When I finally finished dry-heaving, I straightened up and slumped against the lamppost, my throat and eyes raw from crying.
Tonight was turning out to be the worst night ever. The fact everyone around me seemed so happy just made me more miserable.
I stared up at the sky, where the stars winked down at me. Please, just let me wake up and find out it was all a horrible nightmare, I silently pleaded. Please!
I was still standing there, hoping to wake up, when I felt someone touch my arm.
“Maya, look at me,” he pleaded.
And I knew that I wasn't going to wake up. Because this wasn't a dream, it was my life.
I yanked my arm away, glaring at my dad through eyes puffy from crying. No. Actually, he wasn’t even my dad anymore. The dad I knew couldn’t afford to go to restaurants like Masa—one of the most expensive in the world—with some slutty bimbo, to boot. He didn’t lie to his family about going on business trips. And he definitely, definitely did not cheat on my mom.
“Don’t touch me,” I spat, ignoring the hurt look that crossed his face. “I don’t even know you anymore.”
“It’s—it’s not what you think,” my dad stuttered. “Why don’t you just let me explain?”
“Oh, really? So what? Did I somehow hallucinate and imagined that you kissed that woman in there? Did the meaning of ‘going on a business trip’ change into ‘going to an expensive dinner in New York City with a bimbo’? Because unless those two things happened, then it’s exactly what I think!” I screamed, ignoring the looks passersby were throwing us.
“I—we—she’s—“My dad stopped, obviously at a loss for words.
“How could you do that to mom?” My lower lip trembled, and to my horror, I felt the tears rise again.
My dad let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair. Though it still held no flecks of gray, his face was weary, and for the first time, he looked every bit the 43-year old he was.
“Perhaps we should talk about this at home,” he suggested quietly.
I couldn’t believe it. He still had the nerve to say the word home?
“No!” I spat hatefully. “I want everyone to know what a scumbag you are!”
“Maya! Watch your language! I’m still your father, you know.”
“No you’re not! I hate you!” And with that, the tears started falling again, so that I barely noticed when someone pulled me protectively into his arms. “I hate you,” I repeated, sobbing into the person’s chest. I didn’t even care who it was. I just needed someone to lean on right now.
“Come on, why don’t we get you out of here?” I dimly heard Adriana suggest. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Mr. Lindberg, but I think it’s best if Maya’s left alone for a bit.”
Obviously, she’d caught at least part of my rant.
I heard my dad agree in defeat, and before I knew it, the person whose arms I was in ushered me into the waiting Town Car. It wasn’t until then that I finally looked up.
I blinked in surprise. Even through my tears, I was able to make out the planes of Roman’s face.
* * *
“Do you think Maya’s going to be ok?” Zack asked, leaning over to whisper to Adriana as he stared at where the brunette was curled up in her seat, sleeping.
“She should be fine. She just needs some time.” Adriana sighed. Poor girl. She’s been through so much since school started, and they weren’t even halfway through the semester yet.
“What bad luck. Out of all the sushi bars in all the world, he had to walk into ours,” Parker said jokingly.
Adriana rolled her eyes. “It’s nice to see you still have your sense of humor.”
Parker shrugged. “Adultery’s practically a fact of life in Valesca. Some people hide it better than others. And some take it better than others.” He looked over at where Roman was sitting, staring down at his untouched glass. There was a zoned-out expression on his face. “There’s nothing we can do except make the most out of it.”
She didn’t want to admit it, but Parker had a point. Affairs were more common than luxury cars in their town—they just ranged from discreet Mercedes to flashy Lamborghinis.
“Should someone wake her up? We’re almost there.” Parker checked his Rolex. “And she still hasn’t eaten yet.”
“I’ll go do it,” Carlo offered. He’d been unusually quiet since the dinner incident.
“No. I will,” Roman suddenly said, taking everyone by surprise.
They all stared at him. Ignoring their shocked glances, Roman stood up from his seat and made his way down the lushly carpeted aisle to where Maya was dozing.
“Wow. Did he have a brain transplant or something?” Zack’s eyes were wide.
Carlo raised his eyebrows. “Should you really be surprised?”
“No, I guess not,” Zack allowed. “I suppose he is the best person to go talk to her right now.”
Adriana, though, didn’t say anything. Instead, she kept her eyes trained on Roman and Maya, a small smile playing on her lips.
It was time to just sit back and watch the show.
* * *
“Maya, wake up.” Someone was shaking my arm. They seriously needed to go away. “Wake up!”
“Leave me alone,” I mumbled, snuggling deeper into my seat. I could feel the delicious cover of sleep evaporating, and I was not happy.
Whoever it was sighed and dropped my arm.
