Alexis

 

I squinted at the blackened stripes on the bottom of the chicken. “I think I can just cut off the burned part and save the rest,” I said sheepishly when I heard Lorenzo pad into the kitchen behind me. “I can’t believe I forgot and left the stove on.”

 

“I like to think you were a little preoccupied.” I could hear the smirk on his face without even seeing it. Apparently, he was feeling a little better after our lovemaking session. But I hadn’t quite been able to forget the way he held himself when he got home. Lorenzo’s body was stiff and nervous, something I hadn’t seen before. He was not the same confident man I was used to.

 

Now that dinner was back on track, I turned to him. “So, do you want to tell me what really happened while you were out this afternoon?”

 

His eyes flicked away from me and off into the distance. “Nothing. Nothing you need to worry about.”

 

I pursed my lips as I turned back to the stove for a moment to flip the asparagus. I’d been thinking a lot lately about the two of us. Sometimes they seemed like silly thoughts that I had no business having, but I couldn’t help it. I’d thought at first it would be better to keep my mouth shut, but I was beginning to question that. “Look. I think we need to talk about a few things. I don’t know how long you plan on keeping this going, but you need to start keeping me in the loop. We talked all the time when we were trying to figure out what to say to Matteo and Jianna, but now that you’re comfortable with that it’s like you’ve clammed up again.” I waited, my shoulders clenched, for him to get angry with me. “I can’t help but think there’s something else going on—something I need to know about.”

 

There was a long pause that seemed to last forever and I almost turned around to make sure he was still in the room. “Sometimes, I don’t tell you things because I think it’s best for you,” he finally replied, his voice raspy. “If you knew everything—and I mean everything—it would terrify you.”

 

Now I did turn around. “You don’t think it terrifies me to know I’m currently living with a hitman because a mafia boss might come after me?” It was hard to keep from shrieking at him. He’d done a lot for me, and he didn’t deserve it, but I was tired of this. It was time for us to just be honest with each other. We’d already been through enough together, and there was no reason to hide anything. “Damn it, Lorenzo, stop treating me like I’m some delicate little flower. Something happened to you out there today. You think you’re protecting me by keeping me in the dark, but maybe it’s something I can help with. Or maybe something I’ve done that I could have prevented. You have no idea the things that run through my mind when I’m left to guess.” I shook inside, all the anger and frustration that had built up over the last few weeks now coming out of me with a white-hot rage.

 

Lorenzo opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it again. He stepped forward, his hands out, begging for my understanding. “I know, and I’m sorry. I know all of this has been difficult for you. It’s been hard for me too. The only person I’m used to protecting is myself. But now I have you to worry about, and—”

 

“That’s not my fault,” I interrupted, ice in my voice. “If I’m such a pain in the ass, then you should have just shot me. There are some days when I still don’t understand why you didn’t, considering you didn’t let me just go on and live my life.” I turned back to the stove and began plucking the vegetables angrily out of the pan and onto a plate. “I’ve done my best to do what you say, and I think I’ve done a pretty decent job considering the circumstances.”

 

“Alexis.” His deep voice cut into my rant, warning me that it was time to stop. His arms were around me again, as they had been when he’d first come home, and it was so hard not to sink back into him. “Trust me, there are some things that you’re better off not knowing. But, if you really want to know what happened today, I’ll tell you. I just want to wait until we’re both sitting down.”

 

I swiveled my head to study him. His eyes were gentle, but his jaw was tight. Whatever happened wasn’t good. That look on his face sent a quiver of fear from my stomach to my feet. “Fine.” I quickly plated up our meal and brought it to the small table, practically slamming the dishes down before I sat. “Lay it on me.”

 

Lorenzo didn’t even pick up his fork. This wasn’t the kind of news he could share while eating. “A few days ago, I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. This happens all the time, so I answered. This guy on the other end said he had valuable information for me and to meet him down at The Cellar today. He wouldn’t say anything over the phone, but I guessed that he wanted to hire me for a private hit. I’ve been asked before.”

