***
I was thirsty and got out of bed to get water when I saw a shadow flit across the front door to the next room. I put the bottle back in the fridge and cautiously walked to the other room. At first, I couldn’t see because of the dark so I turned on the lights.
Right away a figure appeared in front of me and I jumped. “What the—” I was about to curse when I realized I recognized that face. “You?”
Jacob didn’t seem the least bit bothered seeing me. “Go away.”
“What are you doing here?”
He was being incredibly awkward. “I needed some time away from Ben.”
“You don’t seem to like him much,” I pointed out, “but you continue to sleep with him?”
He continued to look away. “I can’t help it.”
He was hiding it but for the first time I saw tears in his eyes and I felt bad for the guy. Even when he was rude to me, I could never hate him. I just knew he wasn’t a bad person, I just didn’t know why he acted that way sometimes. Instead of getting Marv or Ben involved, I went to sit down next to Jacob on the floor. He handed me the bottle of tequila he was carrying, and I took a small sip. He had a lot. “I used to be like you,” I said. “There were men who treated me like shit, and I would still keep falling in love with them and letting them use me. It never ends well. I know I’m not that much better now, but at least I don’t stand outside their apartment buildings or wait in the parking lot for some guy to show up and grace me with his presence.”
“Marv isn’t some guy.”
“They weren’t some guys either,” I explained. “Not to me. And you’re what a good six years younger than me. You can totally get better at it. But you can’t just give up, you have to try.”
“He loves you. I know that. I can see it in his eyes. And I don’t get it! I’m way hotter than you.” There was no humility in his sentence, I thought he might change his words once he heard them but nothing of the sort happened. But instead of feeling bad, I just grinned. I don’t know why I couldn’t hate him for it. He was saying things that should have hurt me, but it was just endearing with him. He wasn’t doing it out of spite. He was hotter than me in every way and younger. To him, it was stating facts. He wasn’t aware his words might hurt because he didn’t care what people thought of him, so he assumed these things didn’t bother others either. He lacked awareness, not empathy.
“Jacob, he’s not even going to remember me when he finds the next hook up.”
“You’re not that bad.”
“Look, I get the hierarchy of attractiveness in the normal world. I know I don’t even come close to being hot. I’m okay. Sometimes people find me attractive and I’m fine with that. Because I don’t care about being with everyone. I care about being with that one special guy. Someone who will be devoted to me.”
He looked at me. “I hate that I like you.”
I couldn’t stop laughing. “You do?”
“Well, you’re… different. Sincere. I like that.”
“A lot of people treat me like shit. It’s fine, I’m used to it. I go back to my life and work and keep going. I don’t like keeping grudges.”
“Why not? I keep grudges. I still hate my mother for giving birth to such an awesome person. I was born to a world that can’t handle me.”
“You’re really modest, aren’t you?”
“False modesty is a lie. And I don’t lie.”
“No, you just stalk people.”
“Hey, I don’t just stalk anyone!”
“I’m sure your defense attorney will have a field day with that.”
“Why’re you still breathing in my space, minion?”
“You want me to leave so you can continue sulking in silence?”
“I wasn’t sulking!”
“Of course not.”
“What do you know?” he said. “You’re wearing pants that went out of style with whatever barber you visit for that atrocious haircut.”
“That’s mean!”
Instead of another comeback, Jacob started to get up and he was having trouble doing it because he was so utterly drunk.
Finally, he managed it and looked down at me. “Why don’t you fuck off?”
I stood, hoping to steady him because he was unable to take a single step without faltering but he kept trying to get away. “Why are you so clingy?” He was saying and took a step back and actually stumbled this time, but I caught him before he hit the floor.
He was staring at me. I expected another retort but there was nothing. It was odd. I suddenly found myself looking at him as more than Marv’s stalker. I chided myself for being an idiot. There was no way I could allow myself to feel this way.
“I’m sorry,” Jacob said.
That was surprising.
“You need to get some rest,” I said. “We can talk more in the morning.”
He didn’t protest when I took him back to the room where Ben was fast asleep naked, and tucked Jacob in. He was fast asleep too, in no time.
I closed the door and came back outside. I turned off the lights and went to Marv’s room, got in next to him.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about Jacob.