Chapter 8
The phone rang four times, before her mother finally answered.
“Hello, Whitney!”
“Hey, ma. How’s it going, over there?” Whitney, sprawled out on her bed, adjusted the settings to loudspeaker, so she could lay the phone on the side desk.
“Not great, honey. They’ve been cutting hours at my workplace a little too much. Done it again today. So starting to look for a new job. Using your laptop, hope you don’t mind.”
“Obviously not. Why they cutting hours, anyway?”
“Something dumb about work hours being restricted by upper management. So there’s less hours allocated to the staff, yet they have to do the same work as before. I say good luck to that. The boss already had to fire two people as well. I’m not in danger of being fired cos I work too damn hard. But I won’t be making the rent and expenses this month.”
Whitney’s gut twisted. Her mother was in panic mode, when she felt squeezed by the pressure of their low monetary income and having to juggle their home-life in balance. She really wanted to tell her mother more about the ranch, maybe even about Jack, but knew her mother would be too focused on her own issues. “I get holiday pay, Ma, so we’ll make up for it. Don’t worry.”
“I hope so. Your da… him and me had a fight.”
What followed afterwards was the longest, most awkward pause Whitney had ever experienced with her mother.
“Yeah?” She said, when Aniyah refused to break the silence.
“Moment. I’m… I don’t know. Feel funny.” The voice came back, oddly muffled.
Is Ma crying? “Ma, you okay?”
A choked sob answered. “Oh, Whitney. Just don’t know what to do. You were right, yunno. Frederick, he… he tried hard. But he ain’t doing shit nowadays. And the more I listen to him whine and complain, the angrier I get. But I love him. He did so much. But he doesn’t do much now.”
Whitney held her breath in startled amazement.
“I snapped at you because… that was what I’d been thinking all this time. And I felt shame for thinking it. It ain’t your fault, baby girl. I’m sorry for… reacting like that. And just before you went to go. Might had ruined the feel of your holiday doing that.”
The sobs came harder. Whitney, far from feeling the same as her mother, just lay there on the bed, jaw dropped.
Her mother was apologizing. Actually apologizing. She thought Whitney was right. Whitney was so used to being rebuffed or unheard by her mother, that she felt like she’d been slapped in the face.
“Please forgive me, baby girl,” her mother said, practically howling down the phone, “I never meant to let it get this bad. Maybe I should have… pushed him harder, or gotten tough and dropped him if he didn’t step up! But I didn’t!”
“Ma,” Whitney said, recognizing the need to comfort, “It’s okay. You love him, you want him to get better. I do as well! Pa is only depressing himself right now. We need to get him out of that place. Have him work. Have him do something so he feels useful. We can do it. When I get back, we can talk more if you willing.”
“Y-you’ve put up with so much, baby girl!” Her mother wailed, voice shaking, “Did I ever tell you how grateful I am? You could have gone, left, made something of yourself. But you stayed to help m-me… and I just snap at you or ignore you or I’m too b-busy!”
Whitney vigorously rubbed her face. One side of her was happy that her mother was breaking down. She didn’t feel bad about it at all, because she knew her mother needed to see this. They needed to experience this if they wanted to fix the broken knot that was their home. On the other hand, did her mother really have to spring this now? When Whitney wasn’t there in person to deal with it, or motivate her mother whilst she was willing to listen?
Oh, I really, really hope this time, it’s true, Ma.
Gradually, the wailing subsided, as her mother calmed down. She sniffled, blew her nose, then spoke again, in a more steady, less wavering voice. “Sorry, baby girl. So. Uh. How you doing? You rode horses yesterday, right? Did that go well?”
Whitney nibbled on her bottom lip. “Yeah, Ma. Learning a lot. Can actually stay on one without falling off now. Making better friends with one of the girls at work too. Faith.”
“That’s the quiet freak one you talked ‘bout?”
“Ya.” Unconsciously, Whitney mimicked Miles’ accent, and stopped herself, grinning, when her mother ask why. “Sorry. There’s two Dutch people who are instructors here. They’re rubbing off on me a bit. Wish you could be here, Ma. It’s amazing. And the one who runs the ranch.”
“He’s the handsome rich one on the web page, right?”
