I sat in my room playing the song that had been stuck in my head the entire summer. I'd been playing it all morning.

I realized words had never come before now because I hadn’t experienced emotions powerful enough for it until my date with Michelle. So while they still weren’t solidified, I had the beginnings of lyrics for my song. I had been blindsided when Katie and Gwen cornered me on the way to the restroom. I hadn’t spoken more than a couple words to either of them before then, although I knew Sarah knew them pretty well from work.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by what they said. I had heard plenty of rumors about Michelle over the years. Matt had gone to school with her, Jenny had gone to school with her, Sarah had her own stories.

These were some of the closest people to me. I wish I would have listened to what they said instead of falling for Michelle and her sparkling eyes and red lips and…

“Can you please stop playing that song?” Sarah stomped down the stairs into my room. “I’m going to have to go on anti-depressants just from hearing it over and over again.”

I ignored her and kept playing. I didn’t want the I-told-you-so’s. I didn’t need her snarky comments or judgment. She had no clue how I felt after being played for a fool.

“Rainier,” Sarah said, reaching out to grab my guitar, but I turned, so it was just out of reach. “Enough of this. Michelle is an awful person. It’s not some huge secret.”

“I thought maybe she was letting me see a different side of her.”

“Was it the constant teasing that made you fall for her? Maybe it was the way she only wanted you when you became popular?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Really? Because I distinctly remember you coming home from work and telling me–”

“Sarah. Can you just drop it this one time?” I snapped.

Sarah’s eyes widened before her entire face softened. “Holy crap. You have feelings for her, don’t you? Like, you actually like her.”

I didn’t respond because I was afraid of what I would say. Yes, I liked Michelle, but I wasn’t sure it was enough. So I kept playing my song.

My sister wasn’t easily dissuaded. “If you like her and she likes you, why are you down here playing your guitar instead of talking to her?”

I didn’t have an answer. I stopped playing and looked at her. “Do you think people can change? And I don’t mean the small stuff. Can a mean girl become someone decent? Is it possible Michelle is not the same girl who did all those horrible things? Can that kind of transformation happen in one summer?”

“I don’t know.”

“Me neither.” I started playing again, and this time Sarah successfully snatched the guitar from my hands.

“I don’t know because I don’t know Michelle like you do. But you’ll never know if you keep sulking down here instead of talking to her.”

“Fine. But let’s say I talk to her. Let’s say she convinces me she’s a new person, that she’s not that mean girl anymore. How can I trust her? How can I know she’s not deceiving me for another one of her schemes?”

“You can’t know. I think this is one of those moments where you take a leap of faith.”

“And if I’m wrong?”

“Well, then I guess you’ll get to be jaded like the rest of us,” Sarah answered with a shrug.

“And what made you so jaded, little sister.”

“Nope. This conversation is not about me.” She stood up and started moving toward the stairs, taking my guitar with her. “You can have this back after you talk with Michelle, and not a minute sooner.”

I laid back on my bed. When did my sister become so wise? As the older brother, I should have been the one dispensing advice or threatening to beat up anyone who hurt her. And yet, somehow, Sarah was the one pointing out just how stubborn I was acting by not giving Michelle a chance to explain herself.

She’d told me she didn’t take rejection well, and I had not only spurned her affections, but I had done it publically in front of two girls who obviously had a history with her.

Tap tap, tap.

I jumped up and grabbed my phone. Maybe it wasn’t too late to sit down and talk with Michelle. I at least owed her the opportunity to explain everything I’d heard the night before. She’d tried with tears in her eyes, and I’d been the monster when I didn’t let her tell her side of the story.

Me: Can we talk?

I didn’t expect an immediate reply. If I was honest with myself, I wasn’t sure if I anticipated a reply at all, but within minutes my screen lit up with a text from Michelle.

Michelle: It’s fine, Rainier. This summer was fun, but we both know we can’t make it work.

Me: Just an hour.

Michelle: I’m busy.

I stared at my phone trying to formulate a response that never came. I called Jenny.

“Rainier, is everything okay?” Her voice was filled with concern..

“Yeah, everything is fine. You’re working, right?”

“Uh, huh.”

“Is Michelle working?”

“No.”

“Is she on the schedule for today?”

“What’s going on?”

“Jenny,” I said her name with urgency. “Is Michelle working today?”

“No, but–”

“Great, thanks” I interrupted before hanging up.

I got dressed, ran my fingers through my hair, and ran up the stairs. I couldn’t be sure if Michelle was busy or avoiding me, but I needed to make an effort with her. And I needed to do it now before I lost my nerve.

“Whoa, cowboy,” my dad said steadying me after I ran into him. I hadn’t been paying attention to anything as I raced out of the house. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”

“I think I made a huge mistake and I gotta fix it.”

“At work?” he asked, blocking my way.

I didn’t have time for this. Every minute I spent talking to my dad was one more I didn’t have to clear the air with Michelle. “With a girl.”

“Jenny?”

“No, dad, not Jenny. Michelle. I work with her at the bookstore.”

