The drive to her apartment was silent. Becca didn’t know what to say to him. “Sorry” felt cheap and worthless. She hadn’t known Marcus, but he was Rowan’s friend. And they had obviously been fairly close. She reached over after a while and turned on the radio, keeping the volume very low.
She could not imagine what he was feeling now. At least they’d taken care of Abram’s guys who were responsible. But that had to be little consolation. She’d never had a friend or anyone close to her die, but the pain she felt imagining Rowan’s pain was strong, and it was only a hint, a mere ghost of the pain that must be raging inside him right now.
All she wanted to do was find a way to make him feel better. It likely wouldn’t even be possible, but she’d give it her best shot. She would comfort him any way she could, take care of him however she could. Help him however she could. Anything to lessen his pain. And, really, in the end, all that she could do for him was give him time and space to grieve. And just be there for him.
She reached over and took his hand, squeezing it as if to remind him she was still here. Was still grateful for him and wanted him and loved him. She would tell him soon. She’d thought at first it was too soon. Who fell in love that quickly? But after all they’d been through, she had no other word to describe how she felt. Gratitude wasn’t enough. Longing and joy didn’t even cover it. There was only love. She loved him and she would spend her life loving him and giving him everything she could. If she could take his pain now, take it and absorb it and make it her own, she would.
She guessed she should be feeling something about Nick. She had married him. Been his wife for years. Had a child with him. But she didn’t feel loss. Every time she pictured his dead body, there was only relief. She didn’t have to run. Didn’t have to be afraid he’d show up. Didn’t have to worry about him coming after her and dragging her back and making her be his again. She would never have to go back to that horrible life. Never. And her life with Rowan could start free and clear with no worry of retribution. No wondering what would happen if Nick showed up and found out she were with him. If that had happened, no doubt he would have tried to kill Rowan.
But she didn’t have to think about that anymore. Nick was gone. Gone forever. Dead. Burned up in that house. He couldn’t hurt her or Emma or anyone else. Would Emma be sad about it ever? Would she ever wonder about her dad and miss the chance to get to know him? She had asked if Rowan could be her new daddy. Would that relationship be enough to erase what Nick had done? Could Rowan feel like a real father to her? Or would there always be something missing?
Becca’s mind spun, but the thoughts were getting stuck together. She was so tired. She concentrated on staying awake to drive. Finally, they turned onto her street. Her apartment building had never looked so good. She parked and shut off the car. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Her limbs were heavy and hard to move. But she pulled herself from the car and went around to open Emma’s door.
Rowan was already there, though. He had unbuckled her and lifted Emma out. Holding Emma in his arm with his uninjured hand, he followed her to the building’s door and up the stairs and waited while she unlocked the door. Then he carried Emma to her room.
Becca pulled back the covers, and he laid her gently down. She pulled off her shoes and made sure Cuddles was tucked tight to her chest. Then she kissed her forehead and pulled up the blanket before leaving the room.
When they were alone in the hallway, Rowan drew her close. He held her for a long time, saying nothing. Then he kissed her for a long time. “Becca.” He looked into her eyes, his glimmering with tears. “I love you.”
Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak. He put a finger to her lips, keeping her quiet while he talked.
“I know it seems fast, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I want to be with you always. You bring me comfort and joy. Nothing feels as good as just being in your presence. I’m sorry about everything that happed the other day. That feels like months ago. But I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I know you think I’m violent and I guess this whole day didn’t help at all, but I just want to love you and protect you. Abram’s gone now and his MC is gone. I’m not normally this violent. Let me show you I’m not like Nick. Let me prove it to you.”
He caressed her cheek with his good hand, his injured hand resting gently at her back. His eyes were wild with emotion.
She closed her eyes for moment, then took a breath and opened them. “It’s kind of funny, actually, that you would say that.” She paused to kiss him. “I was just thinking earlier that I wanted to tell you I love you, but I thought you’d think it was too soon. I do, though. I love you. I never should have assumed you were like Nick just because you have an MC. You’re nothing like him. I know that now. I’m sorry we had to go through all this before I could see it.”
Rowan’s mouth stretched into a slow smile. “Really? You love me?”