“Yeah. He uh. Ma. He’s been real good to us. Teaches us personally.” Whitney hesitated at the last moment. She made the choice there and then in her head to not tell her mother. Her mother’s impromptu confession took priority. She didn’t want to distract by giving her fuel of a potential love interest. “One of the best times I’ve had in a long while. You would love it here too. Look forward though to telling you all ‘bout it when I get back. Faith will have pictures too. I took a couple – of the big horse I said that liked me. Will send them after the call.”
“Oh, that’s lovely! Oh, I’m so glad you enjoying it. You need to smile more, girl. Carrying too much trouble on those shoulders, and you still so young. You enjoy yourself, baby girl.”
“Of course. And, Ma?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for talking to me ‘bout… that. Didn’t like how we left. Just felt bad, thinking… we wouldn’t be able to smile like we did. Weighed down by everything. I want us to be fixed, yunno?”
Another sniffle. “Yes, yes. Thank you so much, baby girl, for being my daughter. Thank you.”
“Hanging up now before I get too embarrassed. Talk to you later.” Whitney ended the call, even as her mother chirruped a goodbye. A threatening tear built up behind her eyelids.
She listened. She actually listened. Oh hell. One tear made it out, trickling over her cheek. Whitney raised a shaking hand to dab if off.
She stared at her phone for a bit, before thumbing through to the grainy pictures of Graham Cracker, attaching them and sending them off. She also sent the one of Jack and Graham, with Jack grinning like an imp. It felt odd that only last night, she’d been talking to Jack about her fears, about the fact she thought Aniyah refused to see reason. And then… this. A breakdown out of the blue and a gush of appreciation.
A complete flip-side to everything expected. It filled Whitney with fluttering hope. Even though Aniyah would likely deny her moment of weakness later, Whitney knew better the reasons for the reactions her mother suffered.
My mother… Sadness and happiness mingled. She had wanted this moment to come, more than anything else in the world. She didn’t realize how badly she craved it, until the words tumbled out Aniyah’s mouth.
Oddly as well, she wanted Jack to know. Even odder, she wanted to tell Faith about it. Miles. Anja. Tia. Virtually anyone who meant something to her. Even that damn bitch of a manager, Alex, though their conversations had never exactly taken off.
Because I want to share my happiness. Whitney wriggled in delight at the notion, feet bobbing on the bed. Her mother sent back a text at that moment.
Whoa! That’s a huge horse! And that’s the handsome man, right? What a smile he has! ;-)
Whitney chewed her lip. No mother, he’s mine. You can’t have him.
Immensely cheered up, she sent two more texts – one to Jack and one to Faith.
*****
The chance came to talk with them later. Their activities through the day consisted of more horse riding. Blatant jealously emanated from Natalie when Whitney was given the honor of riding Graham Cracker during their training. Although Natalie one-upped her on the skill-based activities, when they practiced roping stationary targets, archery, and some further team building exercises – nothing compared to the fact that Graham Cracker simply refused to have anyone else near. He even snapped at Natalie, biting her hard on the sleeve when she tried to win the horse’s affection.
No matter how much Natalie wheedled or cajoled, and she tried exceptionally hard, it didn’t happen. It infuriated Natalie that there was something her skills couldn’t compensate for.
She kept her interactions with Whitney as cordial as possible, but Whitney knew Natalie planned to lash out in other ways. Perhaps back at work, perhaps with a snide comment.
Or perhaps taking the fraternizing of Whitney and Jack to heart if they got too obvious about it.
Faith, Anja and Miles, along with Tia and Gracie, made their dining table a habit, actively saving spots for each other at breakfast, lunch and dinner, except for when the instructors had other duties to attend to. In such a short time, they had developed a rapport with each other, which Whitney knew she would miss when the time came to leave. She had told both Jack and Faith during lunchtime about her mother’s impromptu confession, and both reacted with appropriate cheerfulness. Jack wanted to know more about her family. Faith seemed to understand on a level the internal conflict that happened – since people were never just black or white in their behaviors. They always lingered on a moral gray line, doing both bad and good things, sometimes being understanding, other times deliberately obtuse.
It saddened Whitney a little that Faith didn’t want to talk about her background. She also knew that the younger woman needed time to get more comfortable and open. Perhaps others had never given her the chance before.
And perhaps, Whitney might be the one to encourage her out of her shell, along with the beautiful vibe and atmosphere of their holiday.
It’s almost surreal, how happy this place makes me, Whitney thought, as she dug into lasagna, tuning out the mock fight between Anja and Miles.