Good. Now maybe I can go back—was that pasta?
My nose involuntarily twitched as the delicious smell of Italian food wafted into my nostrils. Reluctantly, I opened one eye, my mouth nearly watering at the sight of the huge bowl of pasta in front of me.
“That got your attention.” Roman smirked, taking the seat opposite me.
“You think you’re so clever,” I muttered, even as I sat up straight and grabbed a fork, eagerly digging in.
God, it was so good! Today was such a good food day.
Roman’s jaw dropped slightly as he watched me shovel the food in my mouth. Ok, so I was not being ladylike, but whatever. I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten since lunch and—
Suddenly, my chewing slowed as I remembered why I hadn’t eaten since lunch. And just like that, my appetite was gone again.
“What’s wrong? Isn’t it good?” Roman asked, when I pushed the bowl away from me. I felt slightly nauseous.
“No, it’s good, I’m just—not that hungry,” I mumbled, staring down at my lap. I couldn’t believe I was about to cry again. How much could a girl cry in one day?
A lot, apparently.
“Bullshit. You were just destroying that like you’ve never had food before.” Roman paused. “Are you thinking about what happened at dinner again?” he correctly guessed in an unusual burst of astuteness.
I nodded, choking up.
“Are you going to tell your mom?”
I looked up. “Wow, way to make me feel better,” I sniffled, even though I had no idea how to answer him.
Was I going to tell my mom? It would just be wrong to hide it from her, but at the same time, it would destroy her. I was completely trapped.
“There’s no use going into denial and running from it.” Roman’s tone was bitter. “Might as well face the facts and salvage what you can from the debris that’s left.”
I drew my knees up to my chest and stared at him. “Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?”
Roman’s head jerked up. “What—what do you mean?”
I couldn’t help but giggle a little at the deer-caught-in-headlights expression on his face. “You’re usually so nasty to me. Why are you being so nice now?”
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “We called a truce, remember?” he muttered.
“That didn’t stop you from saying I looked like a shitty piece of modern art earlier.”
Roman shrugged. “Well, you did look like a shitty piece of modern art. I just thought I’d let you know before you went to homecoming and became a laughingstock.”
“Like that’s going to happen. I’m dating Parker now, remember? They wouldn’t dare,” I half-joked.
“Oh. Right. How could I have forgotten?” he said sourly.
I gave him a strange look. He was so weird sometimes. “Anyway, I’ve been worse than a laughingstock at school,” I added softly.
I didn’t know why I was being so vulnerable all of sudden, and in front of Roman Fiori, no less. I guess it was because tonight had just drained all of my energy, and I didn’t have enough left to put up my usual walls. Besides, he’d actually been pretty nice outside Masa.
Of course, I could also be a total idiot.
Roman stared at me, a rainbow of emotions flitting across his face before it finally settled on something that, had I not known better, I could’ve sworn was guilt.
We just looked at each other for several tense though not unnecessarily unpleasant seconds. A strange feeling had started to spread through my stomach until he broke eye contact and gestured at the food.
“You should eat. I don’t want you to faint before you get home.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
“Why do you have to be so difficult? Eat, or I’ll force-feed it to you,” Roman commanded gruffly, though it lacked his usual acidic edge.
“Ah, there’s the Roman I know and hate,” I quipped, though much more teasingly than usual.
I really was losing my mind.
“Eat!” he insisted.
When I didn’t budge, he grabbed a forkful of pasta and held it threateningly up to my mouth. “You sure you want to try me?”
“Fine, fine!” I snatched the fork from him. “You’re so mean,” I whined, even as my taste buds hummed in pleasure.
Roman just smirked, his gorgeous violet eyes smug.
Whoa. What? When the heck did I start thinking his eyes were gorgeous? Actually, when did I start noticing the prick’s eyes, period?
I shook my head, hoping to clear it, and wolfed down another mouthful of food.
Somehow, I’d gotten my appetite back.
Weird.
* * *
When I got home after school the next day, I was shocked to see my parents at the kitchen table, while my grandmother tottered around the kitchen, making her favorite chrysanthemum tea and muttering about how too much coffee caused people to grow wings.
She was a strange lady, my grandma.
“Hi, Maya!” my mother chirped, grimacing slightly as she took a sip of tea. She was obviously missing her usual java fix. “How was school?”
“Fine.” I gripped the straps of my backpack tighter and glared at my dad. “What are you doing here?”
“I…came back from my trip early, sweetie,” he said, clearing his throat and giving me a strained smile.
My mom stared at me curiously. Usually, I was always incredibly excited when my dad came home, and I always, always greeted him with a huge hug. I was a total daddy’s girl.
