TONIGHT WAS OUR LAST NIGHT together. Tomorrow, he would drive me to my parents’ house, and then vanish from my life. Move on to his next mission. Would I ever see him again?

For our last night, we ported in Ensenada, Mexico, though Pat wouldn’t let me get off the yacht and risk being seen. Kyle, Dave, and Vic had gone into town and taken Gabriel. I was grateful they all loved my little boy and were taking him somewhere fun before the inevitable media circus would make us prisoners in my own home. They’d be back later, but for the first time since this ordeal had begun, Pat and I were completely alone.

We sat at the tiny table in the corner of the room. Pat plugged in his phone so we had some music—classic rock not classical. I didn’t think he was trying to set a seduction scene, but it felt like a romantic date. He was so handsome and rugged. I saw him with fresh eyes—not the man who’d hired me to blow him, not the SEAL who rescued me, just this strong, sensitive, masculine man. A man who would kill to protect me—and he already had.

Pat had snuck out into town before the others left and brought in food from a local restaurant. He’d been raving this entire trip about how he couldn’t wait for me to try the lobster. Pretty sweet of him. Nearby Puerto Nuevo was a fishing village, which was famous for its lobster, so we had lobster, fresh homemade tortillas, and all the fixings. My taste buds were alive. It was the best food I’d had in years: the plump flesh of the lobster, the buttery tortillas, and the creamy guacamole. I was craving a strawberry margarita, but Pat didn’t think it was a good idea—he felt it was too soon for me to drink alcohol since I was recovering. But, all in all, it was a perfect meal. I guess it was kind of a celebration. A toast to getting my life back.

He poured me a glass of Mexican cola. “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home?”

I lifted the glass and pressed my lips onto it. I felt his eyes watching me, watching my lips. “Oh, I don’t know. Sounds weird, but I don’t want to see my friends for a while. I’m sure they’re all going to act weird around me, or ask me all sorts of crazy questions that I don’t want to answer. Nicole used to joke that if we ever got rescued, it would be like winning the Super Bowl. You know, ‘You’ve just won the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next? I’m going to Disneyland.’ But that’s not really my thing. I’d love to take Gabriel to Lake Tahoe, walk around the lake. Something outside. I’ve been locked up for so long; I’m desperate to just get out, walk, hike, and bike on the trails. Be free.”

His mouth widened into a smile. “That’s exactly what I like to do in my free time. Anything out in nature, hiking, camping, exploring. I grew up going to Lake Tahoe every summer.”

“Oh? Really? Maybe we ran into each other? My parents have a vacation home in Incline Village.”

Pat shook his head. “They have a place in Incline? Sure they do. I doubt you ever saw me on your private beach. My mom made sure that even though money was always tight, she would save up enough for us to spend a week in a crappy motel in Lake Tahoe every summer. You know, the kind across the street from Denny’s with an above-ground pool.”

I started biting my nails. What an idiot I was, talking about my summer home. Pat clearly didn’t grow up with money. I never had considered myself a snob before I’d been taken, but I was quite aware my parents were pretentious. They expected me to marry a man from a stable two-parent home, the son of doctors or lawyers. I shivered; how would they ever accept Gabriel?

Pat’s eyes watched me. He was so in tune with my emotions. Was this from his training? I felt like he could read my mind.

He changed the subject. “I have a week in San Diego before we leave again. I’m just going to spend time with my dog, Trigger. He was one of our military dogs in Iraq. He’s a German Shepherd. Retired. Great dog. One of the SEAL BUD/S instructors takes care of him when I’m gone. Here’s a pic of him.”

He took out his iPhone and showed me a pic of a huge dog.

“He’s gorgeous. I want to meet him. Are you going home to visit your mom? Where are you from anyway?” I realized I didn’t know anything about Pat, except, of course, he was a SEAL.

“Sacramento. I was going to, but I don’t have any time. Have to get my life in order before we go. I’ve been gone for six months, then this one month leave, and we’re heading out for another three months.”

I pushed my food around my plate. “I’m sorry I took up all your vacation time.”

“Don’t be.” He took my hand across the table, shivers radiated through my body. I knew rationally that I was having feelings for him because he saved me, nothing more. But I couldn’t help the fact I’d dreamt of this beautiful man every night since I met him. I was sure he was destined to save me, destined to choose me. But the way he treated me during the boat ride, with kid gloves, also made me confident his only feelings toward me were those of protection, compassion, and pity.

“Pat, I’m scared of going home. I wish I could stay here on this yacht. With you.”

