“I heard you wanted to check up on your bird,” Owen said.

Right. The ibis was why I was there. “Is she doing okay?”

I reached his porch and we stood facing each other, several feet between us.

He leaned against the railing. “She’s doing great. She did have a broken leg, but the vet got her fixed up.”

“Good. I was worried.”

Silence fell between us for a moment. Since my big cover reason for being there had been resolved, I didn’t know what to say next.

“Why are you really here, Addie?” he asked after a long while.

There seemed to be no further reason to try and hide it. “Umm, I guess just to see you again…I don’t know.” I sighed. I wish I could just come right out and say it. I love you Owen. Why aren’t we together? Instead, I lifted one shoulder and gave him a tight smile. “The bird seemed like a good excuse to talk to you.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me. Ever again.”

“Yeah. I could see that.”

He laughed. “Yet, here you are.”

“Here I am.” I looked around, appreciating what I could see of the cabin. “Nice place you have here. Feels like it’s part of the park.”

“But it’s not. Believe me, there was a lot of paperwork to prove it’s not.”

“Makes sense. I wouldn’t want just anyone to be able to build on park land.”

“Right. We have enough trouble trying to keep the environment in its original state in these parts.”

“Yeah. Then you get idiots with loud airboats driving all through the waterways, disturbing everything.” I shook my head. Whatever had happened with Aiden didn’t change the fact that the airboat tours really weren’t doing much to keep the natural environment as it was.

He laughed. “You’ve had the pleasure of meeting the Harveys.”

“I wouldn’t say it was much of a pleasure.”

“Yeah. I heard.”

I gave him a surprised look. He heard what, exactly?

“A friend of mine saw you talking to Aiden the other day.”

His friends knew who I was? That seemed a little strange. ‘Why’ kept coming to my mind. Did he talk about me? Have photos of me somewhere? That could be a good sign.

“He invited me and my friends to a party,” I said. “It wasn’t really my kind of thing.”

“Probably for the best. They aren’t known for being the most…upstanding? They cause us some trouble. And I’ll be honest, I was concerned when I heard you were dating him.”

“Whoa.” I held up my hands, my face growing hot. “I don’t know what your friend told you, but I’m certainly not dating him. He invited us to the party and we went. I talked to him while we were there, and that’s about it.”

“That’s all I meant,” he said. “Those parties get shut down all the time. Aiden is…”

“A complete asshole?”

He laughed again. “Something like that.”

“You know what’s weird? Besides the fact that he tried to kiss me when I gave him no indication that I wanted him to? He asked about you.”

Owen drew his eyebrows together and stood up straighter. “He asked about me?”

“If I knew you. He said you didn’t like his family being in the park and they weren’t accepted here or something. He wanted to know about some guy named Ezra who’s a friend of yours, he asked if I’d seen you and said you were a jerk.”

His eyes narrowed. “What did he ask about Ezra?”

“Just if I knew him. He wanted to know where you lived. Oh, and he asked if I knew Noah, too.”

“Really.”

This did not seem to make him happy, and I couldn’t blame him. If someone I didn’t like was asking around about my family and friends, I’d be bothered, too.

“How is your brother, anyway?” I asked.

“Doing well. Just got married.”

“Little Noah?” I shook my head. I sure didn’t think Owen’s little brother would be married before I was.

“Yup. Do you remember Tori who was in his class?”

“Mmm, maybe?”

“Really long black hair? Was a cheerleader?”

“I think so.”

“Well, anyhow,” he said, “she’s my sister-in-law now.”

“Nice. Good for them.”

Awkward silence again.

“So, what’s the deal with Aiden?” I asked. “Is he trying to start something with you?”

“I’m not sure, but I hope not. I would just ask—I know I don’t have any right to—but please stay away from him. For your own sake. I know I might come off like a jealous ex-boyfriend or something, and I wanted a way to say something without sounding like that, but I really just want what’s best for you. And I know too much about him; I don’t want to see him hurt you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I want nothing to do with that guy. I already blocked his number on my phone.”

