I thought I would cry my eyes out when I entered the carriage. No tears are coming. I feel empty, like a hollowed-out bone. Even if I have no idea where I am going, I am strangely calm. It feels like the worst has already happened, and there is nothing left for me to worry about.

I manage to keep myself from thinking about Rasulus. I am afraid that if I do, I will only remember the terrible things he said to me. He seems like two people to me. By night, he is a lover who touches me sweetly. By day, he is a pompous asshole.

If I were more innocent, I might imagine he was treating me this way because Crucis had forced him to do so. However, I know enough about men and about Rasulus himself to know that isn’t the case. Rasulus cannot be forced to do something he doesn’t want to do.

He must want to be rid of me. The thought is a dull ache in my heart.

Grief is exhausting, and I fall asleep to the sway of the carriage. I wake up a few times throughout the day. I roll up the blind so that I can watch the sunset.

I see no sign of the hidden moon Rasulus shared with me.

The temperature on Arietus drops quickly after the sun sets. The carriage is heated, but when I step out to stretch my legs at a way station, my breath frosts in the air.

“It won’t be long now, my lady.” The coachman has a soothing voice, and I smile at him. There are other people in the world besides those at court. It will do me good to remember them.

The moon is far above the horizon by the time we pull up to the gates of a castle. The palace at the capital is built for luxury. This place, with tall stone walls and the clear fields surrounding it, looks like it is built to win a war. A hurried conversation takes place between the coachman and the guards before we can pass.

I peek at the guardsmen through the window as we go by. Unlike the gorgeously attired people at the palace, they wear plain, dark blue clothes. There is an aura of danger about them. I sit back in the coach, my heart beating faster. It doesn’t take much to remind me I am alone on this alien planet.

Rasulus would not send me into harm, would he?

I take a deep breath. When the coach comes to a stop, and the coachman opens the gates, I manage to step out without trembling.

As soon as my feet hit the ground, I am swept into a warm embrace and surrounded by the aroma of freshly baked bread.

“My dear, I am delighted you have arrived safely!”

The speaker is an Arietan woman who is nearly as tall as Rasulus himself. She is plump and strong, dressed in dark blue clothes that hardly seem more elegant than those of her guards. My first instinct is to smile at her. She pulls back after the initial embrace, but she does not let me go.

“Why, what a beautiful wife Rasulus has found for himself,” she says approvingly. “You’re Perri, right? Or do you prefer to go by another name? I suppose your title is properly ‘my lady,’ but I am afraid we do not stand for ceremony out here.”

“Perri is fine, thank you. And I’m sorry, but I do not know what I should call you?”

“I am Lady Cascaron Umaua Savi of clan Savi, but that’s a mouthful. Unless you are in trouble, you can call me Casca.”

“I think that will be just fine.” I try to stifle a laugh. A warmth comes from the woman that relaxes me immediately.

“Mother, you are smothering the poor thing!”

A leggy Arietan teen is striding across the courtyard toward us. She is taller than me and possesses a face of exquisite beauty. In the back of my mind, I realize there are women her age at the palace, and the realization makes me faintly ill. She bounds toward us with the grace of a half-grown filly, her eyes lively with interest as she tucks her arm in mine.

“I’m Miruska. There’s no need to worry about titles. You must tell me all about where you come from. I have never been off-world. And of course, we will want to hear about—”

“There will be plenty of time for that later.” I wonder if Casca is keeping her over-exuberant daughter in check, but I see her glance furtively at the coachman before hustling us inside. “Don’t exhaust our guest, Miruska. She’s had a long trip. Come along, both of you.”

Being with Rasulus is exciting and passionate. With Casca and Miruska, however, I feel as if I have come home, and I wonder all over again why he has sent me here.

I sleep throughout the night, not waking up until late in the morning. As soon as I get up, Miruska appears, ready to show off the castle. Her pride and joy in the place are obvious. Casca is busy with the running of the Savi clan’s home, but she still finds time to eat lunch and dinner with us.

“Make sure that my daughter does not run you ragged. You are here to rest, after all.”

Recuperation must be the reason Rasulus gave them for my visit. Thinking of Rasulus still hurts, but the more time I spend with Casca and Miruska, the easier it becomes to see why I am here.

Casca gives me a room of my own close to hers and Miruska’s. In the evening, as I am getting ready for bed, there is a tentative knock at the door. I open it cautiously to see Miruska’s hopeful face.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course!”

She flops on my bed, and I remember the sleepovers I had with my friends when I was her age. I feel fiercely protective of her.

“How is Rasulus doing?”

I think about Rasulus leaving with a beautiful woman and his rejection of me. I push away those memories, but I am only left with the images of Crucis’ decadent court.

“He’s doing well, I suppose. Busy as ever.”

Miruska gives me a wry look. “You’re not telling me anything. Has he given up wearing blue?”

“I saw him wear many colors. I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

“You must not know since you’re not from around these parts. Blue is a mourning color. The more blue you wear, the deeper your sorrow.”

I realize Miruska is still wearing a blue tunic. The guards dress entirely in blue, as does Casca.

“Have you lost someone recently?”

“My brother, Atrixan. Rasulus was mourning with us. My mother told him not to put on the full attire while he was at court, but he insisted.”

