Ava
Chapter 25
“Papa, are you sure you’re up to walking down the stairs? You’ve been in bed for nearly two weeks,” I asked as I helped him with his coat. Papa chuckled. I had made sure all his needs had been met, not that there were many. All the man needed was food and water, but I insisted on bringing him all three of his meals, reading the paper to him, and going over trade deals.
“Perfectly able. I’m starting to feel like the walls of this room are closing in on me.”
I looked at him, my tone serious. “If you feel lightheaded or short of—”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t fret yourself. I’m tired of soup and bread, and that cruel cook of yours won’t feed me anything else until I have the strength to come down for dinner,” he grumbled.
Mrs. Reynolds knew how to push him to get better soon. It worked, I’d give her that. She wouldn’t even let me sneak small snacks to his room, saying she’d skin me alive.
“Ava, you haven’t mentioned anything about the castle. Did they treat you well?” Papa asked, sitting on the edge of his bed, putting on one of his shoes.
I froze, but only for a moment. “Very well,” I answered, not able to meet his eyes. He’d see it. The dishonesty and turmoil on my face. I wasn’t about to add more to his plate.
“Everything still the same?”
No.
“Yes. The queen is still a terror, but she has aged beautifully. I can still beat the king at chess, and George has been chastising me almost every day.”
“But still something is amiss?” he countered.
I turned to face him, trying my best to keep my expression neutral. “What do you mean?”
His voice softened. “The light in your eyes has dimmed, along with your spunk. You’ve acted the role of active, caring daughter, but the grit is gone.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Just tired, Papa. I’ve been up reading at night for too long.”
“You won’t confide in me?” he accused, jerking his head in my direction. He was the only blood relative I had. He had a right to know.
“It’s hard to talk about, Papa,” I confessed. I sat on the side of his bed and looked down at my hands, demanding my tears stay put. I told him that Edward was forcing George’s hand, but nothing about Garrett. Those details I’d leave out. I had almost convinced myself that I was okay. That he meant nothing to me, and that it was something in the very distant past.
Papa pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Edward can be a pushy man, Ava, but he sounds desperate to me. Especially if he hasn’t sent word to me about marrying off my only daughter. I won’t stand for this.”
“We’ll speak about this later, Papa. Dinner should be ready, and I’m sure our guests are famished.”
He nodded, putting on his other shoe before leaving the room.
We walked together, arm in arm, down the stairs and through the halls, into the dining room where Eve, Reddington, and Lord Ashton waited for us to join. My eyes met Lord Ashton as he stood, politely wearing a grin.
Clenching my jaw, I looked over to Eve, who shook her head, implying she hadn’t invited him.
“Lord Ashton, how wonderful it is to see you,” I welcomed with a tight smile. Rounding the table, he walked over to me.
“I hope I am not intruding,” he began, placing his lips on my hand, then brought his eyes up to mine. “But I couldn’t resist. I ran into Lady Evelyn earlier today and invited myself.”
I forced a smile and looked over his bent head at my best friend, who rolled her eyes.
“No intrusion at all,” I assured him. “We love having anyone and everyone show up.”
Reddington covered his mouth, looking over his hand at me. He must had caught on to my sarcasm. As Lord Ashton pulled out my chair, I held my gaze with Reddington and winked at him. He beamed, with that smile that could bring any woman to her knees.
Eve sat beside me, unfolding her napkin and dropping it in her lap.
“I swear I didn’t do it, A,” she whispered.
“It’s all right.” I patted her hand on the table.
To my dismay, Reddington sat across from me while Ashton took the seat to my right. I reached under the table and smacked Eve’s leg.
“What was that for?” she hissed under her breath.
I chuckled. “For not removing the other chair.”
Eve giggled, smacking me back playfully.
Papa kept the dinner conversation light, asking Ashton about his daughter and how business was going, while the first course was brought out. Piping hot cabbage soup simmered in front of me, which made me glance at Papa. He’d had nothing but soup for days.
“Reddington looks green with envy,” Eve muttered, blowing on a spoonful of soup.
“How so?”
“He has been staring daggers at Ashton ever since he took the seat beside you.”
Looking over the lit candles on the dining table, I noticed his brows furrowed. Peering back at Eve, I raised a brow. “You really missed your calling for matchmaking, didn’t you?”
“Ava, dear, must Mrs. Reynolds tease me with serving soup as the first course,” Papa complained, dipping his spoon into it and pouring it back in the bowl.
“Now, Papa,” I coaxed, “you know Mrs. Reynolds takes great pride in her food. I’m sure the next course will be more to your liking.”
“Great pride, she does,” Reddington agreed. “I’m tempted not to leave, just for the delicious meals I’ve been served over the last few days.”
“You’ve been staying in town then, my Lord?” Ashton asked, and Reddington looked up from his bowl.