“I really do.” She giggled and kissed him again.
“You make me so happy.” He wrapped her in a tight hug. “I never want to let you get out of these arms again.”
“Then don’t. Please don’t.”
“But what about everything you said? I want to make sure this isn’t just the high after the fight, you know?” He pulled back so he could look her in the eye. “Is my lifestyle too violent and too illegal for you?”
Becca let out a long sigh. “Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Obviously, I’m not happy that you steal and do unethical and illegal things for money. But, Emma and I lived off Nick’s money for years and nothing he did was legal, so I guess I figure, how can I complain when clearly it didn’t matter to me before?”
“Wait a second. If it bothers you, I want to know. Don’t just say you don’t have a right to complain and brush it off. You have a right to be bothered by it.”
“Okay.” She looked away from him for a moment, then looked back once she had gathered her thoughts. “I guess it does bother me. But if it’s not something you can change, I can live with it.”
Rowan pulled his mouth to the side in thought. “I wouldn’t say it couldn’t be changed. I just don’t know how easily. And it would likely mean a lot less money.”
“I know. And I think that’s part of the reason I was okay with Nick doing it. When I figured out the difference he would make, we couldn’t afford to live our lifestyle. I hate to say that, though, and it feels really wrong to say it. Emma and I don’t need a ton of money. We had that and it wasn’t worth it. I’d rather have less than have to worry about you going to jail all the time. And that’s really the biggest problem. What if you get caught? What am I going to do if you go to jail for a long time?”
He wove his fingers between hers and let their hands swing back and forth. “I never had a reason to worry about that before. When it was just me, it didn’t matter much if I got locked up. I’d make bail, get a lawyer, and be done with it. But if we have a family…it would kill me to leave you alone like that. With no income and no one to protect you.”
“And not to mention no you. The worst part would be being without you every day.”
He smiled and kissed her. “You make me want to go straight. And no one has ever made me want that before. It might not be fast, and I might not cut all activity right away, but I’ll work on it. I want to be able to provide for you and keep you safe. And I can’t do either if I’m locked up.”
“I want you to be happy, though. I’d hate to see you get a job you can’t stand and be miserable all the time and hate me for it.”
“No.” He shook his head. “If I’m with you, it’ll all be worth it. And I’d be doing it for our family. How could I ever regret that?”
“Our family,” she repeated, and smiled.
Was he really so ready to take care of her and Emma like that? Really ready to be a father to Emma? She didn’t have one at all now. The thought made Becca a tiny bit sad, despite knowing how terrible of a father Nick had been and how desperately Becca had worked to get her away from him. Emma’s father was dead. He had no chance now to change and become a better man. He couldn’t come back into her life at a later time and get to know her. She would forget him. She would never really know her father.
But, for whatever bitterness that brought, the sweetness was in knowing he couldn’t hurt her. Having a father who hit you and put a gun to your head wasn’t worth having at all. Emma didn’t need someone who would endanger her. Who might have come into her life later and destroyed it. Who might have caused problems or made moves to take her from her mother somehow. They never had to worry about him getting in the way and messing up their happy life. And that made it all worth it.
She didn’t regret it all. Killing Nick hadn’t been easy, but she’d wanted to do it for so long; it felt natural when she pulled the trigger. She’d finally fought back. For all the years she took his crap—his harsh words, his controlling nature, his physical violence, his roughness in bed—she’d finally stepped up and said “no” once and for all. He could never hurt her or anyone else.
If Becca had found out he had a new wife, she would be devastated. Certainly not out of any sort of jealousy. But in knowing he was doing it again. Treating someone else like he’d treated her. Knowing maybe she could have done something to stop it. Called the police on him, stood up to him, anything to keep him from repeating his pattern. Well, now she had. He would never be able to do another person damage in any way.
“I think I get it now,” she said.
Rowan had been holding her close, rubbing her back and swaying side to side gently. Just enjoying each other’s closeness. Now he straightened up to look at her again. “Get what?”