Or at least, I used to be.
“Really? And where was the trip to again?” I asked in a sickly sweet voice.
My dad shot me a look that was half-pained, half-warning, which made me even angrier. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to waltz back in here like nothing was wrong!
Before he could say anything, my grandmother thrust a cup of tea at me. “Your memory so bad, Maya,” she scolded me. “He said many times before he go to Chicago.” She stared disapprovingly at my skirt. “Why skirt so short? Higher the hem, more brain cells you lose! Maybe that why you no remember. Have some tea. Good for mind.”
My lips flattened into a thin line as I silently accepted the tea. I’d gotten home late last night, well after everyone else had gone to sleep, and so this was the first time I’d seen my mom since I saw my dad with that…that woman.
I was still torn about what I should do, but it sure as hell didn’t feel right, standing there and trying to pretend everything was ok when it so, so wasn’t.
“Actually, Maya, we have some news for you,” my mom chirped, discreetly pouring some of her tea back into the pot when my grandmother wasn’t looking.
“Yeah, what’s that?” I mumbled, reaching for the plate of chocolate chip cookies on the kitchen counter.
Chocolate always makes me feel better.
My grandmother swatted my hand away. “No chocolate for you. You need to lose weight. Your butt too big. No one want to marry girl with big butt.”
I groaned, wondering what it was about her and my butt. Seriously, this was like the fifteenth reference she’d made to it! “People like big butts nowadays, grandma. It’s in fashion. Just look at Kim Kardashian.”
She squinted at me. “Kim Katashi? Who that? She Japanese? Why you wanna be like Japanese girl?”
I give up.
My mom cleared her throat, gaining my attention again. “So, your dad and I have decided to go on a vacation!” she announced excitedly.
I nearly spit out my tea. “What?” I choked.
“Yep, we’re going on a two-week trip to Napa Valley!” My mom’s face was glowing. “We’re long due for a vacation really, and we’ve both got so many days racked up at work that we figured, why not? Especially since they’re having a deal that this adorable inn there, and we love wine, so—“
As she babbled on, I stared hard at my dad, who was pretending to be engrossed in his newspaper when I knew for a fact he most definitely wasn’t. I didn’t even have to ask who came up with the idea with this “vacation.”
Probably suggested it so he could get mom away before I choose to spill the beans, I thought with a sneer, even though I wasn’t sure if I would be. Spilling the beans, that is.
God, that is just so…so underhanded!
He was turning more and more into a stranger every day.
“Well, Dad? Don’t you have something to say?” I asked pointedly, interrupting my mom mid-ramble.
His head jerked up guiltily. “What do you mean?” he asked, visibly gulping.
I gave him a big, fake smile. “Well, mom’s obviously sooo excited about this trip. Aren’t you?”
“Oh. Yeah. Of course.” He laughed, a look of relief on his face. “Uh…you’ll be all right here with your grandmother for two weeks, won’t you?”
“Me?” My grandmother looked at him sharply. “What you mean?”
“Well…uh, since Shelly and I will be on the trip, it’ll only be you and Maya in the house for a bit,” my dad replied, obviously baffled.
My grandmother scowled. “What you think I am? Babysitter? Maya my granddaughter but I no live here! I have life back home.” She sniffed. “There’s annual mah-jongg tournament next week. I leave Friday. No way I let that Rose beat me again!” Her scowl deepened. “Rose, what stupid name that is,” she muttered. “More like Loser Weed.”
“You’re leaving this Friday? But we leave Sunday!” My dad turned to face my mom. “You didn’t tell me that.”
“Oh, right.” My mom looked embarrassed. “I was just so excited it slipped my mind…”
I didn’t see what the big deal was. “So I’ll just stay here by myself. I’m seventeen, I can handle it.”
This was actually not a bad development. I needed the two weeks to figure out what I was going to do about the whole my-dad-is-cheating thing.
“What? No good!” my grandmother shrieked, waving a spatula frantically in the air. When did she get that out, anyway? “You girl! You cannot stay in house all by yourself for two weeks! Very, very dangerous!”
“Grandma, it’s Valesca,” I explained patiently. “The most dangerous things here are those birds that come out of nowhere and poop on you.”
But my grandmother wasn’t having it. “No.” She pointed the spatula at me. “You dating Parker now! I no want you and him in house by yourself when you having sex.”
My dad spewed his tea all over the table.
“Kids these days, they get up to kinky stuff when parents no around,” my grandmother continued. “I want grandchildren, but I no like kinky!”
“Parker? Who’s Parker? And why would you be getting kinky with him?” my dad sputtered.
“Parker’s her boyfriend, dear,” my mom informed him serenely.