“Do you think those two fancy each other?” Faith hissed to Whitney.
Whitney shrugged. “If they got together, fairly certain their union would be in a state of constant war.”
“I know. It would be brilliant.” She took a photo of Anja, who tried to force down a piece of broccoli into Mile’s throat. The commotion attracted a lot of laughter, even from Natalie, and Whitney banged her fork on the table, cheeks hurting from the insanity of it all.
Faith then pointed at their company floor manager. “Didn’t Miles say he was interested in Alex, as well?”
“Don’t remind him!” Whitney hissed.
“The next activity,” Jack announced, holding his hands in the air for attention as they wrapped up their meals, “Is an interesting one. It’s personally one of my favorites that we do here on the ranch – and others that are similar to it.” He drew his breath, preparing for the next part of his speech.
“It’s called the ‘confession’ game. It’s another bonding style game, where we gather in a circle, and take it in turns to confess. So, for example, I will say something about myself that I don’t like. Then the others in the circle will challenge it by trying to turn it into something positive. We sometimes do it with a positive statement being turned negative, but the idea is to build people up, not to put them down,” he grinned, prompting a roll of laughter in the hall. “We are, however, looking for serious players in this. You can admit something small or something big – so long as it’s not a recent crime you’ve committed, because then we’ll be morally obliged to arrest you. The point is to discover something about each other – and realize sometimes we’re not as different as we think we are.”
Faith stiffened at the words, beads of sweat forming on her head. In her black shirt, ragged blue jeans and muddy boots, Faith looked far younger than her years.
“Faith, it’s okay. You sit this out if you want.” Whitney placed a soothing hand on the dark-haired woman. Faith’s hand twitched to her lips, then fell down again to nestle in her lap.
“N-no. I should… do this. I don’t get… involved enough.” She glanced at Whitney like a distressed animal, clenching hands into fists. Whitney spread her lips into a friendly smile, until Faith mirrored the gesture.
“You do what you feel like, honey. You ain’t gotta make yourself feel bad for others.”
Whitney gave her a quick, heartfelt hug, even as they all began moving, guided by Jack and the instructors to an unused room, with stacked chairs on the sides. The room’s walls were painted orange, giving the impression of sunlight.
“Best to stand up,” Miles offered, walking by the other side of Faith, transferring some of his confidence into her by the touch of his palm. Whitney couldn’t help but notice Faith wasn’t the only one who appeared uncomfortable with the idea of admitting something they didn’t like to others. In fact, she suspected Natalie or Gracie in particular to make theirs up. Alex, though – that woman wouldn’t make anything up.
Jack, Miles, Anja and Lamar stood inside their scattered circle. Faith and Tia flanked either side of Whitney. Next to Faith was Alex, hands folded in front of her chest, legs spaced apart like a gunslinger. Curving the circle from Alex was Natalie and Sandra, finishing up with Gracie, left of Tia.
Such a small group of diverse personalities. Whitney chewed her lip, gaze flickering over Faith to see how nervous the girl was, before dancing to Jack, who reserved a secret, sexy smile exclusively for her.
Memories of the night before encroached Whitney’s consciousness. She closed her eyes, bathing in the glow of it, remembering his smell, taste and touch, how effortlessly their bodies melded together. She shivered, growing moist at the idea of experiencing that feeling again. Of seeing that smile of his as he lay next to her.
She shook herself out the daydream as Jack clapped his hands. “I’ll start, to make it easier. Lamar, Miles and Anja will respond, don’t the rest of you worry about trying to find a nice compliment for me. When we finish, we’ll go to Natalie. Is this alright?”
A chorus of agreements piped up.
“Excellent.” Jack flicked Miles on the forehead, causing him to exclaim in surprise. When the laughter subsided, Jack began. “I’ve always hated it about myself that I’ve been an odd duck in my family. I have immensely successful siblings, my parents expected me to follow the same line. But instead, growing bored with managing the shares my father owned, I fell to taking over my grandpa’s ranch. I still see disapproval in my father’s eyes, like I did every day when I returned home with low grades, because there were things I preferred to do other than study. Sometimes I wish I could have been more like my other brothers, with a head for business. But I’m not. I have instead, been an immense source of disappointment for him and my brothers. They see me as a frivolous tearaway, not fit to hold the family name.”
Awkward silence fell over the room. Natalie looked stricken, with an unfathomable expression Whitney had never seen in the executive before.