“Why are you scared? Your parents are going to be thrilled to see you. I can’t imagine their pain.” He paused and released my hand. “And your boyfriend has given interviews about how he’s still in love with you. I’m sure you two will run off and get married. Live happily ever after and have two point five kids with a minivan.”

“Chris? Please. I mean he’s a good guy. He’s a surfer, used to get high all the time. I feel really bad about everything he’s been through, people thinking he killed me and all. But I’m so different now. He’s not the type of man I can see myself with. I want to be with someone strong, caring, and brave.” I paused and took Pat all in. I wanted to know everything about this man. What he felt, what he thought, what made him tick? “You’re incredible, you know that, right? Not many men would’ve returned to save me.”

“You’re a job to me, Annie. A mission. An American. I’m a SEAL, this is what I do. Any of the other guys on the Teams would do the same thing. It doesn’t make me special.”

He saw me as nothing more than a mission. And his mission was almost over. “Have you ever been in love?”

He looked away. “Yup. Once. She cheated. End of story.”

No matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t open up to me. “Whatever. There’s always more to the story. Maybe she cheated on you because you’re so closed off. I mean, I’ve been living with you for two weeks and you know everything about me. But I don’t know a thing about you. Except that you’re a SEAL. You never fail to remind me of that.”

“So, that’s an excuse to cheat on me? While I’m out getting shot at by the Taliban?”

“No, of course not. Not all girls cheat. I never cheated on Chris. But if you never let your ex in, she probably felt lonely. Like I feel now.”

“Fine, what do you want to know?”

He took a sip of his beer, his lips hovering over the glass. I imagined those lips on mine, what it would feel like to be desired instead of used. I had to push that thought out of my mind. “That’s not how it works. This isn’t an interrogation. I don’t want to know anything. I want to understand you.”

“I hate talking about myself, but if it’s important to you, I’ll try.”

He remained silent.

“Why did you want to become a SEAL?”

“They’re the best of the best. When I was a kid, one of my mom’s boyfriends threw her up against a wall and broke her shoulder. I wanted to kill that motherfucker. I guess I never wanted to feel powerless again.”

I choked back the tears, not willing to let him see me looking weak yet again. Would Gabriel have memories of his dad yelling at me? Forcing me to take drugs? Seeing me walk down the hallway with different men and disappearing for hours?

Pat was staring at me again with that look where he was trying to anticipate my thoughts. “I admire your strength. I don’t know how many women could go through what you went through and still be able to smile.”

A rush of desire overtook me. I wanted this man, couldn’t stop fantasizing about him. I didn’t want him to look at me as a victim—I wanted him to see me as a woman.

I glanced around the room, then fixated on him. It was our last night together; would I ever see him again? I had nothing to lose. “Pat, I have one favor to ask.”

He didn’t hesitate. “Anything. Shoot.”

My mouth widened into a smile, and I moistened my lips. “Make love to me.”

His eyes bugged out, and he shifted in his seat. “Annie, you’re beautiful, and in any other situation, any other situation, I would love to make love to you. But we can’t go there. I don’t want to hurt you. And I’m incapable of offering you any more than a one-night stand and you deserve more. I deploy at least nine months out of the year. When I’m home, I’m so tired from training. Your first experience after this nightmare should be special.”

My lips parted, I stood up and walked over to him. “I know what I want. I understand your job. For the past five years, I’ve been forced to have sex with strangers, do unthinkable things. Drugged out of my mind.” I leaned into him and ran my fingers through his hair. “Don’t let the last memory I have of being with a man, be of someone who paid for me. Someone I was unable to reject. I want you. I choose you. Make me feel good.”

For a second, I thought he would take me up on my offer. His eyes looked at me with hunger; I could see him growing with desire. My hand inched up his thigh and I stroked him. I wanted to feel him inside of me; for him to make me scream his name and make me come. I wanted to feel pleasure rush over my body, maybe hoping one amazing orgasm with a man who I had feelings for, however misguided, would wash away the sea of hurt that had been my life.

He stood up abruptly. “I can’t, Annie. I can’t. It’s not because I don’t want to, because I do. I’d love to pleasure you. I care about you, and your son. Nothing good can come out of this. You need to heal and move on. This will only confuse you. I’m sorry.”

He walked over to the bathroom and closed the door. I could hear the water run.

I knew he was doing what he thought was right. Trying not to hurt and damage me. But I deserved love. Would every man I ever developed feelings for be so afraid to hurt me that he would decide it was easier to walk away? Would I ever find love again? I hunched over in my chair, dejected and alone, again.