Yeah, and you’d know that, if you weren’t so busy getting “kinky” with some slut yourself, I thought nastily, a bit appalled by my meanness. He deserved it though!
“I’m not going to be getting…’kinky’ with him!” I protested. “I can handle two weeks by myself! There’s no other option!”
“No!” My grandma stared at my parents. “Why you no postpone your trip till later?”
“Mom, I trust Maya. I’m sure she’ll be fine,” my mom assured her.
“No! Absolutely not! She can’t have the house to herself when she has a boyfriend,” my dad said vehemently. “We can just…hire someone to look after her.”
Like a babysitter?
My jaw dropped as fury rose up in me. “Are you kidding me?” I yelled, startling everyone in the kitchen. “I’m seventeen! I don’t need a babysitter for two weeks!” I clenched my fists. “God, you’re such a hypocrite!”
Unable to take it anymore, I stormed up the stairs to my room and slammed the door, leaving my stunned family in the kitchen.
* * *
Later that night, I was on my computer, half-heartedly Facebook stalking people I didn’t even care about in an attempt to forget how shitty my life was when someone knocked on the door.
“I’m sleeping,” I called out crankily, clicking on a random photo album.
My face screwed up in disgust. Eeew! PDA overload! I shuddered and quickly exited the page. Some people seriously needed to keep their personal lives…personal.
“Maya, can I come in please?”
I stiffened. “I'm busy."
“Please. I just need to talk to you for five minutes.”
I gripped my computer mouse so tight I was surprised it didn’t break. Finally, I pushed back my chair, stormed over to the door, and yanked it open.
“Make it quick,” I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest.
My dad stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He looked nervous. “Look, I think we should talk about…” He cleared his throat. “About what happened yesterday.”
“You think?” My voice was sarcastic.
“Watch your tone, young lady,” he automatically said.
I rolled my eyes. Like he had the authority to tell me to do anything anymore.
“Ok, I just wanted to say…” My father took a deep breath. “I was on a date with someone else.”
Even though I already knew, I couldn’t help but flinch when he finally admitted it.
My dad’s eyes were pained. “I swear, I didn’t mean to lie to you or your mom. I just…” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “It gets hard sometimes, you know? I’m always traveling for work, and as wonderful as your mother is, sometimes she doesn’t necessarily get how much stress I’m under…Lexi, though, she does. She works for the same company I do—“
“Are you in love with her?” I interrupted, my voice rather shaky.
“What? No!” My father’s eyes widened as he shook his head. “No! Of course not. Maya, your mother’s the one I love, but it gets so damn lonely on the road—“
And you just couldn’t keep it in your pants. God, men were such jerks. Even the ones whom I thought were one of the few good ones left.
“—especially since we always end up on the same projects together. Honestly, though, yesterday was our first date.” My dad looked at me. “All the other times I’ve said I’ve been on business, I really was!”
“With her.”
He flushed slightly. “Sometimes. But it never went beyond flirting until…until recently. I know it was wrong of me. I swear, it’ll never happen again. Just…just don’t tell your mom, ok?”
I couldn’t believe it. “You want me to keep this from her?” I hissed.
I mean, I had thought about it, but it just seems so slimy for him to be the one to ask me to do it.
“Maya! Just look at it from another perspective,” my dad pleaded. “Look, I promise, I won’t ever see or talk to Lexi again unless it’s for professional purposes. Your mom doesn’t need to know, it’ll destroy the entire family. It was just a mistake.”
I swallowed. Maybe he had a point. I didn’t want my parents to divorce, even though my dad had made a major dick move. Most of all, though, I don’t think I could stand to see my mom in the pain I knew she’d be in if she found out.
“Did you sleep with her?”
“No,” my dad immediately said. “No, it never got that far. And it won’t. I promise.”
I sighed, feeling exhausted. My brain hurt. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was just a mistake, and everything didn’t have to change.
“How could you have even afforded that date anyway?” I muttered.
“I got a new credit card your mom doesn’t know about,” my dad answered somewhat sheepishly.
I snorted. How clever. Using a new card so my mom couldn’t see the charges. For someone who insisted it was a one-time thing, he certainly knew how to go about it.
“And I guess that’s why I suggested the two week trip,” my dad added. “To help us… rekindle that spark, I guess. Actually spend some time together.”
I wrinkled my nose. I didn’t even want to know what “rekindle that spark” meant.
“And you promise it’ll never happen again?” I demanded.
He nodded eagerly. “I promise.” He stared at me hopefully. “So, can we just keep this to ourselves? Please?”
After some hesitation, I finally, reluctantly nodded. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I had to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Not for him, or me, but for my mom and my family’s future.