“I’ve been here for”—he looked at me—“eight days, my dear?” I nodded. “And I’ve enjoyed my time here with Ava very much.” He looked at Papa. “Your daughter was kind enough to show me around your establishment.”
Papa laughed. “I believe she is more proud of it than I. It has flourished more in the years she has been back than when I was running it alone. I question sometimes what those nuns taught her.”
“If it is business sense,” Ashton spoke up, “I may send my daughter to visit them sometime.” Everyone laughed, except Reddington and myself. We both knew the trials I had to overcome by being there; it was no place for a young girl to thrive.
Papa clapped his hands in content as the second course of oven-baked chicken, boiled potatoes, and carrots was served. He continued babbling Reddington’s ear off about his businesses and what I had done to bring more money in the door. I continued to eat my meal, conscious of Lord Ashton’s stiff posture and Reddington’s quick glances in my direction, where he would always smile or smirk.
“Come with me,” Eve whispered, as she stood from the table. “If you’ll excuse us, gentlemen. Ava and I will be back in just a moment.”
The men stood, Papa still chewing on his chicken. I stifled a laugh; the poor man acted as though he was starved. Eve led the way out of the room. We entered the adjoining doorway from the hall, into a space that served as a reading room.
Lined with beige paneling, the room was simple, with few paintings of various landscapes, a few vase plants, and plush white sofas that were easy to fall asleep in. The only magnificent thing about the room was the one wall filled with books from the floor to the ceiling. Dimly lit above with a wooden chandelier, we entered the cool room. The fireplace wasn’t lit, which gave the room a slight chill.
“Was it just me, or did I feel tension in there that your blessed father was oblivious to,” Eve acknowledged, sinking into one of the two sofas.
“Way too much,” I agreed. “Ashton and Reddington look as though they want to kill each other.”
“Over you, no doubt,” Eve put in.
I crossed my arms. “Was that your plan? Having men duel over me, to see which one is worth my bed?”
Eve rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic...even though that isn’t a bad idea.”
I threw the nearest pillow at her head.
“Hey! This is how you make a man’s feelings come out; you have to push them.”
“I don’t want blood on my new rugs.” I chortled. I’d never had two men in one room glaring at each other like the two of them.
“We’ve already established that you aren’t attracted to Lord Ashton,” Eve confirmed. “But Lord Reddington…”
“It’s way too soon, Eve,” I warned. “No more of your little love games. Let fate take its course. No matter what I do, it seems to want to take over my life anyway.”
“But I promise you, I didn’t invite—”
“I know, I know,” I replied. “But from now on, retire your matchmaker badge, will you?”
Eve grumbled and nodded.
I walked to the study door. “Or I will invite Lord Gould to a ball that I will personally host for your benefit.”
Eve straightened. “You wouldn’t dare!” she bellowed, challenging me with her eyes. I gave her a frosty smile. Lord Gould was an awful fellow, who smelled of stale wine and body odor, and had written a sonnet for her every day for two months.
I opened the door. “I most certainly would.”
Eve followed me out, and we made our way back to the dining room. “You would sicken half the town with his”—Eve waved her hands in the air—“smell, just to get back at me?”
I turned to her. “Exactly.”
“You are a heartless woman, Barlow,” Eve marveled, shaking her head. Lord Ashton stepped out of nowhere as we reached the doorway.
“I apologize, ladies,” he sputtered. “Lord Barlow sent me to check on the both of you.”
“Quite all right,” Eve assured him, proceeding to the dining room. Lord Ashton lightly touched my arm.
“May I have a moment?” he inquired, shifting his weight to one foot.
I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand. “Of course,” I replied, nodding at Eve. Taking my hint, she made her way back to the dining room. Ashton looked positively anxious, swinging his arms at his sides and clenching them into fists. “Do we need to go somewhere—”
“No, my Lady. I don’t want to take more of your precious time,” he murmured.
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Lord Ashton was a sweet man. He took wonderful care of his daughter and provided for himself and his staff; a woman couldn’t ask for a better match. But my heart didn’t flutter when I was near him, and I didn’t get goose bumps when he was in the room. He felt more like a friend; someone I could joke around with and tease.
He took a small step toward me. “I’m glad to see you back home. The town missed you… I missed you.”
I waited patiently for him to proceed, as he looked to the floor. “You flatter me speechless, my Lord,” I answered, when he didn’t continue.
Here we go.
We were finally to this conversation. He was going to confess his feelings, and I was going to have to kindly decline. Again.
“My daughter adores you. She asks about you constantly, which makes me think of you quite often.” I went to open my mouth, but he proceeded, “I know that we haven’t had too much time together, but in time, I believe we would make an excellent match. You’ve won the heart of my daughter, and also…myself. I would like to…ask you…if you would consider…being my wife.”
I wanted to dissolve into a puddle. Even though I knew he would ask me, I still felt helpless. He didn’t know that my heart was somewhere else, occupied by another man who was no longer available. Or that it was in a million pieces, and I hadn’t even begun picking them up.