“Why you fight. I guess I always thought it was just a macho thing. You or anyone who gets into a fight has to show their power, prove they’re the bigger man. But it’s so much more than that. That whole fight today was so mixed up in so many things. Abram attacking you, Abram getting mad that you stole business from him in the first place, then them taking Emma and me and the whole Nick thing. You don’t just fight to win; you fight for a purpose. To set the wrong thing right again.” She nodded slowly. “I never saw it like that. I guess because with Nick, I always tried to be right and do everything right that it felt like he only threw his weight and power around because he could—”
“He did. That’s a totally different thing than a street fight or an MC fight.”
“Exactly. That’s my point. You’re not like that. I might have said I didn’t like that you fought all the time because MCs tend to do that, but it’s not like you just fight for no reason. You were standing up for yourself and your guys, and you were getting back at them for the kidnappings and the fire and for trying to kill you. You were trying to set the wrongs right. And I get it now.”
“So, what does that mean?”
“It means it doesn’t bother me like it did before. I want to learn. I want to be able to shoot and know how to use a gun. I want to be able to fight and defend myself. Maybe if I could fight, something would have been different. Maybe I would have gotten Emma away from them and maybe I could have turned the gun on the gunman who came after me in the parking lot of my apartment the other day. I don’t know. Maybe not. Maybe it wouldn’t change anything, but I’ll feel a lot better knowing I have the ability to defend myself and Emma in case I ever have to.”
“I sure hope you don’t ever have to. I never want anything like that to happen again. But, I’d love to teach you to shoot and fight. There’s nothing wrong with being able to defend yourself and not needing to. But if you need it and don’t have the training, that’s when you get into trouble.”
“Right.” She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. “Everything feels so perfect right now.”
“It does. It is.”
Her mind drifted to Marcus, though. And she knew Rowan still had to be hurting badly. It was so fresh and new. He hadn’t even started grieving yet. He could be in shock and maybe he didn’t even start to process his feelings about it. But, wherever he was, that was one thing in their lives that was far from perfect.
“Almost,” she said.
He looked down and drew his eyebrows together in confusion. “What else is there?”
“I just meant Marcus…”
He swallowed hard. “Yeah. I guess it could have been worse, though. I guess I should feel lucky to have only lost one guy and only had one get injured badly.” His voice broke as he said it.
“No, that’s crazy. You don’t have to feel like that. I mean, yes, be grateful it wasn’t worse, but that doesn’t take away the pain of your loss. And you have every right to feel that pain. You lost a good friend today. It’s going to take a lot of time to heal from that. I’m sure part of you never will. You’ll always miss him.”
“I’ll always feel like I should have done more. Like I could have saved him if only I’d done things differently.”
“You can’t go around carrying that. You didn’t kill him. Rowan, you ran into a burning building to save him. How many guys would do that? Not many at all. You risked your life for him. There’s nothing else you could have done.”
He pulled her close again, running his hand into her hair and pressing his cheek against hers. “Thank you. I’m so lucky to have you. And I’m so glad you’re okay and Emma is okay. I almost lost my mind so many times today. I don’t know what was worse—seeing you on the floor with Emma handcuffed to the sink with Abram pointing a gun at you or seeing you face Nick and him having Emma at gunpoint. So many things could have gone wrong and I’m happy they didn’t. It feels good just to hold you, knowing if something had been different, I might not have been able to. Marcus isn’t holding his girl tight tonight.”
“I might have been in danger, but I could also be Kara right now. If something had happened to you, I might be alone in my bed, crying for you like she’s crying for Marcus. I’m so relieved and thankful you’re okay, too. Even if you do have some injuries. You’ll recover from them fully, and I’ve seen you in much worse condition. We were both lucky today.”
He nodded his agreement. “I just have one question.”
“What?”
“Do you think we could get luckier?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well…” He let his fingers trail down her cheek to her chin, then her neck. He paused and lowered his hand to cup her breast. “I mean, can we go get lucky right now?”
She giggled and pressed her lips against his. “I would love that.”
“Perfect.” He picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Then he carried her into the bedroom and laid her down on the bed. He closed the door behind them, sending the room into complete darkness until she reached over and turned on the lamp on the bedside table.
“I have been looking forward to this moment since the last time I was here,” he said.
She smiled up at him as he hovered over her.
