With my back to the door, I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe.

“How did it go?”

I glanced up to see Megan dressed in Cinderella-patterned flannel pajama bottoms, a light blue tank top underneath a baby blue fuzzy robe.

For a second, I allowed myself to envy her whimsical nature and freedom to be herself. Because at the moment, I didn’t know who I was.

I held up my phone, giving it a little shake.

“She’s called five times since I got out of the car. Rae have you got in, are you in your room, did you lock your door, don’t you want to come back home…”

I had to breathe after rattling off the chain of messages that filled my screen.

“That was four, but I get it,” Megan said.

The fifth was about Tade. You’re not going to remain friends with that boy.

I opened my eyes and stared at my friend. “You can say it.” Her smile was a little sad, almost how I felt. “Go ahead,” I dared.

“She’s a little certifiable.”

“That’s an understatement.”

We laughed, and it felt good until mine turned into a sob. I caught myself and stopped it before it tore free.

I’d closed my eyes again and hadn’t noticed Megan’s approach before she wrapped me in a hug.

“Thank God you’re not crazy,” she said softly. Her next words weren’t soft as she pulled back. “What set her off this time?”

It could have been one of a million things or nothing at all.

“Dad thinks she’s off her meds.”

Megan’s features screwed into a grimace.

“Not good. I had an aunt like that. Looney as they come. She had good and bad days.”

“Today was definitely a bad day. It didn’t help that she saw Tade.”

Megan’s jaw went slack. “You invited Tade to dinner with your parents?” I shook my head no. “He was with Gavin?”

I repeated my silent response before answering. “He was out with another girl.”

“Wait! What?”

God, I loved her. She looked ready to fight on my behalf instead of blaming me.

Finally, I let my shoulders slump.

“I don’t know what to think. He sent me that puzzling text.”

“About canceling your date?”

I nodded. “After he said he would explain later, he ended it with asking me to trust him.”

“Sounds suspicious to me. What a douche!”

“I might have thought so, but he came over like he wanted to be introduced to my parents.”

“Did you? Introduce them, that is.”

“I shook my head so he wouldn’t.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Then what happened?”

“He kept going and didn’t stop at our table.”

“Can you be sure he really meant to come over to you guys?”

I couldn’t be sure of anything. “I don’t know. After, Mom went off like a bomb—boys were bad, all the terrible things that start with b.”

She tried not to laugh, but I smiled, which set her off into a fit of giggles. When she settled down, she soberly added, “You should talk to him.”

That surprised me. “Really?”

“Yeah, misunderstandings suck, especially when you aren’t given a chance to explain.”

The way she spoke sounded like it was coming from experience.

“Text him that you want to meet up tomorrow.”

“I have an appointment with the psychologist in the morning, then I have class.”

“What about after, or else it’s going to eat away at you.”

It would. I sent a quick message for him to meet me after my last class. I set my phone down and got ready for bed so I didn’t stare at it, waiting for his response.

The next morning, I sat in the chair across from the woman I’d been speaking to weekly since I started school here last semester.

“How are things?” she asked, breaking my silence.

That was all it took to open the floodgate. I told her all about my parents showing up last night.

“We talked about boundaries. Did you exercise them?”

“They showed up. Was I supposed to tell them I wouldn’t see them after they’d driven two-plus hours to see me?”

The casual rise of her eyebrow was far easier than telling my parents no.

“You are allowed to have a life.”

“Am I? It doesn’t feel that way.”

“This is more about your mother than your father?”

“Yes. Dad’s been pulled into this.”

As if in prayer, she pressed her hands together before slowly tapping them.

“Has she, your mother that is, ever told you what happened to her?”

I’d thought about that a lot over the years.

“Not in detail. I know something did happen, just not specifically what.”

“And your dad, does he know?”

“I’m not sure. I know she did a good job at pretending she was fine when they met. She lost it because of me.”

“You can’t blame yourself. Everyone has their own way of coping.” When I didn’t respond fast enough, she switched gears. “Last we spoke, you’d gone on a date. How are things?”

“I’m not sure.” I told her about Tade and how it related to my dinner last night. I also mentioned his text.

“Do you want to continue to pursue this relationship?”

Was that what it was?

“How can I, when I’m not normal?”

She tsked. “There’s no yardstick for normal. It varies person to person.”

“How can I bring him into my family’s brand of crazy? If he ever met my mother, he’d make a run for it.”

“I’m not sure that he should ever meet your mother,” she said, honestly. “And maybe I shouldn’t say that. But you deserve to have what you call normal.”

“Is it fair for me to be normal when she’s not?”

Her concerned look was answer enough.

“It’s your life, Reagan. You have to live it, not your mother.”

Her words replayed in my head as I left my last class to meet up with Tade.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and took a deep breath before answering.

“Hello,” I said tiredly, leaving out Mom’s name feeling like I was tied to a tree and an angry mob was about to set fire to it.

“Reagan.”

My name coming from his lips sounded frantic.

“Tade.”

I still couldn’t believe he was calling. We mostly texted and his voice was filled with panic.

“You’re okay?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Where are you?”

Dumbly, I glanced around after he asked. “I’m on my way to meet you.”

“Good, see you there in five.”

He hung up as I stared at my phone in puzzlement.

When I walked into the busy café, I was snagged to the side.

He didn’t give me time to say hello before his lips landed on mine in the softest kiss that made my legs turn to Jell-O. As he swiped his tongue across my own, there was also something a little desperate in the way he held me.

When he pulled back, I couldn’t speak because he’d stolen my breath.

“You’re okay. When you didn’t answer…”

I wasn’t sure anyone could sound more relieved than he did. Then I remembered that I’d silenced my phone during class. It had buzzed, but I’d ignored it. He hadn’t left a message.

“What’s going on?”

“You haven’t heard?” After I silently let him know I hadn’t, he ran his fingers through his hair. “People were talking in class about a girl who was missing.”

A jolt of fear made me shiver. A girl taken from here? Mom was right. I wasn’t safe.

I stopped myself from asking if he knew who she was. He obviously worried it had been me.

“Did they have any information?” I asked instead.

“No, just rumors. I don’t think they’ve made an official announcement. It could be nothing.”

It looked like that was what he hoped. Fathomless eyes met mine. “About last night.”

My chest constricted. Mom’s warnings replayed in my head. I held up a hand as panic crept in. I felt like I needed to sit down and take a breath. Maybe things were moving too fast. “You don’t have to explain.”

“I don’t?” he asked, looking a bit mystified.

This hadn’t been my plan. But who was I kidding? Was I really ready for what a relationship with him meant?

“No. We’re just friends.”