“You did what your heart wanted to do,” Miles said, breaking the cold silence, with his smile and lilted accent. “Your brothers, they did what their father wanted them to do. You. You did what you loved to do. You made your own choice. And it has made you happy. This I see.”
At that moment, Whitney felt a rush of love for Miles for his kind words. She saw, even though Jack kept up a genial smile, a twinge of relief in the depths of his eyes. There were things Whitney didn’t know about Jack, things she wanted to get to learn more about – and those words enabled her to glimpse something private, personal. Beautiful.
“There is one person I’m sure who loves you for your choice to stay with the ranch, regardless of all the foreigners you recruit,” Anja said with a smirk, “And that’s your grandpa. This was his home, and now it’s yours. You’re not a fish out of water, as long as you’re here.”
“You guys,” Jack said, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. “What did I do to deserve you, eh?”
Lamar, hands clasped behind his back, finished with, “It’s not a question about what you deserve. It’s a question of what you choose to share. You love this place. It shows. And you’ve made it something for others around the world to love.”
“This is some deep shit,” Tia hissed to the side of Whitney. She was, however, grinning like an idiot. The others in the circle held similar expressions. Natalie still possessed the unreadable look. Whitney wondered what was going through her head.
“Okay, enough of me. Let’s start with Natalie. Make it as big or as small as you like.”
Natalie, usually larger than life, looked suddenly small, like a mouse. The moment passed in the blink of an eye – she straightened up, collecting her sense of dignity and authority.
“What was troubling you, Natalie?” Whitney said, before she could stop herself.
“What?” Natalie glowered, instantly defensive.
“You looked… I dunno. Sad. Wondered what was going through your mind.”
Natalie bore her lips in a snarl, retracting her teeth when she saw everyone’s attention on her. Her shoulder rose up a bit, making part of her neck disappear, like a tortoise. “It wasn’t anything big. It…” her lips twisted. “Alright. Something I don’t like about myself. I suppose I don’t like how I have to be a perfectionist at everything. If something is less than perfect, I get really agitated. This can be cleaning at home. Work getting done on time. Doing well at the shooting range. Scoring high on my tests. I have to… be better than everyone else. I only feel good when I can visibly see I’m doing better than another person. And it eats me up when someone else can do something I can’t.” Her gaze lingered between Jack and Whitney, leaving no doubt as to what was going through the executive’s mind.
Whitney, and Jack. Whitney, and Graham Cracker. Whitney, the woman who could barely hold a bow straight, charming two impossible things with nothing else but her personality, which didn’t require muscle memory or skill.
“Wow,” Whitney whispered, audible to Faith and Tia. “Okay.”
Jack was nodding in approval. “That’s what we’re looking for. Truth. Well done, Natalie. So. What do you lot have to say?”
“I think that’s stupid,” Alex said. Gracie immediately made a strangled sounding gurgle.
The stern, upfront Latina focused eyes on Natalie. “It’s stupid because if you constantly have to be better than everyone else, then you won’t be able to value or appreciate their worth. You’ll be too busy trying to drag them down, rather than make them shine. It’s stupid as well because it makes you sound like you think you’re worthless, and can only be worth something when you win. That’s not true. You can be worth something. And you don’t need to prove it to other people that you are worthy. You’re talented as fuck. Don’t piss that talent away by making people hate you for it. Make them love you for it.”
Again, Alex’s stark clarity bludgeoned people into a state of silence. Natalie seemed unsure of what to make of it. There was truth in those words, harsh as they came. A deep truth. Faith was next.
“I…” Faith swallowed, her legs trembling. Whitney clutched her by one shoulder. It gave her enough strength to continue. “I think… in some cases, being a perfectionist is good. It means you will always do your best. It makes you stand out.”
Whitney sensed Faith didn’t plan to add any more, so she launched into hers. “Actually I agree with Alex. Also got some more to add. Jealously will turn you bitter and ugly, and waste the talent you have. If you let jealously, envy overtake you, then it doesn’t matter how brilliant you are at whatever you do. You’ll never be happy, ‘cause there’s always someone better. Use your talent for good. Use it to inspire others.”
Tia and Gracie went through the same vein, urging Natalie to use her budding skills for something useful, rather than destructive. At the end, Natalie actually looked as if she was about to cry.
“Are you alright?” Jack said, spotting the signs.
