Chapter Eighteen – Nadine

“Kurt,” she said gently, her hands going into his thick fur, stroking him, soothing him while he tried to capture his breath. “It’s finished. Over,” she repeated to him. She was so afraid; the body of the wolf in front of them was wounded, its breathing shallow. She clung to the hope that they would not have to answer to a murder charge.

Then the horrifying sound of other wolves came to them. Through the trees below, the haunting howl of their attacker’s pack mates came to them.

Kurt nudged her, pressing her to run. She knew he wanted to protect her, and sending her away was the most sensible thing. But she had made a promise to herself never to leave her true mate again, and she was going to stick to it.

Like shadows, they materialised from the trees, growling, low and menacing when they saw the wolf on his side, blood matting his coat. Kurt drew himself up to his full height, but they both knew he could never take on the other three wolves. It was impossible, and if he tried, she would fight with him.

Crouching down, she wrapped her hand around a large rock. It sickened her, but if she had to, she would crack it over their heads. They were bonded, a team against whatever life threw at them, and right now, it was throwing wolves, big, menacing wolves.

Growling, one of the wolves, sleek and black, made its way over to its fallen comrade. Sniffing it, it nudged the unconscious body, whining and licking its face. Slowly, life returned and it lifted its head. Nadine had never felt so relieved. But what was going to happen now?

Shakily, it got to its feet, shaking the dirt from its coat, and then its hackles rose and it snapped and growled at Kurt, ready to try again to defeat him. Yet instead of helping its pack mate, the sleek wolf grasped the scruff of its neck and made it fall down to its knees.

The other two wolves started forward, but then stopped. Something passed between them, and they came and helped the fallen wolf up, before disappearing into the trees, one on each side of their injured pack mate, making sure he didn’t turn around.

The sleek, black wolf made its way slowly into the trees, the night covering it, while Nadine and Kurt watched. Then Nadine felt the peculiar prickling on her skin as the wolf changed and the curvy silhouette of a woman stood in the shadows.

“He won’t come near you again,” she said.

“How can you be sure?” Nadine asked.

“Because he knows what will happen if he does again. I will rip his throat out personally.”

“And who exactly are you?” Nadine asked.

The other woman laughed. “Nice try. But that is my secret. Although I’m sure you’ll be hearing a lot more from my brothers and me. Wolf Valley is ours for the taking, and we plan to take it.” She took a step further into the trees and then added, “If your wolf wants to join us, he is welcome. He has the right qualities to join us.”

“And exactly what qualities are those?”

“He enjoys inflicting pain and misery; I could tell by the way he fought. A little push and he would be just like us.”

Nadine curled her fingers into Kurt’s fur. “But he has learned to control it.”

“Only because he has you.” She sighed dramatically. “Maybe that’s all we need. A mate to love us.” Then she laughed again. “But our way is much more fun. Who needs a collar and leash?”

Then she was gone, the air shimmering as she became pure wolf once more and disappeared into the night.

Beside her, Kurt stood still as stone. They both listened, not sure if it was over and the other wolves weren’t just playing some kind of trick. Were they letting Kurt and Nadine think they were safe, before returning and attacking once more? His wolf senses being more acute, Kurt lifted his head, sniffing the air and then tilting his head to listen.

When he moved away, at first she thought it was to go into the trees to check it was safe, but then he stopped and turned to look at her, and she knew he was preparing to change back. She held her breath, not sure if he had enough control, or confidence, to do this. However, she tried not to let her fear show; he needed to know she believed in him. And she did.

The air around him shimmered, and he faded away, before the tall, toned perfection of Kurt came back to her. She ran to him, her arms going around his neck and she sobbed into his chest with relief.

“I knew you could do it,” she said.

“I’m glad someone did. There was definitely a moment when I thought I would be stuck in that hospital again for months while you talked some sense into me.”

“Would that have been so bad?” she asked.

Putting his arm around her, he kissed her and then said, “No. I don’t care where I am as long as you are there.”

