Mac
Two months later
I HAND COLD BEERS TO Cap and Cafferty and look around at all the shit in the living room of my new apartment. I don’t know where the hell it’s all going to go. Box towers are leaning precariously all over the place. Mostly books. Turns out Hillary had a storage unit full of books in the basement of our old building. “Thanks for helping, guys. Don’t suppose you want to stay and help unpack all this?”
Cap pats me hard on the back. “We’re happy to see you settled. She’s a great girl. You’re on your own with the unpacking.”
“She’s got to be a fucking saint to put up with your bullshit,” Cafferty says. “But I’m happy for you man. Also, not staying.”
Cap laughs, that big booming sound I’ve missed. “So, you start your new gig on Monday, Stryker? Should I bring you an apple?”
I take a long pull from the beer. “Can you picture it? Me an instructor?” I clench my right hand as much as I can. It’s clear I’ll never be back on bomb tech. I’m not even cleared for weapons since I don’t have the control I need with all the messed up tendons and bone fragments. But as long as I continue to check in with my psych appointments, Cap was able to get me in as an instructor at the academy.
Hillary comes out of the nursery with her dad. Things are still tense, but he asked if he could help put together the crib, so we invited him over. Everyone is taking baby steps. I’ll still check his handiwork, though. Turns out I’m kind of an overprotective dad. Never saw that coming. The overprotective or the dad part.
I check on the munchkin in her swing. She likes watching everyone move the furniture around. We’re all here for her entertainment, I think.
As always, my gaze seeks out Kenzie’s mom. Something’s off with Hillary’s body language today. Her movements are jerky, and she’s only half paying attention when people are talking to her. She didn’t seem that bothered by her dad asking to help the other day, so I’m not sure what changed her mind. Maybe it’s just moving. It’s a big step.
I suppose I could have made it more romantic. My exact words were, “We could save money paying for one apartment instead of two since I only go home to get more clothes.”
I wonder if that’s what it is. Maybe she’s wishing I’d made a bigger deal out of it. Maybe she’s worried about my level of commitment. Maybe I should stop wondering and just ask her. Those are the rules now. We talk. We say what we mean. And I have to share my feelings even when my first instinct is to pretend I don’t have any.
Fuck, but I hate feelings talks.
The guys clear out. Mr. Bloom leaves. Hillary puts Kenzie down for a nap. I pace, mentally trying to have the conversation with her so I don’t screw it up.
When she comes out of the baby’s room, she closes the door softly behind her. “Wow, I really like having a second bedroom. It will be nice to have all the baby stuff out of the living room.”
She smiles, but it doesn’t light up her face like her real ones do. Shit. She isn’t changing her mind, is she? I take a deep breath.
“We need to talk,” we both say at the same time.
“Babe, is something wrong? When you’re not wringing your hands, you’re playing with the hem of your shirt.”
She drops her hands to her sides like I just challenged her. “Having a relationship with a cop is hard. You see too much.” She points to the couch. “Sit. I have something for you.”
I push shit onto the floor in case she wants to sit next to me. Where are we going to put all this stuff? I didn’t think I had that much, but when you move two apartments into one, it’s way more than we need. Maybe I can learn to build some bookshelves or something.
She comes out of the bedroom with a gift bag, which she thrusts at me. “Here.”
“It’s not my birthday. Are we having an anniversary or something?” She’s not been the “it’s our one-month anniversary of the first time we ate pizza together” kind of girlfriend, but maybe I’ve been missing the signs of necessary romance.
“No. It’s just a gift. Open it.”
I’m nervous, but I don’t know why. “Does this have something to do with why you’ve been distracted today?”
“Will you just open the damn bag already?”
I hold my hands up. “Okay, okay.” Jesus. I pull out the tissue paper first. She used a lot of it. Inside the gift bag is a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner. “Uh, thanks, babe.” I have no freakin’ clue why she would give me a box of...wait a minute.
She’s chewing the inside of her lip watching me very closely.
“You said you didn’t like this stuff anymore.” My voice sounds a little accusatory. I don’t mean it to, but my mind is sparking off in too many directions at once.
“I know.”
“Are you by any chance craving it?”
Her eyes get watery. “Don’t be mad, okay?”
Mad? “Babe—”
“I don’t know why I’m such a freak of nature. We used a condom every time. I’m just obviously a very, very fertile person. I mean, considering how Kenzie got here, I don’t suppose we should be surprised, but I can’t think of a single time when we weren’t careful. And I know this is not a great time. You’re starting a new job and we just moved in together and are getting used to being a family. Daycare is going to wipe out my savings if the diaper costs don’t do it first. And we haven’t talked much about the future since we’re just getting used to the now and—”
She’s pregnant? I pull her onto my lap. “Are you going to let me talk ever?”
“I ramble sometimes.”
“I noticed.” I cup her gorgeous face in my hands, stunned like I am every day that she’s mine. “We’re having another baby?”