The executive’s bottom lip trembled. “I don’t like admitting that. And it’s stranger to hear these kinds of words from people I’m not always… great to.”
“It’s good you did,” Jack answered. He smiled at her. After a moment, she stretched her lips into an unconvincing smile back. Her eyes shifted to Whitney. Guilty eyes.
Sandra was next. The blonde, doe-eyed woman touched her hair in a nervous gesture. “I don’t like that I feel… stupid. Dumb blonde jokes aside, there’s a lot of weird stuff I don’t know. And not knowing about it makes me angry, or feel like an idiot.”
A wave of compliments emerged from the circle, one by one, all mostly along the lines that it was okay to not know everything, and that she had a bubbly personality to make up for it. Personally, Whitney thought Sandra confessing about her need to never be alone would have been more interesting. The “dumb blonde” act was more of a plea for attention. Sandra wasn’t stupid. She just didn’t want to admit anything deep. Which was also why Whitney felt surprised with Natalie. Because the executive, obsessed with a fastidious, gleaming reputation, actually confessed something ugly. Real.
Sandra’s problem, Whitney felt, lay more in the fact she was too dependent on other people to live.
Next came Gracie. “I don’t like that I can be a bad loser,” Gracie said. “If I think I’m doing badly at something, I give up. Ruin it for others. Get moody and bitchy if people confront me ‘bout it. Don’t like being humiliated, I guess. Even to the point of biting at people who are trying to help.”
Whitney saw this echoing the behavior of Gracie in the teamwork exercises the day before. She also saw it in how quick Gracie was to lash out with her tongue, especially when someone exposed something she didn’t like, or pointed out if she was performing badly at something. The compliments that stemmed from this focused more on saying it was okay to be bad at something, that people learned from their errors to do better.
Tia ran fingers through her dreadlocks. “I don’t like… that I don’t really care so much about other people. Like, uh, a lot of the time I just focus on myself and what I’m doing. And I don’t consider what other people are doing. So it can be months between when I contact my mom and dad. My last boyfriend left because he thought I was cold-hearted. Most of my former friends have lost contact. And outside of work, I’m alone. By choice. I want to care. I just can’t.”
This one surprised Whitney. She thought of Tia as quite a friendly, open person, and to have this sort of confession made her examine the woman in a slightly different light. Yes, she could be aloof. Yes, she was annoying to message, as she took a while to respond. But did that mean she didn’t care?
The compliments came out more scattered, with only Gracie and Alex being strong and forthright. Whitney’s own boosting felt generic, but she didn’t know Tia enough to believe such damming words.
“I don’t like…” Whitney took a deep breath, closing her eyes to rein in her drifting thoughts, “That I never chased my own dreams. Spent my whole life trying to please my ma and da, ‘cos I knew on a level that they didn’t intend to have me, though they would be quick to reassure otherwise. Ma rarely had the time for me, neither did Da. And I made it something of mine to do everything I could to make her happy. So I dropped Uni, I stayed with Ma, and every penny I earn goes to Ma and Da so they can pay the rent, and look after a now ailing grandma. Spent so long trying to make their dreams, I forgot mine. If I ever had them. Sometimes… I feel bitter, anger for it. Wish I wasn’t such a sucker. Wish I could tell them to go screw themselves, I’m done looking after them. Wish I could just leave.”
Jack’s mouth formed an o of surprise.
“Whitney!” Tia exclaimed.
“I-I think,” Faith said, comically squeezing her eyes shut so she couldn’t see everyone staring at her, “T-the years you spent trying to make your mother happy made you kind. It made you care, even i-if sometimes that caring exhausts you. M-maybe you get angry, but you are willing to swallow that anger up to help someone else, because you know what you do is right.”
Now it was Whitney’s turn to be utterly astonished. “Oh, you precious, precious thing! C’here.” She grabbed the stammering girl in a crushing hug, making Gracie and Anja cheer. Miles cupped his palms together and whooped.
“She’s right,” Alex agreed, lips curved in a half-smile. “The fact you care is what makes you a brilliant worker and a likable person. Any idiot can see you love your mother and father, look at what you sacrificed for them. That sacrifice will be rewarded. Even if you don’t always see that it will. Your efforts will mean something.”
“Hear, hear,” Gracie said.
Gazes turned to Natalie. “I…” Natalie’s voice escaped as a hiss. “I want to hate you for it. You’re a good person, and I see it. And it makes me feel… rotten. Part of me wants to crush you, because I believe everyone is rotten on the inside. The other part… wants to be you. To understand what it is you have that I don’t. I think you’re a better person than I could ever be.”
