I can’t believe that I just blurted it out just like that… and there… after that! My mind is completely blank as I wait for the downfall. I mean, I know girls who have been knocked up by motorcycle guys in the past and it never ends well for them or their relationship. Either they get forced into some arranged, shotgun disaster of a marriage or they end up at a clinic with a bag of pills.
I don’t want to be like any of those girls -- ever. I want to be loved and to have a baby that is loved. Even though this is totally new, maybe a month old, I already feel like two people wrapped in one. And with Gavin by my side, my family feels different. It isn’t those people back in the Barber house who use fists and feet to get what they want. It’s two people who came together and made something wonderful.
But maybe Gavin sees it differently. He hasn’t said a word in such a long time since I said it. He just lays there next to me, still panting from our love making. His chest caves in deeply with each exhale and puffs up with the inhale so that his tattoos hit the small bits of light coming into the back room of the Sunset. I want to reach out and trace each of those marks, but I am not going to even risk it.
Finally, he turns his head back over to me and looks me deeply in my eyes. I bite down on my lip nervously, waiting for his mouth to move. But they don’t. He has a look on his face that is determined, bewildered, and dark. It’s not exactly the reaction I had imagined getting telling my partner that I was pregnant. Then again, I wouldn’t have imagined my partner to be one of the baddest, most feared men in my dad’s motorcycle club…
Maybe it’s the way he looks at me unblinking and unapologetic, or maybe it’s the strange feeling of guilt coursing through my body at this very moment, but I say something even worse than the pregnancy announcement. I, shakily, reach out a hand to stroke the sturdy bone of his speckled jaw as I say deeply, “Gavin, I love you.”
I’ve never said those words before, never had a chance to even feel that they were real. But here I am, telling my not-boyfriend that I am pregnant with his child and madly in love with him. “I do -- I love you. I wouldn’t be here right now, risking everything if it weren’t for this feeling that I am supposed to be with you. I know this is crazy. I know that I sound crazy, but I have to tell you it. I have to make you underst--”
He cuts me off, placing his large pointer finger to my mouth, and then replaces it with the thickness of his own lips. They are still wet with his salty sweat and my own saliva. He kisses me so hard that I feel the rush of blood deep in my bare loins. Everything sparks back on even though my body is so exhausted, so worn down from the energy spent confessing.
He pulls away for second, giving me time to whisper to him, “I love you, Gavin.”
I half expect him to run, to say goodbye, but he doesn’t. He returns to kissing me, this time pressing his tongue between my lips. His body rolls softly on top of mine so that I can feel every inch of his skin to where his knees rest at my feet. He pulls himself up on his hands so that he practically hovers on me.
I lift my head up to him to take his mouth even further into mine. His breath picks up once again as he moves from my lips to my cheeks, planting small pecks against my flushed skin. His lips travel down my neck, between my breasts, and to my stomach where he rests his head on its side. His auburn hair tickles at my skin so that little goosebumps prickle at my hips. His large hands hold onto my skin as he buries a kiss at my bellybutton.
He looks back up at me and says, “Are you sure? 100%? Is this real?”
“Yeah, Gavin. I took a dozen tests. They’re in my purse, if you want proof.”
“I don’t need proof,” He kisses again at my belly, “I believe you.”
I lay back, looking up at the ceiling. By the way he is touching me so gently, so securely, something tells me that this is going to be okay. Gavin hasn’t told me he loved me back, but one thing at a time here. Just knowing that he wouldn’t abandon this baby because of his own pride was enough.
I reach down and press my hands to his face, pulling him up towards me. His body crawls over mine as our lips meet once again. The intensity is even more as we bury ourselves in each other’s mouths. My hands move down his back, feeling the protruding muscles, the distinct scars, even the flesh bruises. He’s taken so much for me.
Against my leg, I feel the brush of his cock. It’s still warm from our session just minutes ago, and I can feel the stickiness against my skin. But as my hands press harder, my nails just scratching at his spine, it transforms. It grows harder and thicker against me.
He pulls himself up to his knees and sits quietly on the cold, tiled ground, his body just to the side of mine. His hand reaches out as he pulls me up and over to him. Carefully, I straddle him just so that my head meets his and my sex only lightly presses against his. I watch his deep blue eyes stare into mine before he pulls my arms up around his neck.
I kiss him again, letting the waves that are restless inside me take over. Our bodies slowly move to our rhythm as his hands float to my bare ass. I feel a small squeeze as he takes in the fleshiest parts of me in his hands, massaging as he pulls and pushes. I reach a hand behind me just to steady myself from his force that rocks my entire body.
My breasts float to his face as he pushes me up and down his torso. When they brush against his lips, his mouth opens, taking in one of my tits. While one hand works my bottom, his other plays at the nipple, ripening it for the hot, moist lips. He practically smothers himself between the crest of my breasts, inhaling at the skin as his wet mouth sucks in my prickled skin.
