Rehearsal Dinner: Gabriel
Crazy how time flies.
Seems just yesterday that Il was slipping the ring on Toni’s lithe finger, turning all her fear into joy. Seems just yesterday that we were sitting down with our domineering wedding planner, arguing about venues and dates, about how I want to have a best man but Toni doesn’t want a maid of honor.
But it has been six months now, and our wedding is tomorrow. Tonight is the rehearsal dinner.
As our limo takes us to the church, I repeat the words to myself in my head, unable to quite believe them: My wedding is tomorrow. Tonight is the rehearsal dinner.
Toni squeezes my hand.
“I love you,” she says.
The limo has a mirror ceiling revealing a secret view of the cleavage of my wife-to-be, a cup-holder for roses for my wife-to-be, and the woman herself.
God, is she beautiful.
Even in her “lazy” satin tracksuit, red top and bottom, I can’t help but kiss her.
Seems a second later that the limo door is opening and we have to separate and leave.
Her hand in mine is a nice consolation as we walk through the church doors.
Still, I glide into the church seeing nothing but her, her red-lipped smile, her mocha eyes. Once inside the church, however, my sight returns.
Pip was right to recommend Saint Xavier Francis College Church.
Magnificent. That’s the first word that comes to mind when gazing upon the masterpiece before me. The rest is only feelings, sights: the sky-high domed ceiling - awe, the host of column-supported arches along the sides – wonder, the dance of colors on the stained-glass windows - gratitude. Everywhere I look is another exquisite detail, another expertly rendered gargoyle, another stained-glass window so vibrantly incredible that I force myself to look away.
A hand on my back. Toni, smiling.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
I nod, still not tearing my gaze away from an expertly-carved angel near the altar.
“The pictures didn’t do it justice.”
She pats my back, says softly, “The priest wants to begin, Gabe.”
I glance at her, then turn around to find our entire wedding party waiting.
For a minute, I gape at them, my gaze sliding from Hannah’s glowing rosy face, to Carlos’ surly one, to Maria Fernanda’s shy smile, Pulse’s skeletal smirk and Jaws’ ear-to-ear grin.
I hadn’t even realized that they were there.
“Pip told us to shut it,” Jaws says by way of explanation.
Everyone laughs, and a man in a Hawaiian t-shirt and sandals walks up to us.
“Great, so everybody’s here. Let’s begin.”
I eye him uncomprehendingly, and, with a patient smile, he explains, “I’m Father O’Mally. We spoke on the phone.”
“Oh,” I find myself saying.
I shoot a glance at Toni, who’s clearly as unaware as I am that this quirky man is the priest.
Father O’Mally scratches his beard, scans the lot of us.
“Not too many bridesmaids or bridegrooms,” he says, then grins, raising his eyebrows.
“Good, this’ll be nice and easy.”
He walks to the end of the room, hands behind his back in a gesture of repose. Returning to us in the same pose, he spread his arms, says, “First things first, no freestyling it out there tomorrow. That’s what the rehearsal dinner is for….”
As he talks I find my attention wandering, to Pip and Pulse who look hilariously absorbed with every word coming out of Father O’Mally’s long moustache, but finally to Carlos.
He looks as surly as ever, with a gaze flicking around the room, searching for something.
I knew we shouldn’t have let him be in the wedding party, even come to the wedding at all, but Toni wouldn’t budge.
Toni squeezes my hand. I squeeze it back.
Really, what is one evil bastard of a brother when I’m marrying the woman of my dreams?
“Alrighty,” Father O’Mally says, turning to Toni and me now, “First, let’s practice the bridal party procession. Groom – Gabe – you get up to that altar with your best man.”
Smiling brace-faced delight, Jaws comes beside me and claps me on the back.
“Our time to shine Boss.”
I clap him back, lean in, say, “Told you not to call me that anymore.”
To which he smiles back an even bigger smile.
As we stride up the aisle to the front, I peer at his tie.
“Jaws, is that actually a...”
He nods, and, when we stop at the front, takes it out for me to look closer. I hold it up to my face so I can make out the tiny gray sea creatures on its shiny navy surface.
“A shark tie. Tinsley got it for me. Some of them are even eating little fish see?”
I let the tie fall, and Jaws shoots a worried sidelong glance at me.