Goddamn Natalie. This confession task is hitting like a damn brick. “Jesus Christ,” Whitney said. “You being so candid I don’t know what to do with it.”
Natalie looked away, deeply uncomfortable.
“Thank you, Natalie. If you want a hug, I’m game for it.”
The executive twitched lips in a sad smile. Jack winked at Whitney, impressed. Miles also held thumbs up, with Anja scowling disapprovingly at him.
Next was Faith. Whitney held her breath, waiting for the dark-haired woman to speak. Everyone else waited as well. To their credit, no one gave off the impression of irritation and impatience, whilst giving Faith the time to wrestle with her voice. “I… dislike that I am so… shy. I… get nervous of… confrontations. I… didn’t.” She halted, face crimson red. “Didn’t have a great time… g-growing up. I l-learned to be afraid. Not speak. Hide. Feel… useless. Always… feel like something stuck in my throat.” The words were forced out one by one. Whitney saw the immense effort it took, and as she was still clinging to Faith, decided to use their proximity to keep the embrace tight. “I, um, found it easier. To stay quiet. To shrink in a corner. Less chance of b-being targeted. But the s-shyness is now… crippling.”
Faith finally fell silent. Whitney processed what had just been said.
“That,” Alex declared, “Is bravery. It annoys the absolute shit out of me that you act like this, but obviously you have a reason for being as you are. So the fact that you’ve just said all that proves that whatever happened to you – it doesn’t make you who you are. You made the choice to speak out against it.”
Faith started crying, and buried her head in Whitney’s chest. “Ssh, it’s okay,” Whitney soothed. “Alex is right, honey. You always have a choice about what happens. Maybe you didn’t back then, but you do now. You can choose to speak. You can choose to accept friendship. And we certainly don’t think you useless.”
The younger woman shook harder, starting to leave a conspicuous damp patch on Whitney’s blouse. Everyone else in the circle went along the same lines, focusing on her decision to challenge that block of silence that clamped on her voice. Whitney refused to let go of the woman, feeling protective, like a sister.
Last to speak was Alex.
“I don’t like sometimes that I hate people. I really, genuinely hate people, and think the whole world would be better off if humanity just died. I see so many atrocities, so many ridiculous, fucked up things that we do. How racist we are to each other, how cruel we are to each other. Whenever I see particularly vile examples, I would quite happily, if I knew I could get away with it, murder the person who committed those crimes and do it with pleasure. I honestly prefer animals. Cats and dogs are much simpler and unconditional in their emotions. More pure.”
This left a silence that made Whitney think of a black hole. It also made her laugh – and she realized Miles and Jack was laughing with her.
“What’s so funny?” Natalie said, folding her arms. “Because that sounded psychopathic.”
“I think it’s funny she says that, cause if anything, I think she cares about humans even more than the rest of us does,” Whitney said, grinning. “So the humans she perceives as good – she’ll protect fiercely, like a dog. And she ain’t never gonna lie to you. She will tell you exactly what she thinks. That in itself is a kindness, ‘cause you never gonna doubt her opinion. Cause it truth.”
Whitney then gave a little shrug. “She would stab you in the face, and not behind your back.”
“Ahh…” Gracie said. “I geddit. She one of them nice bitches.”
“That is c-confusing,” Faith admitted. “But I also get it. Alex cares for you by telling it to you straight. P-probably better in the long run to hear it, though not always great for the short term moments.” Her voice was slightly muffled by Whitney’s chest, so she repeated it again at Jack’s request.
Natalie still looked bewildered. “Not quite sure I agree with you… but that’s also because I don’t like Alex to begin with. I always find her too… much like a blunt hammer. But you know.” She chewed on her lip for a few seconds, “I also can see what you mean, Whitney, about her stabbing you in the face. That quality in itself is… unusual. Not for those who get easily offended. But it is… raw. Pure. You know she hates you, rather than guessing if she does or not.”
“That almost sounds like a compliment, Nat!” Alex exclaimed.
“I try,” Natalie said wryly.
When everyone had finished their compliments of Alex, Jack whistled, clapping his hands in enthusiasm. “Wow! Just, wow! You guys! That was some confessions! I absolutely loved hearing them. This is what makes this activity my favorite. If people are willing to involve themselves in it, we find out things, true things that make us understand each other better. Because it’s not the positive things that show the measure of someone. It’s their willingness to admit to the things they don’t like. I think it’s beautiful.”