I tried to find the right words, any words that would soften the blow. I didn’t want to be his wife, lose my freedom, and lock myself down with a man I didn’t love. I was still waiting, not knowing how George and I would even pan out.
“My Lady, please…” Ashton carried on. “I do not expect an answer now. I see I’ve shocked you. But if you would be so kind as to think on my offer. I promise you will be able to live your life, just as you are now. You will gain a daughter and a husband to hopefully, one day, love in return.”
I found my voice and spoke softly. “Lord Ashton, I am—”
“Owen, please,” he begged. He looked at me like I held the answers to the world.
“Owen,” I repeated. “I am very fond of Emma, and you are a very thoughtful man to ask me to marry you, but—”
“But?” he echoed. I bit the inside of my cheek at his interruption. It was hard enough to tell him ‘no’ in a kind way.
“I’ve only recently gained my freedom back, and—”
“You can do whatever you please. Run the business, start a new one. Whatever your heart desires, I will support it.”
I cleared my throat. “That is a very agreeable notion, thank you. I just don’t think I am ready to—”
“I understand, you need to think about it.”
God, why couldn’t he have shown interest in Evelyn.
The dining room door opened, and Lord Reddington peeked his head around it. “There the two of you are,” he announced, breaking through the awkward tension. “I was beginning to think Lord Ashton may have gotten lost. Good job in finding him, Lady Ava.”
Lord Ashton fixed him with an annoyed look. “I did not get lost. I was speaking with Lady Barlow in regard to an important matter.”
“Important matters, eh,” Reddington repeated. “Lord Barlow would like to start the next course.” He looked straight at me as I released an exhale.
“By all means, of course.” I gestured to the door. “I can’t deny him the meal he has looked so forward to.”
I gave Lord Ashton a weak smile and walked past Reddington, who held the door open. Reddington followed me and closed the door, not waiting for Ashton to join us.
“You look flustered, my dear. Are you quite all right?” he asked, concern and curiosity lacing his voice as we walked toward our party.
“I wish I was a man,” I said, thinking out loud, as he pulled out my chair.
As I sat, he leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Well, I’m glad you are not. Men are abominable creatures. You, my dear, are lovely.”
I chuckled. “There is that charm I knew you were capable of, my Lord.”
Reddington stood up. “There is more to know about me, Lady Barlow.”
He walked around the table and back over to his chair, keeping his gaze on me the whole time.
“Where is Lord Ashton?” Papa asked, impatiently waiting for his next plate.
“I believe he got lost in the house somewhere,” Reddington guessed, smiling at me. I covered my mouth and closed my eyes, keeping my laughter contained.
“Oh, for Femme Fatale’s sakes,” Papa sneered, to no one in particular. Summoning a servant to fetch Lord Ashton, Papa tapped his fork on the table. He returned, moments later, not speaking much more during the meal.
After dinner, we all retired to the parlor for brandy and coffee. Lord Ashton made his excuses shortly after, stating he needed to get home to little Emma while Eve matched Lord Reddington in chess. Papa and I laughed and talked, relaxing with our beverages like we always had. This was something I could live with for the rest of my life; these peaceful, relaxing moments.
∞∞∞
My small victory was short-lived when I came downstairs in the morning to find white daisies from Lord Ashton. Thinking I was done with having to worry about him again, the daisies taunted me with false hope. Clenching my teeth, I made my way to the kitchen and heard Mrs. Reynolds humming softly to herself. Her apron covered in flour, she peered up at me and smiled.
“Mornin’, dear,” she sang.
“Good morning,” I replied flatly, sitting on a stool at our long countertop.
She raised a brow. “Coffee?”
I rub my forehead. “I’ll take the whole pot, please.”
Mrs. Reynolds wiped her hands off her apron, then turned on her heel and sauntered over to the stovetop. “Who are the flowers from?”
I sigh. “Lord Ashton.”
Picking up a mug and the pot of coffee, Mrs. Reynolds returned to the counter. “Oh? Well, it isn’t your birthday, so what’s the occasion?” I could hear the teasing tone in her voice.
I frowned, narrowing my eyes at her. “You know why he sent them.”
“Trying to take you off the market, eh?” she jested, pouring the piping hot liquid into my cup with a smirk. Mrs. Reynolds shrugged, adding milk and sugar. “Can’t blame the man for trying.”
“I already told him that I wasn’t interested.”
“Maybe he thought you were playing hard to get.” She slid my mug over, picking out a lemon muffin from the basket on the table, and placing it in front of me.
“I promise you, I wasn’t,” I countered, blowing on the top of my coffee.
“Some men like the challenge, Ava,” she said, returning to kneading her flour.
“How much more plain can I be without being rude?” It was an honest question. I’d known Ashton for quite some time, and I didn’t want the awkwardness between us. There was already more than enough of that to last a lifetime.
