CHAPTER 31
After Sydney came out of surgery and the doctors assured us that she’ll make a full recovery, I was able to convince my family to go back to Boston. Leah and Eva just arrived at the hospital, and I don’t want Sydney to have to face my family when she wakes up. She only just met them and as much as they love her already, it’s going to be too much for her to handle.
Sydney’s parents are quietly speaking on one end of the small, private waiting room, heads together, hands held in silent prayer for their daughter. Reid Tannen is obviously a much smarter man than I am. He brought his own security with him and stationed one at the door to the post-op recovery room, one at every door that leads to the floor, and one at the entrance to our waiting room. If only I had thought to bring a bodyguard with us to the theater.
Fuck, I almost break down again thinking about it.
Too fidgety to sit any longer, I walk over to where Sydney’s best friend is sitting, flicking through her cell phone to keep her mind from wandering.
“Leah.” Her head jerks up in surprise. I see her lip start to tremble and her eyes fill with tears. “Hey, I’m going to find out if they’ll let me see her. Will you come with me?” I hold out my hand. She takes it and we slip out of the room.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
I shrug. “I wanted to give them some privacy. Plus, I need to see her with my own eyes… I need to…” I can’t finish.
Leah grips my hand tightly in both of hers. “I know Drew. Let’s go find her.”
We stop at the nurses station and they page the surgeon for us. He must have been nearby because he shows up in less than ten minutes.
“Can we see her now? We’ve been waiting… We just… She’s been out of surgery for a while and I…” I let my sentence drift off, unable to form a cohesive thought.
A smile ghosts across his face. “Come on. I’ll take you back. But you can only stay for a minute. They’ll be moving her to our private floor soon and you’ll get more time with her there.”
We follow the doctor as he swipes his badge and opens a large white door that says STAFF ONLY. The room is quiet, only true emergencies require surgery in the middle of the night. He stops at the foot of one of only two occupied beds. “She’s not awake right now, but you can visit for a minute. I’ll have the nurse stop by to talk to you about which room she’ll go to from here.” The doctor leaves, allowing us a moment alone with Sydney.
She looks so small in the hospital bed, surrounded by tubes and machines. Leah bursts into tears and quickly moves to Sydney’s side and grabs her hand. Me? I’m torn. Half of me wants to run to her and pull her into my arms, the other half wants to run the fuck out of here and beat the life out of the guy who did this.
My legs move on their own, choosing to carry me to her side. There are no chairs here, and it’s just as well because I fall to my knees and drop my forehead onto the bed. I grab her free hand and hold on tight.
“Hi, I’m Kelly.”
The kind voice gets my attention. I slowly lift my head from Sydney’s bedside and focus my blurry eyes. The nurse’s smile falters when I meet her friendly gaze. I’m sure I look like shit, probably not what she was expecting to see.
“Like I said, I’m Kelly… and I’m Miss Tannen’s post-op nurse. Dr. Rutherford said you wanted to know what happens from here?”
Exhausted, I struggle to my feet as Leah stumbles around the bed to join me.
“Yes, anything you could tell us,” I answer.
“Alright. We’ll be going to the 8th floor, that’s the locked VIP unit with exclusively private suites, as soon as we get transport down here.”
“Doesn’t she have to wake up first?” asks Leah.
“She has woken up,” Kelly says.
“What? Why weren’t we told!” I yell. Now I’m pissed off all over again. These fluctuating emotions are draining my mind of functionality.
Kelly makes a great effort to keep her face neutral and pleasant. “She wakes up, but she won’t remember any of it. It’s more like halfway between asleep and awake. It’s just enough to speak or mumble and move a little, but not really be aware of what you’re doing,” the nurse explains.
“Oh,” Leah says despondently. “When will she wake up for good?”
I nod at Leah and focus back on the nurse. This is what I want to know.
“Sometime in the next few hours. The pain medication is keeping her pretty sedated right now. You can go get something to eat or clean up if you like, and meet her up on the 8th floor.”
I immediately blow off her suggestion. “I’m not fucking going anywhere.”
“Drew!” Leah shoots me an annoyed look. I don’t give a damn if I’m being an asshole. These people aren’t going to keep me from Sydney.
“Leah, you can go to the Marquis if you want. I’m not leaving.”