With all of his energy caressing and controlling me, I finally lose balance. Both of us fall back towards the ground, his head landing on a pile of our clothing. I try not to laugh as I pull myself back up to his lips, my hands cupping around the back of his head and running my fingers through the small curls along the nape of his neck. He sighs before finding my lips in the dark. I kiss him once more, one long, pounding kiss, before sitting straight up and reaching a hand behind me.
It finds his cock almost immediately. It’s already hard to the touch, a warm rod ready to penetrate. Even from behind, it’s easy for me to just slide my clenched hand up and down the length of him. It stands up as I stroke, each movement growing more steady as I speed up.
When he’s ready, his breath hitched and his eyes closing tightly with pleasure, I lower myself down his body towards his member. I softly push it back down with my lips, kissing the middle of the shaft. My tongue joins in, tasting his flesh. He’s salty and smells of heaven. I go in for more, rotating open mouth kisses for full on licks of his cock.
A long, rumbled groan escapes his mouth and rumbles his stomach where a hand rests. I pull it away and begin to work his balls from underneath. I know to massage gently, softly pulling and circling my hands against the skin. They harden under my grip, just as his cock enters my mouth. I pull down my head towards the base, my tongue twisting as it travels. I make it almost all the way to the curls of his hairs, but I shoot back up. And then again, and again, and again like a machine made just for his deepest, darkest desires.
Gavin’s hands find my hair and wraps it around his wrists. He pushes me down once more on his cock before pulling back, all the way off with a pop of my lips. I sink to my hands in knees, staring at him with a wide, toothy grin. “Come back here,” he calls, “I want you.”
I obey, crawling on all fours till my dripping pussy rubs against his wet cock and our lips find each other. I lift my hips up high, holding my balance with a hand just to the side of his head. He positions his cock just under me until I slowly lower myself centimeter by centimeter down. As I grow closers, his wets his lips and dips his head back in anticipation. His cock plows into me, thick and firm, pulling the skin away. My folds envelope him, taking him in.
His first movements in me are slow, sweet, sensational. It’s as if he is warming me from the inside out. His hands rest lightly on the back of my thighs, moving the underside of my ass in circles as he forces my body up and down his cock. I push myself upwards so that I am just on my knees. It puts me in control as I ride him deeper into my flesh.
He lets out another long growl, but this time he cries out my name. Something wild takes over him as he quickly pulls me back down, his arm reaching around my back and pulling me towards him. His cock leans forward with me, the skin of my clit rubbing up against his hip. It’s intensity is overwhelming as I feel every bit of me tingle and tighten all at the same time.
Gavin hitches his legs up behind me, making a cradle for my behind. He then launches off his legs and begins bouncing his cock inside of me. His hands guide me as my pussy moves up and down his shaft just as my hands did. This time, he goes up and down three fast breaks and then slowly pushes me so that I can feel every inch of him pulsate inside of me. We repeat this over and over again as he takes my mouth into his. It’s the only thing that keeps me from crying out at his punishing length.
At the end of one of our slow movements, I begin to roll my hips over his, grinding my skin into his skin. He plays along, moving counter to my dance. He removes one of his hands and licks it before replacing it on the top of my pussy, just above where his cock is entering me. The thumb rests directly upon my clit, twisting and circling it. Everything goes white, as I close my eyes to steady myself. I’m close, so close.
And just when I think I am about to come, the fluids inside of me just building up and pushing at the wall, he changes it up again. “Not yet,” Gavin calls out. “With me.” I can’t help but obey as I push my tongue to the top of my mouth and grit my teeth. It was going to take all my concentration not to burst all over him without his permission.
His knees pull in closer to me, and I feel them raise as his feet go to the toes. His hips follow with his cock pushing even further into my stretched out folds. The white-hot pain scorches me as I struggle to hold on. His cock plows into me with each upward thrust. All around my sex, I feel the vibrations of our bodies collapse and build together in time. His cock seems almost impossibly hard.
I pull my face away from him to study the lines on his face, the tightened jaw, the strained, eyes. They pop open as they spot me. We hold on to those glances as he pulsates in me one last time before letting out a rush of air. He sits himself up, taking me with him. Our arms hold on as our bodies give way. I feel everything in me sink down to between my thighs. I try to call out, but I am breathless. The heat takes over and I’m gone -- my mind blank and full and blank at the same time.
Gavin’s come with me. His face is distorted beautifully as he releases himself inside of me -- this time without fear of what could happen. His cum fills me up and then drips down, adding an extra bit of warmth to my pussy. We remain in place as he finishes, neither of us daring to move.
I watch as he comes back to me, the Gavin I know. With his cock still in me, we kiss deeply, a thank you to one another. At the end of our embrace, I push myself up and off of him before my body collapses back on the pile of clothing. He follows right behind me, turning himself to face me.
