Palani sighed as he got into his car after a long day at the paper. It had been a shitty assignment his boss had saddled him with. Despite the success of some of his articles, he was still very much the junior reporter and regularly got stuck with jobs no one else wanted to do. 

Like asking the mayor what his opinion was on a string of lawsuits against alphas who weren’t paying paternity support. Like anyone doubted the alpha mayor would defend other alphas, in this case with a verbose rant so stuffed with clichés Palani struggled to distill the core message from the verbal barrage. Elections were approaching and the mayor took every opportunity to promote himself and his pro-alpha platform. Sigh.

Oh well, at least he’d tried. Like he had for the last four weeks, ever since Vieno’s heat. Palani had done nothing but try his best, but it turns out it wasn’t quite so easy to erase the image of your lover riding another man’s cock. Especially not when it was evident it had been exactly what he wanted, what he needed. 

Hell, he couldn't deny the striking improvement in Vieno's health. He’d gained some of the weight he’d lost, his cheeks had their color back, and he’d resumed his usual household routines with enthusiasm and energy. The apartment sparkled and shone, and a home-cooked meal had waited for Palani after work every single day. 

Granted, Vieno still hadn’t set foot outside, but maybe that would never happen until he found an alpha mate. Or got fucked by an alpha so often his own alluring scent would be undetectable. He’d smelled like Lidon for days after—another painful reminder to Palani of his failure to take proper care of Vieno.

Despite his frustration, Palani was grateful Vieno was doing so much better. Enar had administered a shot that that prevented pregnancy and had come back two days later to give Vieno another one. He’d been professional, yet kind, which made it hard to be upset with him. 

Plus, Palani didn’t have a reason to be upset, now did he? He’d invited them in. Hell, he’d all but explicitly given permission, and so had Vieno. They had both wanted this, if out of necessity, so there was no reason to be…frustrated. 

Jealous. 

Feeling inadequate and like a total failure. 

He sighed again. It wasn’t the sex he was jealous about. That, he was able to categorize as a physical necessity for both Vieno and Lidon. That didn’t take his own reaction to Enar into account, but he chalked that up to hormones. They’d all been affected, so that made sense, right?

No, it wasn’t the sex he worried about. It was the connection he’d detected between Lidon and Vieno. Lidon hadn’t just fucked Vieno into next week…he’d connected with him. Vieno liked him. They hadn’t spoken a word about it, but Palani didn’t need to hear the words. He could read Vieno like a book. 

And how could he blame him? Lidon was…perfection. The man was sexy as fuck with his tall, strong body, that chiseled face, and his long, dark brown hair that curled in his neck. He was built like a freaking god, and how could Palani compete with that? 

It wasn’t Vieno’s fault. He couldn’t help being attracted to an alpha. Fucking biology all over again. Technically, it wasn’t Palani’s fault either, and in his more rational moments he realized that, but it was hard to not blame himself. He’d just have to find a way to get over it. He’d avoided Vieno a little, opting instead to hang out a few times with his brothers, but that wasn’t fair to Vieno.

When he got home, Vieno was on the phone, waving happily at Palani. 

“Yes, sir. I completely understand. I will inform Mr. Waterbrook, and he’ll get back to you at his earliest convenience.”

He rolled his eyes and Palani grinned. It was good to see Vieno happy again. 

“I understand, sir. I will call him as soon as I end this call.”

After repeating the same platitude four more times, he managed to get rid of the persistent caller. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Palani inquired. He checked to make sure he’d hung up his coat and placed his sturdy boots in the right cubby in the hallway. Vieno tried hard to keep the apartment neat as a pin and in return, Palani tried to not leave too much of a mess.

Vieno shrugged. “Same old, same old. They all think barking at me will help get them access to Waterbrook. It doesn’t.”

Vieno worked as PA for Mr. Waterbrook, a pretty well-known author of horrifyingly creepy thrillers. Palani had only made it halfway through his first book before he’d given up, and Vieno hadn’t even attempted. Still, they sold well and he was busy enough to employ Vieno for ten hours a week. He also PA’d for an up-and-coming romance author. 

Vieno took his headset off and jumped up to hug Palani. “I’m happy you’re home.”

Palani hugged the slender body of his lover tight, always reveling in how perfect Vieno fit in his arms. “Yeah, sorry it was another late day. Did I ruin dinner plans?”

Vieno let go, then dropped a soft kiss on his lips. “Nope. I made a casserole this morning that’s easy to reheat.”

Palani’s face softened as he cupped Vieno’s cheek. “You take such good care of me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Vieno bit his lip, then looked up at Palani from between his lashes. “Does that mean you’re no longer angry with me?”

Palani closed his eyes for a second, then opened them again. “Baby, I was never angry with you, only with myself.”

“But why? You did the right thing, calling Enar. Dr. Magnusson, I mean.”