He kissed all along her jaw and down her neck. Then he slid down and raised her shirt just an inch. He kissed across her stomach before lifting her shirt another inch. He made his way up slowly, until her shirt was over her bra. She reached down to pull the shirt over her head.
He slid down one bra strap, then the other, kissing her shoulder and chest down toward her breasts. She unhooked her bra and tossed it to the ground. He took one nipple into his mouth, clamping it gently between his teeth while rolling her other nipple between the thumb and forefinger of his uninjured hand. She moaned in response and ran her fingers through his hair. He flicked his tongue back and forth over her nipple, caressing her breasts gently.
He was already hard. Becca could feel his hard on through his pants and she pressed her hips up and toward him, the stiffness rubbing against her clit. He slid his hands down and pressed her hips to the bed so she couldn’t move.
“You’re in an awful hurry tonight.” He kissed down her stomach to her belly button and looked up at her.
“You’re driving me mad.” She tugged her own hair and tried to thrust her hips up again.
His face fell into a sly smile. “That’s my job.”
“Then do it already.” She half giggled and reached down to unzip her pants.
He took her wrists before she got very far with the zipper, and pressed them into the bed. “Do I have to tie you down?”
“That could be fun.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
She shrugged. “I’ve never actually done it before.”
Nick had always threatened to tie her up and keep screwing her repeatedly, but he never had. He’d held her wrists a few times, pulled her hair, even pressed a pillow over her face, but he’d never used handcuffs or rope.
Rowan gasped suddenly and slipped off the bed in a hurry.
“What?” She sat up, his abrupt motion sending a wave of panic through her.
“We never got the handcuffs off Emma’s hand.”
“Oh.” She laid back down. “I know. But how can we? We don’t have a key or anything. I figured we’d take her somewhere tomorrow. It’s not too tight or anything. She’ll be okay.”
He left the room and she heard him open Emma’s door slowly. What was he doing?
She got up and yanked her t-shirt back on, leaving the bra on the ground. They would get back to this later. No way was she going to sleep tonight without having him inside her first.
She crept down the hall and peeked into Emma’s room. Rowan was bent over her, the light from his cell phone by his side. She was still fast asleep, but he held the handcuff and was using something to pick at the lock.
“Can you get it open?” she asked.
He nodded, then the handcuff clicked open. He gently laid Emma’s hand back down and picked up his phone. He put whatever he’d been using to open the handcuff into his pocket.
“And now, conveniently, we have handcuffs.” He winked. “Two birds, one stone.”
“But there are no keys for those.”
He came to her and they left the room. He pulled the door shut behind them as they stepped into the hallway. “Even better that way,” he said.
“Rowan…”
“Don’t you trust me?” He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her neck.
“Yes, but what if you can’t get them open?”
“I won’t close it too tight. And I’ll be able to get them open. They’re not difficult. People don’t get out of cuffs because the lock is so great. They don’t get out of them because you can’t pick the lock with your hands in cuffs. I’ve spent hours practicing.”
He put the cold metal cuff to her wrist. She wasn’t too sure of this. She did trust him, though. With her life and with Emma’s. He wouldn’t put her in cuffs if he weren’t sure he could get her out of them. That gave her some comfort.
“You can say no,” he said. “It’s okay. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“Oh.” She bit his earlobe and tugged on it with her teeth. “That’s a shame. I was kinda hoping you’d make me just a little uncomfortable. In the hot and bothered sort of way.”
He moaned into her ear and closed the cuff around her wrist. He walked her backward into her bedroom, pulling her shirt back off as she stepped inside the room. He threw it down, then closed the cuff around her other wrist. “Now let’s see if you get impatient,” he said.
He tossed her onto the bed and climbed over her. He pulled off his shirt and teased her with his tongue. All over her stomach and breasts and nipples, he kissed and pinched and bit.
“This is really unfair,” she said. “I can’t touch you at all?”
He shook his head. “Maybe I’ll let you touch me later. If you’re good.”
“Oh, well, forget it, then.”
He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Being good is no fun,” she said. “I prefer being bad.”
“In that case.” He flipped her over and smacked her ass. “I’ll have to punish you.”