Our breaths begin to come back to our bodies, but I’m still shaking. “I’m sorry, Gavin.” I say, my mouth quivering. I have a million things I want to say to him, but after making love to him for the second time, I need to apologize. “I am so sorry for leaving you and for pushing you away,” I say, my lips trembling slightly. “I was just so scared. I was scared of what my dad would do to me and what my brother would do to you. I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t ever want to hurt you. And now I feel even more stupid.”
Something about this moment is making me confessional. I have never really had someone just accept me like Gavin has. Maybe that’s why I am opening up to him with such honesty that it practically pours out of my open mouth.
He pulls himself back up to where I lay and looks down on me. His eyes close for a long moment before he answers, “Don’t say you’re sorry to me. You were doing what was best for your family. But I also want you to stop worrying about me. I can handle whatever your dad and brother throw at me. I’m going to be okay.”
“But Gavin, when my dad finds out, he’s going to kill you. You know, he and my mom ran off together before they were married. My mom was worried about what my grandfather would do since he was the head of the clan. When he found out my mom was knocked up, he let them go and gave my dad a leadership role. But I don’t think that is what’s going to happen here. My dad is different. He’s got Martin, and I know he’s going to do whatever it’s going to take to make sure the Bloody Pagans stay in the Barber family.”
Gavin places his hands around my chin and pulls my face so that it turns from the darkened ceiling to his face. “Vanessa. Stop. I need you to hear me and believe me. I am going to be okay. I know what I am doing.”
Part of me wants to ask more. He sounds like he has a plan or a mission or something. But I know better than to press for more information. Whatever he’s got cooking behind the scenes doesn’t involve me. Or does it? He’s the father of my child, shouldn’t I have the right to know?
I have to let this go. I know I don’t have much time here. I managed to sneak out of vet school with the help of a classmate named Ray whom I paid to hide me in the bed of his truck. I was sort of honest with Ray when I told him that he was getting me past a guy who was stalking me. My friends at the vet labs noticed Brock immediately and had asked a million of prying questions -- all which I refused to answer. So when I told Ray that the guy standing guard outside the school parking lot was actually stalking me, he believed every word and had enough sympathy to accept my $20 and an offer for a drink at the Sunset if he could just sneak me out during a down moment in the lab.
Despite that, Brock knows my class schedule, and he knows exactly when I go on my breaks. By my estimate of the time that’s passed, I probably only have 20 minutes to get dressed, say my goodbyes, and get back in Ray’s truck. I could practically see Brock sitting on the green picnic bench outside the doors, staring impatiently at his beat up watch, his phone in his hand ready to call my dad if I’m more than 5 minutes late.
Terror has taken over my happy moments with Gavin. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. Brock is going to be expecting me…”
“Brock.” He repeats the name so matter-of-factly that I wonder if he knows who he is.
“Yeah, my dad made him my watchman or bodyguard or something. He’s with me almost every moment of the day.”
“That’s not all he wants.”
“I know, I know. This is his attempt to set me up with him. I’ve heard that grand plan. But I wouldn’t touch that giant sack of flesh if it were the last person on Earth. I promise you that.” I sit up and feel my way around the floor, grabbing bits of clothing as I go.
“Vanessa, you need to be careful, even with Brock. Any wrong move and this,” he places a hand securely on my belly as I button my shirt back up. “This could be over with one wrong move. We both have to be careful.”
My mind stops in its tracks. If he is going to give me warnings, I have to know more. “What is going to happen to us, Gavin?”
“I’ve got a plan, Vanessa. I just need you to hold on. Lay low. Don’t let anyone, even Alice, know about your pregnancy. We both know that your dad is not going to be cool with this. If he finds out before my plan is ready, we’re both in deep shit.”
I know he’s right, but I still reach out to him to say, “I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to go back there.”
He takes my hand and places his lips to my palm, kissing it gently. He then hands me the backpack near his feet and stands to place it on and over my shoulders. His arms circle me from behind, bringing me into him closer. “You just need to survive and keep our baby safe. I’ll do the rest. We’ll be together again soon.”
“When, Gavin? I just need a date, a time, something.”
He turns me around as I reach my arms around his long neck. My head rests upon his his chest and breathes in his skin as he sighs deeply. “Soon. I can’t tell you when. But I’ll get a message to you when the time is right. In the meantime, we both have places to go, things to do. Promise me that you’ll be safe, and if you need me, you’ll call or text me -- no matter what it takes to get to a phone.”
“I promise.”
Gavin leads me towards the door and peeks his head out first. I remain behind, waiting for the all-clear. When he comes back to the room, he kisses me once more and pulls me into him for one last embrace. His face lingers in my hair as I feel his breath hot against my skin. I whisper through my tears, “I love you. I love you.”
But he doesn’t reply. Words fail both of us as we try to not think of what awaits us on the other side of that door..