a sign of my good intentions. “I’ll do my best.”
The cameras roll, and Elaine introduces me to the TV audience. “Our featured actor on the couch this evening is Carter Stone, a man who’s made many ladies swoon with his roles on two popular sitcoms, My Life in Shambles and Man on Third.”
As expected, Elaine asks me about my roles in those shows and tries to share a few spoilers about the upcoming seasons. Here is where I generally thrive.
Seven minutes or so in, Elaine shifts her body a few inches away from me. The move is so subtle the audience probably won’t notice it. “So, Carter, let’s talk about your first foray into film.”
Ah, so that’s what that shift was about. She’s going to broach a topic she knows I’ll be unhappy about. It’s not a surprise. After all, this wouldn’t be entertaining without some conflict.
“Hard Times is different from anything you’ve ever done before. What was it like working with Hollywood legends Maggie Boyd and Dennis Satch?”
“I was in awe of them. Intimidated, too. I mean, these are the folks you aspire to be as an actor. Counterparts of Nicholson, Streep, and so on. And they were so gracious, sharing their expertise. There’s a scene in the movie when Dennis Satch’s character grabs my character, Chris, by his collar and is screaming in his face. And to be honest, at that moment, I was thinking, How is this my life?”
Elaine laughs, but then her face turns sober. “The early reviews are in . . .”
I nod. “They are.”
“They’re calling it ‘bad.’”
I pound my fist against my chest as though I’m being stabbed in the heart. “It hurts,” I say with a laugh.
“Why not take the skill set you’ve mastered and start with a romantic comedy? Wouldn’t that have been a wise career move?”
The wise career move would be to say that my acting skills aren’t limited to romantic comedies and move on to the next topic. But I’m tired of pretending, tired of making decisions to shield myself from criticism. Tired of being ruled by what others think of me. Sometimes the best approach is to speak from the heart and see where it takes you.
“I suppose starting with a romantic comedy would have been a sound career move, but my decision to take on Hard Times was about more than getting a film deal. Look, I’ve been in this business a long time. I grew into a man on-screen. I don’t know who I am without acting. And for me that was always okay, because I loved what I was doing. But after years of playing the same kind of character, I need more. I need to stretch myself. Being the cute guy or the funny guy just isn’t enough.”
“And Hard Times is the kind of role you were looking for,” she offers.
“Exactly. I’ll be honest, I’m worried as hell. I’m worried that the career I’ve given my life to isn’t enough to sustain me, and even worse, I’m worried that I’m not good enough to stretch myself in the way that will make me happy. If it turns out I’m not suited to dramas, I’ll do something else. But I think it’s too early to make any big decisions. One movie will not make or break my career.”
“You’re entitled to a flop, is what you’re saying.”
Tori’s reaction when I told her about the early reviews of Hard Times comes to mind. “Yeah, I’m entitled to one Gigli.”
Elaine blinks before she breaks out into a smile. “Well, you’ve just guaranteed you won’t be starring in any films with Ben Affleck.”
I return her smile. “Probably. But I’m more concerned about closing off any possibility of dating Jennifer Lopez.”
Elaine throws her body forward as she cackles. When she recovers, she wiggles her ass into her seat as if to say, Now comes the juicy part. “Speaking of dating, is there someone special in your life?”
If self-preservation is the goal, my answer would be simple. I’d make some quip about not having time or say something charming or self-deprecating to deflect attention from the answer I don’t want to give. But I just told Elaine about my fears as an actor, and I never would have risked being vulnerable that way if Tori hadn’t called me out on my insecurities.
“The truth is, I’m not a great boyfriend. I have a hard time letting people in my life. I’m always wondering about their motives, questioning why they’re befriending me. That has everything to do with my own issues about my self-worth. A friend once told me my need for validation leads me to make bad choices.”
Elaine’s eyebrows disappear under her bangs. “A friend, you say?”
“Yes, a friend, and looking back on some of the things I’ve done, I can’t disagree. I’m not perfect, far from it. Hollywood can convince you otherwise, but we’re all struggling with something.” I look directly at the camera. “Read my lips, fans. I. Am. Not. A. Catch.”
Wide-eyed, Elaine leans back against the couch. “You’re blowing me away here.”
I chuckle. “I don’t mean to. Believe me, I don’t think this is going to up my likeability factor at all.”
In fact, I need to climb out of this train wreck and talk to Julian. He’ll help me figure out how to fix this.
But Elaine’s not done with me. “Have you ever been in love? And before you answer, remember that your response might crush a sizeable part of the female population.”
Yeah. If Tori were sitting on the couch with me, she’d gag at that one. God, I miss her so much. “I’ve been a serial dater for most of my adult life, so until six weeks ago, the answer would have been an emphatic no. But now I can say yes, I’ve been in love. Still am in love. But I don’t deserve her. If I did, she’d be the special person in my life. So. Yeah.”
I glance at a glossy-eyed Elaine, whose face is tilted to the side. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. It’s time to wrap this up. “I’ve said too much.”
Elaine squeezes her eyes shut and reopens them. “Not at all. This has been eye-opening. Care to tell us the name of the person who captured your heart?”
“Definitely not.”
“And I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask you about your weight loss for Hard Times. What was that like?”
“Brutal. And it’s not something I’d wish on anyone. I consulted a physician to ensure I had enough essential nutrition to avoid a total collapse, and I ran the equivalent of a half marathon every day. I don’t ever want to run again.”
“You do what you need to do for your craft, right?”
She has no idea how shitty that question makes me feel. Essentially, that’s been Tori’s point all along—and not in a good way.
“I did what I thought I had to do at the time, but going forward I’m going to be more selective about the things I do for my craft. Acting doesn’t define me.”
“Are you looking forward to the premiere next week?”
Not really. Not without Tori by my side. “It’s my first in a movie I’m in. Should be interesting.”
Elaine directs her gaze to the camera. “Well, there you have it, folks. Up close and personal with Carter Stone.” She glances at me and stretches her hand out. “It’s been a pleasure, Carter.”
I shake her hand. “Thanks for having me.”
She again turns to the camera to sign off. “Tune in next week for a dose of double trouble. We’ll have the husband-and-wife acting and directing team everyone in Hollywood would love to work with, Jim and Cassandra Lang. Have a great evening.”
A voice from the control room directs the camera crew. “Standby, Camera One, closing wide shot in thirty seconds.”
Since I know I’m still on camera, I paste on a carefree smile, though my chest feels like it’s going to fold into itself. What the hell did I just say? I can’t remember, but I doubt it paints me as the carefree, easy-to-work-with actor whose star is on the rise.
Julian’s going to kill me, but for the first time in a long time, I simply don’t care.