“Did you at least let the man kiss you before—”
I groaned loudly. “Was there anything else you would like to inquire about before I go into Pa’s study and drown myself in paperwork?”
“I’m sure I’ll think of something else later.” The muscles around her mouth tensed as she tried not to laugh. Sliding off my seat, I grabbed my muffin and coffee, squinting my eyes at her.
“Thank you for breakfast, Mrs. Reynolds,” As I made my way out the door, I heard her chuckling before it even closed.
Rolling my eyes, I headed to the study, closed the door, and began organizing. It didn’t take long to find my rhythm, making fast work of the receipts. The inventory and trade deals were a completely different story, though. I jotted down the things that were in high demand for this time of the year and calculated prices, keeping my focus where it needed to be.
“My God, you are more beautiful than I remember.”
A cold chill rushed up my spine as my fingers froze on the papers I held. I was so lost in my work, I never heard the study door open and close. My lungs forgot how to inhale air as my eyes slowly sauntered to the edge of the desk to the navy-blue carpet in the room. The fast pounding of my heart increased as my gaze reached closer to the door. I already knew what I would find. The man who consumed my thoughts at night, with his perfectly structured face and body.
My eyes landed first on the brown boots, and continued upward to his long legs dressed in darker slacks. Knots began to tug at my stomach when I reached his chest, so broad and hard. I recalled how small I felt against it as we danced and kissed at the Melon Berry picnic. His soft pink lips were parted, stubble above them and around his chin. Hesitating, I squeezed the reports in my hands, mustering up the courage to look him in the eyes. They were dangerous, cunning, beautiful. I’d gotten lost in them and, Femme Fatale help me, I was still drawn to them.
Finally, my eyes met his, and I found him looking at me as though I were a ghost.
“I needed to see you,” he admitted, his voice gently caressing my body. His eyes held mine hostage. “I needed to make sure you were well, and that your father didn’t require any more assistance.”
If George had sent him, I would personally wring his neck, and the four-day trip would be well worth it.
“I’m fine,” I replied, releasing my death grip on my reports. “My father is very well recovered, so your trip here was for nothing. Aren’t your men reporting back to you?” I asked, in an accusing tone. I knew for a damn fact they were.
“To see you, I’d say the trip was worth it, even if you don’t need anything,” he quipped, his voice rough but laced in soft silk. I broke his gaze and tried to focus back on my work; as if I could. At least I could try to look unaffected by his presence.
I shrugged. “I don’t see why. I don’t require anything from you.”
Garrett stiffened, furrowing his brows. “You don’t require anything from anyone. You have too much pride.”
“And too much work to do. Was there anything else?” Meeting his face again, I strained to keep mine emotionless.
“I missed you, Avie.” I clamped my mouth shut. I missed him too. Everything about him. “We left each other in a very bad way. I never got to—”
“Really, no hard feelings. As you said, I’m prideful. My pride was just pricked a little that day, an unfortunate thing. I assure you, I’m fine.”
“What if I said I’m not fine?” he pressed on. “That you can’t just leave like that.”
I couldn’t take anymore. Not his pleading, nor his apologies. I couldn’t bear to look at him. I wanted him too much, and it hurt.
“If you are feeling unwell, there are two very good, educated doctors here who can mend you.”
Garrett shook his head. “No, they can’t mend me in the way I need mending.”
Locking my eyes on an inventory report, my vision blurred as the heat of his stare took away my ability to read.
His body hovered over the desk, casting more tension in the air. “You can’t leave a man you’ve kissed like that and expect him to be okay.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh please, Garr. You act like it was your first time.”
“It was the first time I’d been kissed like that and felt something.”
I refused to look at him. “I’m fine. Pa is fine. Your job here is done.”
Garrett started to walk toward me in slow, calculated steps. “Not until you accept my apology for speaking to you the way I did.”
“Apology accepted,” I declared, dropping my papers.
He rounded the desk. “You don’t mean it.”
“I do.”
“Do you?” His voice deepened. “Then look me in the face and say it.”
I hesitated but accepted his challenge. Before I could speak, though, Mr. Brooks entered the room.
“My Lady, Mrs. Reynolds asked that I”—he noticed Garrett in the room—“place your flowers in here with you since you spend most your mornings here.”
“You can put them on the table by the fire, Mr. Brooks. Thank you.” Brooks did as he was told and stood there, waiting for me to speak, or to stand guard until Cranfield left. I felt as though he was doing both.
“That will be all,” I said, gesturing to the door. He did as he was told and left the room.
“Already affecting the male species with you being back home?” he asked me, laying the palms of his hands on the desk. His body stood over all my paperwork, demanding to be noticed.
“It’s from my neighbor,” I scoffed. Garrett pushed off the desk, walking toward the daisies that seemed to laugh at me for thinking my brushoff with Ashton would work. Snatching the small card out of the bouquet, he read it out loud.