He lay down on top of her, his hand in her hair, kissing along her neck. From this angle, she could reach him, though. She dug her fingers into the hard muscles of his stomach.
Then he got off and turned her back over with a sigh. “You just can’t keep your hands to yourself, can you?”
She shook her head. “Not when you’re that hot.”
“You think I’m hot?” He kneeled on the bed and flexed his arms, making the muscles jump and bulge.
She bit her lip and nodded.
“How hot?”
“So hot, I want to rip off all your clothes right now.”
“Let’s not. These are the only pants I own at the moment.” He winked at her.
He slowly unzipped her pants. Too slowly. Why was he torturing her like this? He tugged on her pants, sliding them down an inch at a time. With each new patch of skin visible, he danced his fingertips and flicked his tongue over her skin. He moved down her thighs to her knees and her calves. He sucked on her toes and she let out a moan.
“You like that?” He slipped his tongue between her toes.
“Yes. I like every way you touch me.”
He pulled down his own pants, but kept his underwear on. He left her panties in place, too, and crawled back on top of her. He pushed his hips down, pressing his hard cock against her until she moaned.
“Rowan…”
“Yes?” he whispered in her ear.
“Please.”
“Please what?”
“Please get inside me right now.”
He rubbed his nose against hers and moved away from her.
She cried out in frustration. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“I like seeing you squirm.”
“Next time, I’m cuffing you.”
“That could be fun. But tonight is my turn. You’ll just have to deal with it. I have to say, though, you’re not making me want to let you out of those cuffs.”
“I just want to touch you.”
“Oh yeah?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“You want to suck my dick?”
“Yes.”
“I might be able to allow that.” He scooted up on the bed and pulled down his boxer briefs. His hard cock broke free and pointed straight at her. She opened her mouth and he slid in.
She sucked and moved her mouth up and down. This would be better with hands, she thought, but she would have to do her best with only her mouth. She moved up and down his shaft, taking him in as far as she could. She wanted to drive him mad like he was doing to her. He twisted his fingers through her hair and moaned.
“You are so good at that.” After a few minutes, he pulled out and winked at her. “Almost too good.”
“Good enough for you to give me what I want?”
He raised his eyebrows. “And what’s that?”
“You know what I want. I want you deep inside me.”
“Oh no. Not yet.”
She growled at him and thrust her hips toward him. He ripped her panties down and off her in one fluid movement. Then he pushed her legs apart slowly. He dragged her panties over her clit. She wiggled against them, wanting more. He smacked her with them gently, like he would have done with a whip, just hard enough to make it sting the tiniest bit. She cried out in pleasure each time.
He tossed the panties aside and took his place between her legs. He lowered his mouth to her, looking up to watch her face. She pleaded with him and lifted up, but he pressed her hips back down. Then he used his fingers to spread her lips apart and flick his tongue all around her. He pressed inside her as far as his tongue would go. He rubbed small, fast circles over her clit and she almost lost her mind with the pleasure of it.
She cried out to him. “Please!”
He slipped his finger inside and moved it in and out while he flicked his tongue over her clit. He moved too slowly and she wanted more of him. And then, when he finally pulled out his finger and came to meet her, he took his dick in his hand.
“Is this what you’ve been waiting for?”
“Yes.”
“Is this what you want?”
“Yes!”
He kissed along her neck, still refusing to give in to her. He rubbed the tip of his cock around her clit and between her lips, spreading her juices around. He pressed in just the tip. When she moaned and pushed against him, he pulled out.
“Rowan!” She tried to slide her hand out of the cuffs. She wanted to reach down to his ass and pull him in deeper and be done with this playing around. She needed to feel all of him, now.
He pushed in again, a little more this time. She wanted to press against him to force him deeper, but she held back. If she stayed still, maybe he’d give her more. It worked. She didn’t move and he slid in a tiny bit farther. She forced her hips to stay down and not move and he slid in farther still. Then, with one final shove, he filled her completely.
She cried out and he did, too. But then he stopped. He didn’t move. He stayed there, still inside her.
She held her breath and didn’t move either, afraid he’d pull out again.
“Okay, I can’t do this anymore,” he said.
