Coop’s been gone for four days now.
Four days since I sat in the hospital and watched the strongest men I know break down.
And it’s been four days since Chelcie told me what’s been going on with her.
Pregnant. She’s pregnant, and Coop will never know that he’s going to be a father. That one time they shared may have been mutually no-strings, but now he’s gone, and there isn’t anything we can do to change that. I know she’s having a hard time with things. She and Coop might not have had any feelings for each other, but that doesn’t change the fact that there is a baby coming into this world that will never know his or her father. I think the hardest part for her right now is knowing that she never had a chance to even tell him.
I take a deep breath and continue to apply my make-up. Beck’s already dressed in his Dress Blues, and if it was for any other occasion, I might be able to appreciate how good looking he is. I’ve chosen a simple form-fitting black dress. The short cropped sleeves cover enough of my nasty healing wound from where the bullet grazed my arm. I grab a pair of black, four-inch heels before walking down the stairs and meeting Beck in the kitchen. I watch his back as he moves about fixing a cup of coffee. He’s holding his body tight, and I know that today is costing him emotionally.
After fixing his cup, he turns, picks up his white Barracks Cover, and leans back against the counter, just looking at his hat. I walk over and take his face in my hands. I don’t give him words. Right now, he doesn’t need them. I pull his head down and place a soft kiss against his lips. When I drop back down on my heels, I keep my palms against his cheeks. His eyes are closed, but a single tear spills from the corner and rolls onto my fingers. My heart is breaking for him right now, and I have no idea how to take some of the pain away.
“I love you.” I remind him, just as I have every single night for the last four days.
“And I love you.” His voice is thick with emotion, but he looks like he’s holding it together a little better than he was two minutes ago.
Chelcie comes down about ten minutes later dressed in a black dress similar to mine. She looks a little better than she did yesterday, and I have to take that as a mark on the positive side of things. She gives me a small smile before sitting down to wait until the limo gets here to take us to the funeral home. Since Izzy and Melissa are sharing a sitter for the kids, we’re going to be the last stop before heading out.
Deep breath in. Stay strong. I keep repeating those five words over and over. For the most part, I’m holding it together better than I ever expected. The night we got home from the hospital, I had to put a call in to Dr. Maxwell’s private cell. After explaining what happened, she was more than happy to help me with my issues over the phone. It took about an hour, but when I hung up the phone with her, I realized that I just lived through something terrible and wasn’t shutting down. I knew what I needed to do without having someone remind me. I saw myself being pulled in by those dark thoughts and fears, and made the call that I needed to make. We discussed the warning signs that I should look for, but she seemed pretty positive that I was holding myself together the best way I could.
She also stressed that I let Beck know that if he needs to talk, her door would be open for him. We talked about it last night, and he agreed that he would go speak with her. Watching him suffer in his grief, and knowing that he was blaming himself for what happened had me worried. I never thought I would see the day when I would be able to repay all of the things he’s done for me in the past. Or I should say start to repay him.
****
The service for Coop was one of the most emotional things I had ever experienced. All of the boys wore their Dress Blues, and they looked breathtaking. I wasn’t even shocked to see Asher sitting front and center in a uniform of his own. All of the guys took their seats next to Asher, and all five of Coop’s ‘brothers’ sat stoically. They didn’t flinch when the rifles went off, not a twitch in their faces when the bugle started playing, and when Asher was presented with the flag that had been draped over Coop’s casket, they each kept their faces forward and eyes on Coop.
They didn’t move until the last person had walked away from the gravesite. It wasn’t until Izzy grabbed my hand to draw my attention across the graveyard that I watched those strong men crack a little.
I hadn’t seen Sway since that day. I knew that he had watched the kids for Izzy and Melissa when they came to the hospital, and that he closed the salon for the last two days out of respect for Coop.
Watching Sway walk across the grass, weaving to avoid stepping on any markers is almost too much. Gone is his normal flamboyant garb, and in its place is a perfectly tailored black suit. His trademark blonde wig is gone, and his normal hair which I have never seen before is buzzed close to his scalp. There is nothing about this version of Sway that I have ever seen before.
He did this for Coop.
I know he waited for the service to end and the crowd to clear before he paid his respects. Melissa reaches over and takes my other hand, and we sit here waiting to see what happens next. From where we are, we have the perfect view of the scene playing out. All five of the men watch as Sway walks up to the casket and sets a single mason jar on top. It has a beautiful red, white, and blue ribbon tied around the top, and when my eyes take in the contents, a sob bubbles out before I can stop it. He presses his hand against the wood next to the gold, glitter filled jar and dips his head. He takes a few minutes before he pats the top twice and stands back.
At this point, all of us are sobbing uncontrollably, but what is most shocking to me is that all five of the men across the way have finally cracked. Obviously, Coop had filled his brother in at some point about the whole glitter prank because even his eyes are shining despite the small smile playing his lips. These big, strong, proud men aren’t even trying to stop the tears that are falling as they look at Sway with small smiles.
Sway dips his head before he walks back off in the direction he came. His shoulders are bent and his soft cries trail behind him. He makes his way to his car and drives off. There isn’t a single dry eye left as we all take in the beautiful glass jar full of the simmering of happiness.