DAMON

All of the pain evaporates when she touches me, replaced by sparkling, humming delight. I can think of nothing beyond her. I will do whatever she wants. Whatever it takes for her to be present in my life.

I think I’m in love.

The logical part of my brain informs me I’m an idiot, and that I’m just addicted to any form of effective pain relief, but the romantic in me says that we’re meant to be.

She has my painting. I know it doesn’t look it, but that painting is essentially a self-portrait. And she loves him. It’s as if she’s adopted the doll in the picture somehow, and cares for him in a way that he needs. When she’d said she loved him, her words were sincere, not in the casual way someone might say, ‘I love ice cream’.

My mind goes blank when her fingers massage my scalp. Her mouth teases mine and it’s pure heaven. I never want to leave. Alexa’s body presses into mine and I feel every subtle move she makes, as if my body knows her well enough to recognize her cues. It feels as if she is warring with herself to pull back, but the urge to keep going is stronger, and I hope like hell that’s the case. Moaning into her mouth as her breasts nudge my chest again, I resist the urge to wrap my arms around her and pull her closer.

That will make it stop, just keep your hands in your pockets!

Oh shit. I don’t have hands. She’s going to freak out. I should stop. Fuck. I’m going to screw this all up for myself.

Forcing myself to leave her beautiful lips enough to speak, I whisper against them. “Alexa.”

The slightest tremor runs through her body and her hips rock against me, causing all thoughts to leave my mind except for the one about her rubbing against my hard dick. That one intensifies beyond control, because it’s happening. Images of our clothes disappearing and her sitting on me flood my mind.

“Damon?” she whispers back, her hands traveling my shoulders, my arms, and my back as she pulls closer.

“Mmmm.” It’s half question, and half answer. I can’t remember why we’re talking instead of kissing. Her thighs move more snugly around me and my humming sensations become stronger, as if the vibration is both faster and deeper.

“You make me feel...” I open my eyes as her voice trails off. Her body finishes the sentence with the most appealing movement I have ever experienced. Slim, feminine fingers twist in my hair as her hips tilt her into my dick. Her back arches, and her breasts present their hard nipples toward my face. “Would you mind if I took advantage of you right now?” she whispers. Biting her lip, she gives me the hottest look I have ever been blessed to be on the receiving end of. This girl is pure dynamite.

“Would I mind?” I ask, not sure I can believe my ears. She nods, a hopeful look in her eye. “I’m pretty sure I would love that,” I gush, moving in to kiss her.

Alexa leans out of reach. “Remember the rules?”

I tense. Nodding, I look between us to where my hands should be, in my pockets, and deflate.

“Alexa, before we go any further, I need you to know something,” I say in a rush, hating my stumps for turning one of the best moments in my life into one of the most terrifying and difficult.

“Sounds serious,” she says.

“It is, I guess. It might be a deal breaker for you, but I want to be honest.”

Narrowing her amber eyes at me, she leans back a little more, but doesn’t get off my lap. “Continue.”

Taking a deep breath, I look at my front pouch and sigh. How do I do it? Just whipping the stumps out and showing her is far too shocking. If I’m gentle, I’ll maximize the chance of her accepting me.

“I, um... I met Bruno in art therapy. We’d both been seriously injured while on duty. I, um... I don’t look like I should, Alexa.”

“You look good to me,” she says, frowning a little. Quietly studying me a moment, she raises her eyes to the dolls. “You’re a bit broken?”

I wait until her eyes return to mine before I nod. Her eyes roam my fully clothed body and come to rest on my crotch. “Can you still have sex?” she asks, her tone serious.

“Yes. My dick is just fine,” I say, smiling a little. Bruno’s dick took six years to recover from his trauma and after seeing what he went through, I’m extremely grateful I never had to worry about that part of my anatomy.

“Then we won’t have a problem,” she says matter-of-factly. “Just fine, huh?” she says, almost sounding amused. “That makes him sound average. From what I felt, he might be more than just fine.”

