ASHTON
The next morning, I woke up, and felt a strange loneliness. It wasn’t the usual kind of emptiness, but something I’d never experienced before. The past few days had gone past in a blur. Now it was back to reality. The long weekend was over, and it was time to get into the routine of work. The store and the groceries and the stories of Aaliyah’s current boyfriend.
After that time spent having an adventure, I felt a strange longing going back to it. But I managed to get myself to work somehow. Only, I couldn’t stop thinking of this one person who I should not have been thinking about—Jacob.
I was getting myself a cup of coffee from the break room when Aaliyah walked in. She was wearing huge shades that covered most of her face. “What’s with the sunglasses?”
She grabbed a cup and poured coffee and sipped without a word. After a good ten seconds, she took them off, and I saw the puffy, bloodshot eyes. “Hangover?”
She nodded and put her shades back on. “My head feels like there’s someone banging it with a sledgehammer!”
“Well, you shouldn’t have had so much to drink.”
“Shut up, Ashton. What did you do? Another Rocky screening?”
“I did watch Rocky,” I said, and added. “But I did it naked, with another guy in my bed.”
She turned her head toward me and her mouth fell open in a rather endearing gesture of astonishment. “You slut!” Guess it was a good thing I kept the ridiculous orgy details to myself. I didn’t want to look like a freak, I don’t know what her threshold was for these kinds of things, so I had to play safe.
“Aaliyah, I don’t know what got into me. We met that night, and didn’t let go of each other for days, and by the time I knew it, a week had gone by!”
She tousled my head. “Ash, baby, I’m so happy to hear that! Where is he now?”
I didn’t know how to tell her the next part, but I didn’t want to keep things from her anymore. “We’re not exactly going out,” I explained. “It was just a week-long thing, he was clear on the rules.”
“What? That doesn’t make any sense!”
I hesitated before telling her the next bit. “He’s straight,” I said. “I mean, he hasn’t come out to his friends. No one knows, and he wants to keep it that way.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Look, I’m going to tell you something, but you have to keep it a secret. You can’t tell anyone, and you can’t say anything. But you know him.”
“I do?”
I felt nervous telling her. “The guy who came to us the other day to ask for a smoke?”
“The one who couldn’t stop staring at you! Oh my God, you’re going out with him? He’s like crazy hot!”
“Yes, but there’s something else I want to get off my chest.”
“What?”
“There’s this other guy—”
She started to laugh. “There’s another guy?”
I felt embarrassed but I was already halfway into the account. “I think I might have developed a crush on him.. which is odd because he’s stalking the hot construction guy.”
“Let me guess. You can’t decide exactly how unattainable you want your partner to be. So it’s the straight wannabe or the stalker?”
“When you say it like that it makes me sound crazy.”
“It is crazy!”
“You will not speak a word about this!”
“Speak about what, Ashton?” I heard Rob saying. “The fact that you’re always taking breaks? Especially back from a whole week of free time?”
“We were just getting our coffee,” Aaliyah said with a rude eye roll. “Save your lecture for the junior workers. We’ve been here longer than you.”
“I was asked by the manager to make sure things are running smoothly,” he said. “So, I will give all the damn lectures I want!”
“What’s the matter, Rob?” I heard words coming from my mouth and I could barely believe they were mine. “Did your girlfriend dump you again because your dick isn’t good enough to satisfy her?”
“At least I don’t go around sucking dicks, you fag!” Fuck. He knew. The whole thing just caught me by surprise and I panicked.
“At least I can satisfy the dicks I suck.” Hey, in for a penny, in for a pound. I saw the rage in Rob’s eyes, and for a minute, I thought he was going to go to the boss and create a fuss, but before I knew it, he had punched me in the face hard enough for my eye to feel it. My nose was bleeding and I hit him right back.
We would have been in a serious brawl, if people in the store hadn’t stopped us.
***
“What is wrong with you?” Aaliyah was really freaking out. “I’ve never seen you like this! I don’t even know what to think. He could cost you your job.”
“Could?” I scoffed. “Pretty sure that pink slip is being signed as we speak.”
“Ash, why’d you do it?”
“Because I’ve had enough, okay! I’m tired of being invisible!!”
The sound of a locker door being closed, alerted us to someone’s presence. I was expecting the manager, but it was Rob, with an already blackening eye.
He walked up to us. “Can we talk?”
Aaliyah kissed me on the cheek and left. “I better not hear the two of you fighting!” She yelled before she closed the door.
Rob sat next to me on the bench. “Your eye,” I said, “it doesn’t look so good.”
He smiled. “You should see the other guy.”
We were both quiet after that. It was an awkward moment that I wanted to move past. But I couldn’t as long as he sat there with me.
“Look, Ash, I had no intention of—”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m sorry about the fag comment, it doesn’t mean anything, I just wanted to hurt you.”
“I know.”
“I’m not a homophobe.”
“Okay.”
He paused before speaking again. “You don’t know what it’s been like. I’m behind on my bills, I can’t pay my rent, all because the woman I was in love with stole from me to be with another guy.”
I suddenly felt like a massive prick. I hadn’t even bothered to find out if the reason he was pushing me away had something to do with his own troubles. I did the same thing when I was hurt and down. What I said, it was just a coincidence that it fit with his insecurities. “I’m sorry.”
“Look, I know I’m a dick,” Rob said. “It’s just I push people away when I need them the most. That’s how it’s always been. But I don’t… I’ll never harm you or keep a grudge. I don’t do that. I know I hurt people but sometimes it’s hard to say sorry when mistakes are all you ever do.”
“Rob, you’re a work in progress. We all are. I didn’t mean what I said earlier, I was just trying to get a reaction. I wanted to…hurt you I guess. And a woman who can do such a thing doesn’t deserve to be loved.”
“Thanks for saying that.”
“I mean it.”
He looked at me. “So, um, are we okay?”
I smiled. “We’re good.”
Rob stood. “I should probably go back.”
“Yeah. I will soon as I can look people in the eye.”
Suddenly he was concerned. “Listen. You’re gay. It’s not a disease. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have forced it, but maybe this is your chance, Ash. To be yourself. You can stop hiding. If someone is thinking about you with another guy’s dick in your mouth, then that’s their problem. They’re the ones who need to be fixed. Not you.”
“Thanks, Rob.”
He left, leaving me alone with my anxious thoughts. I felt like I was being asked to parade naked, even though it was simply that I liked being with men. It shouldn’t have been such a big deal, but it was. Let’ do this…
I stood and walked up to the door. I took a deep breath.
I pushed the door open…
I could feel their eyes on me. Every aisle I passed, every step I took and then something strange happened.
The entire floor broke out in applause. They were all doing it, using their hands to show their love, and it was emotional and unbelievable. I wanted to cry but I didn’t want to be corny. I kept thanking them and smiling, until I reached the counter where the customers were standing there looking surprised. I stood next to a grinning Rob, and gestured to a smirking Aaliyah, as I continued to bag groceries, vowing to cry only once I reach home.
Rob leaned in and spoke in a low voice. “See? You’re not invisible.”