Chapter Nine
“Come on, let’s get some ice on your black eye.”
After she’d showered and changed, Mary let him into the bathroom. He’d grabbed a Ziploc bagful of ice from the freezer and handed it to her, while he wiped the blood from her mouth and nose with a washcloth. The wounds must’ve opened up once more while she bathed in hot water.
She sat on the edge of the tub, pale and quiet. Mary wasn’t making eye contact with him, and he couldn’t blame her.
Chase had let her down.
The right thing to do would be to call the police, report the crime, and carry her out of here, make sure Mary was safe, but he couldn’t. He’d sworn loyalty to his father, and the Sin City Mafia. If he ran now, Chase would be running for the rest of his life, which would be short and brutal.
Eventually, they’d track him down, and Noah would finish him.
He wanted to beat the ever living shit out of Harry, but he couldn’t. And his father would probably side with Harry because Chase had “betrayed the brotherhood.”
Mary winced, and Chase turned his attention back to her.
“There, I stopped the bleedin’. I want you to keep ice on it, to reduce the swelling.”
Mary nodded and then looked up at him with glittering eyes, full of tears.
“I wanna go home.” She sobbed. “But I can’t because it doesn’t exist anymore. I want the illusion back.”
“I know.” Chase got down on his haunches so he could meet her eyes.
“And I’ve never felt so lost.”
“I know, believe me I do. I’m so damn sorry this happened to you.”
She shuddered, and he wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened at first and then relaxed against him. Chase gathered her up and took her past the scene of the crime, and carried her into his own bedroom.
Mary said nothing, yielding in his embrace, letting him carry her. He wasn’t sure if Harry had broken her spirit, or she was just shaken up. No, Mary was resilient, and she’d eventually get over this. She’d already endured more than her fair share of tragedy.
“Harry has a beef with the Lone Star Mafia, but he shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“No, he shouldn’t have. I can’t believe what my grand—”
“Shh, don’t think on it.”
“I can’t help it. He killed your sister.”
“Maybe he did, but I don’t know for sure.”
“Still, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because this ain’t your sin to bear, so hush now.” Chase laid down on the bed and held her on his lap. Right now, he needed to touch her, assure himself that she was okay. Chase placed his chin on the top of her head, and they were silent for a long time, just holding onto one another, slowly rocking.
“Are you okay?”
She sighed. “I’ve been better.” The weak attempt at humor cheered him. Mary might be down but wasn’t out. Not yet.
“He could’ve—”
“But he didn’t, and I’m gonna hold onto the thought. This was horrific, a violation, but it could’ve been worse.”
“I’m sorry.”
Mary shook her head. “This isn’t your fault. You didn’t invite him over.”
“I feel responsible, and I wish we could go to the police.”
“We both know it isn’t an option. Testifying against the mafia would get me killed.”
“Yes, it would.”
They fell silent.
“Know what’s funny?” she asked, after a while.
“What?”
“At times like these, you need a support system, someone you can depend on, but I don’t have anyone, not anymore.” Mary laughed without humor, a sharp, broken sound.
“I know what you mean.”
And Chase really did. He couldn’t shake the feeling, there was nothing left for him here. Faith was really gone, and he’d become untethered from this job, his life here, and his father, too. Chase had no one to depend on.
Why the fuck am I still here? I shouldn’t be doing this job.
He wasn’t like these people anymore, and maybe he hadn’t been, to begin with.
“And what about Tucker? My conscience tells me I should hate him, and I should never see him again, but I just can’t walk away, not yet. What if I never can?”
“I know exactly what you mean. Tell me if you figure it out.”
“You still love your father?”
“Yes, no, I don’t know. How’s that for an answer?” Chase had been conflicted for years.
“Sounds about right.” Mary sighed. “When this is all over, where do I go? And what do I do?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
And then Chase had the craziest thought.
What if they ran away together? He could join the military once more, and she could apply to another medical school, somewhere the old man couldn’t find her.
It was insane, but he loved the sound of it. With Mary at his side, all things were possible, but she wouldn’t want him. He’d snatched her up, interrupted her bright future, for pity’s sake. She had every right to hate his ass.
“What about you? What are you gonna do?”
“I don’t know. I promised the outfit I’d be a member until I died.”
“But you don’t belong here. You know that, right? We’re both at a crossroads.”
And the next step they took, would redefine their futures.
“Maybe.”
“We could go to the FBI.” Mary turned to face him.
“And enter the Witness Protection program? How long do you think we’d live before they found us?”
Her face fell. “Probably not long. Level with me and forget about what’s feasible, or what you should do. What do you want to do?”
Chase mulled it over. “I want to go back into the military and become an officer, and I know you wanna go back to med school.”
“I do, but I can’t do it without official records.”
“And your grandfather or his boys would find you anywhere you went.”
“Yeah, they’d track me down.” Mary leaned against him once more. “Although, I love the thought of running away, just leaving it all behind, so I’d get a clean slate, a fresh start.”
