“God damn it, Dad!” I yelled, my hand gripping my phone so hard my knuckles were hurting.

“Don’t you fucking talk to me like that! Good for nothing rat,” said my father huffily, his alpha growl sending a shiver of fear down my spine.

I was terrified of him. He’d hit me when I was a kid. And not for any purpose, just because he wanted to.

He was a piece of shit.

Why did I even bother keeping in contact with him?

“I just want to know if Papa’s okay,” I said in a softer voice, my voice starting to crack. But no, I couldn’t show any weakness in front of my dad.

“Papa will be fine if you just get a fucking job,” Dad growled.

“I told you, I’m going to school—”

“And what good is school if you’re not bringing in the money? Money to pay for Papa’s treatments?”

I wanted to cry. This was so unfair. “I’m doing my best, Dad, I could barely make enough money to pay my rent in my last job… I’m going to make six figures as an IT professional—”

“Yeah, right,” my dad scoffed. “Good for nothing loser thinks he can work with computers. You’re too dumb for that shit, you know? Might as well sell your omega ass, if you think anyone’ll want it.”

“Robert!” cried Papa from elsewhere in the room. I could barely hear him over the phone, with his voice as weak as it was.

“It’s okay, honey,” my dad crooned to Papa. It was weird how nice he was to him, while he couldn’t be bothered if I was dead or alive.

“Listen, if you’re not paying for Papa’s treatments, you’re useless,” Dad grumbled, and then he hung up.

Tears were streaming down my face. How could someone be so cruel to their own child? It was baffling. It had to be something I’d done, right? I wasn’t good enough.

That had to be it. But it wasn’t. I knew it wasn’t.

I couldn’t decide. I felt like both things were true simultaneously. I knew I was good—I was getting a degree so I could get a better job and help put money towards Papa’s medical bills. But I was bad, too, and this was my atonement for being such a bad son.

It made my head hurt and my heart hurt.

I just wished my alpha dad would see that I was trying my best. I cared about my parents, and I wanted to help them and make their lives easier. But if they didn’t let me in, what could I do?

I knew Dad was stressed out about Papa’s illness. They’d racked up a lot of medical bills trying to figure out what it was at all—and then, when they’d come to the best hospital in Stell, which thankfully offered free treatment, they’d found out it was a rare genetic disease that only affected omegas. I was clear of it, thankfully, but Papa—he was a withered version of his old self, and while the treatments alleviated his pain, we didn’t know how long he had left.

I treasured every moment I got with him, even if Dad was looming in the background, ready to make my life hell as soon as Papa fell asleep.

They couldn’t stay at the hospital in Stell, so they continued to have to pay for the exorbitant bills they accrued at the local hospital. I wished everywhere could be like the hospital here, but no. The city was a special place.

It wasn’t as easy as me cutting off my parents or going low contact with them. Keeping in touch with Papa meant dealing with Dad, especially now that Papa depended on him more than ever.

I often wondered why Papa let Dad treat me like that. He was so kind to me when Dad wasn’t around. At first, I thought it was because Dad abused him too, but he was remarkably kind to him. Then again, Papa seemed passive. Maybe he had been abused, or was being abused when I couldn’t see.

God, it was so fucked. So dysfunctional. I felt so bad for them, almost thinking they ought to get a divorce, but they seemed oddly codependent, like they depended on each other to survive. Neither of them really had any friends they could rely on. They just had each other.

I shuddered. There was no way I was going to end up like that. Nope. I was going to have a lot of friends and have a cozy house to myself. Relationships? Who needed them? I loved me some cute alphas, but marriage put me off like nothing else.

I was supposed to meet some friends tonight, so I put my phone down and massaged my hands, stretching my fingers out because they were so stiff. I had to get dressed. Maybe I could dress like a slutty omega and get fucked. It was probably what I deserved.

Deserved for being good, or for being bad? It was kind of hard to tell.

A random alpha hookup wasn’t necessarily going to be kinky, but I didn’t always need that. Most alphas were dominant by nature, even if they weren’t into kink. I just wanted to be used, damn it.

I stepped out of my apartment deciding to splurge—and suddenly feeling guilty because of it, given my conversation with Dad—and I called a car to take me downtown. This awful conversation had already made me run late, and I didn’t want to hold my friends up.

The driverless car zoomed down the highways, and I marveled at how much faster it was than taking the tram. When I was rich, I was definitely getting one of these.

When I arrived outside my friend’s building, I saw that they were already waiting outside.

“Hey, man,” said Gus. “Sorry, we thought you weren’t coming.”

“It’s fine,” I said, sighing. “Had a nasty talk with my dad.” I rolled my eyes. “Let’s get drunk.”

“We’re already drunk. Looks like you need to catch up,” said Rain, another friend of mine.

Amir was standing off to the side smoking a cigarette, and he nodded when he saw me.

“Where’d you guys want to go tonight?” I asked.

“We were thinking of this place called Black Thorn,” said Rain.

“Yeah, it’s supposed to be really kinky.” Gus waggled his eyebrows.

My heart skipped a beat. I’d just been there, last night. They had no idea I was super kinky. I mean, they knew I was kind of kinky, but like many of my community college friends, they weren’t close enough to know that much about me.

“Kinky?” I asked, unable to come up with anything else to say.

“Yeah, like whips and chains? I thought you liked that kinda shit,” said Gus.

I shrugged. “Sure, let’s check it out. I might have heard of it before. Somewhere.”

