Chapter Eleven
“Again.”
If Nick wasn’t so emotionally threadbare, he might have laughed. Kitty had embraced her new role as taskmaster with relish. She stood across the room, her hands on her hips, her brows low.
The sun was setting outside. He’d tried to call it quits earlier. She looked tired, and he suspected her exhaustion wasn’t only physical. Watching him struggle through the change must have taken more out of her than he could even imagine.
“You’re almost there. I could breathe that time, so you’ve learned to hold me still and let me breathe. Now you can master moving me.”
“I watched Blue and Luke do this easily.” He shook his head at her. “Why did this take all day to learn?”
“Because you’re a massive perfectionist?” she offered. “Honestly, you’re trying too hard. Blue and Luke didn’t have time to think about it. They had to learn fast. We were running for our lives, remember?”
He supposed, but it frustrated him that it was taking so long. They didn’t have time for him to be slow on the uptake.
“It hasn’t been that long. You’ve only been changed since this morning. Give yourself a break.”
He snorted. He wasn’t used to not being good at something immediately.
“The rest of us mortals have to practice at stuff.” She fake-gasped. “Imagine. The horror.”
He smirked at her, but didn’t dignify that with a comment. He needed to get this before tomorrow. He didn’t have time to waste.
He was having a hard time concentrating, though.
He’d thought they’d turned a corner this morning when he woke up. Even before that, when they’d kissed. God, that kiss…Thinking about it now, he wanted to reach for her. To breathe in her smell, feel her soft skin.
After he woke up, she’d hugged him as if she never wanted to let him go.
Then she’d found out that he could move things with his mind, and she’d pulled back again.
He’d been trying to figure it out. Kitty’s feelings toward Blue and Luke hadn’t changed after they got telekinesis. At least, not that he knew. Surely that wasn’t what changed her toward him.
If that wasn’t it, he couldn’t figure it out.
He might not understand, but he’d followed her lead. He’d wondered if she might need some space. To think. He imagined it had been hard, watching him be sick. He didn’t remember the details, but it hadn’t been pretty.
One thing he did know for certain: she’d saved his life.
He’d burned. His entire body had been pain. When he’d wanted it to be over, when he couldn’t take any more, she’d been there, a whisper at the back of his mind.
Stay with me, she’d said. Stay with me.
He’d refused to fail her.
But she’d backed away from him. She was distant, guarded.
It rattled him, left him off-kilter. He’d hoped…had wanted to connect with her so much. To feel like he’d made that connection only to find himself back at the beginning… It was discouraging, to say the least.
As he studied her, preparing to try again, he let himself take her in. He’d stopped trying to hide how he felt about her. He didn’t want to pretend anymore.
It never felt like he could see her enough.
She’d changed a lot since they were brought here almost a week ago. She’d filled out some, for one thing. No longer frighteningly thin, she’d also put on a layer of lean muscle, thanks to their training sessions.
More than the muscle, she’d gained something else. A swagger, maybe. She held her head higher. Walked with her shoulders back. Something. Whatever it was, it made him swell with pride and made his body tighten every time he looked at her.
God, he had it bad for this girl.
“You need to focus,” she reminded him gently, her hands on her hips.
“You’re right.” He dropped onto his cot and rubbed his hand over his hair. It had been a few weeks since he’d had a haircut and the stuff was getting longer than he liked. He tugged at it. “I need to focus.”
She stepped forward to stand in front of him. He didn’t look up, but it didn’t matter. Even her feet, in their ridiculous treaded socks, looked good to him.
He closed his eyes and exhaled. He really did need to get a grip on this.
She laid her hand on his shoulder, and he breathed in. Even her fingers on his shoulder made him happy.
He was pathetic for her.
“You’re not pathetic.” Her whisper was filled with pain. “I don’t think you’re pathetic.”
He laughed, more at himself than anything else. “I don’t understand, Kit. What happened?” He glanced up, trying his best to stay light, to keep this as easy and breezy as he could.
“Nothing happened.”
“Stop. Please. Say anything to me, but don’t lie.” He stood, unable to remain still. He put a few steps between them. “We were doing so well. And, suddenly, you were gone again. As if you’d never kissed me like you didn’t want to stop.”
