Cruz Kerrington
FIGHTING THIS WAS impossible. I’d tried. I had tried so damn hard. But I couldn’t. Was I good enough for Lila Kate? No. Did she know all my dark secrets? No. Would she love me if she knew? Probably not. She’d hate me. I didn’t want her to hate me.
She turned and grabbed Eli’s arm as he came back downstairs with his bag. His staying the night here had been the last straw. I’d cracked. My chest exploding would have hurt less than seeing her with him last night. Eating fucking ice cream, walking around town like a couple. I couldn’t stomach it. I knew after that I had to do something.
“Just let me talk to him. You don’t have to go,” she said to Eli.
“Yeah, he does,” I argued.
She frowned at me. “No, he doesn’t.”
“Yes, I do,” he said saving me from having to argue with her. Because his ass needed to go back to fucking Alabama and stay there. “This,” he said pointing between Lila Kate and me. “This needs resolving. I’m in the way, and honestly, I don’t want to watch any more of the train wreck.”
I took a step toward him my hands balling into fists. Lila Kate was in front of me before I could take two steps. Both her hands on my chest. “Cruz. Don’t. Just go upstairs. Please.”
Her big beautiful eyes were telling me to go upstairs . . . to her apartment. That meant I wasn’t the one leaving. So I backed away and nodded.
“Thank you,” she whispered as if he couldn’t hear her.
“Don’t touch her,” I warned him making sure he understood I’d find his ass. I’d track him down and make sure neither of his hands worked again.
“Cruz, please,” Lila Kate begged.
I turned and walked to the back door only glancing back once.
“I’m sorry about all this,” she told him. “I never expected him to come here.”
“But you’re glad he did,” Eli replied.
“Yes,” she said without hesitation.
I left them. She wanted me. She wasn’t begging him to stay. Proclaiming she loved him. Crying over him. I hadn’t lost her yet. It wasn’t too late for us. I would worry about my secrets later. The shit I still had to end. Deal with. I’d handle it. For now, I just needed Lila Kate.
The smell of bacon filled the apartment when I reached the top stair. The large area was a great space. Open, roomy, and Lila Kate had put her touch on it. I smiled at all the reds and yellows. She loved bright colors. Somehow, she made colors that I normally wouldn’t care for attractive.
There were pancakes on the bar along with blueberries and bacon. She had made him breakfast. Jealousy ate at me. The only thing keeping me sane was the fact the sofa bed was out and used. They hadn’t slept together. The idea of them wrapped up together last night had been what sent me to drinking. At one point, I’d drunk enough that I’d passed out. Only slept three hours before I was awake again tortured over the idea of them together.
I picked up a piece of bacon and ate it, then went to see if there was milk in the fridge. I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten all night, and the more I thought about Lila Kate cooking all this for Eli, the more I wanted to eat it. Take what he thought was his. It was mine first, dammit.
“I can’t keep doing this with you, Cruz,” Lila Kate said the moment she entered the apartment. She wasn’t crying anymore. She was more intense. Serious. “This is messing with my head. I’m a wreck. That guy you just ran off is a good guy. He’s sweet and kind. He likes me. He doesn’t need women everywhere to fawn over him to make him feel like a man. He is perfect. Completely perfect. So why is it that the moment you show up I forget all that? Why can’t you see that this is ruining me? This back and forth.” Her hands were on her hips, and she was keeping her distance. I wanted her here with me. Eating this food. Smiling at me. Up on this bar with her legs spread while I fucked her. There was a lot I wanted from her. But only one thing was important.
“Do you love me?” I asked her. It was simple. It was what I needed to know.
She sighed and closed her eyes tightly. “Yes. You already know I do.”
That was what I needed to hear. I walked around the bar and straight to her. She opened her eyes when she heard me approach. They were haunted with pain. Pain that I had caused. Pain that she didn’t deserve. I’d make that up to her. I would spend my life doing it.
“Then forgive me. Please. Give me another chance. Because Lila Kate Carter, I’m completely in love with you. I can’t see my life without you in it. All I want when I open my eyes every morning is to see you there beside me. And at night to sleep with you in my arms. Just, let me show you I can be that guy. The one you thought you had found in Eli. I can be him. Just a little more fucking exciting because he is too damn structured and you’d soon be bored as hell.”
“Why now? What changed?” she asked. Still cautious and unsure.
“Because I can’t fight this anymore. I thought I was protecting you from me, but I can be the guy you deserve. I love you so fucking much there will never be a man that loves you more. That much I can guarantee you.”
She smiled. It was small and soft then she shook her head in disbelief. “I’m a fool.”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
“No, you’re not.”
She tilted her head back. Her chin lifted. “Yes. I am. Because as I stand here and argue with you, I know that I am going to forgive you. I’ll do it again too if I have to. Why can’t I shake you, Cruz? Why? What is the insane hold you have on me?”
My heart felt so damn full I wanted to do a fist pump and let out a shout of victory. “I’m pretty damn sweet,” I teased her.
She smirked. “No, you’re not.”
“Okay. fine. Maybe not sweet. But I can be. I’m going to be. I am going to be all you need me to be. I swear it.”
“What happens when you get bored with me?”
I reached for her then. “I’ve known you all my life. Never once have you bored me. Not even when you were so uptight you could barely walk,” I grinned as I said it.
She laughed. That had been what I was trying for. “That’s not exactly smooth talking.”
I held her back and pressed her up against me. “No? I’ll work on that then.”
Bending down I kissed her lips softly. She leaned into me and kissed back. A soft, pleased moan came from her mouth, and I tasted deeper. Held her closer. This was all I was going to need. It made all the other times, all the other girls and women pale. They were forgettable. Lila Kate had claimed my soul.