And then he pulled back and thrust into her, fast and hard. Whatever game he’d been playing with himself seemed to be over. Instead of the slow, careful movements, he thrust in again and again, faster, harder.
He reached down and pulled her leg up, putting his arm behind her knee to bring it up higher so he could go deeper into her.
“Harder!” she said.
He listened this time. When she brought her hips up to meet him, he brought his down to her, the force sending him in again and again.
“I’m gonna come,” she said.
He abruptly pulled out.
She whimpered in response. “No.”
“Not yet,” he said. He turned her over and brought her ass up to meet his hips. He slid into her from behind, tugging on the handcuffs and using his other hand to rub her clit.
It was no use, though. Whatever he’d hope to stop, he’d only brought on harder. She pushed her ass back into him and almost screamed in pleasure as she came all over him.
“You bad girl,” he said, leaning over her to bite her neck, then straightening back up to smack her ass twice. “I said not yet.”
“I couldn’t help it.”
“You’ll have to pay now.”
He turned over, so he was on his back. He grabbed her and pulled her on top of him. She straddled him, and he held his dick so she could slide onto it. She rocked her hips forward and back, massaging him. She rode him hard, up and down, slamming into him until he cried out and gripped her legs. He made a few hard thrusts into her and then lay still, panting.
“I love your pussy,” he said.
She chuckled and slid off him to lay by his side.
It was slightly awkward, still being cuffed, but she nuzzled against him, resting her cheek on his shoulder.
“Just give me a second,” he said, breathing slowly. “I’ll get the cuffs off.”
After a minute of resting, he got up and dug into his pants, pulling out a bobby pin from his pocket. She turned on her side and held her hands out to him. It didn’t take long. In just a minute, he had the first one unlocked, then the second one. He kissed her wrists and set the handcuffs on her dresser.
“We’ll have to keep those for next time,” he said.
“You are really good at that,” she said.
“What, the handcuffs?”
“Well, all of it, but yes, I meant the handcuffs this time.”
He smiled and slid back into bed beside her.
Becca shivered. The air was cool on her sweaty body. They never had taken showers after coming home, but she was too exhausted now. She’d just have to change the sheets tomorrow. She pulled the blankets up and slid under them, then Rowan did the same.
With their naked bodies pressed together, she rested on his shoulder and he put his arm around her.
“You’re going to stay here until you have a house to go to, right?” she asked.
She hadn’t thought much about it earlier, but maybe he’d go to stay with one of his guys for a while. Of course, she wanted him here. She didn’t want to be without him for one minute. But part of her wondered if that would be the best thing for Emma. She liked Rowan, but to have another man move in so soon? And was their relationship ready for that? They’d fallen in love so quickly. Did they really know each other well enough?
She kept thinking back to Nick and how different everything had been at the beginning. What if Rowan did something like that? What if he changed on her suddenly? He didn’t seem like that type, but, then, neither had Nick. If she ever wanted any relationship to work out, she’d have to let go and trust. Sure, she might get hurt again or end up in a bad relationship, but if she didn’t ever trust, then she’d never be married to anyone again. Was that what she wanted?
No, she enjoyed the married life, just not the person she had been married to. But a nice house with Rowan, and Emma, and maybe a few kids of their own—it sounded like a dream. Her dream. And maybe, for once, all her dreams would come true.
“If you’re okay with it, I’d love to stay here,” he said.
She nodded. “Absolutely.”
“Good. I might go a little crazy over your safety for a while. It’ll make it much easier for me to feel like you’re safe if I’m with you. I don’t want to be overprotective or anything, but I want to make sure you’re okay and Emma is okay.”
“Thank you.” She leaned forward to kiss him. “Thank you for always protecting us. It means so much to me.”
“You mean so much to me. And Emma. It kills me to think of anyone hurting you. If you hadn’t killed Nick, I was going to.”
“I’m glad I got to, though.”
“Are you?” He tilted his head to raise an eyebrow at her. “I wasn’t sure how that would affect you. Was that the first time you ever shot a gun? The first time you killed someone?”
“Yes.” She chuckled. “Who else would I have killed?”
“Who knows. You could have been mugged some other time or something. I’m glad he’s the only one. It can really weigh on you when you kill someone and the more kills, the more weight.”