Swallowing roughly, I watch as she moves herself off my lap. Her every lithe movement has me mesmerized. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but Alexa even makes standing up some sort of sexual experience. There is just something about the way her hair falls over her shoulder, or the way her right hip is lifting a little higher than her left, as if to ask me if I like what I see.

The answer is yes. Hell yes.

Her long, blond hair is tied low and loose to one side and her cable knit sweater is a soft cream. Sheepskin boot-like slippers hug her tanned calves, and they should seem a strange combination with the tiny, chocolate colored shorts she’s wearing, but everything about Alexa looks just right.

“Stand up.” Her voice wavers a little, but her jaw is set firm.

I do as I’m told.

“Do you remember the rules?” she asks, her eyes darkening as she looks me over again.

I nod, speechless. Alexa’s hands come to rest on the waistband of my pants. I’m pretty sure I know what is about to happen.

“Do you want this?”

Again, I nod, unable to keep my eyes from lowering to her hands on my elasticated waistband.

A thought strikes me out of nowhere and I suddenly wish I could be wearing something more manly at this moment. Some jeans, a suit, anything with a belt would be cool. Buttons are a pain in the ass for me, which means I have a tendency toward sportswear for easier dressing, but right now, with a beautiful woman assisting me, I just think it would be more romantic if I was undone instead of having to be pulled down like a toddler.

You’re being stupid Damon. You’re about to be very happy, so just stop thinking.

“Leave everything to me,” Alexa says, stepping closer and slipping her hands under my waistband at the back. The magical, healing touch of her hands circle my butt and my dick strains against her. With her eyes glued to mine, she lowers my pants and my boxers enough to release my erection. Taking it in her hand, she smiles.

“Thought so,” she whispers, giving him a few strokes before looking down and gasping quietly.

It isn’t the first time a girl has sounded a bit shocked when she’s seen my dick.

“He’s a chubby one,” she says, looking back up at me with wide eyes that make me smile.

“What he lacks in length, he makes up for in other ways,” I say with half a smile; a bit self-conscious.

“There’s nothing wrong with his length either.” Her eyes close and she visibly shivers. I’m pretty sure I grow even fatter in response. When her eyes open again, they’re as hungry as I imagine mine must look.

Letting go of my dick and pulling my pants lower, she gives me a gentle push. “Lie down.”

Sitting on her bed, I lean back to rest on a small mountain of comfortable pillows. Alexa’s tongue runs over her top lip as her eyes rise slowly from my erection to my upper body. Her brows lower a little and her delicate fingers softly drum her lips.

“Put your hands behind your head,” she orders, “Like, kinda scoop your sweatshirt up and over so I can see more of you, without seeing your hands.”

Watching her a moment, I try to figure out if she hates hands and if we are a perfect match, or if she’s one of those girls that has to be in control. Either way, I think I’ll be fine with it. Since the moment I met Alexa, I knew I would do anything to be close to her. Keeping my stumps in my pockets, I lift my sweatshirt up and over, to rest in a bunch under my head.

“Feeling kind of exposed now,” I say with a shiver.

“Would it help if I joined you?” she asks, lifting her own sweater over her head to reveal a pale pink, lace bra.

“Definitely,” I whisper, completely transfixed by the woman in front of me. “You are a very beautiful woman, Alexa.”

“Thank you,” she says as if she’s heard it a thousand times before. Probably she has. I don’t know how people could see her and not at least think it.

Reaching behind, she unclasps her bra, letting its straps slip slowly down one arm, then the other before falling to the floor. The journey of those thin straps is achingly seductive; grazing her skin on their downward trajectory, I can almost sense myself traveling the same path.

Now, the logical part of my brain tells me she’s good at doing this because she’s a stripper, but the romantic part of my brain hopes like hell that this time means something more to her. I find myself in two minds about what is happening. I know I don’t want it to stop, but I want it to mean more to her than I think it might. My brain is always noisy, and I wish that Alexa would just kiss me again to make the damn thing go quiet.

She doesn’t kiss me, but does something just as helpful.

