Chapter 26

Isabella

DAYS 17/18

This is all too much. I want Gray to go away. In fact, I want him to disappear. Poof, into thin air, like he never even existed. Then there won’t be any of the memories of this situation. No memories of lying in his arms and feeling the whole world might just be all right someday. No memories of holding his hand as we strolled in that quaint English town, feeling like a real couple. No memories of walking in the park and hearing him talk about the damage his father had done to his little heart all those years ago. No memories of watching him morph and change in front of my eyes from an irresponsible playboy, full of shit and arrogance, into a man who wants to do life properly.

“You should just go,” I say. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

“Oh, all right,” he says, ramping up his sarcasm. He sprawls in the chair even more comfortably, as if he’s never going to leave. “We made our agreement and went through endless shit together, and now you can just cut it off without me having any kind of say so. Sure, that’s fair.”

“I’m sorry!” I say. “I didn’t know it would be like this.” I feel like I’ve gone far too far down some dark mystery corridor, and now I want to run all the way back up it. If only I could reverse time to that fateful meeting in the bank. When he told me not to go to the meeting with the manager and to come with him instead. Why didn’t I just say no? Why did I let the Gray Fairfax charm machine draw me into its machinery?

“You’re the only person who has pain or feelings, clearly. This isn’t a picnic for me either.”

I know that. Of course, I know that. If anything, that makes it worse. If you were a strong and competent, put-together and “completed” person, I’d feel safer. As it is, you’re a loose cannon. And I have no mental space to deal with that, even if I wanted to. I just can’t. I want to say all that. But all that comes out of my mouth is, “More like a meal in hell.” In a macabre turn of my sense of humor, I add, “We even have a fire to complete the hellish atmosphere.”

He chuckles. “See? We can do this. Let’s stop taking it all so seriously.”

That flips a switch in me. He’s still the irresponsible young boy he’s always been. “You know, Gray, adults have to take life seriously.”

He gets up. “Every time I think I see a new side of you, you prove me wrong. You’re still the Ice Queen of our school days. Nothing could ever melt you, could it?”

Right now, I agree with him. “No. Nothing could.”

“Well, I’m wasting my time, then.” He brushes down his suit like he’s brushing all traces of me away. “Forget you. Forget my father’s money. Forget all of it. I was right all along. I’ll make it on my own.”

“And just how are you going to do that with no money?”

His voice explodes out of him. “Since you’re going back on the deal, it’s none of your damn business! Worry about your precious father’s deadweight business instead.” Then he picks up his bag, leaves and slams the door behind him.

Part of me wants to collapse on the couch and cry for days. I want to sob into tubs and tubs of ice cream. But there’s no way in hell I’m going to shed tears for that irresponsible playboy. No way. I tug the engagement ring off my finger and toss it across the room. It bounces off the door and I can’t see where it lands.

I’m going to do something I never thought I’d do—take his advice. I’m going to go into the office first thing tomorrow as if nothing has happened and talk to Natalie. Not about Gray and this whole fiasco. But about how we can get in touch with angel investors. Maybe that’s what this all was, after all. A detour away from the banks, a nudge in the direction of angel investors. It was a bit of a heartbreaking detour, I can’t lie, but if I can restore my father’s business back to its former glory, it will be worth it. More than worth it.

I run myself a hot bath to soak all the Gray off me. While the faucets run, I sit on the toilet lid, and a bright new idea pops into my head—I can hire a consultant. An expert in helping businesses get back on their feet. Sure, they’ll be super expensive. But I’ll hire them for a set time, a couple of days. Just to draw me up a strategy.

Soon I’m sinking into the tub. The hot water against my skin. The frothing bubbles on top. It’s like bliss. I look down at my naked body and try to think of business. But my mind keeps tracking back to Gray. Gray taking my breast into his mouth and sucking my nipple. Playing with the other one at the same time. Gray sliding up inside me, filling me with his big dick.

Why is my body doing this?

Why is my mind doing this?

Why is my heart doing this?

Why can’t they all just fall in line and do what I want them to do? Shut down. Shut down so they don’t crave Gray. So they don’t want him around. So I’m not imagining him working his magic on my pussy. So I’m not wishing for him to come back through my front door right now and tell me everything’s going to work out. Everything in me wants to believe him—that these are just obstacles, and we can get through anything together. But life isn’t a fairytale. I know that by now.

I reach down to rub my clit with one last memory of Gray in my head. But I can’t do it. It doesn’t feel right. I let my hand go limp and cup my pussy and feel some kind of movement in my heart. A sinking feeling. For fuck’s sake. How am I ever going to forget him?