Things have been getting worse and worse today.

First, I realize my watch, which was a gift from my parents, is broken. So now I have to go to the store from where they originally bought it.

Then, on the way there, I hear my phone ringing. Of course I haven’t connected the phone to the car audio system, so I can’t pick it up while driving.

When I reach the mall, I check my phone, only to see that I have a missed call from my property manager. The one I’ve been trying to reach for two weeks.

Honestly, I’m ready to fucking fire her. What kind of a professional gets a call, every single day, for two weeks from a client and never calls back? Now she finally calls, and she doesn’t even leave a message.

I take a deep, frustrated breath as I open the car door and tap the call-back button. Holding the phone up to my ear, I hear the dial tone, then the familiar voicemail message.

“Hi, this is Teresa from Diamond Property Management. I can’t pick up right now, but leave your name and number, and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”

Bullshit, I curse quietly. I’ve heard that same message fifty times over the past two weeks.

I end the call, then redial. Dial tone, then…

“Hello,” Teresa says at the other end of the call.

“Teresa. I’ve been trying to call you for two weeks now.”

“Hi Raphael, I’m so sorry. My husband is ill. I’m actually waiting for him right now at the hospital while he’s in surgery.”

I was ready to tear her apart, but I can’t kick someone when she’s down.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I say. “Do you know what’s happening with the rent? I haven’t been getting the deposits in my account.”

“Yeah, I spoke with the tenant. She says she’s going to pay both the rent for April and May on May first.”

I take a deep calming breath. This is not acceptable, but I feel too bad for Teresa to get angry.

“So she’s going to miss this month’s payment altogether?” I ask, pushing my frustration down.

“Yes, unfortunately. She said she’ll get paid on the last day of April and she’ll deposit the money the very next day.”

“Look, I know you’re going through some difficult times, but you should’ve at least let me know so I could start the eviction process.”

“I’m sorry, Raphael. I don’t know what to tell you. I know I’ve been unavailable. Honestly, though, the tenant is doing her best. She’s determined to make that payment.”

“I’m sure she is,” I say, itching to say it sarcastically, but I don’t hate her enough to give her grief. “Listen, Teresa, I’ll go there and talk to her myself. You just worry about your husband. If you hear anything from the tenant, please tell her to call me directly.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you, Raphael.”

“No problem.” I hang up.

I should fire her. I feel bad for Teresa, but she’s not doing her job. I also feel bad for the tenant, but I’m not a charity. Having people feel bad for you shouldn’t be an income-producing life skill.

I walk into the jewelry store. There’s no way to miss it because of the bright white lighting. There are glass display cases along the walls, and another group of display cases arranged into a rectangular counter at the center of the store.

I approach the counter. Immediately, a middle-aged woman gives me a smile and comes over. She’s wearing an all-black outfit, like all the other sales associates do.

“Mr. Holt, it’s been a while since I last saw you,” she says.

I don’t remember her name, but it doesn’t matter. There’s a good chance she has never told me her name anyway.

I used to come here a lot on my mom’s shopping trips, so that’s probably why she remembers me. My mom has always been a big spender, and this is one of her favorite stores.

“Yeah, I’ve been busy,” I say, returning her smile.

Busy being in prison, I think to myself. Oh, and helping people escape modern slavery. There’s that, too.

“I see. How can I help you today?”

“My watch is broken and I’m wondering if you could fix it.”

“Let me take it to the back so our horologist can have a look at it.”

“Sorry, your what?”

“Horologist. The person who fixes watches.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Can’t fault someone who works at a store like this to use pretentious words, I guess.

I fish the watch out of my jeans pocket and put it on the counter. After giving me another smile, the lady disappears into the back of the store.

“Rafe?” A familiar voice calls my name.

I glance back over my shoulder and see a woman who looks impossibly good for a sixty-year-old. As usual, her appearance is impeccable, with her big hair and her perfect make-up. She's just wearing a basic black dress and minimal jewelry, but anyone can tell her stuff is expensive.

