Chapter Nine: Erica
Ronan looked away for a moment before nodding slightly and meeting her gaze again. "My father was one of Zon's closest allies. I grew up in his fleet… well, on his flagship. His son, Tom… he was one of my best friends. Like an older brother. I was an only child. My mother died when I was very young. Zon's wife, Lisa, became something of a mother to me."
It was so far away from what Erica had ever imagined her T'shav warrior would say Erica couldn’t help but stare. Ronan smiled, half-amused, half-sad, and tucked a finger under her jaw.
"You'd better close that mouth before something lays an egg in it."
Erica flushed. "Sorry."
"Don't be. It's quite a story. I wouldn't expect you to have guessed that I grew up close to such a noble warlord."
She hesitantly put her hand on his. The shock of learning she was pregnant was over, and now she kept thinking about Ronan's assurances. That he wouldn't leave her, that they would raise the baby together. But… how? Not like this. Not the two of them in deep space. Not with him being a mercenary. Would he really be willing to change?
If he were, she would give all her trust to him in a heartbeat.
"When I was a young man, many years ago, I was training as a pilot. On one of my flights, I crashed. My father and my friend Tang were in the ship with me. They were killed. Tom blamed me, and he was right. It was my fault."
"I doubt it was—"
Ronan pressed a finger to her lips. "It was my fault. I've played it over and over in my mind. I acted stupidly, and I lost everybody that mattered to me. So I left Zon's fleet to strike it out on my own. And now here I am."
"Here you are," Erica repeated. "And here I am."
They sat in silence, hands entwined, not talking.
"What are you thinking?"
Erica sighed. I'm thinking that it's time for you to stop punishing yourself. The only future in your current path is dying. I care about you. It would be very easy for me to love you. Scratch that, I do love you. It would be easy to dedicate the rest of my life to you. But I am not going to be a mercenary, and I am not going to be the kind of girl that waits for her man to come back from his missions, knowing that if he dies she may never know what really happened.
How was she meant to say that? Was she in a place where she could commit to Ronan, to the baby, to a life together, even if he changed his ways? And what sort of life would it lead them to? Could she really do the whole barefoot and pregnant thing? What about her career? Would he stay at home while she went to work and treated patients day after day?
"Thank you for telling me. I know it can't be easy." She squeezed his hand. "What are we going to do when we reach the planet Bethy's on?"
Ronan smiled. It looked like it was in relief. "We aren't going to do anything. You're staying here."
"I don't think so."
"It doesn't matter what you think."
"I told you—"
Ronan pressed a finger to her lips. "You were going to stay here even before the results came in."
"But—"
"No buts. You'll only slow me down. If you want Bethy back, you're going to stay in here and do as I say. I can't worry about protecting you while I'm in a potentially deadly position. And if I tell you to take the ship and leave, you are going to, whether I am back with Bethy or not."
Erica's heart lurched at the thought. Her eyes narrowed. She pushed Ronan's hand from her mouth. "No, I'm not. I'm not leaving without you and Bethy both."
"You'll leave, or I'll program the ship to give me a couple of hours before it takes off. Maybe I should do that anyway."
Erica pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't change your mind, can I?"
"No."
"Then you should set a program. If it came down to it, I know I wouldn't be able to leave. And whether I like it or not, I am pregnant. It'll be easier for you to find Bethy if you know that I and the baby will be safe…" Her stomach roiled and she clutched Ronan's hand. Tears burned in her eyes. She was pregnant. She was really pregnant.
She wasn't certain what frightened her more–that there was a baby growing inside of her, or how much she loved it already. There wasn't room in her life for a baby. And if she loved it, then she would keep it… and what would she do then?
***
The planet was densely forested, with a sub-terrane system of tunnels and caves that were seemingly endless. Ronan had set the ship down near a water source. If the corporation had managed to see through the pirate's stealth technology, they would assume the ship was just stopping to refuel. At least, that’s what Ronan thought. Erica could only hope that he was right.
She was stuck on the ship alone now, while he was out there. As much as she wanted to go rushing after him, she knew her skills were better suited to giving medical attention when he returned.
She rearranged the medical supplies, putting the Bloodstore before the Fleshseal so it was the first thing she could grab. If Ronan returned badly wounded, then she would need to replace the blood he lost first. Her hands trembled, but she worked at keeping a cool head. Once he was back, she knew she could handle whatever mess he brought.
It was the waiting that was going to kill her.
The comm flashed. Erica activated it at once. "Ronan!"
A toad-faced Rlabek squinted at her. Erica took a step back unconsciously, quelling the disappointment rising in her. She smoothed down her uniform and raised her head. "Hello."
"You must be the human that Ronan has been traveling with. I am Dyme Lirreb."
"Ronan told me about you." A tremor shook Erica's hands. He had told her about the threats Lirreb had made, and how he was demanding the retainer he had paid back. "How did you know to call this ship?"
"I didn't call a ship, I called Ronan's contact line. Where is he?"
"Not available at the moment. May I take a message?" She tried not to show how hard her heart was hammering. It wasn't bad enough that Ronan was on this planet, sneaking into heavily-fortified buildings with the possibility of dying. Now this guy had to call?
Lirreb considered her for a moment before nodding. "Yes, you can. Tell him I want my money back within one standard week, or I will kill him. And maybe he doesn't care about himself that much, but I'll kill you, too… just for the fun of it. You think you can tell him that?"
Erica shivered. She knew if she tried to talk her voice would shake, so she merely nodded and ended the call. In silence once more, the paramedic looked around the medical bay. Yet another threat to work through. Yet another reason why keeping the baby and staying with him was a bad idea. Was anything going to go their way?
Let's see if we survive this first, before starting to worry about future death threats.
"Right." Erica nodded and looked over her supplies again. She had everything she needed here to take care of Ronan if he came back wounded. But what if he didn’t come back at all? "No. I can’t think like that. He's going to come back. He has to come back."
She was safe in the ship, it was programmed to leave if Ronan didn't return in four hours. But now that they were here and Ronan was out there, Erica's heart felt like it was about to break. She couldn't leave without him. Not even if that meant stranding herself here when she didn't know if he was alive or dead.
"He has three and a half hours left. I won't make a move until at least three hours have gone by. No use in going off to look for him when he's on his way back. I don't want to miss him. I don't want to miss him," she repeated, her voice trembling. "I just have to wait."
And wait she did. The seconds ticked by with agonizing slowness. Erica rearranged the medical supplies, then rearranged them again. She made sure the corridors were free of any obstacles. And just when she was beginning to put together a pack to take out with her as she went and searched for Ronan and Bethy herself, there came a harsh banging on the door.
Her heart burst in relief. Erica ran to let Ronan in.