Katie rested her hands on the vanity in her master bathroom. She’d escaped from the patio moments ago, needing to gather her thoughts and figure out how the hell she was supposed to face him now. He would want answers. He deserved answers.
But how did she tell him everything? She’d hurt him once. Pulling up their past and rehashing the details of their divorce wouldn’t change anything. And despite how much she wanted to reconnect and see where this passion took them, leading him on would be a mistake.
Her body still hummed, practically protesting her thoughts.
“Hiding won’t change anything.”
Katie jerked around, not at all surprised to find Roman had come upstairs. He wasn’t one to back down from confrontation and she knew he wouldn’t let her run…not again.
Pulling in a shaky breath, Katie turned from the sink to face him. She’d at least thought to throw on a simple sundress when she’d come up. He’d only donned his jeans, leaving them unbuttoned and having all of that glorious muscle tone on display.
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry or that what happened was a mistake.”
Katie nodded. “I wasn’t going to say that.”
Not in those exact words.
“So what has you so terrified and why did you say pregnancy wasn’t an issue?”
Of course he’d hone in on that. She should’ve kept her mouth shut, but she’d wanted him, only him with no barrier, and she’d chose her wording wrong.
“I’m not terrified.”
Katie crossed the bathroom and eased by him to step into the bedroom. She looked around for something to tidy up, but the place was already clean. She crossed to the window seat and picked up a decorative pillow. Toying with the beading around the edges, she sank to the seat.
“I won’t deny that I’m attracted to you.”
“Well that’s at least something,” he replied. “Is that what scares you? The attraction or the fact we acted on it?”
All of it. Every single bit of having him in her life for the next month scared the hell out of her. There was no way she could see him that much and come out of this experience unscathed.
“I’m not looking for a relationship, Roman.”
When he let out a bark of laughter, she turned her attention from the pillow to him.
“We weren’t looking when we found it years ago, either.”
Leaning back against the narrow strip of wall by the window, she lifted her knees to her chest and tossed the pillow to the other end of the seat.
“Our lives are different now,” she argued. “Trying to see where this attraction leads wouldn’t be smart.”
The way he stood across the room, leaning against the wall with his thumbs hooked through his loops as he stared at her was more than unnerving. He looked like a predator ready to pounce…and part of her didn’t mind that image.
Which was a major problem. She wanted him. Damn it, she wanted him more than ever. Life wasn’t always fair, though, and she didn’t want to be that passive-aggressive woman who said one thing and meant something else.
“Ignoring this wouldn’t be smart.” He’d said similar words only moments ago. “Do you think people get second chances, Katie? Do you think after all this time apart that we should ignore a pull this strong?”
Steeling herself for heartache, she held his gaze without wavering. He had to know she was serious. He had to let her go again. She shouldn’t have been selfish moments ago, but she hadn’t been able to deny the need between them.
“I think we both made lives for ourselves,” she told him, smoothing the thin material of her dress over her knees. “I think trying to rekindle anything would only end in disaster. Sex can only take us so far. We found that out once before.”
Those dark eyes narrowed as he pushed off and started closing the distance between them. Her heart fluttered at the intensity of his gaze, at the shear male form moving toward her as if nothing else in the world mattered.
Need intertwined with memories. The internal battle she waged with herself seemed to be growing stronger and stronger. She was confused, worried what would happen if she made her next decision based on her heart and not her head.
“You’ve said it yourself that we’re different people,” he reminded her. “Why wouldn’t this work if we tried again? Things didn’t work years ago. We’re stronger now, Katie.”
Pain sliced through her. There was no easy way to say this.
“I can’t have kids,” she whispered as her throat clogged with emotions.
Roman blinked, his lips thinning, his chest swelling as he took in a deep breath. She glanced away when his stare and the silence became too much.
Katie blinked back her unshed tears. How many times had she cried over this? How many nights had she prayed and wished for a miracle? Part of her felt like she wasn’t adequate for a man who wanted a family. Another part felt like she’d done something wrong to cause the miscarriage and she’d missed her one and only shot at motherhood.
“You were pregnant before,” Roman stated, his voice full of confusion.
Katie stretched her legs out on the window seat and toyed with the edge of her dress, still unable to look him in the eye.
“The doctor said that was a miracle.” She could still hear the specialist’s words. “He said my endometrioses was so bad, the chances of me getting pregnant again were nearly non-existent.”
Roman’s footsteps brushed across the carpet. She didn’t look up, didn’t move as he crouched at her side and laid one hand across her thigh.
“When did you find this out?”
Katie swallowed and turned her attention to him. His eyes held pain, worry, compassion. He wouldn’t like her answer. He would be furious and that would be the end of him wanting to try anything with her.
“I found out right after I miscarried,” she admitted, licking her dry lips. “I realized really quick that had been our one shot at having a baby. Once that was gone…I just couldn’t tell you. I struggled with the news myself and—”
He released her and came back to his feet, staring down at her. “Pushing me away was your answer?”
“We were so excited about a family.”
Once the shock had worn off and they’d married, they’d thrown themselves into the idea of their new life. They’d been ridiculously adorable choosing names and shopping for furniture and even looking at buying a new house with more bedrooms.
“So because you couldn’t have kids, you opted to not tell me and make me think I had done something wrong in our marriage?”
Unable to sit still any longer, Katie came to her feet. She brushed by Roman and paced the spacious bedroom.
“You never did anything wrong. I wanted you to be able to have the life you wanted, the life we’d discussed.”
“That’s absurd, Katie. I wanted that life with you.” His raised voice echoed in the room. “I would’ve done anything for you. You think I only married you because of the baby? I wanted to spend my entire life with you.”
She knew he’d loved her, but she also felt like maybe they had rushed to the alter—or the courthouse as it was—because he felt it the right thing to do.
“You loved me that much?” She turned to face him, her heart clenching at the sight of this strong man standing before her, looking ready to break at any moment. “Had I not gotten pregnant, can you honestly say you would’ve married me?”
The muscles in his jaw clenched, but his eyes never wavered. Silence settled so heavy between them, Katie felt the weight of every single word not spoken.
“Katie…”
She held up a hand. “I know, Roman. Really. We were hot for each other, the baby changed things. I loved you as much as I could then, too. It just…wasn’t meant to be for us.”
“Because it didn’t work then, you’re ready to ignore what is working now?”
Katie blew out a breath. “We’ve been reconnected for three days. Are you really ready to start making commitments to me?”
“I never said anything about long-term,” he corrected. “But you’re shutting everything down before we fully explore what’s going on.”
“Do you still want a family one day?”
“Eventually, but I’m in no hurry.”
Katie offered a smile. “That’s why I’m stopping this before we get started.”
This conversation wasn’t easy, but it was a hell of a lot more difficult considering they’d just torn each others clothes off and he now stood before her half dressed.
“I’m going to let you, then.” Roman crossed his arms over his bare chest and continued to stare at her. “If you thought that keeping infertility from me was okay and if you think we can’t try again, then you’re right. There’s no relationship that’s one-sided, not even a friendship.”
When he started to head out of the room, Katie didn’t know what to say. He was giving her what she’d asked for, yet her heart crumbled inside her chest, her gut tightened with fear. Because she knew for a fact if he walked out that door, anything they’d ever shared or any possibility of reconnecting was gone.
“You know what’s crazy,” he murmured as he stopped at the doorway. He didn’t look at her, but he shook his head and raked a hand over the back of his neck. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done for you before. I would’ve done absolutely anything to see you happy, to make everything okay. I would’ve adopted five kids to see you smile, to make your dreams come true. I loved you that much.”
And then he was gone.