The most sleep I get now is in three or four-hour naps. Some are taken on my kashak as we ride to make sure my rule in the kingdom is uncontested. Crucis was not a loved or powerful monarch, and I was not the only one who thought he had to go. While my claim to the throne is the strongest by far, I must encourage other people who muttered against his reign to understand.

They do, for the most part. Even the ones who supported Crucis, his mother’s people, and those who he ennobled and raised up, come around to the idea of a new regime.

There are allies to reward and see on their way, and many wrongs to set right. My half-brother was a cruel man who had an intense capacity for pettiness and violence, but I have been sheltered from the worst. I must pardon prisoners, move exiles back to their homeland, and return lands unfairly seized.

The things I do now will echo throughout my reign. I am determined to get everything right.

Even though Crucis is dead, things are difficult and even dangerous for the first few weeks. I am well-versed in my world’s history, and I suspect it is the same on other planets. A revolution is at its most vulnerable at the beginning. I refuse to give anyone, friend or foe, a chance to use Perri as a bargaining chip.

She stays in my quarters, and I go painfully long days without seeing her. Once or twice, I sneak away, and we have frenzied, needy sex before I must return to empire-building. I try to tell her these times will not last forever. She smiles and tells me to be careful. Underneath it all, there is something else. She does not seem comforted by my words. I do not have the time to comfort her or to explain everything.

“Have faith in me, Perri.”

“I do. I always do.”

No matter where I am, whether in council with allies that I have won or putting down insurgents who have sprouted up on the borders, she is in the back of my mind.

Xanthe, the admiral of the Avarii, comments on it when I finally speak with her. She has more than fulfilled our bargain, thoroughly defending the capital against pirates who thought they could move in right after I seized power. In return, I have promised her the fastest ship in the fleet.

“Whatever happened to the gorgeous little Earth woman who came to deliver a message at the Pearl? Have you grown tired of her already? I haven’t seen her at the palace.”

“There’s a reason for that, Admiral. Perri’s not from this world. She doesn’t know how treacherous Arietan politics can be, so I am keeping her safe while things settle.”

Xanthe snorts. “How can you say that after she has seen your brother’s court and was by your side at the beginning? I have a feeling she knows exactly how treacherous we Arietans can be. You have too little faith in her.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She laughs at me. The Avarii have always been scornful of those who choose to live on land, but she is friendly. I hope our alliance will be a long and fruitful one.

“I might know something about what women learn when they live in a world like this one, your majesty. Still, I wouldn’t keep a woman swathed in silk and tucked away. She might decide she doesn’t like it and want to find herself a better situation.”

She looks away to show she doesn’t mean it, but there’s always an element of truth in what people say, even in jest. I can’t help but think she is right.

I decide to return to Perri as soon as possible. I miss her, and there are things we need to talk about. Immediately another courtier appears with a problem that needs my attention. I must set a date for my actual coronation. I can’t forget about funeral proceedings for my brother. Crucis may have been a tyrant, but he is still of royal blood.

It is another week before I can shut the world away long enough to take a breath. It’s time for a break. Everything else will have to wait. As I walk back to my quarters, I feel lighter than I have in years, perhaps more relaxed than I have been since my father died.

There are many reasons that I have chosen to take my brother’s throne, but the impetus for the final blow was Perri.

I enter my chambers. The first thing that strikes me is how still it is. I realize with a rising discomfort how long it is has been since I was here.

How long had Perri been by herself?

My heart twists, and even as I start to walk through my chambers, I swear to myself that no matter what, I will not be negligent again. Perri deserves better, and after everything we have both been through, I mean to give it to her.

It takes me a minute to realize she is gone. My heart sinks into my belly, and a tide of fear overtakes me. She was in the heart of the palace, the safest place imaginable.

I am ready to mobilize the entire world to find her before I see the jewelry laid out on my pillow. When did I stop thinking about it as my mother’s jewelry and as Perri’s jewelry instead?

It is spread out beautifully, and a small folded note sits at the center. With trembling hands, I open the note and read what Perri has written.

My love:

I have to apologize. I came to your world without your knowledge. It is only fitting for me to leave the same way.

When I met you, you were not what I expected. I was afraid and angry. You saved me, protected me, and loved me. I can tell you, without any pretense or hesitation, I love you as well.

You called me a queen. You need a queen. I have come to realize I am not the queen you need, and I may never be. I love you so much, and it burns like fire that the best thing, the wisest thing, the cleverest thing, and the only thing I can do is leave so you can find an Arietan woman to rule by your side.

I’m sorry I was not enough.

I love you.

—Perri

I crush the paper in my hands, cry out in anger, and reluctantly flatten it out again. I can’t read the parts where she believed she was not enough, but I keep rereading again the parts where she says she loves me.

I might have accepted her leaving if she hadn’t written those words. I might, in confusion and sorrow, allow her to leave. But that she has written down her feelings I know I will never let her go.