“’My dearest Lady Barlow, I apologize for my swift and surprising declaration of marriage to you last night.’” His hand tightened around the note. “’Please accept my humble apology of these flowers, as a simple token that I was hasty with my request. I understand the pressing matters you’ve had to deal with over the last couple weeks of being home, and my timing was completely wrong. I’ll come to call in a day or two to speak further of the subject and express my remorse in person.’” Garrett lifted a brow at me, tossing the note away haphazardly, and strode toward me. “You’ve been busy.”
“And you’re still nosy,” I countered. Garrett appeared on my side of the desk, the room suddenly feeling smaller. Standing from my chair, I attempted to regain my space.
“Have to be when one has to keep his interests safe and sound,” he professed, an arm’s length from me. “Don’t you already have an agreement with my brother to be married?”
His body was relaxed, calm; his blank expression the perfect interrogation tactic in any situation.
Placing my hand on the back of Papa’s leather chair, I said, “I already told you, we spoke about it. I didn’t sign my life away.”
He shrugged. “You may as well have.”
“Are we done, Cranfield?” I exhaled, looking at the desk piled with paperwork. “I really have—” Garrett reached for my elbow, pulling me closer to him. Our bodies didn’t touch but I could feel the tension between us. It was heavy and hot, making the back of my neck bead with sweat.
“Don’t call me that,” he growled, his grasp on my body still firm. “Accept my apology so we can move on to better things to talk about.”
I raised my chin in a false confidence, attempting to show he wasn’t affecting my entire body. But she was traitorous and forgetful as she tugged toward him, aching to be wrapped in his arms right now. This man wanted to lose his temper with me and not listen; I didn’t know what to make of him.
I did know one thing—I couldn’t lose my heart and soul to him.
“I already did,” I reminded him, pulling back on my arm. He held onto it, his addictive proximity making me dangerously close to losing control of myself. “How else can I show it?” My voice was weak; I could hear it breaking. The more time I spent near him, the more my walls crumpled to the ground.
He smirked, his eyes smiling. “Don’t ask such a loaded question, Avie.”
I yanked my arm out of his grasp, needing my territory back, but immediately missing the warmth of his touch. “Don’t be crude.”
He took a step closer as I retracted back.
“You don’t need to try and intimidate me with your height,” I sputtered. The corner of his mouth quirked, his gaze boring into me.
“Oh, I’m not trying to intimidate you,” he countered, still moving forward. “You already do that to me with your presence.” Our steps were battling each other; with every one he took, I retreated in response.
“Avie,” he said in a low, husky voice, “look at me.” I shook my head, my gaze remaining locked on the other side of the room. The sun radiated through the windows, announcing the spring weather outside. The prisms off the crystal chandelier soaked in the light, making a beautiful rainbow along the walls and carpet. His fingers brushed my cheek; instantly, my eyes shut tight.
I can’t. I can’t look at him.
His touch was a slight graze, reminding me of how soft and warm I felt in his arms. I focused on keeping my breathing even.
The business reports.
The inventory I needed to order.
The muffled chirping of the birds outside.
“Why won’t you look at me?” His words were taunting, yet they sounded pleading. “I’ve traveled all this way to see those beautiful green eyes looking up at me.”
My back hit the wall and the feeling of being trapped, with this man in front of me, sent chills down my spine.
“Please leave.” I didn’t know if the words left my mouth, they were so low.
“Why?” he muttered, his body inches from mine, and I could feel him, even though my eyes were still closed. “Because Mr. Brooks might come back to see you pushed up against this wall with me?”
I stood mute, his fingers dividing my emotions, as I forced my eyes open. His blue eyes studied my face.
“No,” I replied. “Lord Ashton may come calling, and I don’t want—”
Garrett chuckled, twirling a piece of my hair with his fingers. “Think so? Is he a large man, Avie? Because that is going to be the only way I stay away from you.”
“You don’t want to encounter him, trust me,” I lied. The only thing Garrett would have to worry about with Ashton would be covering his ears from his incessant talking, so they wouldn’t bleed to death.
He cocked his head to the side. “Hmm, maybe I do. I need to know who could possibly be taking care of you once I’ve been dismissed from your life. What does George have to say about all this?”
Shit.
“I’m not engaged to the man,” I rumble, clenching my brows together. “Besides, George would want me to be happy if I chose to marry another man.”
But he’d interrogate the shit out of him first.
“Then he proves to be a better man than me because I won’t,” Garrett conveyed, letting his fingers brush my collarbone.
I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t move. “I want you to leave.”
“You are going to have to sound more convincing than that,” he breathed.
“Did you need me to explain what the word means, Cranfield?”
A shockwave of lust hit my gut when his arm gripped my waist. His strong, lean body pressed up against me.
“I’ve missed this.” His face inched closer to mine, breathing me in. “The way you smell like fresh linen and lavender.” He eyed my neck. “The way you make me feel when I’m around you.”
