Almost Two Years Later
“You’re turning into the old cat lady on the street.” Coop laughs, picking up one of the kittens that appeared on my porch one day a few months ago. “Which one is this? Pussy or Trouble? You know, it’s basically the same damn thing. Pussy is trouble, and trouble always comes from pussy.” He laughs at his own joke, but I stay silent. I’m always fucking silent these days.
“Yup. You want a beer before we head out?” He just looks at me, so I shrug and head over to the fridge, snagging us both bottles. When I hand him his beer, he’s looking at me as if I’ve grown two heads, not exactly a look I’m used to being on the receiving end of.
“You feeling okay? I know it’s been a rough run the last year or so, but drinking before lunch? Not exactly a normal Mr. Perfect move there, Beck.” My skin feels like it’s too tight as he looks at me with his worried eyes. Jesus, when did I become this guy? Hell, I know exactly when. I just don’t know what to do about it.
“I’m fine… just have a lot on my mind right now.” He looks at me for a couple more beats before shaking his head and looking out the garage door. I busy myself with cleaning up the tools from my latest woodwork project, cleaning off my worktable, and sweeping up the sawdust. I should’ve known he wouldn’t be able to let this go. I know they all worry about me. I see the way that they watch me, waiting for me to crack, or maybe, waiting for me to explode. At this point, I’m pretty sure both are options.
“How long are you two going to play this game, Beck? You don’t think I know how you spend your nights, sitting at home like a fucking old man? You don’t date; you work, which I’m sure everyone loves since you do all the hard shit before we ever even crack the file open to start a new case. But you aren’t doing yourself any favors. If Dee doesn’t want a relationship, or whatever the hell you’re fighting this one man war for, I think it’s time to move on.” He walks over, puts his beer back in the fridge, and takes a deep breath before continuing. The whole time, I’m statue still. “Whatever her issues are… they aren’t yours to worry about.”
What can I say that won’t be betraying her confidence? I wish I could scream the truth in his face, because he doesn’t even know half of it. For almost two years I’ve watched the woman that owns my heart struggle to keep her head above water. Not even her best friend sees the pain she’s carrying on her back, because she hides it so well. But not from me. No one else was there to pick up Dee’s broken soul and fight to keep her whole after Izzy’s ex-husband attacked them. No one else saw how many times her beautiful, dark eyes completely lost their spark. And, while everyone else has moved on after the incident, I was the one by her side for months before she finally pushed me away.
The only thing I’ve thought of is the deep-seated worry that, one day we would show up at her house, and she would be gone. I do what I can from the sidelines, but even I know that isn’t enough. Izzy is too busy with Axel and their son, Nate, to even notice how far Dee is slipping away from us. Greg and his new wife, Melissa, and son, Cohen, are enjoying their new life as a family. Honestly, after everything those two have gone through recently, it isn’t a shock to me that he hasn’t noticed. Having your son kidnapped can do that to someone.
No, the two people closest to her, who that would be able to see through the veil of bullshit she wears around, are too busy. And the one person who wants more than anything to be there for her, has been locked out. So, yeah I’m just a little screwed up at this point.
“I can’t help it, Coop, and I know you don’t understand, so spare me the bullshit. I can’t just turn this shit off.” I finish sweeping the last pile of sawdust, and after dumping it in the bin, I look back over at Coop. “She needs me. I don’t know how to explain it, but when I look at her, even when she’s smiling and laughing with the girls, all I see is the need.”
“Right, well, I won’t pretend to understand where you’re coming from because I’ve never felt that, but you have to ask yourself if you’re just seeing something you want to be there because you’re still fighting for something that used to be. Did you ever think that maybe, she isn’t the same chick you first met?”
“No, because if I thought like that, I would be just another person to give up on her. Come on, we’re going to be late if we don’t stop talking like a couple of damn chicks and get over to Greg’s house.”
I take a few minutes to change out of my work clothes and throw on some old jeans and a faded black tee before we head over to Greg and Melissa’s for Cohen’s birthday party. The closer we get, the more nervous energy flows through my system. I feel it every time that I know I’m about to come face to face with Dee.
God, please don’t let her have a date.
****
The party is in full chaos mode when we walk in. Coop, being Coop, heads straight for the kids and starts acting out some weird impression of a ninja. Kicking his legs and flapping his arms around, he looks more as if he needs medical attention by the second. Cohen’s in the middle of about ten little boys his size, all of them laughing at the weird man in front of them.
It takes Coop about one second too long to notice what he just walked into.
“Coopie!” And in a flash of blond hair, black spandex, and a gold cape, Sway jumps into the fray and hugs Coop tightly. Cohen starts laughing hysterically when Sway starts jumping around, flailing his arms, kicking his legs, and swishing his long, blond ponytail around. Coop, never the one to be out done, joins in, and before long all the kids are acting like cracked out little hyenas.
“Hey, you, glad you could make it.” Melissa’s voice breaks through the insanity, and she wraps her arms around me, giving me a small hug before pulling back. Greg is right behind her, giving me one of his hard stares, which just makes me pull her in for another hug and kiss her lightly on her cheek. When she is pulled out of my hands and into Greg’s arms, we both laugh. Yeah, it’s way too easy to pick on him these days. Ever since she found out that she’s pregnant with twins, he’s become almost unbearable with his possessiveness.
“Calm down, you beast.” Melissa laughs, swatting his arms away.
His eyes are still burning at me when he finally speaks. “Don’t touch her. You want some cake?” I laugh before following them through the craziness and into the kitchen. The tension that has slowly rolled off my shoulders when we first got here comes flinging back with vengeance. There she is, as beautiful as ever, laughing with Izzy and Emmy.
She’s wearing one of my favorite pair of jeans that hug her ass perfectly, and showcase her long, toned legs. Her shirt is one of those blousy things that kind of hang loosely in a sexy way. It’s sheer, so I can still see her tight body and full chest incased in a tight, black tank. I almost swallow my tongue when I see her shoes. That woman could have me licking the floor just to have her in those heels, and those heels alone. Red-hot and sky high.
Temptation on legs.
I clear my throat and will my erection down. Last thing I need is to look like some creepy, old man getting hard on at a four-year-old’s birthday party. Yeah, that wouldn’t go over well at all.
Her eyes snap over to where I’m leaning against the doorjamb that leads into the kitchen. I can tell the exact second that her wall she has up starts securing all their extra locks, and the bulletproof glass starts to rise. You can literally see her protecting herself. And the worst part, the part that guts me right to the fucking heart, is that she is protecting herself from me.
“Izzy, Em, Dee… good to see you.” I turn and walk back into the living room. No sense in sticking around where I’m not wanted.