Her face pinked. “Nick…”
“No.” He held up his hand, shaking his head. “That was wrong. You’re allowed to be who you are. If you don’t want to kiss me anymore, or you decided that was a bad idea, that’s your prerogative. But I’ll be honest—I loved that kiss. So I’m not sorry it happened.” He tried to smile. Probably failed. Whatever. “Let’s do this again, okay? I’m being stupid.”
He stepped across the room, stepping back into position, cracking his neck and trying to force his mental bullshit to the side. She stood by the cot, looking at her hands.
“You ready?” he asked. Back to business. Something he could control. A plan that would work.
“No.”
“You aren’t ready?”
Kitty lifted her head. “No, I mean you aren’t stupid. I loved that kiss, too. And you’re right. I didn’t want it to stop.” She exhaled. “Not every girl gets that kind of first kiss.”
“What?” Surely he’d heard wrong. She was almost twenty, wasn’t she? Who made it to twenty without kissing someone?
“Me,” she said. “I made it to almost twenty without kissing anyone.”
“Huh.” He didn’t know that, and he certainly didn’t know the right response.
“You didn’t know because you don’t really know me.” She sighed. “We’ve only known each other for a couple weeks. And most of that has been spent in forced captivity together.” She attempted a grin, failed. “We should be careful, that’s all. What if we’re being too hasty? We’ll be leaving here tomorrow. I don’t think we should…get carried away, is all.”
He scowled at her, trying to keep up. She said “we should be careful,” but he got the impression she meant him. “You think we should be careful. Does careful mean you only want to be friends again?”
“No. That’s not what I meant.”
“So, you don’t want to go back to being ‘just friends?’” He’d never been much good at these kinds of “define the relationship” talks. He was an all or nothing kind of guy. If he liked someone, he liked them. End of story. Why did things have to be so complicated?
“Well, no…”
“But you think things will change when we get out of here.”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. Maybe.”
Right. That cleared it up.
He stepped closer to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. When she looked up, her eyes were wary. “I don’t know what happens tomorrow. Kenny and Brian both have more tactical training than I do, but even with the three of us, I can’t guarantee we’ll get out of here in one piece.” A flash of fear washed over her face. “I’m only being honest. There’s no way to know what happens next. But one thing I do know is myself. I’ll prove it to you.”
There wasn’t anything but time that would fix this. Once they were out, he’d show her. He could be patient. “Come on. Let’s practice some more.”
She nodded. As they started in, he brought more focus to the task, his determination renewed.
They would get out of here. With this whole mess behind them, then she’d see.
…
Kitty floated above the floor in a cross-legged position. The bed linens from both beds twisted in the air beside her. The cup on the chain at the sink spun, like something in a haunted house.
No question, Nick had mastered this. He might even be better than Blue and Luke. He stood in the middle of the room, his forehead bunched up as he concentrated on splitting his attention and keeping everything in the air.
It was after lunch, and Kenny would be here for them soon. As the minutes ticked down and they waited for their rescue, a layer of unspoken tension lingered in their cell. To battle it, they’d pretended with manic intensity that they weren’t tense, as if everything was completely fine and normal.
His dark eyes remained unfocused, his chiseled jaw tight. With his feet spread apart and his hands at his side, he looked like an avenging angel. More, he looked dangerous, like the elite soldier she knew him to be.
Thinking of him like that made her uncomfortable.
“How did your parents react when you told them you wanted to join the Army?” she blurted the question, trying to break the spell.
Nick’s face split into a grin, full of affection. One of his sexiest grins. The smile made her smile. This was Nick, the Nick she’d come to know. “My mom freaked out.”
“She did?” That surprised her. From everything she picked up about Nick’s parents, they seemed incredibly supportive.
“Sure. She laid into me. It was too dangerous. What about college? I’ll be so far from home, be stationed all over.” He chuckled, still holding everything in the air. “And the guilt. Wow. My mom knows how to lay it on.”
He replayed the scene in his head. His mother pacing in their kitchen, a room Kitty had become incredibly familiar with, as it seemed most of the Degrassi family’s serious conversations happened there. Nick’s dad sat at the table, studying his folded hands in front of him.
The exact words weren’t in the memory. But his mother’s frustration, her concern, her fear, those were all in her actions and on her face.