“What do you want from me?” I asked, exasperated.
“Again with the loaded questions, Avie.”
I pushed again on his hard chest, needing distance. I could feel the power he had over me start to take hold again.
“Please,” I murmured, not recognizing my own voice.
“Just tell me you don’t feel this,” he pleaded, sounding like he was fighting an inner battle within himself as well. “That it’s just me. That I’m so fucked up in the head I’m imagining shit now.” He cupped my face with both hands, forcing me to meet his eyes. “I can’t forget that night at the picnic. So what did you do to me?”
“I—I didn’t do anything.”
“Didn’t you, though?” He sounded angry, but his thumbs brushed both sides of my cheeks gently. “I don’t do this. I don’t chase women across the damn country to fucking talk to me. My plan is to go back home after this is all over. I’m not going to look back.”
I nodded weakly. I’d heard him mention that before.
His fingers pressed faintly into my cheeks as he closed the distance between us, molding our bodies together. “Don’t just nod like this isn’t anything. Like you couldn’t give two shits if I leave and never come back. Tell me you want me to stay.”
I bit my lip, shaking my head. “I’d never make you do that. I know you hate it here.”
“Tell me you want to come with me then.” He studied my face, as though the answers were written there. But he wouldn’t find them. I couldn’t leave Papa here alone with the business. He needed me.
“No.” I breathed, the word feeling like acid leaving my lips.
“So you’d leave this decision in my hands?”
“There are no decisions to make.”
Garrett pulled away, repositioning his hands against the wall, caging me between them. He clamped his eyes closed, hanging his head. I wouldn’t ask him to give up his life for me, and he wouldn’t do it either.
“Kiss me goodbye,” he exhaled. He didn’t move, didn’t touch me; simply left the decision lingering for me to make.
Damn him.
I hesitated. We both could break from another kiss like what we had that night. There were so many abraded emotions that were unleashed that night.
Or maybe it was just a magical night; something within the air or the right tempo of the music. One that I wouldn’t get ever again.
I wouldn’t, unless I did as he asked.
Placing one hand behind his neck and the other on his cheek, I leaned forward, taking in his scent of pine and man. His breathing hitched, his pulse quickening beneath my fingers.
Pressing my lips against his, I didn’t think, I just felt. He didn’t take over the kiss, or move his hands off the wall; he just let me do what I was willing to give. Opening my mouth more, I took his lips deeper, wanting to know if I could experience it again. That intoxicating feeling of needing to taste him, feel him shudder under my touch, and strike lightning through my veins. My body swayed toward him, his breaths coming in short spurts as I stole them from him.
He moaned softly when my tongue found his. His body adjusted, and the slightest brush of his hands grazed my upper arms, but then disappeared, as if he was restraining himself from touching me.
But I wanted him to. I wanted to see how long it would take him to lose his mind, like I was about to.
It wasn’t just that night.
I felt it now.
My whole body singed in contrast to his, aching for him to take over the kiss and make me melt. The addictiveness of his kiss was something I couldn’t deny; my whole body surrendered for the first time in my life. He opened up a whole world of wanting for me, and I wanted to be selfish.
Nibbling his lower lip to coax him into releasing my command and take over, he groaned, pressing his forehead against mine. His breaths were unsteady, and our mingled air mixed together. My selfishness wouldn’t let him recover, nor stop, what I wanted, though, which was more. Demanding his mouth again, I cocked my head to the side, deepening the kiss. Dizziness wafted over me as I took his oxygen as mine, as though he was the one keeping me alive. The self-indulgent side of me hungered for more, the waves of lust piercing through me. That was when he abruptly broke the kiss, inching away from me.
“Now I’m convinced you’re trying to kill me.” His hand found my shoulder, keeping me firmly against the wall.
“You don’t look scared,” I teased, peering up at him with innocent eyes. He flexed his brows, his chest rising and falling with rapid pants, as he shook his head.
“Yes, I am.” He sighed, letting out a harsh breath. “I’d give you the fucking Elite Eight to do with as you will with that.”
I leaned closer. “You already did that.” He spread his fingers across my shoulder, which sent shock waves between my legs.
He looked down at me, his eyes full of lust. “What is it that you want then? I’m at your command.”
My lips curved slowly into a grin. “Don’t ask such a loaded question, Garr.”
He chuckled, as his hand descended, along the side of my breast, sliding down my ribs. “I was hoping it’d be something in this room.”
A loud knock sounded at the study door, and a groan filled the air. I didn’t know if it was mine or his. Garrett stepped away from me, hunger still in his eyes.
“We’re not done,” he whispered. Bringing me to Papa’s chair, he pulled it out for me to sit.
“Come in,” I rasped, trying to gain normal function of my body. The door opened, unveiling Reddington behind it. He came in with a smile, pausing when his eyes landed on Garrett.