“How often do you actually come here, Mom?” I ask.

“Oh, Rafe.” She ignores my question as she throws her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. Her floral perfume fills my nostrils, the familiar scent bringing back happy memories. I can hear the smile in her voice.

“Mom, I see you all the time. There’s no need to get dramatic here.”

She lets go of me and steps back. She studies me from head to toe, then scrunches her nose at my jeans and black shirt. “You’d look better in some decent clothes,” she says. She snaps her fingers. “Oh, I know. There’s this store, where your dad gets his suits from. Let’s get something for you after this.”

“I love you, Mom, but I’d rather stab myself than go shopping with you. Besides, I have enough suits that I wear to work. I don’t need to wear them all the time.”

She laughs, showing off the perfect rows of pearly teeth in her mouth. “What are you doing here? I thought you hate the mall.”

“I do. I just need to get something fixed, the watch that you and Dad gave me.” I pause, wondering for a moment if I should ask the question. “Hey, uh, has Dad said anything to you about letting me handle the meeting next week?”

“Oh, you know I don’t meddle in how your father runs his business, dear. You should just ask him when you see him at the office,” she says. “But maybe Diana can help you. She’s here, and Aunt May, too. They should be coming in here any… Oh, there they are!” Mom’s eyes focus on a spot behind me as she lifts her hands up to wave. “May, Diana, look who I bumped into!”

I turn around and brace myself for Aunt May’s big hug. True enough, she grabs me and squeezes me with her thick arms. Her daughter, Diana, waves at me from behind her.

“What are you doing here?” Diana asks as our moms shift their attention from me to the jewelry, pointing at the shiny things in the glass display cases.

“Everyone seems to like asking me that question today.”

“Well, you never want to come with us to the mall. We need someone to carry the heavy stuff sometimes, you know,” Diana says with a big grin.

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I’m never coming here with you guys.”

Diana is about my age, but she’s way ahead of me in life. She holds a high position at the bank our dads co-founded, and she’s already married, with two kids.

Prison has definitely interfered with my life plans. I remember when Diana was doing her internship under my lead, and now she’s responsible for some of our most profitable branches.

“Hey, has Uncle Robert said anything about my request?” I ask. My father and Uncle Robert built Holt Bank together, and they still make all major decisions together.

“Oh, you mean to get transferred into the management team and lead the meeting next week?” Diana pauses. When I nod, she says, “I don’t know, Rafe. I know how hard you’ve been trying, but…” She trails off and looks up to think. Inhaling deeply, she says, “You know, I think the problem is they don’t trust you yet.”

I groan. “It has been years since I got out of prison, Diana.”

“I know,” she says. “But they want to be sure you won’t mess things up before they give you that kind of responsibility. Remember what happened last time?”

“Yeah.” I admit that my imprisonment has not impressed the shareholders. “But ‘last time’ was a long time ago. I’m a different person now.”

“I guess they want to see you stick to one thing for a longer time and prove that you won’t quit,” she says. “The more you ask for things to be changed, the less inclined they will be to say yes.”

“Hey, I’m not a quitter. I always finish what I start.”

“Yeah, but you keep asking for transfers from one department to another. It just doesn’t make you seem super stable, you know?”

“It’s only because the work is not stimulating enough. I want more responsibility. Failing that, I want to try different things to keep it interesting,” I say. “Besides, knowing how the different departments work will help me one day when they finally let me do some real work.”

“Like I said, they’re concerned about your stability, mostly. I mean, you can’t even keep a girlfriend.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I protest.

That kind of comment would be considered discrimination in a normal workplace; I could go straight to HR with a legitimate complaint. Coming from a cousin, though, nobody would take me seriously, even though the result is the same: workplace discrimination.

“Well….” Diana hesitates before finally saying, “One of your girlfriends was the one who got you into trouble, right?”

“Yeah, but I still don’t think that’s a fair assessment of my skills and abilities.”