“Shall we go home?” she asked. “It is safe now, right?”

“As far as I can tell. Although that has to have been the weirdest encounter ever.” Kurt held her close, chasing away her fear.

“Who are they? Do you know?” she asked.

“I have no idea. But I’m sure it’s not the last we’ve seen of them. I just hope she keeps her word and that mongrel stays away from you.” The breath shuddered in his body as he tried to calm his rage. “I came so close to killing him, and if he hurt you, or frightens you again, I really don’t know if I will be responsible for my actions. Maybe she was right; there is something bad inside of me.”

“You are not like them.” She kissed his cheek. “You have me. That counts for something, doesn’t it?”

“That counts for everything.” He took her hand and they made their way down through the tress to her cabin. They took their time, stopping often to check for any signs there was an ambush waiting for them. But there was nothing, although when they reached her cabin, they still went through their routine of checking the house room by room.

***

“So what about you?” Kurt asked as they sat eating dinner in her small kitchen.

“What about me?” she asked.

“How do we prise you open and let your animal out?”

Her mouth turned down as she remembered all of the effort and disappointment pushing down on her. Hadn’t she tried her hardest? Her mom certainly had, going over and over the principles of shifting from a human to an animal. But for Nadine, the fear of letting go and becoming something else was too much. Or was it the fear of not becoming what her mom wanted her to be?

She set her fork down. “I’m scared.”

Kurt stopped chewing and looked at her, his eyes full of understanding. Swallowing his food down, he said, “I will be here right beside you.”

“What if I step out of this world and don’t know how to come back?”

“You’ve treated so many people. You know that won’t happen,” he encouraged.

“That’s just it, though. Everyone else I have ever treated knew their animal. They could see it in their head. Mine is just a sensation as if something is brushing against the corners of my mind. It’s hidden in the dark.”

“Maybe it’s shy?”

She burst out laughing. “Usually the problem is putting them back in, not letting them out. But I guess you could be right. Damn, I’m mixed up. The more I think about it, the more I believe that I hid that side of me away. I knew whatever I was, I would disappoint one of my parents, or both.”

“Come on. I have a plan.” He took her hand and led her to the sitting room. There he made her sit on the floor, cross-legged, looking at him. “Now, this is one of the things you taught me when I was wolf. I couldn’t see you, but I could hear your voice and it pulled me back.”

“OK,” she said, willing to try anything to finally be whole.

“Hold my hands.” He held out his hands to her and she placed hers onto his warm, comforting palms. When he curled his fingers around her hands, she felt safe and secure. She could do this with his help. “Right. Now close your eyes and let your mind empty of everything.”

This part was easy, Nadine was used to meditating and soon a relaxed state covered her. Only his voice penetrated her thoughts.

“I want you to be open to what is inside you. Don’t try to seek it out. Just accept it when it comes to you.”

“OK.” She had searched every crevice of her mind trying to find her other self, but never found it. The creature always seemed to be just out of reach, cowering in the dark in case it wasn’t accepted for who it was. This time she didn’t search; she simply sat down and waited.

After a while bamboo sprouted up all around her and a tree grew in her mind. A tree. What games was her mind playing? But then something moved in the tree, and she looked up very slowly to see the beautiful mask of a red panda coming down to her. Its soft, bushy tail helped it to balance while it descended head first down towards her.

Tears ran down her cheeks: this was her. Her other side. Nadine didn’t speak, didn’t move as the small animal came to sit opposite her and ate some bamboo. She lost track of time, only the beat of her heart and the feel of Kurt’s warm hands closed around hers kept her from slipping out of reality permanently.

Slowly she moved her hand. The red panda watched her, no fear in its eyes, only wonder. Stretching her hand towards it, she held her breath while the panda leaned forward, sniffed her fingertips, and then allowed her to stroke it.

“I’ve found you,” she said. And the expression on the panda’s face was one of acceptance. They were part of each other in the same way Kurt was a part of her.