“He wasn’t wearing blue when I was at the palace, at least not like you and your mother are wearing it. He doesn’t seem like the grieving type.”

“That’s not true at all! When Atrixan was killed, Rasulus was nearly mad with sorrow.”

I try to imagine the man who told me we had fucked a few times and were done in a different light, going mad with grief. The two pictures don’t match up. I am beginning to realize something is going on here I don’t understand.

“Who killed your brother?”

Miruska looks uneasy. “Well, you’re Rasulus’ wife. You should know these things. Crucis killed him in a duel.”

I gasp. Crucis had an air of malevolence that was easy to see, but I had not thought him capable of murder. The idea of him wearing a terrible, evil grin as he killed a man makes me shiver.

“I don’t understand a lot of it. Mother said it was about land. Crucis wanted to take over some Savi territories. My brother resisted, and something happened where he felt forced to challenge Crucis to a duel. Crucis killed him.”

I hear a never-ending sadness in Miruska’s voice. I hug her, pulling her close. She is silent but clings to me for a moment before sitting back.

“Rasulus took it hard. He brought Atrixan’s body back home, and he paid for the funeral arrangements. He kept Crucis from taking over the lands he wanted. The whole time he was here, he wore blue like one of us.”

It is hard to imagine the man who smelled like alcohol and who I had first met at the palace having empathy. However, the man who challenged Seyonn to the duel for hurting me? I can easily see that guy doing it.

I do not have all the pieces to the puzzle. “I haven’t known Rasulus for a long time, but he has been kind to me. He showed me the hidden moon. He has protected me at court, sometimes at great expense to himself.”

I manage to direct the conversation with Miruska to more trivial things. After she is gone, I lie awake long into the night. I sleep fitfully, and rise at dawn, restlessly prowling the hallways.

I look out the window and manage to catch Monani’s rising.

I wonder if Rasulus can see it as well.

“Come on. Don’t let him think you’re afraid of him!”

“But I am terrified!”

“You shouldn’t be! Mari is a sweetheart!”

The kashak towers above me. All I can see is a ball of talons and a slashing beak. Miruska sits easily on another kashak, watching with a grin as I try to make friends with the vicious beast.

“I think he wants to eat me.”

“He wants to eat the grain in your hand. Give it to him. I promise, he loves everyone, even people from Earth!”

I take a deep breath and hold out the handful of grain Miruska insisted I bring with me. My heart pounds faster as the kashak steps up to investigate. His beak feels surprisingly delicate as he picks at my hand. With a noise that sounds suspiciously like a purr, he folds down into a sitting position to slurp away the grains. When he finishes, he gives me a wide-eyed look. He seems positively heartbroken that I didn’t have more.

“You’re a sweetheart, aren’t you, you big baby?”

Mari gurgles again. Even though I’m out of food, he sets his head on my lap, showing me where he would like to be scratched.

“You learned something today. There’s nothing to fear at all!”

“Well, he’s still big enough to claw open my belly. I guess I can tolerate him for now.”

Casca is often too busy to do anything more than say hello at mealtimes, but Miruska and I are now fast friends. When she learned about my bad experience with kashaks at the palace, she insisted I get to know her favorite mounts. By now I know how to saddle and bridle one of the riding birds, but today is the first time I have been in the paddock, approaching one on my own.

Being with the kashak reminds me of how Rasulus rescued me at the palace. I wonder where he is and what he is doing. Is he thinking about me? If he’s not, I should be learning how to stop thinking about him, but it is hard. At some point, I gave him a piece of my heart, and it seems like there is no way to get it again.

Abruptly, Mari snorts, standing away from me and taking a few hopping steps back. When I look around to see what has alarmed him so, I gasp.

At first, I think the kashak approaching us has no rider. As it comes closer, I realize the rider is slumped low over the bird’s neck. He has been so hurt that his clothes are soaked with blood.

“Oh gods, what happened to him?” Miruska cries. We both rush forward, her on a mount and I on foot.

The rider is barely conscious as we lead his exhausted ride to the castle. At Miruska’s frantic call, people come rushing out to help. I am relieved beyond all measure when Casca appears.

The man refuses to say anything until she confirms for him that she is Lady Cascaron, and then he nods. “Rasulus. I have a message for Rasulus.”

Casca’s face turns white, and she orders everyone from the room except for Miruska and me. “What is it?”

“His allies are gathering, but Kelis was spotted, and maybe Marchan too. Tell him we must move fast.”

A helpless look crosses Casca’s face. She is too important to leave her home.

Miruska speaks up. “I can do it. I’ll go find Rasulus.”

“No! I will not have you go anywhere near the palace.”

From Casca’s frightened expression, I realize it was not only territory rights that caused Atrixan to challenge Crucis to a duel. She fears for her daughter. After spending some time at court, I don’t blame her in the least.

I decide to volunteer. “I’ll go.”

Miruska looks at me with shock. “You’d need to ride a kashak. You can’t take a carriage. It wouldn’t be fast enough.”

“I don’t care. Strap me to the bird if you must. I’ll find Rasulus.”

I am slowly discovering that the man who sent me away is not the real Rasulus. Rasulus is no drunk or decadent waste. He is a man people will fight and die for. Even if it’s a selfish desire, I want to learn more about him.