Anna

Watching Ethan play on the rug in the family room with his niece Izzy, almost made my heart burst. He knew how to handle women, young and old. He spoke to her as if she understood every word he said and she watched him as if she did, occasionally reaching her hand out to enthusiastically pat his cheek.

“He would make a great father,” Jessica whispered to me as I stood watching Ethan.

I shrugged, pulling myself away from watching them and headed back over to the counter.

“Don’t you think?” Jessica continued.

“I’ve not . . . I guess.”

I’d spent the last three months trying not to think about things like that. Trying not to do exactly what I did with all my other relationships—ruin them with “what ifs” before they even started.

“Don’t tell me you’ve not thought about it. You’re a woman. That’s what we do.”

“We don’t talk about that stuff,” I responded. It was true. We’d not talked about it and although thoughts about the future had entered my mind, I swept them under my trusty rug of denial along with unpaid credit card bill from last month and my lack of gym attendance since Ethan had arrived.

“What stuff? Babies?”

“Babies. The future. We’re here now and we’re happy and that’s what we’re focusing on.”

“But you must think about it. He leaves tomorrow.” She was relentless. Couldn’t she tell I was uncomfortable?

“I try not to. Can I help you with anything? I’m a great potato masher.” Please change the subject.

She finally got the hint and set me up making a salad. I could tell from her silence she wanted me to offer up more about Ethan and our future but I resolutely stayed silent. I felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I’d been putting off these discussions for what seemed like forever but we had to talk. After tomorrow we were going to be on different continents. I just didn’t know for how long. He wasn’t staying or he would have told me and I wasn’t leaving to go with him. There was no plan to be together, no plane ticket booked. I had a life and a job and a family and commitments in London but I wanted him—I wanted to be with him.

Ethan and James joined us at the counter, Izzy wriggling on Ethan’s hip.

“You’re not letting her cook are you?” Ethan asked, watching me chop the cucumber. “Really, she’s terrible.”

“I am not and anyway, I’m not cooking. I’m chopping.”

“Thank god, I don’t need food poisoning on a transatlantic flight.”

My stomach lurched at the mention of his journey home and it must have shown in my face because he reached across and stroked my back in small circles. I squeezed out a grin.

“So, your flight leaves tomorrow night?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah, the late flight back and I have an all-day meeting on Monday.”

“Ouch,” James said.

“So you two are going to do the long distance thing?” Jessica asked. Jesus she was like a dog with a bone.

Ethan sighed. “I really hope you’ve not been pestering Anna about us, Jess. You’ll find out soon enough, so drop it. Please.”

“Ethan, it’s not an unreasonable question. I just love you guys together. I love seeing my brother so happy and I want that for you. I want you to be happy.”

She was right. It wasn’t unreasonable. We should have talked about this before now. Even if we decided that tonight would be our last night together, I wish I knew what our plan was. I wish I knew that there was a plan for us.

“And I love you for it, but drop it unless you want to ruin tonight.” There was no arguing with Ethan when he meant business. His sister seemed to know that and she didn’t mention it again, but it hovered around us all evening. We both skirted the subject as we discussed what our plans were for Christmas. I explained that I always spent it with my parents and Ethan said he was flying to Aspen with his parents.

“And do you have plans for New Year’s?” Jessica asked me.

“Umm. No, I usually end up at some party where I don’t want to be and leave at ten past midnight. I’m not a huge fan of New Year’s Eve.”

God, starting a new year without Ethan sounded like the worst evening ever. I wanted him to tell me that he was flying back to London for New Year, that we could spend the evening naked, watching the fireworks across London’s rooftops.

“And how’s work?” she asked, flitting her eyes between us. “After the merger, is it all going well?”

I shrugged. Ethan nodded “Yeah, good. There’s plenty to do but I think it will be great to have a European network.” Ethan sounded enthusiastic. More enthusiastic than me.

“I’ve lost my work mojo at the moment,” I murmured honestly. I’d not said it out loud before but once the words had left my lips, I realized that the thoughts that had been swirling around my head recently were more than the usual weekend blues as the prospect of another week ahead.

“Really?” Ethan turned to me, his eyebrows knitted together.

“A bit.” A lot. The thought of having no prospect of running into him at work made the thought of going in on Monday even bleaker.

“Is Adams being a dick?” Paul Adams was the partner I did most of my work with.

“Language,” Jessica hissed, pointing at the buggy where Izzy was fast asleep.

Ethan rolled his eyes.

“No more than usual,” I replied. “I just . . . I’m sure it will be fine and if it’s not, I can give it all up and go to India and become a yoga teacher.”

Everyone laughed but Ethan’s was forced. I reached across and stroked his knee. He grabbed my hand.

I wanted to leave right then. I just wanted it to be us. I turned my head sideways and he met my stare. He knew. He could see what I wanted and so we would leave at the first polite opportunity and have our last night in London together.