When his mom wound down, Nick played through his arguments. How he wanted to make a difference, how he would go to college after he’d served. How his father had served and his grandfather had served, and how he wanted to be part of that tradition, that honor.
His mother stood next to her husband, with her hand on his shoulder. Her knuckles were white as they listened to Nick’s explanations. They remained quiet as he talked, and their respect for him made her fondness for them grow. Together, as a team, Nick’s parents studied him.
Finally, Nick’s dad covered his wife’s hand with his own, glanced up at her, and nodded.
Kitty watched in Nick’s memories as his mother’s eyes filled with tears. Then, she rounded the table and folded him into her arms.
That had been that.
If Kitty hadn’t adored Nick’s parents before, she did now. It was no wonder Nick was so generous with everything about himself. His parents, his entire family, they gave without fear. They fought sometimes, and sometimes they got hurt. But it felt as if they opened themselves again and again to each other, and the love they received in return made up for the possible hurts they might receive.
She envied them.
Floating above the floor, she compared the conversation with his parents with the discussion she’d had with her own parents, in the spring of her senior year. She wanted to go to the University of Colorado. She had the grades, she had gotten in, but her father had ranted about what girls do in dorms at college, about articles that he’d read about unwanted pregnancy, about how universities stressed autonomy to young girls who couldn’t make responsible decisions for themselves. He’d believed she’d go wild, that she’d be unable to control herself.
Kitty and her mother had sat through the entire tirade in silence. Looking back, Kitty realized she’d sat through a lot of tirades in silence. When she finally looked at her mom, needing an ally, her mother had found her voice. “I think you should stay here. For a little longer. I don’t think you’re ready to leave yet.”
The words were strong, stronger than she’d ever heard from her mom. Her last hope had shriveled. She’d nodded and retreated to her room. That fall she’d signed up for a couple of online courses, and that had been that.
She noticed one huge difference: Nick had fought for his decision. He’d stood up for himself.
“How did you do that?”
“What?” He lowered everything to the ground, confused. “Holding all this stuff up?” He grinned at her, his cheek deepening into his sexy dimple. “I’m getting good, right?”
“Yes, you are getting good at it. Not like you need me stroking your ego.” She grinned back before sobering again. “But no. Not that. I mean, you disagreed with your parents, yet you made them listen to you. How did you do that?”
He paused, considering. “I don’t know.”
She’d never felt like her parents listened to her. Then again, she’d never bothered to voice her disagreement, either. If she’d wanted them to listen, she might have tried talking.
She could remember the times she had attempted to talk to them, though. It hadn’t ended well.
Nick closed the distance between them, his mind filled with wanting to be closer to her, needing to touch her. He rested his hands on her arms. She glanced down at them, this connection between them. Over the past two days, he’d done this a lot. Small touches. Always when she felt the most alone, the most abandoned. Sometimes he didn’t say anything. Like now. He only stood there, this giant, burly guy, watching her, touching her. Letting her be her.
She wasn’t sure he even noticed he was doing it.
It wasn’t contrived. This was how his family did it, too—as if they knew, intuitively, that sometimes just not being alone made the difference.
Now, this small touch made her memories of her parents less sharp. His touches didn’t fix anything, didn’t change anything. But they helped, made it easier to bear.
Even made her less angry.
The green jumpsuit separated her skin and his, but she felt his contact as if there were nothing between them. Her own fingers tingled, and she flexed them, wanting to reach out, too, to touch him back and complete the circle. Their eyes met, and the connection between them was there.
They’d talked almost nonstop for two days, about everything. She felt like she could tell him anything. He hadn’t shied away from any of it, even the parts that had hurt to say.
Through it all, he continued to like her, as a person. She wanted him more than ever.
The space between them heated, and the tension in their bodies coiled. His gaze dropped to her mouth, and though he didn’t move, his thoughts turned to touching her, to covering her mouth with his own. Watching what he wanted to do made her own longing more intense, until she could barely breathe with it in her chest.
“Nick…” she breathed his name, gazing up at his eyes. “Will you kiss me? Please?”
He moved as if he’d been waiting for her to ask. And maybe he had been. With a groan, he dropped his head and closed the distance between them. When their lips touched, she gasped and allowed herself to sink against him. In response, he tugged her until she was pressed against him, only their ugly jumpsuits separating them.
