Brody
Dinner was even more awkward than I had expected. Not because of Nate and Harper, but because of my big mouth. Ryder had called me a fucking wanker, and Linc didn’t say anything. He just hit me over the back of the head and rolled his eyes.
I waited until everyone had gone and Leanne and Steve went to bed before silently creeping down the stairs to Audrey’s room. I needed to explain and make things right. I never meant for what I said to sound the way it did. I never meant to hurt her.
Jealousy was a bitch.
I was jealous over a kid in a different town, who I’d never met before. Someone Audrey would likely never see again. I had never been a jealous person. Hell, I wasn’t even jealous that Nate and Harper were hooking up behind my back. I was pissed that they lied about it, hurt that she chose him and not me, but not jealous.
What was wrong with me? When did I let a woman have so much power over me?
Seventeen.
She was seventeen, and I wanted to strangle the guy who flirted with her.
It wasn’t even flirting. He sold her clothes. That was it.
I knocked on her door, and as expected, received no answer, so I pushed it open and found Audrey on her bed with her back to the door, no doubt listening to her music.
“I don’t care what you have to say, Brody. Grovel as much as you want, I don’t care. I’m done caring anymore.” She rolled over and faced me. I expected to see tears, sadness, or even anger. Instead I saw hard determination.
I took a step closer and pulled her desk chair to the side of the bed. Sitting on it backwards, I rested my arms over the back and stared at her. She stared right back.
“I’m lost. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Audrey opened her mouth to speak, but I reached over and pressed a finger to her lips.
“Let me talk. Let me say what I need to say, and then you can make up your mind about me, our friendship, whatever. Okay?”
Audrey nodded.
I brushed a lock of hair out of her face. “I’m confused, conflicted. You have me so twisted, I don’t know which way is up anymore. I don’t know right from wrong. I’ve never been so messed up before. What I said earlier outside was a complete lie. You know that. I never should have said it.” I paused, twisting a lock of her hair in my fingers. She stared at me silently and waited for me to continue. “But I saw the small smile on your face when they said he was flirting with you, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it because I want your smiles to be for me. I’m jealous as hell, cupcake, and I shouldn’t be. I know I shouldn’t be. I don’t know when things changed. Maybe they were always heading this way. I’m not sure. Somewhere along the way, this became more than just a friendship. And I don’t think I’m the only one in this room who agrees with that. You’re seventeen. I’m twenty-five. All I know is I feel like I’m spiralling, and I can’t stop it. I don’t know what to do. These feelings have surprised me more than anything, and I don’t want to hurt you. I want to take care of you, but I don’t know how, or if I even should. I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I’m sorry for everything.”
I stared at Audrey, unsure what to say next. She was quiet. Her eyes were closed, and she lay motionless. I stood, brushed a finger across her cheek, the small freckle below her left eye, and turned away. Her hand grasped my wrist and pulled me back. I turned to face her. She was sitting on the bed now, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.
“You’re not the only one who’s confused,” she said.
I moved the chair out of the way and sat beside her. It was her turn to talk. If she decided she wanted nothing to do with me, I’d leave. If she decided she only wanted to be friends, I’d make it work because, really, we should just be friends.
She chuckled quietly. “I was jealous too. The other night when you came home with cupcakes and said you’d spoken to Harper. I was jealous of that. It’s so stupid. It’s nothing to be jealous of, but it made me realise I had feelings as well. You’re right. I’m seventeen, you’re much older than me, and it shouldn’t be this way. I don’t know if it’s because you care so much, and you’ve been patient with me and there for me every step of the way with my recovery. Maybe that’s why I’m attached. All I’m sure of is you should be happy with someone your age, someone who’s not as damaged as me. You deserve that.” Her voice was sad, and I had my answer.
We couldn’t happen. I knew that already. It was wrong to want something I shouldn’t. But I also knew if she asked me to stay or wait, I would. I pressed a kiss to her forehead and nodded. Releasing her hand, I stood. “Okay,” I said and turned to the door.
“Hey, Brody,” she called, stopping me from walking out of her room. “Want to watch a movie?”
I smiled. “I’ll get my laptop.”
I ran up to my room and returned a few minutes later to find Audrey had changed into her pyjamas, the same ones from the other night. My mouth went dry, and I averted my gaze, so it didn’t linger on her body. How could we be friends if she dressed like that around me? It wasn’t making things any easier. I handed her the computer and let her pick the movie again. She placed it on the chair beside the bed, and I sat at the foot.
“You can’t watch a movie like that,” she said and reached for me, pulling me across the bed to lie behind her. I closed my eyes and groaned. This wasn’t what we were supposed to be doing.
Resting my head in my hand, I rolled onto my side. Audrey snuggled against me, her back to my front. I clenched my fist between us to stop from reaching for her. I shouldn’t be there. I should have walked out of the room the moment I finished explaining. This was only going to complicate things further, but I couldn’t walk away. I didn’t want to. I lifted my hand and hesitated before dropping it to Audrey’s waist and giving it a quick squeeze. She rolled onto her back to face me.
“You should probably get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day. You ready for it?”
“Yes…no. Not at all, but at least I’ll know Bailey, even if she is a teacher.”
“You’ll be fine. Just hold your head high and ignore the losers. If they don’t see you for you, they’re not worth knowing.”
“Thank you.”
I cleared my throat. I really should get up and leave, but I didn’t want to. It was crazy. This sudden urge to be near her, hold her, touch her, protect her, and keep all other guys away from her was something I’d not felt before. It was taking all my control not to act on it. I couldn’t. I had to fight it for her sake and mine, not to mention everyone else. What would Leanne and Steve say if something happened between us? She was too young and impressionable. I was meant to be level-headed and responsible, but simply being around her clouded my judgement.
All rationality flew out the window the moment she smiled at me the way she was right then. My gaze dropped to her lips, one side dipped lower than the other, ravaged from the fire, and I couldn’t stop myself. I traced one finger down the side of her face, over her scars, and around her mouth. Her lips parted slightly, and her eyes fluttered closed.
I could kiss her.
Seventeen.
It would be so easy to lean in, closing the small distance, and capture her mouth with mine. But it would cross into dangerous territory because I knew one kiss wouldn’t be enough. I’d want two, three, four, a million more. I was flirting with the devil, and if I kissed her, I knew I couldn’t stop. Regardless, I lowered my face to hers and brushed my lips against her cheek, and a small sigh escaped her lips.
Almost eighteen.
“Get some sleep,” I whispered in her ear then pushed myself up and jumped off the bed. I crossed the room and left without a look back because I knew if she told me to stop or to stay, I wouldn’t say no.