“You want a fair assessment, you go apply for a job somewhere else. We both know they’ll throw away your resume as soon as they find out you’re an ex-con,” Diana says matter-of-factly. She doesn’t mince her words. “Our dads, they’re old-fashioned, you know. They like family values, stability, that kind of stuff.”

Harsh words, but I can’t exactly argue with anything she has said so far. She’s right. Maybe I should change my tack.

“How would they know anything about my dating habits, when they never ask me anything about it?” I frown, annoyed that my own family would judge me like this.

Diana shrugs. “Maybe they're still suffering the trauma from the graphic stories you told them about your college years.”

Despite my growing irritation, I grin.

I used to be a little more, shall we say, open about what I get up to at night. I liked telling my family all about the wild keg parties I went to, and what happened upstairs in the dark bedrooms between horny, hot-blooded students.

These days, I try to be more careful with my words. Obviously it's a bad idea to give them more reason to think I’m irresponsible.

“Well, things are different now,” I say, the lie sliding easily out of my mouth. “I take things a lot more seriously these days.”

“Really?” Diana tilts her head as the corners of her lips curl up.

“Yeah.” I watch as my cousin gets more and more interested.

“What are we talking about here? Like, are you seeing someone in particular?”

“What else could I mean?” I answer, trying to sound cryptic, when I'm actually racking my brain to come up with a good story.

“Is it serious?” Diana's smile spreads across her cheeks.

“Yeah. That's what I’ve been trying to say.”

Her eyes widen. “Do you actually have a serious girlfriend?”

I may have stumbled upon a goldmine here. This may be my key to redemption. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but I may be able to get back into my family's good graces.

So I decide to go all in.

“I do. She's perfect. I don't even remember anymore why I spent so much of my time and energy chasing tail. It's so much better to be in a relationship.”

“Oh, wow. It's that serious, huh?” Diana breaks out into a full-on grin. She's really eating it up. “How long have you been seeing her?”

Shit. I haven't thought that far. What's the appropriate amount of time for a relationship to be considered serious?

“Long enough,” I say, watching as Diana's grin begins to fade. I look around me for some inspiration and add, “Long enough for me to buy her a ring.”

“Oh my god.” Diana's whole face opens up. Her eyes get big and her jaw drops. “You’re going to propose to her?”

“Yeah. Why else would I buy a ring?” I figure it's too late to back down now.

“Oh my god!” Diana exclaims loudly in the quiet store, drawing our moms’ attention.

“What's going on?” Aunt May asks as she sidles up to her daughter. My mom flanks her from the other side.

I watch helplessly as my lie spirals out of control, grinning like I’m happy about the events that are unfolding before my eyes.

Before I can blink, Diana has shared the good news and the three of them stare at me with fucking wonder in their eyes, like I’ve cured cancer or single-handedly fed all the hungry kids in Africa.

“Wait until I tell your father,” says my mom. “He’s been waiting for years for this to happen.”

“He has?” I ask incredulously.

“Oh, yeah. He was beginning to think it was never going to happen. But you’ve proved him wrong.” Mom gives me a big smile as she says, “Take that, Dad! Who's the perpetual child now, huh?”

I give them a big grin as I figure out my next move. My first instinct is to protest the “perpetual child” label and tell them that being in a relationship is not a good measure of maturity. But that wouldn't do me any good. I’m committed to the lie now.

“When are you going to let us meet her?” Aunt May asks.

“Oh, yes, I’d love to meet her. What is she like?” Mom asks.

“Yeah, Rafe. I want to see what kind of girl finally manages to convince you to settle down,” Diana says.

“I’ll have to talk to her,” I hear myself say. “I brought it up before but she’s nervous about it. You guys can be kind of intense.”

“Oh, bring her home sometime,” Mom says. “Tell her we’ll love her no matter what. Any girl who manages to make an honest man out of my son is part of the family.”

“I don’t know if I want to spook her so close to my proposal,” I say, steering the conversation away from planning an actual meet-up.

“When are you planning to propose?” Aunt May asks.