I hoped no one there recognized me, like that blonde bartender or Archer.

The club was a short walk from Gus’s apartment and the weather was pretty nice, so I made small talk with my friends as we made our way, catching up on the latest drama with alphas and classes. Because I was a second-time student, these guys were a little younger than me, but it was fun to listen to them get all excited. I wondered what Oliver would think of them.

Before we knew it, we’d made it to Black Thorn, and the memories came flooding back to me, almost making me hard again. I mean, I’d had an incredibly erotic time at Black Thorn previously, and my body certainly remembered, even if my brain didn’t want to.

The bouncer let us through, and I re-entered the painted corridor full of secrets. I could already hear people moaning in pleasure, and I watched as my friends gave each other excited looks. They were titillated, but they didn’t realize this scene had been my life for a long time.

Amir and Gus made a beeline to the bar, where thankfully, the blonde lady wasn’t working. Someone else was on duty.

“So, uh…” said Rain. “This is a lot more than I expected.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it; these guys clearly had no idea what they were getting into. “I know, right?”

I was nervous I’d see Archer, and I kept scanning the room for him, but I couldn’t see anything. I supposed I was safe for now.

I could already see alphas making eyes at us. My friends were good-looking young men and they were clearly like fresh meat in this place. One alpha even started to approach us, just as Amir and Gus returned from the bar.

“You guys look new here,” he said with a smirk.

Gus almost giggled, so entranced was he by the alpha. “Yeah, never been,” he said. “Thought we’d check it out.”

“Honestly, you guys look like deer in headlights. Want a tour?”

The guys were practically drooling over this alpha, and I had to admit, he was hot. He was shirtless, with a leather, strappy harness crossing his bulging muscles. As he began to lead my friends away, telling them about the club, I found myself hanging back. I didn’t really feel like hanging out with a random alpha, honestly.

My heart twinged, and I realized that I was hoping to see Archer.

What was it about him? He wasn’t particularly interesting compared to the other alphas I’d been with, was he? I mean, he was sexy and respectful, and he seemed like a good dom…

His treatment of me had been better than many of the doms I’d had in the past, and I supposed I was falling for him simply because he was nice to me. If falling for him was what I was doing…

I couldn’t get my heart swept away by the first alpha to show me a bit of kindness. I couldn’t come back here.

I went to the bar myself. I was sober and I figured a drink would loosen me up a little, make me feel less weird about being here.

But when I got to the bar, I saw that the blonde bartender was there. She gave me a knowing, feminine smile, the kind women get when they know something’s up.

“Hey,” she said, greeting me as I sat down at a bar stool.

“Hey yourself,” I said, giving her a smile. She had an oddly calming presence about her, and I felt like she was my best friend, even though I didn’t know her name. Perhaps that demeanor was exactly why the bar manager had hired her—they needed people around here who could calm the more nervous types.

“Back again?”

“My friends wanted to check it out,” I said, shrugging. “They don’t know I’m really kinky.”

The bartender laughed. “The name’s Goldie, by the way. And you are?”

“Danny,” I said.

“And Danny, what can I get you to drink?”

I hesitated. I didn’t really feel like making decisions right now. I was too weary from the call with my father earlier, and now I was wishing I’d just stayed at home. Even though I’d wanted to get drunk earlier, now I felt like it would make me fall asleep. I was just too tired.

“Here, I’ll make you a Shirley Temple,” she said. “How’s that sound?”

I smiled. “That’s perfect.”

I watched as she expertly poured the different ingredients, garnishing the drink with a cherry and presenting it to me with a flourish.

I started to pull my wallet out, but she stopped me. “I don’t need your money,” she said. “I want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”

I laughed, taking a sip of the drink, which was delicious. “Well… You know I was here yesterday, and I was playing with Archer.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“And I don’t want a relationship or anything, but I can’t get him off my mind.”

“Classic,” Goldie said, nodding sagely. “Sometimes love shows up when you think you don’t want it, though.”

I was going to say something, but another customer summoned her and she gave me a quick wink before taking their order. As I watched her prepare it, I thought about what she’d said. She was right. Love didn’t always wait for the right time. But that wasn’t the only reason I didn’t want a relationship right now.

When she was done, Goldie returned.

“Okay, so say I do want a relationship,” I started. “How am I supposed to trust someone again, especially an alpha dom, when they’ve been so shitty in the past?”

Goldie’s easygoing demeanor vanished and her expression became more serious, her lips pursed and brows slightly furrowed. “A lot of people come here with that kind of background,” she said. “I like to think Black Thorn is a place of healing, but you need to know yourself, because only you know how you can heal. And even the right person isn’t going to be able to help you if you don’t know what you need.”

I blinked at her. “That’s… that’s very wise.”

She smiled. “I’ve seen a lot of alphas and omegas during my time here. Helps you learn a lot about how people work, getting to people watch in a place like this.”

“I’m sure!” I said. “What about yourself? You seeing anyone?”

She laughed. “Who has time to date when you’re caring for a child and running a tattoo shop?”

She was whisked away by another customer before I could ask more questions. Goldie seemed so mysterious, even though she’d told me a couple of details about her life. There was something odd about her that I couldn’t put my finger on.

I finished my drink and left a bill on the counter as a tip, even if she’d said she didn’t want payment, and she caught my eye as I got up and went to find my friends, smiling that enigmatic smile again.

And the amazing thing was—I really felt a little bit better.