Chase liked the sound of it. He’d made so many mistakes, and he’d love to knock it all down and start over again.
“What if they weren’t after you?” Chase asked.
“Stanford has an interesting program. I could become a doctor and go to the beach on the weekends.”
“Well, the weather’s a hell of a lot nicer in California than Boston.”
“Yeah, it is.” They smiled at one another.
“There are a lot of military installations in California, you know.” He pictured them going to the wine country on the weekends, making love every morning.
“Yeah?” Mary wrapped her arms around his neck, and then she pressed a tentative kiss on the corner of his mouth.
Although he wanted more, Chase didn’t push Mary. She’d been through enough tonight.
“It’s a nice fantasy.”
“Yes, but it’ll never happen.”
They were both trapped.
***
They stayed up all night talking.
Mary didn’t want to be alone, and she got the distinct impression neither did Chase. Talking to Chase kept her from sinking into a depression or freaking out. After she grew more comfortable, she climbed off his lap and lay beside him instead. When they got hungry, he made them an omelet, which they shared.
After a while, the horror of Harry’s attempted assault receded, but Mary knew it wasn’t over. It would always be there, lurking in the back of her mind, along with the new batch of terrible revelations.
“You got awful quiet. What are you thinking about?” Chase asked.
“I’m trying to piece some stuff together.”
“Like what?” Chase lay on his side, propped on one elbow.
“I’m figuring out who my grandfather really is. Evidently, I haven’t gotten the whole story.” She mirrored his pose. “I’m not even sure I’ve met him.”
“Don’t doubt yourself, Mary.”
“Why shouldn’t I? He’s been lying to me forever.”
“You moved in with him, after your parents died, right?”
“Yes, he took me in and raised me as his own. Since my grandmother died a few years back, it’s been just the two of us.” Mary felt like her existence was defined by loss. One by one people had been stripped away from her.
“What happened to your parents?”
“It was a car accident. I don’t remember much about it because I was only a toddler at the time.” Her grandparents had kept the gritty details from her. “When I was in middle school, I wanted to know more, and I found a couple of newspaper articles about it, but they were frustratingly vague, and whenever I asked granddad about it, he changed the subject.”
“Maybe it was too painful for him to talk about. After all, he lost a son.”
“Well, given out what I know about him now, I doubt he’s capable of tender feelings.”
Chase cupped her cheek. “Don’t.”
“Don’t do what? It’s true. He’s a monster, Chase. He raped and murdered a woman and killed your sister, too.” What if he’d raped Faith too? God, I can’t even deal with the thought, let alone the reality.
Chase sighed. “Yes, he’s done terrible things, but he cares for you.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know anymore.”
“Tell me about the accident.”
Mary knew he was trying to distract her, keep her from dwelling on the awful truth, but she went along with it, for now.
“All I know is, their car swerved out of control and went off a bridge.”
“And they couldn’t get out?”
“No, they both, um, drowned.” She cleared her throat. Mary tried not to think about how horrific their deaths must’ve been. She hoped they’d been knocked unconscious by the time the water poured in. “I guess it happened in the middle of nowhere on a deserted highway. No one discovered the wreck until the next day.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Me too. It’s a terrible way to die and it hurts to think of someone you love suffering like that.” She squeezed his hand and tears burned in Chase’s eyes, before he blinked them away. He, too, had to deal with a family member’s horrific death.
“Yes, it does.” His voice was hoarse.
Given what Mary knew about Tucker’s mob activities, she wondered if her father, Taylor Cobb, was a mobster as well. And if he was, his death might not have been an accident. What if a rival group had taken him out? From what she understood, her granddad had no shortage of enemies.
“It’s a miracle you weren’t with them.”
“I know, they’d left me with a babysitter while they went out for a date night.”
Mary wasn’t sure if she was lucky or cursed to have been left behind. The pain of losing her parents had been excruciating when she was a child. She’d cried herself to sleep for months afterward, and she’d been terrified something might happen to her grandparents, and then she’d be left all alone.
“Do you have many memories of them?”
She shook her head. “I was too young. I only have one good memory.”
“Let me guess, the circus? Or a carnival?”
“How’d you know?”
“The way your eyes lit up that night. I knew carnivals and circuses must be special to you.”
She bit her lip. “We went to the circus just before they died. My parents actually met at a carnival.”
“So they are very special to you.
“I think they’re kind of magical.” She liked the effortless way Chase understood her as if they had their own sort of shorthand. “And I’d rather think about them together at the circus, then at their funeral.”
“I bet it was awful.”
“It’s strange, but I don’t remember the funeral very well.” It was a hazy memory, probably because she’d been so shaken up at the time. “Grandad didn’t bring me to the visiting hours. I came to the service, and I kept askin’ him why nobody else was cryin’ like me. Didn’t they love my parents?”
“Why didn’t he take you?”
“I think he wanted to shelter me from the worst of it.”