Luckily, I’m pretty familiar with the subject of marriage proposals, thanks to my friend Seth, who has just gotten engaged. Now I’m glad I helped him pick a ring and watched him turn into a nervous wreck before proposing to his fiancee, Alice.

“When the time is right,” I say. “I’m still thinking about the perfect way to do it, actually.”

“Have you picked a ring?” Mom asks.

“Ooh, good question, Aunt Elise,” Diana says. “Let us help you choose a ring!”

I tell them I’m still looking for the right ring. They grab my arms and pull me here and there, showing me tiny, expensive things that all look the same.

There’s no getting out of this now. I’m like an inexperienced swimmer caught in a rip, dragged further and further away from the shore, unable to swim back to dry land.

After two hours going through every jewelry store in the mall, the three of them finally settle on a ring in the original store. They try to convince me to buy it, until Aunt May points out that I should give it more thought and come back when I’m ready.

Naturally, I say that’s a good idea because what the fuck would I do with a useless, overpriced piece of jewelry?

I also manage to convince them it’s not a good idea to meet my girlfriend because I’d rather they meet her as my fiancée. The cheesy line works.

Then they ask to see pictures of her on my phone, and I tell them I just got a new phone so I don’t have them. I add, “Besides, I have a feeling you don’t want to see the sexy snaps she sent me.” That works to distract them a little, but they insist on me sending them pictures of us at Seth’s upcoming wedding.

Finally, I leave the store with my watch, which is now fixed. The three of them remain in there to look at the same stuff they’ve been looking at for hours. The way women shop, I don’t understand how they manage to get anything done.

As I get into my car and turn on the ignition, I feel conflicted. On one hand, I finally find a way to get myself back into my family’s good graces and regain my position in the bank. On the other hand, how the fuck am I going to convince them I have an actual girlfriend?

I can tell stories about this imaginary girlfriend for two hours, no problem—especially when they’re distracted by shiny things. But eventually they’re going to insist on meeting this non-existent girl. What am I going to do then?

Maybe I can just bring some random girl home and introduce her to the family. Then, once I get more responsibilities at the bank, I’ll just tell them that things didn’t work out and we broke up—that should get me some sympathy. If they really think I’m heartbroken, they’re unlikely to take my job away and make me feel worse.

I could ask one of my friends-with-benefits, but I have trouble keeping things casual with them as it is. I don’t want them to get the wrong idea.

I could hire an actress, I guess. I could put up an ad online and do a little audition.

Or I could just approach some girl and ask her to be my pretend-girlfriend.

Like that girl, for example, the cute one with the blonde ponytail, the guitar, and the New Balance sneakers. Mom would hate the way she dresses, but she’s just the type I’d consider girlfriend material.

After spending too much time with the hyper-feminine females in my family, I now much prefer low-maintenance, down-to-earth girls. I just haven’t found one I’d like to keep for longer than a couple of weeks. And I actually prefer it this way, after what happened with my last serious girlfriend.

I back up the car and drive through the parking lot, looking at the women on the sidewalk, sizing them up for their fake-girlfriend potential.

“Hey!” A female voice screams as a loud smash makes me jump in my seat. It’s the cute girl with the guitar and the ponytail, and she has just slammed both her hands on the hood of my car.

“Sorry!” I shout out. With the car roof down, she should be able to hear my apology. I must’ve been looking too intensely at the sidewalk and missed the crossing, on which she’s standing.

“Watch where you’re going, asshole!” The girl holds both her hands up and gives me two middle fingers. Her big blue eyes glare at me angrily, her eyebrows pulled down.

“Sorry,” I repeat. It’s my fault for not paying attention, although I was going so slowly I wouldn’t have hurt her anyway.  

She ignores me and walks away. Not one to just forgive and forget, this girl. Not one to be impressed by luxury cars either, apparently.

Many girls switch gears as soon as they find out I have money and then, voilà, I can do no wrong. Oh well, can’t please everyone.

I have more important things to worry about anyway. I need to find a pretend-girlfriend before Seth’s wedding and bring the same girl to meet my family.