“I think I feel okay about it because of the circumstances. I feel like I finally fought back, and that’s a good feeling. And I feel like I was the one to save Emma and myself from him, you know? Obviously, you were a big part of it, and the Rebels, and I couldn’t have gotten to that point without you, but I was the one to pull the trigger and make sure he was out of our lives forever.”
“I get that. Totally. I wanted to be the one to kill my dad so badly. My brother did it, though. I guess that’s something. He’s older so he got it worse and he probably needed to kill him just as badly as I did. I wanted to be the one to get revenge, though. I wanted to make him suffer like he made me suffer.”
“That’s how I felt about Nick. Like he should have to feel some of the pain he put on me.” She looked up at him and traced his nose and jaw with her fingers. “I’m sorry your dad hurt you like that. No one should be treated that way, especially not by a parent.”
“I guess we went through almost the same thing. Dad, husband, I don’t see how it’s much different, really.”
“It’s horrible no matter who’s doing the hurting.” Something he said earlier came back to her and she needed an answer, even if she really didn’t want to know. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“How many people have you killed?”
He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. “You sure you want to know the answer to that?”
“Nope. But I need to.”
“Okay. Well, if we’re counting indirect kills, where I was a part of it, or had someone killed on my behalf, then I don’t have an exact number. You could count every one of the Griffins as mine if you wanted to because I ordered my guys to kill them.”
“How many people did you personally kill?”
“Adding Abram and one of his guys today, eight.”
She didn’t say anything for a long time. Then, “How did you not get caught for any of them?”
“It’s kinda like with gangs. Police try not to get too involved with MC crimes against each other. I think they figure they’ll let us take each other out. Saves them from having to deal with us. So, a lot of them weren’t investigated too closely. Like everything that happened today. When they realize who’s inside that house, it’ll be listed as arson and accidental deaths most likely. And the others? I was just smart about them, I guess.”
“So, you’ve literally gotten away with murder.”
“You could say that. Eight times.” He waited for her to say something else, and when she didn’t, he asked, “Does that bother you?”
“I’m sure you had good reasons to kill them all, but it does a little. I mean, it’s murder. That’s a serous thing.”
“I know. And I take it very seriously.”
“I know you do.” She trailed her fingers along his bulging bicep. “That’s why it’s not a deal breaker.”
“What are your deal breakers?”
“Not sure, really. Obviously, abuse. I thought the MC thing was, but if that’s not, then I guess I don’t really have many. What about you?”
“I doubt there’s anything that could make me not want to be with you. Maybe cheating. That’s not cool. But, I don’t know. You’re so hot, I might still take you back.”
“I’ve never done that anyway.”
“I was thinking about something.” He played with the ends of her hair, twisting pieces around his fingers and weaving through the long strands. “What if my new house is… our new house? What if you and Emma came to live with me? We could pick it out together and everything.”
“I would love that. Having a house again. And to have it with you? It’s a dream come true.”
“We’d have a lot more space. And a yard. We could get a dog or a cat, or whatever Emma wanted.”
“Oh, don’t tell her that.” She laughed. “She’ll want a small zoo.”
“I might be able to be talked into that. If that’s what she wanted.”
“She is going to have you wrapped around her little finger.”
Rowan squeezed her closer. “I hope so.”
“You know. I didn’t tell you this. She asked me if you could be her new daddy.”
“She did? Seriously?”
“Yes. She wanted you to live here.”
“Wow. I wasn’t sure how all this was going to go. If she’d need time to adjust or anything.”
“I’m sure she still will, but at least that means she’s comfortable with you. She likes you and she wants you around.”
“She really said that?” The awe was clear in his voice.
“She really did.”
“I love that little girl,” he said.
“Me too.” She laughed.
“Can we make another one? A little girl or boy who’s ours?”
“Right now?”
“Maybe we already did. Unless you’re on the pill or something.”
“I’m not. Guess we should have taken more precaution.”
“Too late now.” He let his hand fall to her stomach. “A Rowan Junior could be growing in there right now. It’s crazy to think that.”
Becca put her hand over his and smiled contently. “I would love nothing more.”