“Garr, I didn’t know you were coming,” he remarked.
Garrett leaned against the pine desk, his arms crossed. “I keep my actions to myself, unlike my brother,” Garrett grumbled. Reddington sent the door closing, approaching the desk.
“I’m sure it’s just natural for you,” Reddington said. “I’ve been keeping Lady Barlow company, and brought my own doctor to assist her father.” He took a seat in front of Papa’s desk, crossing his legs. His gaze landed back on Garrett. “All is good here.”
His voice was calm, collected, while Garrett’s body tensed, his hand turning into a fist.
“So I see,” Garrett gritted out.
“Did you just arrive?” Reddington asked.
Garrett crossed his arms. “You sure have a lot of questions, don’t you, William?”
Reddington held up his hands in silent surrender. “I’m sorry. I was just making conversation with my cousin.”
“We aren’t cousins,” Garrett bit out. “And I really don’t understand why you are here.”
“Ava and I are friends. Of course I would come when she needed it.”
Garrett tsked. “You’ve been friends for, what, a week?”
Reddington sank deeper into the chair. “I believe congratulations are in order, Cranfield. I wish you the best.”
“In regard to what?”
“Your engagement to Lady Chitwood.”
Garrett huffed. “There is no engagement.”
Reddington’s brows knitted. “Oh,” he replied. “Has she realized how much of an ass you are and called it off?” He let out a soft chuckle.
Garrett stared at him. “There was never anything to call off because I was never engaged to her.”
Reddington shifted in his chair and looked at me, scratching the side of his face. Pulling out a white envelope, he handed it to Cranfield.
“I received this from one of the footman at my lodging. I was confused as to why it’d come to me, since I didn’t know you were coming. It is from Lady Chitwood.”
Snatching it from Reddington’s hand, Garrett ripped the seal, quickly reading it. His jaw twitched while his face began to turn red.
“This is getting ridiculous. I’ll be back.” Without another word, he left the room.
“I’m sorry, Ava, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Reddington expressed, remorse in his voice. The air lacked the substance I was craving moments ago; Garrett took it with him.
That was it?
“No need to apologize,” I croaked, forcing a grin. “I didn’t know he was arriving.”
Reddington chuckled. “Sounds like Cranfield. He is an unpredictable fellow.”
I nodded, experiencing it for myself.
“He never liked me for some reason.” Reddington paused for a moment, rubbing his jaw. “I wish I knew what I may have done so I could fix it. But he looks at me like he wants to strangle me half the time, so I keep my mouth shut.” He leaned in closer. “I must confess, he intimidates me.”
I sent him another weak grin. “I’ll keep your secret.”
He smiled. “Thank you. I came to talk to you about something…and I really don’t want to.”
“Oh?” I asked. “What is it?”
“I’ve been sending reports to George, on your behalf, updating him on Lord Barlow’s progress. George has asked me when you were going to be coming back to the castle.” My stomach turned. It was the last place I wanted to go. “I’ve been trying to buy us some time. I know that I am being forward and maybe assuming, but you seem happier here. You smile more, laugh more. Your element is here. I don’t want to be the one who asks you to…to leave.”
“Since we are confessing things to each other,” I replied. “I hate being there.”
He frowned. “It is quite stressful there at times, isn’t it? I was going to suggest for Lady Evelyn to accompany you this time.”
I clapped my hands. “That is a marvelous idea!”
Reddington smiled. “Then, Femme Fatale willing, this whole rebel ordeal will be over soon. Then you can come back home.”
“You act as though you’ve known me for years.”
He chortled. “I feel like I have.” He uncrossed his legs. “I’ll be sad to see you go, though.”
“Nonsense,” I interjected. “We still have to discuss ideas for your business. And we have strategies to come up with. You aren’t rid of me yet.”
“I’m very happy to hear it. I’ve become accustomed to you.”
“And I you,” I replied truthfully.
“I hope that by Cranfield being here, you weren’t...upset.”
I looked at him, surprised he would think that. Or was it written all over my face? “Why would you say that?”
Reddington looked down at his lap. “I don’t normally listen to gossip. In fact, I loathe it. But there is word going around that you may find Lord Cranfield to be more than a friend.”
“That’s all it is; gossip.”
Reddington didn’t push the subject; he just nodded and spouted off updates on his business. We carried on our conversation, like Cranfield hadn’t come in here and destroyed my sanity...again.
∞∞∞
Papa and I had a merry dinner together with no guests. It helped keep my mind from returning back into his study earlier today. My body felt empty with Garrett’s absence and I found myself listening for a knock at the door all day.
“Why are you picking at your dessert, dear?” Papa asked me, chewing on the raisin-spiced cake Mrs. Reynolds made.
“I don’t want to go back,” I confessed, keeping my eyes on my plate. “I’m being watched. Everything I do and say is being sent around to the gossip mills.”