 

I nodded. I knew my dinner was getting cold, so I stabbed a piece of chicken. Despite my negligence, it had turned out well. I wasn’t all that hungry, but I had to eat to keep myself from passing out. I’d been too emotional in the last hour. “That doesn’t sound like a big deal. Would you take a private hit job?” We hadn’t really discussed his job so much as we had his boss.

 

“No. I work solely for Moretti, but that isn’t the point. He actually had some information he wanted to blackmail me with.” Lorenzo sucked in a breath and held it. “The man I met with was Dino Costa.”

 

My vision went black around the edges and I could no longer taste my food. It was impossible. I’d been away from him for so long. If he had wanted to find me, he would have done it a long time ago. I felt as though I was in a nightmare I couldn’t wake from. “What …what did he want?”

 

One dark eyebrow went up. “You, of course. He’s been watching us ever since you came to live here through a private investigator. He doesn’t quite know everything about you, but he suspects that you were working for Calzoni and that you aren’t supposed to be with me. If I don’t give you back to him, he’s going to tell Moretti everything. We’ll both be dead.”

 

Adrenaline surged through my body. I needed to find a place to hide, and fast. “I’ve got to get out of here. If he’s found me, then—then …” My throat swelled as I tried not to cry. I stood from my chair, frantically trying to pull myself together enough to get away from Lorenzo. I thought I was free. What a fool I’d been!

 

“Now, calm down.” Lorenzo reached a hand across the table and wrapped it around mine. “You aren’t going anywhere, and I’m not turning you over to Dino. But if you want me to talk to you, then you need to do some talking yourself. Start by telling me who this guy is and why it’s so important that he gets you back. Most people who discovered their girlfriend got caught up in the mafia would just turn the other cheek and find someone new, no offense.”

 

His assurances did nothing to calm me down. I glanced over my shoulder at the window, making sure the curtains were drawn. Of course they were; Lorenzo always kept them that way. And we were ten stories up. Nobody could have seen in. But still. Where to begin? “When I graduated high school, I aged out of the foster system. It was a blessing, because I was sick of being tossed around to different homes all the time, but they don’t want to have anything to do with you once you’re legally an adult. I had no place to go and it was impossible to get a job with no experience and no references. I was living in a homeless shelter, just trying to get through each day.”

 

Tears clung to my eyelashes, threatening to spill over. “I didn’t know what I was going to do. There were social workers who were supposed to help us, but they never really did any good. They only cared about getting a paycheck. Things were so hopeless. And then I met Dino. He was like a beacon in the night. He offered me a place to stay, regular meals, and a roof over my head. Dino was so nice, and he seemed like he truly wanted to take care of me. He said he loved me, and I was foolish enough to believe him. But it didn’t take long for me to figure out that it wasn’t as good as I thought it would be.”

 

Lorenzo’s eyes were getting dark—an ominous black. “What did he do to you, Alexis? You need to tell me.”

 

I took a deep breath. I almost didn’t want to tell him. There was so much to say—so many terrible nights that I’d been through. How could I possibly explain it all? “It started out simple enough. He told me that he didn’t want me to have a job, and I thought he was just being old-fashioned—that he wanted to be the provider. I was happy to cook and clean for him and do his laundry. I wanted to make him happy, because he had done so much for me. I was just thrilled not to be on the street anymore. But before I knew it, I wasn’t allowed to go out at all unless I was with him. Not only could I not have a job, but I couldn’t go out with my friends or even go shopping. I wasn’t happy, and as the months wore on, I grew less and less interested in having a relationship with him. I didn’t even want to sleep with him anymore, but he insisted.”

 

“That’s not right,” Lorenzo growled. “Nobody should treat you like that.”

 

I laid my hand on his chest. I needed him to wait on his judgments and listen to this story in its entirety. Or, at least, to listen to as much as I was able to get out. There was no good way to describe an abusive relationship—no words that could accurately depict the horror that I went through. “He lost his patience with me. If I turned him down, he beat me. I wasn’t allowed to do anything that crossed him, not unless I wanted to risk a black eye or a bloody nose. And I was the one who always ended up apologizing when it was all over. Somehow, I felt like it was all my fault. I should have done a better job of keeping him happy.”

 

“Why didn’t you just leave?” he asked softly. He had tried to move toward me again, to embrace me in those strong arms of his, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to continue if I had his comfort. It would only make me cry so hard that I couldn’t talk.