“It is,” Alex said. “I may hate you all, but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate honesty. I think honesty, along of course with animals, is what deserves respect. Not malicious words – that isn’t honest, that’s a cover up in itself. But honesty about yourself.”
“Indeed!” Jack beamed.
“I like you, lady,” Miles said. “You and me, we should perhaps have talk soon.”
“Down, boy,” Whitney murmured.
Alex examined him appraisingly. “Perhaps.”
They wrapped up the session shortly afterwards, devolving into smaller groups to chat. When the time came, Whitney walked with Faith, not letting go of her hand. Jack joined the two of them as they left, into the dark night.
“I must say,” Jack said. “Everyone surprised me with their confessions. A lot of the former groups I’ve had will say something a little more generic about what they don’t like about themselves. That Natalie and Alex must be quite a riot at your workplace.”
“Oh, they are. It’s like a circus.” Whitney absently started stroking Faith’s hair, continuing when the younger woman didn’t object. “Work can be stressful, tiring, and hard to juggle home life around, but the personalities certainly don’t make it boring. Though I’ve found out more about people’s inner thoughts than virtually the whole time I’ve been working with the Agency.”
“That’s not as unusual as you may think,” Jack said. “People often are unwilling to share things with each other, as they always want to present their best side.”
“T-thank you, by the way.” The diminutive Faith clasped Whitney’s hand tight. “I never would have imagined… being able to say that. And you… you’re a good person. You know that, right?”
Whitney sighed. “People say it, but I don’t believe it, unfortunately. But thank you for thinking it.”
“Nonsense!” Jack protested, indignant. “I can see it. My damn horse sees it. You know, the one that hates everyone in the world except you and me? He virtually went skipping to you the second you were spotted walking along the fields. There’s something about you, Whitney Robinson. And your colleagues are in full agreement on it.”
“Y-you love her,” Faith said.
Jack gaped at her, speechless. “I…!” Then he stopped.
“Oh? You gonna say something?” Several hundred butterflies were now flitting in Whitney’s stomach at Faith’s out of the blue statement. She tried covering it up by acting flippant. “Didn’t think you get so tongue-tied.”
Faith placed a palm on Whitney’s stomach. “I s-see it. We may be only a few days in, but Jack, you really are falling for her.” Faith squeezed Whitney’s hand. “A-and I wanted to say that because I actually think you two would be good for each other. There.”
“Now who is pulling an Alex…?”
For once, Faith didn’t flush. She even winked.
“I confess, I wanted to just completely deny that and shrug it off as absurd.” Jack stroked his beard, blue eyes crinkling. “But I don’t know. I don’t know if it could be called ‘love.’ Let’s just say I am quite attracted to Whitney and I wouldn’t mind seeing a lot more of her. And I don’t want to say that it’s love because that’s a scary word that tends to send people running.”
The echo of the words they had shared last night brought a smile to both their lips.
“Suppose I can say the same. Certainly wouldn’t mind seeing more of you, mister Jack Brook.”
“You two make googly eyes at each other. All the time. Have you had sex yet?”
“Faith!” Jack and Whitney shouted at the same time.
When Whitney dropped Faith off at her cabin, they gave each other one last hug, before she disappeared into the heat of her home.
“There’s no escaping that girl’s attention. So does this mean we can be a little more obvious and public about the googly eyes, now?” Jack swiftly kissed Whitney on the cheek.
“Let’s not make Natalie even more jealous of me than she is,” Whitney giggled. They spotted the others, slowly wending their ways back to their cabins for the night.
Whitney followed Jack straight back to his cabin. In the spare moments she did have, she thought about the evening, and the lightning fast pace of the relationship between her and Jack. Then there was her mother’s unexpected call, and the stark truths that her colleagues admitted to.
This had been a day of confessions, all around. In a way, it felt even more exhausting than physical labor. Whitney keenly noticed her growing attraction to everyone. People she doubted, seen in a new light. Thoughts she never considered, now out in the open. Confessions she never expected, from the mouths of those who kept their minds closed.
Last, and the most unexpected, wonderful thing of all – the chance to lie in the arms of someone she loved.
Who would have thought so much could come out of a simple plan to promote a clothing range?