“Good.”

“You were going to say something about me going out with him?”

“Uh.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I considered it. But I figured it wasn’t my place.”

“We’re still friends. Aren’t we?”

“Sure. I’d like to be.”

“And friends look out for each other.”

He nodded. “That they do.”

“So, as a friend, since we’re friends now, I was wondering how things are going for you. Did you find a special lady, too?”

“Nope.”

“I guess you know I’m single. I dated someone for about a year in college, but that turned out to be a nightmare.”

“Sorry to hear that. I hoped you would find happiness; a good man to love you like you deserve. Someone to marry and have kids with, to grow old with.”

I chuckled. “I always thought that would be you. Maybe I’m just not meant to be married.”

“Don’t say that. Of course you are—I mean, if that’s what you want. I don’t think I’ll ever marry, but I want you to have everything you want.”

“Is that it?” I asked. It seemed like the perfect—maybe my only—opening to finally ask. “Is that why you ended things between us? You never wanted to get married and you thought I did?”

He put his elbows on the railing and rested his chin in his hands, thinking. “No,” he said after a long while. “Not entirely. I thought we’d be married once, too.”

He had a far off look in his eyes and stood back up, looking past me into the woods. I waited, wanting to hear more.

“I just thought with us being at schools so far away, that it would be too difficult. I didn’t want to hold you back. I thought you’d find someone in college and fall madly in love.”

I swallowed hard, my throat thickening despite myself. “I did,” I whispered. “I fell madly in love with you. All I wanted was for us to have a happy life together.”

“How many people actually marry their high school sweethearts? I didn’t want you to feel trapped like I have at times.”

“You felt trapped in our relationship?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I’ve felt trapped, yes. Not by you. Just by…life, I guess. By my family. We all have things expected of us. Sometimes it’s more than we’d like to have to bear.”

“I didn’t feel like I was trapped with you. I wanted to tie myself to you in every way possible. You were my first love. My first…everything. My…only love.”

It took several long seconds before he would meet my eyes. When he did, his expression looked pained. A tear ran down my cheek and I swiped it away.

“I wish I could say I was over you, Owen, but I’m not. You asked earlier why I was really here. That was it. Closure, is what my friends are calling it. I just wanted to know if the distance was the real reason you ended things. The only reason. Because if that was the only reason, and if we’re both still single, and now we’re closer and maybe it’s not a reason anymore, then…”

“Addie,” he whispered.

His expression looked conflicted. I couldn’t remember ever seeing him look so troubled, except for when he broke up with me. This was the exact face he’d made then, too. Right before he told me he could never see me again. I expected him to say the same now.

He took a step closer and reached out to take my hands in his.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. Believe me when I say it was the last thing I wanted to do. I did what I had to do, but there isn’t a day I don’t regret it and miss you.”

I fell into his arms, letting the tears flow freely down my cheeks. It was everything I ever wanted to hear him say. I looked into his eyes and made my move, leaning forward until our lips touched.

When our mouths met, it was like none of the last four years had happened. We fell immediately into the same familiar pattern of moving our lips together, his hand at the back of my neck, my hands rubbing his back.

This was how things should be. Everything felt right in the world as I kissed him. I could feel the love behind it, the delicate way his tongue slipped into my mouth, caressing me. I grew warm all over. I’d spent years wanting him and finally, there we were.

Our kissing grew more intense and I couldn’t get close enough to him. I pressed my body against his, my arms squeezing tighter as he squeezed me back. I ran my fingers through the soft spikes of his hair, the texture coarse but soft, just like I remembered it. He smelled good, too. It was a different cologne than he’d worn in high school, but the smell of him made me wild. I wanted to devour him.

I felt myself getting lost in him, wanting to fully merge with him in every way. Wanting what we’d had before. It might have been young, high school sex, but we’d always enjoyed ourselves. He was a good lover, and I needed that. I needed him.