 

“It seems logical, doesn’t it? To realize you’re in a bad relationship and just up and go? I never thought I would be the kind of person to stay with someone so terrible. But it’s different when you’re actually the one in it. There’s something—some strange pull—that keeps you from going out the door. I can’t quite explain it and I know it doesn’t make any sense. Maybe it’s a fear that things will only be worse in the next phase of your life, or maybe it’s a hope that things will work themselves out with your partner no matter how much of an asshole he is.” And Dino had been one grand asshole. None of it made sense when I looked back on it, but I still remembered what it had felt like at the time. It was as though he had pulled blinders down over my eyes and I couldn’t see the future.

 

“But still,” Lorenzo insisted. “Didn’t you want something better for yourself? After what you’d been through as a kid, didn’t you think you deserved something more?”

 

“Lorenzo, I’m still not sure that I deserve something more. My parents abandoned me at an orphanage as a baby and I still don’t know why. There were children all around me in the foster system that got adopted, but I was never one of them. Why should I ever have expected anything to be different as an adult? Why should I even expect it now?”

 

He pressed his lips together, biting back an argument. “But you did eventually get away from him. At some point, you finally decided you’d had enough.” He was trying so hard to understand.

 

I nodded. “I did, but it took a long time and several tries. The first one was about a year or so after I’d moved in with him. We got into an argument and I grabbed my purse to leave. I made it down the stairs of our apartment building and out into the street before he caught me. He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me back upstairs. I know the neighbors heard, but they didn’t care. They didn’t want to get in the way of somebody like Dino. They knew he was bad news. He beat me within an inch of my life and made me promise not to do something so foolish again. I did try, though. I made it a few more months, and then I waited until he got drunk and passed out. I escaped in the middle of the night with only a few belongings. I was never going back, and it didn’t matter that I still had a few possessions at his apartment. No material things mattered more than getting away. But I was dumb enough to use one of his credit cards to book myself a hotel room. He never let me have any money of my own, so what choice did I have? He was on my doorstep the next morning, before I could get out of town. I don’t know why I ever should have thought it would be different this time. He’s come back for me, and I’ll never get away from him.” A heavy sense of dread had settled over my shoulders, and I didn’t think I would ever be able to shake it off.

 

Lorenzo wouldn’t let me hold him back any longer. He crushed me to his chest, kissing my forehead and running his hands through my hair. He held me tightly, practically picking me up off the floor. “Yes, you are. You already have. There’s no way I’m letting Dino get his hands on you.”

 

I cried into him, soaking his shirt with my tears. Lorenzo was my shield from the world, and I wanted to believe that he could protect me from anything. “But what about Matteo? If Dino tells him about me, he’ll have you killed. Don’t get me wrong; I would rather die than go back to being his sex slave. I can’t live that life again. But neither can I live knowing that something bad has happened to you. What on earth are we going to do?”

 

His voice was deep and it rumbled pleasantly against the side of my head. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I have an idea and it’s the only way we could really get out of this predicament, but I need your permission. I have to kill Dino.”

 

I pulled away from him just enough so that I could look up into his eyes. He had to know that I absolutely meant what I was about to say. “You really think you have to ask me that? I can’t ask you to kill him for me. Trust me, I thought about it once I’d had a few days to get comfortable here and I knew what you were capable of. But that wouldn’t have been right of me. If you’re offering it, though, I’m more than happy to agree. He’ll never back off on his own, and it’s the only way I can be free of him.” That heavy load on my shoulders lightened ever so slightly.

 

“That’s the plan, then,” he said with a nod. “Dino will be dead by the end of the week, and we’ll be back to having only Matteo to worry about.” He kissed my forehead once again and pulled me in close. His grip was tight, but I didn’t mind.

 

My body was still racked with sobs. I had told him everything, and Lorenzo hadn’t blamed me for any of it. He hadn’t turned me away as though I was nothing more than dirty garbage. I couldn’t explain why I felt that he should, but it was as though my time with Dino had sullied me in some intrinsic way that I couldn’t wash off my skin.

 

But it would all be over with soon. Dino would finally get what he deserved.