Nurse Kelly’s face reddens, whether from discomfort at witnessing my douchbaggery, or embarrassment because I insulted her, I don’t know and I don’t care.
“I need to check her now, so you can go back to the waiting room,” she says, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Fine.” I go back to Sydney’s side and lean over the bed. Cupping her face, I bend over and whisper in her ear. “I’ll be right here, love. I’m so sorry.” I press a kiss to her forehead and storm out of the unit.
“Drew! Wait up.”
“Leah, I’m not really in the mood for you to chastise me for being an ass. I don’t give a shit what they think of me,” I snap as she catches up to me just outside the waiting room.
“Hey, that’s not what I was going to say.” Leah seems lost, her usual confidence gone.
I slump forward, my shoulders dropping from fatigue. “What is it then?”
“I was going to tell you that I’m going back to the hotel. Call me when Sydney wakes up. It’s seven in the morning in New York, I’m exhausted and as much as I want to stay, I think I should go sleep while Sydney is still out. I’ll want to be here later when she’s awake.”
“Alright. Do you want to see if Eva wants to go with you?” I ask.
“We can, but she’s her mother. I doubt she’ll leave,” Leah replies.
“Thanks for going in there with me.”
Leah smiles sadly. “Yeah, thanks for asking me to go. I doubt they’d let me back there by myself. You get to break all the rules,” she jokes.
I look down at Leah, her face drawn and fatigued, her hair frizzing all over the place. “I get whatever I want all the time, Leah, except her. Fat fucking good fame does if it puts everyone you love in danger, right?”
Leah’s eyes widen. “You blame yourself?”
I scoff at her. “Of course I blame myself. She was at that fucking premiere because I was selfish, because I wanted her there!” The desire to hit something streaks through me again but I’m too tired to even curl my hands into fists. Too weak. Too broken.
“I can unequivocally tell you that this is not your fault,” Leah insists, meeting my harsh gaze with a stern look. “Let’s go see what Eva has to say.” Leah turns and goes into the waiting room.
Not surprisingly, Eva declines going back to the hotel with Leah. Opting instead to head down to the cafeteria. Reid, clearly being more experienced than me with this sort of thing, insists that one of his security accompany her.
So here I am, sitting in a hospital waiting room with Reid Tannen, feeling awkward as shit.
“You know,” he says as he takes a seat across from me, “this is like reliving the crap from her childhood all over again.” My eyes flick down to his hands, which are tapping anxiously on his legs.
“In what way, exactly?” I can guess what he means, but I want to know more about Sydney and her dad is probably a pretty good source of information.
He absently checks his watch, a nervous habit I’d guess, and I notice his hand is shaking. God, he’s just like her. Or she’s just like him. Fuck, I’m confused.
Reid barks out a laugh, and not a humorous one. “This bullshit! I couldn’t keep her safe back then. Nothing has changed! Not one fucking thing. All those years apart wasted, for what?” He jerks up out of his chair and paces the room, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
Shit, now he reminds me of… me.
“I’m sorry my shit found her,” I croak. “I let her down, let you down… I, I don’t know what to say.”
Jesus, I can’t fucking break down in front of Sydney’s father. He’s supposed to be able to trust me with her safety, which, clearly, he can’t because we’re here.
Reid steps over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Drew, this isn’t your fault.”
I fly out of my seat to stand facing him. “Of course it’s my fucking fault! She was with me! I insisted on it!” I shouldn’t be yelling at Sydney’s dad, but I can’t control myself. I’m exhausted, emotional, and fucking over this crap.
“Both of you need to stop.”
We both swivel our heads in Eva’s direction at the same time. Neither of us noticed her slip back into the room.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. The food looked… well, let’s just say I’m not that hungry,” she says.
“I didn’t mean for you to hear me like that,” I say to her, sagging back down in my seat.
“I know, but I did hear. And you both need to accept that you’re not responsible for the actions of a crazy person. It’s neither of your faults,” Eva says stubbornly. Now I can see where Syd gets her hard head.
“But it is, Eva,” Reid begins.
She cuts him off sharply, “No. Just stop. Bad stuff happens to random people all the time. It does. Has a lot more happened to Sydney than most people? Yes, but that doesn’t make it anyone’s fault. It just is what it is!”