I ran my hands under his shirt and along his back. He was clammy with sweat and his skin felt as if it were almost on fire. Or was it my skin that was so hot? I couldn’t tell anymore, but it was all I could do to keep from biting his neck when his fingers circled the back of mine. Chills ran through me everywhere he touched.

“Owen,” I breathed in his ear, breaking our kiss for the first time. “I want you.”

He made a growling sound and picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carried me inside. He lay me down on the couch and pulled off his shirt. I sucked in a breath and looked him over.

He was even more muscular than I’d thought. His biceps popped as he leaned over me, and his pecks stood out over his washboard abs. The hint of hair he’d had years ago had darkened and spread to accent his chest in all the right places. I liked the changes.

I pulled my own shirt off, letting him look all he wanted. He kissed down my neck to my chest, stopping to cup my bare breasts and take my nipples into his mouth. The feeling made me dizzy with desire, and I pressed my hips up against his.

He was hard and pushed back against me as he resumed kissing me. His hands made their way down my stomach, unzipping my jeans and sliding further down, rubbing me over my panties. I let out a low moan of pleasure; It was like torture to wait, so I reached down to unzip his jeans.

When I reached beneath his boxers to feel his warm, smooth hardness, he closed his eyes and sat up. I thought he was just moving to enjoy it more, but he stood and zipped his pants.

I was still breathing heavily, and now I was confused. I looked down at my half-naked body. Had I done something wrong?

He stood beside me and reached down to squeeze my hand. “I’m sorry. You should go.”

“What?” I sat up and smoothed my hair down. “Is something wrong?”

“I can’t do this, Addie. I’m sorry.” He put his fist to his forehead and let out a frustrated growl. “I’m so, so sorry.”

I picked up my shirt and pulled it on, stunned. I sat there on his couch, taking just a second to glance around. It was nice inside, too. Clean and orderly. But in that moment, I couldn’t have cared less.

“I don’t understand,” I stammered, getting to my feet. I slipped back into my flip flops. “I mean. You said…” My hand extended toward the porch, indicating everything he’d told me before we started kissing.

“I know, and it’s all true. But I can’t be in your life. I’ll complicate things. I…I just can’t.”

“Owen,” I pleaded, “don’t do this to me again. Please. I love you.”

“I know,” he whispered. “And you deserve better than what I can give you.”

“How can you say something like that? After all this time. After the last few minutes? You said—”

“I’m sorry.” He walked back out to the porch.

I sat for a moment, trying to stop my mind from spinning. I’d gone from being nervous to overjoyed, thinking I was about to have sex, to confused. And rejected. Again. How was this possible?

I collected myself and walked out on the porch to join him. “Maybe someday, you’ll tell me the truth. Why you really ended things. Why you’re doing this now. Because your old reasons don’t make sense. I want to be with you, Owen. I love you. I’ve only ever loved you, and I can’t picture myself with anyone else. If you don’t want me, then okay. At least I know. We had a final…whatever that was, and okay. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll tell myself whatever I have to in order to get over you. Somehow.”

He looked down at his hands. His voice was tight. “I hope you can.”

So that was it. He had feelings for me. He regretted ending things. But he still didn’t think he could be with me.

“You’re wrong, you know.” I walked down the porch steps and looked over at him one last time. “You think I deserve better than you, that somehow you can’t give me everything I want. Well, all I want is you. So, you’re wrong if you think somehow that’s not enough for me. There is no one better than you. All of the disasters I’ve been involved in since you have proven that. I attract men who…are not you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”

He walked inside and closed the front door softly. I stood there for a moment, but when it was clear he wasn’t coming back outside, I got in the car and left. I had no idea what I would tell my friends; this was the opposite of closure. Maybe they’d have some insight to share, some glaring reason I couldn’t see that would explain why he wouldn’t be with me. I wiped the tears falling from my eyes as I drove back to the site.