She laced her hands in his hair, pulling him closer. Their mouths played together, in sync. She ran her hands along his strong shoulders, marveling at how different they were—him, large and all angled planes; her, slighter and softer. Yet, they fit together perfectly.
As she trembled against him, he anchored her with one arm at her waist, and his other hand traced the curve of her cheek. She pressed into his palm, and he trailed soft kisses down the side of her face, down her throat. She tilted her head back to allow him more access.
He half-guided, half-carried her backward until they tumbled onto the cot together.
She pulled at the top of his jumpsuit and the snaps came apart. She tugged at the pieces, pulling them open and down his arms. He shrugged out of the top of the suit, leaving his chest bare to her searching fingers.
She traced the smooth lines of his shoulder. Beneath her fingertips, his muscles tensed reflexively, and he groaned against her neck.
Then, he pulled at her snaps. The first two came apart, and she stilled.
Sensing her apprehension, Nick leaned up, his fingers halting.
“Kit?” His voice was gravelly, full of emotion. His thoughts were concerned. Slow down, Degrassi. You’re going too fast. You scared her.
His worry chased hers away.
She reached for the snaps and yanked, pulling them apart until the suit was open from neck to waist.
Their eyes met, and she nodded.
Not needing any more invitation, he pulled the two pieces of her jumpsuit apart. As his eyes devoured her, she squirmed under the heat she saw there, unable to remain still as she waited for him to touch her.
The first soft touch of his fingers flitted along the skin at the bottom of her rib cage. She held her breath as he traced up the side of her to circle one finger around her left breast. When he captured the tip between his index finger and thumb, she gasped and closed her eyes.
With a groan, he ducked his head and covered the peak with his mouth.
She came off the bed. “Nick!”
She couldn’t think any more. His warm mouth, the feel of his chest against her belly… It filled her senses, tinted everything in her mind with light. She wove her fingers through his hair, holding him to her.
His hand dropped to her waist, trailing across her belly, making her suck in her breath with a hiss. He lifted his head to smile at her.
The shift away gave her a moment to breathe. That’s when she heard them.
“Guards coming,” she said and scooted to sit up, her stomach sinking. Apprehension dosed the fire that had been roiling through her a moment earlier.
“What?” He tensed, instantly alert. He scanned the room, and the contents spun in the air, landing where they belonged in a matter of seconds. “Is it Kenny?”
Yes, he’d definitely gotten the hang of his power.
“No, it isn’t Kenny.”
He was already fastening the snaps on his jumpsuit, struggling to his feet. She blinked, trying to think around the disappointment crashing through her.
When he was finished, he reached for her, helping her to her feet. She tried to work her own snaps but her fingers were shaking. She fumbled, couldn’t push the two sides of her jumpsuit together.
“What do they want?” he asked, gently brushing her shaking hands aside and making quick work of her snaps with steady fingers. This isn’t part of the schedule. Something is wrong. Something has happened.
“You think something has happened?” A trickle of uncertainty iced its way down her spine, adding to her anxiety.
“Yes.” His mouth tightened. I need to protect her. No one hurts her.
She took his hand, hating the terror in his thoughts. She reached out to the guards, trying to hear what she could from them.
There were five.
Why would they bring five soldiers?
Jeremy was with them.
Oh God, did they know about Nick? Her head jerked to him. He met her eyes, his jaw tightening. His shoulders clenched as he braced himself.
No. They couldn’t take him from her. She wouldn’t let them. Not after what they’d done. Not now that they had each other.
The door swung open, and Jeremy trooped in, followed by four more men. Her mouth thinned. This definitely wasn’t good.
Kitty backed up, closing the distance between her and Nick, as if her slight form could stop them from doing anything.
“Fields wants to see you two.” Jeremy crossed his arms over his chest.
No other explanation. Just: what Fields wants, Fields gets.
Why, though? Fields hadn’t come to see them since they’d been recaptured. Why now?
Her eyes met Nick’s. He didn’t know, either. But he didn’t like the sound of it.
“What if we don’t want to see him?” she asked. She knew the answer, but the show of defiance made her feel strong. She might not have any real control over the situation, but she could control how she felt about it.
“You can come quietly. Or…” He smiled and tapped the tranquilizer gun at his waist. “We can carry you. Either way is fine with us.”