She dips her face into my neck and inhales. “You’re not mad, are you?”
“Do I look mad?”
Hillary pulls back and looks at my face. “No. I’m a little mad. Why aren’t you mad?”
“I’m concerned. Kenzie’s birth almost took you away from me. Do you think it’s safe to have another baby?”
“My OB told me at my last appointment that I could still have more children. They would probably treat my pregnancy as high risk, but there would be no reason to assume the same thing would happen.”
“Okay, but nobody thought it would happen so soon. You need to go see a doctor right away. You haven’t already, have you?”
She shakes her head. “No. I just got a test from the drugstore.” She sighs and curls up a little more into me. “You’re sure you’re not mad?”
“Sweetheart, you and Kenzie are the best thing that ever happened to me. You know that. I love being with you.”
“Don’t think I haven’t heard you trying to teach her to say da-da every time I leave the room.”
“You mad?”
“No, it made me cry, though, knowing you wanted to be her daddy. That was the first clue that my hormones were out of whack again. I’d been getting better about not crying at everything, and then I got sideswiped with a craving for macaroni again.”
“As far as I’m concerned, as far as anyone is concerned, she’s my daughter. You know that, right?” We never did anything about my name on the birth certificate, so I’ll never have to adopt her. She’s already mine.
“I love you.”
“God, I love you too.” Another baby. My life is so different from even less than a year ago.
It begins with a sweet hug and then a tender kiss but, like always, it quickly turns to more. The kisses get deeper, our tongues dancing, darting in and out, testing and teasing. A light nibble here and there. Our hands begin exploring as we settle into the couch. I cup her breast and her hand cups me lower, feeling how firm and wanting I already am. Always. My fingers wrap in her hair and pull her closer. Her hips rock almost lazily. Just a bit of a grind.
My hand edges the fabric of her shirt, slowly inching underneath. Our bodies continue to rock to meet one another, pulling closer, deeper. I lean in and smell the crook of her neck, kissing her skin and feeling the muscles beneath it tighten. Her breath quickens. She’s my whole world, and I uncover her bit by bit. Her shirt. My shirt. My mouth never stops kissing her as we undress. Her pants. My pants.
She straddles my lap, naked and grinding that sweet pussy against my aching dick. She’s so wet. Always ready for me. I angle my cock, and poise there, pausing to take in the look on her face when I first slide into her. It’s my favorite moment—the anticipation for when the head of my thick cock slips inside her, pushing her, stretching her.
“Look at me.” She opens her eyes. “Good girl.” I slide the thick head of my dick through her creamy cleft and push inside, burying my cock deep inside her and watching the first shock of my entry on her face. Then the arousal.
She gets lost in me. Every time. There’s nothing like it. She told me once I become her sun when we fuck. The rhythm and stroke of my throbbing cock becomes her heartbeat. That she goes somewhere only I can take her when I’m inside her. Remembering her words, knowing she’s mine, completely mine, right now makes me swell more. I fuck her deeper, harder, and she sucks me inside her body.
I hold her hips and angle mine, watching my cock disappear inside her. “Ride me, sweetheart.”
She throws her head back, arching in sweet abandon. Up and down, harder and harder. “Fuck...fuck...you’re so deep inside me.”
“It feels so good to fuck you raw, Hillary. I’m going to fill you up with my come.”
“Yes,” she whimpers, nearly begging. “I'm yours...”
I can’t stop grunting like an animal as she rides me hard. I start thrusting like a desperate man. “Such a hot, tight pussy,” I pant in time with my thrusts.
Her limbs start to seize. “Look at me,” I demand as I grab her chin. “Look at me when you come.” I slow, giving her long thrusts until she starts contracting around me. Then I pump into her while she rides out the waves of pleasure crashing over her. Her warm, slick juices drip down my dick. I’m never wearing a fucking condom again. This is amazing.
“Keep coming all over me, babe. I love that sweet pussy so much,” I urge in her ear as I wrap my arms around her tightly. “I'm going to come inside you...deep inside you...fill you up.”
I can’t stop it now. My body tenses into a free fall of ecstasy. My balls tingle and I shoot deep, spurting into her trembling body as I quake uncontrollably, pouring everything I am into the woman I love.
She collapses onto my chest, and we are still for a moment, our lungs sawing for air. Heaven. She’s heaven on earth.
I squeeze her. Probably too tight. “Please marry me.”
I should have planned it better. Gotten a ring. Flowers. A babysitter.
Instead, we’re covered in sex in the middle of boxes and newspaper. I’m still inside her, and she’s still shaking from aftershocks. My timing is not great.
I don’t care. “Please,” I repeat.
“I suppose I need to make an honest man of you. Especially if we end up with the same maternity ward nurses who already think we’re married.”
“So that’s a yes?”
Kenzie’s cry punctuates the room from the baby monitor.
Hillary laughs. “I’ll marry you. I’ll marry you every day for the rest of your life if you want.”