“Thank God you came to your senses. I was so worried about you. You never know what a man like that is capable of.” Chelsea digs into the popcorn bowl, releasing the smell of butter into the air.

I pull my feet up onto Chelsea’s bed and chew my popcorn silently. I haven’t responded to Judson’s threat, and haven’t told Chelsea about it. But in a way I still feel as though I’m being watched from the shadows.

“You’re right,” I admit. “I guess I was being a bit stupid.”

“Stupid? You were out of your mind.” She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you actually contacted a murderer.”

“You do know his guilt is yet to be proven, right? He hasn’t even gone to trial.” Why do I still feel the need to defend him?

“Well.” Chelsea shrugs and falls back onto her pillows. “It’s only a matter of time. Everyone knows he’s guilty.”

My throat is aching, urging me to say something more, but instead, the tips of my fingers flutter at the base of my throat. Each time Chelsea attacks Judson, she shoves me under an invisible bath of ice water. As much as I know getting involved with Judson was a dangerous mistake, my feelings for him haven’t dissipated. I wonder if they ever will. The thing that troubles me most is how I can feel so strongly for someone who terrifies the hell out of me. Judson raged into my life like a storm that shook me to the core of my being, and without him, I’m not sure I know who I am.

It’s been almost a week, and although Judson keeps writing me, making demands, I haven’t seen the strange guy with the Mercedes again.

I decide to change the subject. “So, how are things with you and Neil?”

“Couldn’t be better. And by that, I mean this.” Chelsea pulls her hand from under the pillow and wriggles her fingers between us.

I gasp at the glint that catches my eye. “No.” I grab her hand and bring it closer to my face. It’s a classic ring in white gold, set with a single round diamond that winks at me. “Tell me this is a promise ring and nothing else.”

Chelsea grins from ear to ear, eyes glinting like the diamond on her finger. “It’s exactly what you think it is.”

“I can’t believe it. When did this happen? And when did you change your mind about getting married? I thought you said you’re not ready.”

Chelsea pulls her hand away from mine and digs into the popcorn again. “Last night. I’ve had a lot of time to think. Turns out I do want to spend the rest of my life with Neil.” She studies her ring for a moment. “Getting engaged now doesn’t mean we have to get married immediately. We’ll be one of those couples who are engaged for a couple of years. We’re waiting until after graduation. But he’s coming home with me for Christmas.” She lets out a contented sigh. “The engagement certainly solved the sex guilt issue.”

“No more guilt on his end?”

Chelsea shrugs. “Last night, after I said yes, he fucked me like a porn star on crack. I could barely walk this morning. And no tears after.”

We both burst out laughing.

“You’re crazy. But that’s what I love about you.” I pull her into a hug. Congratulations. I’m so happy for you.” I clear my throat. “You really are going to marry him, Chelsea?”

Chelsea nods and sighs. “I know I bitch about him a lot. That won’t stop.” She stares into space as though looking at something invisible to me. “This might sound corny, but he’s the only guy I want. I swear, I’ll never find anyone as good in bed as Neil.”

Laughter bubbles from my chest in waves. “Chelsea, you’re not only with him because of the sex, are you?”

“Me?” She places a hand on her chest, feigning shock. “What kind of girl do you think I am? Of course not. I love him. Seriously, I do. The sex is the cherry on top. And it is important in a relationship.” She makes a face. “But then again, you wouldn’t know that, since you still haven’t tasted the forbidden fruit.”

A moment of quiet passes between us as I think of the erotic dreams I’ve had about Judson. A jolt of excitement trails down my spine, followed by an ache. Those dreams, each one of them, always left me feeling as though the sex was real, that he really was inside me. Each time they left me feeling less of a virgin. But I can’t tell Chelsea about that.

I draw in a breath and avert my gaze, staring out the window. The branches of distant trees sway back and forth in the wind. They seem to be mocking me. “Yeah, go ahead and rub it in.”

“I’m sorry. I only think you’re wasting your time, waiting for Mr. Perfect. Sometimes Mr. Perfect is right around the corner. You need to put in the leg work. You could even have found him by now, if you actually put aside some time for having fun. All you do is work and study.”

I twist a lock of hair around my forefinger. “I guess you’re right.” What I don’t tell her is that the only things that keep me going are work or my studies. And when I’m not working or studying, I sleep, because that’s the only way I can still my thoughts about Judson. Though that doesn’t always work. Often I still meet him in my dreams, where I find myself making love to him over and over again.

“I know what would be good for you. Do something crazy and unpredictable. Seriously, go out and have a one-night stand or something.”

I reach for a DVD—Secrets and Lace, a thriller—and pop the case open. “I’m not that kind of girl.”

“How would you know you won’t like it unless you give it a try?”

I drop the DVD case back on the bed but hold on to the disc. “Chelsea, if I ever decide to have sex with someone, it has to be someone who means something to me. Come on—it would be my first time.”

“What if that guy doesn’t come along till you’re eighty?”

“You’re impossible.” I pull my legs underneath me on the bed and gaze at her seriously. “So, what do you suggest I do?”

“I think you should find someone you think is hot and have fun. For the first time in your life, live in the moment, not in the future. There are so many guys on campus who follow you like lovesick puppies. Surely you must find one of them attractive.” Chelsea places a finger on her chin. Her eyes light up. “How about that Milton?” She shakes her head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m not a huge fan of his, but that’s mostly because I think he only wants to get you into bed. If that’s what you’re looking for in the first place, then I don’t see the big deal. He isn’t bad-looking.”

I slap Chelsea on the arm. “You’re totally unbelievable.”

“Yep, unbelievably serious. Fine, if not Milton, then someone else. You walk around looking so sad all the time. A distraction is exactly what you need.”

“Let me think about it.” I stand and head for the TV.

Chelsea doesn’t bring up the subject of me having sex again for the rest of the evening. We watch two films, stuff ourselves with junk food, and talk about her engagement. Through it all, I do consider what she said. She’s right, in a way. Just because I can’t find love doesn’t mean I can’t have sex and enjoy it. Lying in my bed later, I find myself thinking more about Milton. Maybe I should let the poor guy take me to dinner—then I can decide whether I like him enough to take things further.