“Though I don’t, you know, have to wear it tomorrow.”
With a smile, I tuck his tie back in.
“Nah, wear it. It suits you.”
I direct my attention to the back of the church, where Toni is talking to Father O’Mally.
From here he looks like a confused vacationer from the Bahamas who accidentally wandered in. Behind them, Carlos’ roving eyes look as suspicious as ever. And what’s that bulge in his pants pocket?
“So,” Jaws is saying, “What’s the food situation?”
I shrug.
“Some pasta, some sushi, some chicken, some steak, some cake.”
Jaws nods, with a silent pressing together of his lips. His gaze is on the first bridegroom and bridesmaid walking up: Pip and Maria Fernanda – his hulking arm in her toothpick one.
The longer I watch the more this seems like an elaborate joke: Maria Fernanda’s woolly sweater with a penguin that looks like it’s having a seizure, Pip’s donning of the old Rebel Saints shirt: a skull wearing a saint hat. Pulse and Hannah, the next to stride up, only further this impression: Pulse’s tattoos are tastefully covered by a wife beater, while Hannah is donning a toned-down neon pink dress.
Even Carlos seems in on it, wearing what looks like the ugliest, most ripped up gray t-shirt in existence.
And yet, the sight of him does not fill me with the same mirth as the others did. No, as he storms up, he makes sure his glare touches on everyone before he slumps into the pew with the other groomsmen.
Last is Jane, whose trainer lets her free at last; she gallops up the aisle, stopping beside me and Jaws.
I pet her and she gives me a doggy grin. We’re old friends by now.
Only took three months of regular visits, walks and expensive cat-shaped dog treats, but I won Jane over.
Now, finally, it’s Toni’s turn.
She’s walking up alone, as she requested.
“Feels wrong walking up with anyone but Papa,” she had explained, and I was all too happy to oblige her. Toni has been so reasonable throughout this wedding planning that I’d let her do almost anything she asked.
Father O’Mally claps his hands in delight as he strides up.
“Great, great!”
Then, passing Jaws and me, he whirls around, gives us a significant look.
“Now, on to the vows.”
Toni and I step up to the altar, hand in hand.
“Who wants to go first?” Father O’Mally asks.
“I will,” Toni says, squeezing my hand one final time before letting it go, “Otherwise I’ll be crying too hard to get through mine.”
I smirk at her.
“Oh, I’ll make you cry all right.”
Toni sticks out her tongue at me, then unfurls a piece of paper and begins.
“Gabriel. I don’t know how to summarize the best months of my life, how to get heart-bursting love onto only a single piece of paper, how to make you understand that I have never felt anything like this with anyone else and never will.”
As she speaks, I find tears coming to my own eyes, and a strange feeling in my gut that something isn’t right.
In the pew, everyone is enrapt. Everyone, that is, except Carlos.
His eyebrows are slanted in a purposeless fury, his hand is reaching into the pocket with the bulge.
I reach in mine, grasp the White Lady.
And as his hand comes out with a gun, so too does mine.
I shoot the gun out of his hand and the church goes silent.
Everyone freezes.
“I’ll shoot you in the head if you move,” I bark at Carlos as his hand trembles mid-air.
I stride up to the pew, grab his gun off the floor, then point both guns at him.
“Pulse, Pip, can you show Carlos out of here? Maybe down to my new office?”
They nod, smiling to each other, as they grab Carlos’ arms.
I turn back to Toni and Father O’Mally, both of whom are white.
“Sorry,” I say, “Was just getting the kinks out so the real thing could be perfect.”
A half-hysterical laugh bursts out of Toni. I take her hand and kiss it.
“Sorry babe. What were you saying?”
She takes a deep breath, squeezes my hand back, then let’s go.
“I love you more than you can know, and it only grows every day.”
Father O’Mally still looks like he’s been punched in the face.
“I want my vows to be a surprise,” I tell him, “Is it okay if we end it here, with the whole “you may now kiss the bride”?”
He nods dumbly, and I turn to Toni.
“Well, you heard the man.”
And, before she can point out that what I said makes absolutely no sense since Father O’Mally is still speechless, I take her soft face in my hands, and press my lips to hers. And all at once, everything is fine again.