Palani took a step back and gestured with his hand. “Enar is fine. We lost all formalities about him and his friend a long time ago. Look,” he said, then struggled to find the right words. “Knowing it was the right call and feeling okay about what happened are two different things. I’m ecstatic you’re doing so much better, but…”

“But it was hard for you to witness,” Vieno completed his sentence. “I know.”

“No, you don’t know. All due respect, Vieno, but you have no idea. I get that it sucks for you that you’re an omega and that you have the gene and all, but I can never fully understand it because I’m not an omega. In the same way, you can’t grasp what it’s like for me to watch you…” He swallowed, unable to continue. 

“Pal…” Vieno’s voice broke, his eyes welling up with tears. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“I’m sorry I caused you pain.”

Palani’s inner alarm bells went off. He didn’t like where this was heading. At all. “You didn’t cause anything. It’s not your fault and don’t you dare take this on you.”

“If you hadn’t met me…”

“My life would have been so much worse for it. I wouldn’t trade you for anything, baby.”

“I’ve caused you so much pain. And money. And shit in general. Without me, you’d be able to live your life, not be bound to home because I’m such a fuck-up who’s too scared to set a foot outside…I’m dragging you down and I always will.”

Palani bit back his sigh. They’d repeated this conversation many times before, but each time it was getting harder to talk Vieno back from it. This time, he lowered himself on one of their comfortable dining chairs and reached out for Vieno’s hand. After a slight hesitation, he accepted and allowed himself to be pulled on Palani’s lap. 

“That’s not true, baby. It may feel that way to you, but I don’t see you that way and I never will. You’re not a burden to me and you never have been.”

Vieno surrendered, his head nestled against Palani’s shoulder. “I believe you when you say that,” he whispered. “But it’s getting harder and harder to feel it.”

“I understand…or at least, I try to. You’re my best friend, Vieno. A life without you would be pretty damn bleak.”

“Your best friend? Is that all I am?”

“That’s all that’s possible between us. I refuse to stand in the way of you finding someone who can give you what you need.”

“And how the fuck do you envision that happening with me being in this damn apartment all the time?”

He had a point there, but Palani wouldn’t surrender so easily. “What about Lidon? Or Enar? Both are healthy, virile, unattached alphas.” He almost choked on the words, but he managed to get them out. 

Vieno scoffed. “Yeah, right. Like either of them would be interested in me. If they had been, they’d been back by now, don’t you think?”

Palani pinched his eyes shut for a second, then forced the words out. “Lidon likes you.”

Vieno leaned back his head to meet his eyes. “What?”

“He likes you, I can tell. I think you may have a shot with him.” Vieno blushed, which confirmed Palani’s suspicions the attraction had been mutual. “You should call him, see if he wants to come over some time… I’ll make sure to be out.”

Vieno shook his head. “I don’t want him. Not if it means losing you.”

“You’ll never lose me. I’ll always be your friend.”

Vieno pushed out of his arms and got to his feet, turning around. He didn’t lose his temper easily, but when he did, it was a sight to behold. “You need to fuck off with the sacrificial martyr routine. I’m sick and tired of it, dammit!”

Palani balled his fists. “What would you prefer, that I tore my hair out and wailed?”

“Yes! Anything other than this…this passive fake acceptance of me choosing another man. I don’t want anyone else. I want you! And dammit, I want you to fight for me, too!”

Palani lost it. He, too, jumped up. “And then what? We’re together and I get to watch you die? Because that would be the result, Vieno. I can’t give you what you need. I can’t knot you. I don’t have the hormones you need.” As sudden as the fight had consumed him, it released him again. “All that would be left for me is to watch you die little by little…and I love you too much to do that,” he ended quietly.

Vieno stood before him, his eyes cloudy with tears. “We could hire a caretaker every other heat.”

“We both know what would happen, babe. They won’t be able to control themselves.”

“We could ask Lidon again?”

Palani rubbed his temples. “Sure, and it might work for a while. But what happens when he falls in love with you, and he will once he sees how sweet you are… What happens when you want kids? You’ll want them at some point, and I’ll never be able to give them to you.”

At that point, Vieno broke down, a sob coming from his lips that stabbed Palani’s heart. “It’s not fair! None of it…”

Palani pulled him close again, holding him as he wept. “I know it’s not. Biology sucks.”

He held him until Vieno had calmed down again. “Please, don’t make me call him. I don’t want him. I want you,” Vieno begged.

Palani kissed his head. “I’d never make you do anything you don’t want to, you know that. Just think about it, okay?”

Vieno slid off his lap, then turned around to face him. “And what about you, Palani? When will you find happiness?”

He found the strength to say the words and mean them. “If you’re happy, I’m happy, baby.”

For some reason, Enar flashed through Palani’s mind. Maybe, if Vieno and Lidon had a future together, he could… Nah, it was too far-fetched to even consider. Enar was a sexy doctor who had to have a line of admirers a mile long. He deserved much better than a scrawny beta who was and always would be in love with his best friend.