“Have I met her?”

I was bouncing on the balls of my feet. There was something about setting your mind to a specific goal and not being able to do it right away. All of that energy came out in movements that made me feel like I was gearing up for a race.

“Dad, I’d love to tell you about her sometime, but I need to go. I was a jerk, and I need to fix it.” I pushed past him making my way to the front door.

“Flowers,” he called out after me.

I turned around. “What?”

“If you messed up, you better bring her flowers.”

“Where am I going to find flowers in River Valley?”

“Son, have you ever looked in our yard? Your mother has some beautiful Iris blooming right now. Come on,” he said with a smile. “I’ll help you get some to bring to the Michelle.”

The yard had plenty of edible plants in raised beds, but I hadn’t even considered the many flower beds near our home. There were beautiful blooms everywhere that I never noticed anymore because since I saw them every day.

It only took a few minutes to make a bouquet of the purple flowers. My father and I talked as he helped me gather the plants and a vase to hold them. In that time, I told him a little bit about Michelle. How we were so different, but that there was a chemistry between the two of us that couldn’t be denied.

“Did you know your mother and I hated each other the first time we met?”

“What?”

“It’s true. We had all these ideas about who the other person was or wasn’t. We refused to talk to each other for months.”

“But you guys are so perfect for each other.”

He chuckled. “We didn’t know that though. It took a late night studying for exams before we really talked. We were both in the library during finals week when she came over asking for a pen. Hers had run out of ink. She had the sourest expression on her face like she wished she could have asked anyone else. Lucky for me, we were the only ones there that night.” My dad was smiling as he looked off into the distance. “She was beautiful. I asked her to sit down and take a study break with me. Best decision of my life. We ended up talking the entire night instead of studying. We both did poorly the next day, but it was worth it.” He turned back to look at me. “I’m glad you’re giving this a chance. I’m not saying this girl is your soulmate, but don't ignore those feelings either.”

“Thanks, dad,” I said as we finished up. “And who knows, maybe I’ll end up with some great story like you and mom.”

Fifteen minutes later, I was pulling up to Michelle’s house. Her convertible was parked in the driveway, and I didn’t see any other vehicles. It was possible she was out with someone else, but I thought the more likely explanation was she was hiding out inside.

Hiding from me.

I sat in my car trying to formulate the words I wanted to say. I couldn't help but notice I didn’t get the same hero’s welcome I did a couple of days ago. No snarky text, no flirty wave from the window.

When I finally made it to her door and knocked, Michelle answered almost immediately. She had her hair piled on top of her head, and her face looked different. It took me a few seconds to realize it was the first time I’d seen her without makeup. She was beautiful. Of course, she was. It didn't matter what she did or didn't do to get ready.

She looked at the flowers, and back up to my face. “What are you doing here?”

I lifted the bouquet. “I’m an idiot.” The corner of her mouth lifted in the smallest of smiles. “Can we talk?”

“Rainier, I’m fine,” she said, looking directly into my eyes. “But I told you, I’m busy.”

“With what?”

“Does it matter?”

“Five minutes. Just give me five minutes to talk about what happened yesterday.”

“Fine.” She grabbed the flowers out of my hand. I followed as she walked toward the kitchen and put them on the granite countertop. After she set them down, she turned around and crossed her arms. She didn’t say anything but watched me through that damn mask of indifference she sometimes wore.

“I like you, Michelle. And I think you like me too.” I stopped to give her a chance to confirm my suspicions, but she remained silent. The confidence I’d gained through my conversation with my dad quickly left my body, but I pressed on. “You were just telling me how people change and I think you’re right. People can change. Unfortunately, the first time I was tested, I refused to listen. I believed two girls I barely know over you. It was stupid, and I’m sorry. I came here to give you a chance to say what you tried to say last night. I want to hear what I refused to listen to.”

“And I told you, it’s really okay. Last night sucked, but I think it’s good it happened.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Rainier, you’re going off to school in a couple of weeks, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Think about it. What would either of us gain through a relationship right now? Yes, I like you, but I can’t go down that road either. I can’t open myself up only to watch you leave. It’s better this way.”

“What about a long-distance relationship?”

Michelle closed her eyes and shook her head back and forth. “No way. I’m not even sure I want a relationship right now. But if I do, I don’t want to be on the backburner. And really, you should want more than being an afterthought in another city.”

“It wouldn’t have to be like that.”

“Of course it would be like that. Come on, Rainier. I know this is all new to you, but surely even you can see how that’s a bad idea.” She leaned back against the counter.

I took the opportunity to walk over next to her and lean against it too. I got as close as I could, without touching her. We stood in silence next to each other for several minutes, neither one of us looking at the other person.

“I really saw this going differently,” I finally said.

“Yeah, but it’s better this way.”

“Maybe,” I answered, still not convinced. I leaned in and kissed Michelle’s cheek before walking out and getting into my car.

I drove straight home, grabbed my guitar from Sarah, and played into the night.

This time, the lyrics came easily.