Papa raised a brow. “And what is it that you’re doing?”
I sat back in my chair. Being ravished by Lord Cranfield, sneaking out of the castle. “Trying to not run into Her Majesty is the main goal.”
He chuckled. “I’ve been thinking,” he began, forking another bite of cake, “about your future. I think it’s time to end this charade of the royal family protecting you from something they can’t even protect themselves from.”
I looked up from my plate, intrigued. I exhaled, having wanted to hear those words for years. “What do you mean?” I narrowed my eyes. “Do you have a band of secret men too, Papa?”
He shook his head. “Too much work, my dear. We need to come up with Plan B.” I placed my fork down, giving him my full attention. He’d never spoken about his obvious restlessness with the royal family before; I must be rubbing off on him. “I will allow the royal family to assist once more and prove me wrong. But I’ve requested His Majesty, himself, report to me weekly of the steps being taken to assure your safety. This does not include you being held like a prisoner within the walls. You are to live a reasonable, normal residence there. I entrust that Lord Cranfield will continue to use his men to put in place a plan that will be most fitting. In the meantime, my Plan B will be on standby, to take action if needed. “
“Are you going to inform me on this ‘Plan B’?” I probed patiently.
Papa placed down his utensils, his face lighting up, pleased with himself. “If the royal family fails to protect you or any of themselves, you will leave the castle. They have less than four months to make this madness with these assassins disappear and dealt with. I will not have you living this way for another year, I won’t stand for it. We will leave Bampshire and disappear.”
My eyebrows snap together. “Leave Bampshire?” I repeat, fidgeting with my fingers. “Where would we go?”
“I’ve been speaking with Mr. Torres, and—”
“But, Papa, he works for Cranfield.”
“Not anymore. I heard about your talk with him, and I had my own. We discussed a new contract and secrecy. The man is more than willing to serve our family without reporting to anyone. He answers to you and me now. We’ve spoken about secluded places; villages where the people don’t ask numerous questions or care when new people reside. I’ve decided on Idenlen.”
“Where is that?”
“Exactly!” he exclaimed, throwing up his hands. “Idenlen is a small village in Hegnen. Now, it will be an adjustment; the people aren’t as high-strung and proper as here. They are farmers. They bring you soup when you’re sick, they raise animals, and—”
“I like it already, Papa,” I assured him. The idea was beyond appealing. To start somewhere new, to live where people didn’t know me as the ‘ex-Queen.’ It sounded normal.
He plastered a smile to his face. “I’m so glad to hear it. It’s simple, and the people are tranquil. I know that is what you want. It is your chance to make your life whatever you want it to be.”
I leaned toward him, wrapping my arms around him. My eyes began to swell with tears. I couldn’t be more blessed to have him. “Thank you, Pa.”
He patted my back. “I just want you to be happy.” I pulled back from him, sitting back in my seat. “If something happens at the castle,” he continued, “send me a note with the word ‘sunset’ in it. I’ll know then that it is time to make the arrangements. We will meet halfway from here to the palace and travel there.”
“Oh!” My hand cupped my mouth. “But what of the business! We can’t leave it. I won’t let all your hard work go to waste,” I replied.
He held up his hand. “No need to fret over that. Mr. Torres will be the face of the business, but we will be still communicating with him and receiving our income, as we are now. I have organized all the details with Mr. Torres.”
I took a deep breath. “We’d really leave, Papa?”
“In a heartbeat,” he answered with a smile. I hugged him again. As much as I loved the idea of Idenlen, my heart would ache for home. It would miss my bantering with Eve; it would throb for Garrett. I waited years to come home and return to a normal life, but I never received that much time before George swooped in.
But how could you leave George behind?
I could write him, have his letter sent to Mr. Torres so they wouldn’t be traced back to us. I had to start living my own life, like Papa said. George had a life of his own to live as well, and I couldn’t put mine on hold any longer.
Four months.
It seemed so far away, but so close. If the assassins weren’t eliminated in that time, I would force fate to give me my life.
∞∞∞
I readied myself for bed, physically exhausted from running around and the emotional encounter with Garrett earlier that day. But mentally, my brain wouldn’t stop with thoughts of Papa’s plan. I had never been offered an alternative before; I was just told what to do and where to be.
Placing my hairpins on my vanity, I discovered a small blank letter, my name scrawled messily on the front.
Lord Ashton.
My heart pounded fiercely as I broke the seal, my eyes running over the contents.
Dear Lady Barlow,
I am writing with great sadness to inform you that I must withdraw my marriage proposal. Some things have come to my immediate attention where I must think of Emma. This is not due to your character and liveliness. I wish circumstances were different. Please accept my humblest apology.
I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Your friend,
Owen
Dropping my hands to my lap, I gazed over my bed. One minute, he was zealous about marrying, and now, he was abandoning the idea.
This didn’t sound like him. Then suspicion set in and my jaw tightened.
Garrett.