She breaks down and collapses into a chair, sobbing. Reid hurries to her side and holds her, trying to calm her down.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell them as I leave the tiny waiting room. I turn the corner and almost knock down nurse Kelly.
“Oh! I was just coming to get you. Sydney is in room 806. You can go up when you’re ready.”
“Is she awake?” I ask, hopeful to be able to talk to Sydney.
The nurse’s expression falls, “No. I’m sorry, not yet.”
“Thanks,” I tell her as I hustle to the elevator and smack the button to go up. I’ll tell her parents after I get a chance to see her and speak to a doctor privately first.
When I get to the 8th floor I’m stopped by hospital security. “This floor requires special access, sir.”
Mother of all that is holy! It’s like Syd’s concierge all over again.
“Listen, you are not going to keep me from going in there.” I point at the sealed double doors behind him. “I don’t give a shit what I have to do, but…”
“Mr. Forrester?” I spin toward the voice coming from behind the nearby desk.
“What?” I growl.
“I have your pass right here. Kelly called up to get you access. This will open the door to the floor, the family break room, and your family member’s private room only.” A tiny woman in pink scrubs holds up a blue keycard.
I take it from her gratefully. “Thanks.” Flashing it at the guard I shove past him and use it to open the sealed doors. My first instinct is to go directly to Sydney’s room and wait for her to wake up. Instead, I force myself to walk over to the nurses’ station where several employees, also in pink scrubs, are busy working.
“Excuse me,” I say to the closest one.
“Yes… oh!” Her mouth drops open at the sight of me. “Yes, Mr. Forrester? What can I do for you?”
“Can you page the obstetrician that saw Sydney Tannen, room 806 please?” I have to know what happened with the baby. The paramedics mentioned possible miscarriage and all I know so far is that Sydney was stabbed. I’m praying that they were mistaken about the source of the blood.
“Of course. She’ll meet you in the room.” The nurse picks up a phone as I head towards Sydney’s suite.
I scan my card and enter the room. It’s dark and quiet except for the soft beeping of Sydney’s heart monitor. I turn the corner and see her on the bed, asleep, in a plush suite that looks more like it belongs in the Plaza Hotel instead of a hospital.
There’s a small couch right next to the bed. I fall onto it in a disheveled heap. Too tired to call, I pull out my phone and text Jane instead.
Me <Rm 806>
A few minutes later, I meet Jane at the guarded entrance to the unit and she hands me a bag of my stuff, clothes, toothbrush, all of that shit. I’m still in my formal wear, stained with Sydney’s dried blood on the cuffs of my shirt and the knees of my pants. No wonder everyone is giving me weird looks, I’m a fucking mess. I quickly shower and change my clothes, sitting back on the couch to wait after stuffing the ruined suit into a hazardous waste container.
The door opens and I sit up to see a doctor in a lab coat and scrubs come into the suite, toting an iPad under her arm.
“Hi,” she says softly, “I’m Doctor Bauer, the gynecologic surgeon who treated Miss Tannen.”
I stand up to speak but she stops me, holding up a hand. “I know who you are Mr. Forrester. Why don’t we sit.” She gestures towards the couch.
“No, I’m more comfortable standing, thank you.” I’m shaking all over, ready to go to sleep and wake up to find that the entire past 24 hours is only a terrible dream. “I guess since you saw her you know that she’s pregnant.”
As I say it, I know. I can see it in the doctor’s eyes, the way her mouth pulls down in the corners.
“Mr. Forrester, I’m sorry. Miss Tannen was in the process of losing the pregnancy when she was brought in. I was called into the operating room to perform a D&C after they repaired her stab wound.”
“So there’s…?”
She shakes her head, “The baby is gone.”
I stumble back and fall heavily onto the couch again, putting my head in my hands. How am I going to tell Sydney?
“Let me assure you, that this had nothing to do with the trauma she suffered today.”
I lift my head. “What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that the pregnancy was already in the process of ending before the attack. Most likely, there was a defect with the fetus, we won’t ever know, but the placenta was detaching and an indirect stab wound wouldn’t cause that.”
“You’re sure?”
“Quite sure. The baby would be gone either way. Again, I’m sorry.” She pats my hand and leaves the room.
I send a quick text to Eva, letting her know the room number then curl up in a ball on the couch and lose it until I pass out to blissful nothingness.