Chapter 1 - Derek
My black rental car slides down Main Street and I can see the heads turning, the eyes staring as I glide by. I find a parking spot in front of Gray’s Grocer and pull in smoothly.
I’m back.
It feels like I never left but at the same time it’s like I’m on a different planet. The familiar giant oak trees are lining Main street, giving some shade from the sweltering August sun. A mother is pushing a stroller down near the hairdresser’s - I can’t see who it is from here but I’d guess it’s one of the Wilson sisters. Another car drives down past me at a snail’s pace. Everything is slower here, quieter.
Once a year, I come back to this place. This sleepy, quiet town that I escaped from years ago. Nowheresville, Tennessee. It’s my mother’s birthday, the one occasion I bring myself back to my past. Not Christmas, not Thanksgiving, nothing. Just her birthday. She raised my brother and I on her own and I know she’d be devastated if I didn’t come back to see her. She’d never say it, of course, but I know it would kill her.
I put the car in park and slide my hands through my hair, taking a deep breath. I can feel my heart beating a bit faster than usual, and I have that familiar weight in the pit of my stomach.
I’m always nervous when I come back. It’s funny, I can stand in a stadium with thousands of screaming fans, belting out songs and shredding my guitar to pieces, but the thought of small talk with Mrs Gray makes my palms sweat.
I might as well just go in. I’ll just grab some flowers for Ma and head out. I only have to spend the weekend here, and then I’m back to Los Angeles. I open the door and walk around to the sidewalk. Gray’s Grocer has the same green curtains hanging in the window, and I push the door open to hear the same jingling bell above my head.
“Well if it isn’t the big rock star!” a voice calls out. Here we go. I turn towards the register and see Mrs. Gray leaning against the counter. She looks older than she did last year, but not much different. Her lips are still set in a thin line, curled up in one corner. Her hair has streaks of white in it now, but it’s pulled back in the same tight, low bun at the nape of her neck.
“Hi, Mrs. Gray. How have you been?” I walk over towards her and paint a smile on my face.
“Oh you know, things never change around here. We had to get a new roof on the shop, it was leaking after the storms this year. The roofers just finished on Tuesday so you can imagine what a nightmare that was for the past few weeks!”
“I can imagine, yeah,” I respond placidly. I wonder how many people will tell me about the Grays’ new roof between now and the time I leave.
“Well, you must be here for your Ma’s birthday. We just got some beautiful sunflowers in, I can get Charlotte to put together a nice bouquet for you.”
“That sounds great, thanks Mrs. Gray. You know those are Ma’s favourite.”
My mother always said she thought sunflowers were the most beautiful flowers. Everyone should follow the sunshine in their life, she used to say. I’m not sure what sunshine I’ve been following, or what sunshine she followed, but it’s what she always says. Mrs Gray heads over towards the back yelling her daughter’s name. I turn towards the magazine stand, trying to pass the time until Ma’s flowers are ready.
A few seconds later, I hear a voice. It’s the same voice that used to send a thrill down to the pit of my stomach when I was seventeen. The same melodic, sweet voice that I would hear every night before I went to bed when we’d stay up late, whispering to each other over the phone. The same voice that told me in no uncertain terms that she never wanted to see my scummy face ever again. The same voice that I’ve dreamt of, that’s reminded me year after year that I’m no better than the dirt under her shoe. I turn around and there she is.
“You checking yourself out over there?” she says to me with one eyebrow raised. I try not to inhale sharply. She looks better than I remembered. She’s tall, willowy, and graceful. Her blonde hair is pinned back behind her ear and her deep green eyes are sparkling. My eyes drift down her body and I can feel my cock respond immediately. She’s wearing a tight white tank top and cut-off denim shorts.
What was she saying? I frown slightly and she nods to the magazines. There’s Rolling Stone magazine - with me on the cover. I pick it up and hand it towards her.
“Was just grabbing one for you, Eleanor.” I grin back. She hates her full name. “Although I guess you probably already have a couple copies stashed away under your mattress, or maybe hanging on the ceiling above your bed.”
She rolls her eyes and waves the magazine away. I can’t help grinning when I put it back in the rack. My eyes rake back up her body until I rip my eyes up to her face. The sun is streaming through the window and she looks like she’s glowing.
“Well it’s nice of you to grace us with your presence,” she says sarcastically. She starts piling items onto the counter as she waits for Mrs. Gray to get back to the till. I ignore her comment, watching her body move as she takes items from her cart and places up on the counter. Travel sized shampoos and soaps, tins of tuna, protein bars.
“Interesting shopping you’ve got there,” I respond. “You stocking up your bomb shelter?”
She glances at me sideways. “Didn’t take you long to slip back into the small town nosiness.”
Her sarcasm doesn’t even sting. I’d listen to her insult me all day and be glad for it. I shift my weight from foot to foot. My heart is hammering in my chest and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s being back here. Maybe I’m not used to waiting for things anymore. Maybe it’s seeing her.
“Ellie!” Mrs Gray calls out. “Sorry to keep you waiting, dear.” She shuffles towards the counter and starts ringing her items through. “I was just getting our resident rock star his mother’s flowers.”
“That’s alright, Mrs. G. I only just got here, haven’t been waiting at all.”
It’s strange being back. It’s like I’m a joke. I’m the world’s biggest rock star, but over here I’m just Mrs Hart’s son who moved to the big city a few years ago.