Mary had been an orphan and everyone felt sorry for her, but she’d grown up with family, with grandparents who’d always been there for her. Her granddad could never completely fill such a big hole in her life, no matter how hard he tried.
He’d held onto her for dear life. Tucker was overprotective in the extreme, vetting everyone who got close to her, and now she knew why.
Mary couldn’t hold back any longer. “Chase, I need to ask you something, and I don’t want to upset you, but it’s been bugging me.”
Chase took a deep breath. “Go ahead, ask me anything.”
He might regret those words. “You said you didn’t know for sure, but do you believe my granddad killed your sister?”
And deep silence fell over them, and she watched the slow play of emotion across his face—
anger, sorrow, pain.
“I don’t know, but it’s awfully suspicious.”
“Yeah, I think so too.” She clasped the hand over her mouth. “And I know you want closure, but I hope he didn’t do it.”
“I understand.” Chase shook his head. “And I’m still torn. All these years, I kept wondering what happened to Faith and now I know she didn’t make it.” He bit his lower lip. “I used to make up all these stories about what happened to her. I think it’s how I coped with her loss, and now her ashes are at my dad’s house. Faith never had the chance to really live, and it eats me up inside.”
“After my parents died, I held conversations with them, I still do sometimes. I’ve got this picture from their wedding day. Both of them look so happy and young, staring at each other, smiling. I figure they’re in heaven together going to the carnival every night, and they get to be youthful forever, and then one day I’ll join them.”
“Maybe Faith’s with them?”
She smiled. “I like to think so.”
“What do you tell your folks?”
“Boring stuff.” Mary shrugged. “I talk to them about my day, talk about my report cards and diplomas. And all the while, I pretend they can hear me. The ache never really goes away, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t, and I feel lost without her, like a part of me is missing and I’ll never get it back.”
Chase understood her in a way no one else had. Like her, his life was marked by loss and betrayal. Suddenly, she wanted to be even closer to him.
Mary laid a hand on his cheek, and Chase closed his eyes, leaning into her touch, as though relishing the feel of her. She brushed the pad of her thumb against his lower lip, and his skin was soft and warm.
He opened his eyes. “What are you doing, Mary?” His voice sounded deeper, darker, and full of yearning. It caused a languid rush of warmth to spread through her body.
“I want you.”
His eyes slammed shut. “You don’t know what you’re saying.” And yet he made no move to push her away.
“Yes, I do.” To prove her point, Mary scooted even closer to him.
“My control is hanging on by a thread as it is.” His nostrils flared in protest. “And no, you don’t. I think you’re sad and scared and you’re trying to push the pain away, to distract yourself.”
“No, I need you.” Mary pressed her mouth against his. Chase melted into her, claiming her lips in a searing kiss before he shot off the bed.
“No, we can’t do this.” He fisted his hands at his sides and a white line formed around his mouth. “More than anything, I want to give you pleasure, but it’s wrong.”
“Why?”
“Because this is all kinds of fucked up. You’re my prisoner, your granddad might’ve murdered my sister, you just survived an attempted rape, and my father’s trying to use you as a pawn in this cat and mouse game.” Chase gave a ragged sigh.
“Yeah, so?”
Chase chuckled. “God, I want you so badly I can’t see straight.”
“Then take me, I’m yours.” Mary got closer, but he backed away from her until she had him trapped against the wall.
Mary didn’t know what was wrong with her. Was she craving control? Did she want to escape from her own mind for a while?
Or maybe it was the man himself.
Chase had loomed large in her fantasies over these past few weeks. She didn’t know quite what to make of him. Was he her warden? Her savior? The enemy? Or her friend? Mary didn’t know, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him.
She pressed her breasts against the hard wall of his chest and captured his mouth once more.
And then the floodgates opened.
Groaning, Chase grasped her ass, pulling her closer, and smashing her hips against his own.
In between frantic kisses, he muttered, “I’ve tried to keep my hands off you for the longest time, but I can’t help myself.”
Mary wanted him and didn’t give a damn about the consequences. Later, she might care, but not now. At this moment, she didn’t want to think or worry about the future. For once, Mary wanted to live in the moment.
As he scorched her mouth with hot kisses, Chase kneaded her hips, fondled her ass, dragging her even closer to his body. She emptied her mind and concentrated on the needs of her body, the fire raging within.
And then Chase pulled back with a gasp. “We need to stop.”
“No, but we—”
“Mary, please, we can’t do this. You’re obviously reactin’ to what happened earlier.”
“You’re right.” She backed off then. “See, I’m stopping.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. I should be, but I’m not.”
Chase moaned. “Don’t say things like that. I’m trying to be a gentleman.” He adjusted himself. “And it’s gettin’ harder by the second, no pun intended.”
“If you ask me, restraint is overrated.”
He laughed. “Tell you what? Why don’t we sleep beside each other? I want to be there for you, but I won’t take advantage of you.”
After a moment, she nodded.
Chase pulled her close, and eventually they fell asleep in each other’s arms, and Mary had never felt so safe.
It felt like she’d come home.