Toeing off her slipper boots, she lowers those tiny little shorts to the floor and stands tall again, completely bared to me. I have never seen such a beautiful creature and I can’t quite understand how I came to be lying before her, but I hope I don’t fuck it up.

“You weren’t wearing any underwear.” I don’t know why I said that out loud. What an idiot.

Stepping out of her shorts, Alexa smiles. “I don’t wear underwear.”

My dick twitches at the idea. “Ever?”

Shrugging, she opens her bedside drawer, fishing out a foil wrapper. “On stage I do,” she says, coming to stand at my knee. Her skin brushes mine and we both look to where we are touching. “I don’t wear them in real life.” She keeps looking at the point of contact. “This is real life, right?” she asks quietly.

“That, or the best damn dream I’ve ever had,” I reply as her eyes come to rest on mine.

Climbing on to the bed next to me, she takes a small breath before pressing the length of her body against mine. The fireworks are instant and she looks to me in shock. Pushing herself up towards my face, her lips find mine as her hands travel over my abs and across the collection of scars on the left side of my chest.

Groaning into her mouth as my whole body responds to her touch, I become fearful that I won’t last long enough for her to extract her pleasure from me. I tense beneath her and she breaks away, kissing down my neck and along the scar on my collar bone.

“Everything okay?” she whispers against my skin, creating a whole new series of pleasurable sensations.

“I - Alexa...” I try to get my brain to function, but it’s lacking blood supply right now. Her body does that invisible shiver that seems to happen whenever I say her name and I moan again as it travels through me on direct route to my dick. “You look and feel too good,” I whisper in a rush.

“You too,” she says, resuming her light kisses and running the tip of her sweet nose up my neck, under my chin.

I shake my head. “No. I mean, too good. I’m going to come too soon. Shit.” Cringing at myself, I squeeze my eyes shut. Doing so only makes me more aware of the shift in her body as her mound presses against my thigh. “I could come just by looking at you Alexa, but with you touching me like this I... I can’t... I won’t last.”

“We could use two condoms?” she suggests, brushing her hard nipples against my chest as she props herself up to look at me. “Unless you think you could just come and then get him up again straight away?” she asks, as her hand wraps around my dick.

Inhaling sharply, I hold on as best I can. “You’re incredible. I’m starting to think I might never be soft around you again, Alexa.”

Alexa’s body presses into me again as she shudders. “I like the way you talk, Damon. It makes me feel...” Her body gives another of its thrilling tremors and I whimper. I don’t think I’m even ashamed of being reduced to whimpering, because this girl is just that fantastic.

“You honestly think you could come without me touching you at all?” she asks, her long hair tickling my stomach as she sits up.

Normally, I’m ticklish as hell, but this is something else entirely. Something sensual. My abs clench as my dick jerks in her direction and my eyes travel her body. “I could come right now.”

“Do it,” she whispers, tossing her hair over her shoulder, revealing more of her perfect skin and full breasts. I’ve had plenty of sex, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so open and intimate with anyone before. It is both deeply erotic and horrifyingly disarming.

At the same time, I have never experienced someone so strongly and unusually connected to me. Her touch is something even my fantasies haven’t been able to conjure up, and the mere thought of her hands on me again is enough to bring me to the edge. Letting go, I revel in the pure delight of shooting my load in the presence of such a beautiful, intriguing woman.

Watching me, a small moan escapes her lips as she squirms a little. “That was... I didn’t think it was...” Her big brown eyes hold mine. “I do that to you?” she asks, reaching for a box of tissues on her desk and proceeding to clean me up.

I’ve had my fair share of people cleaning me up while I was in recovery, when I hadn’t learned to do it for myself yet. Every time I felt like a giant baby, a helpless burden of epic proportions. This is different. Every time Alexa touches me it’s an absolute treat, even if she’s wiping cum off my abs. Fuck that’s hot. My dick starts waking back up, so at least I haven’t disappointed her. “I’m pretty sure you’re already doing it to me again,” I whisper.

Tossing the tissues to the floor, she lies on my chest and smiles down at me. My eyes move to her soft lips, all shiny from where her tongue has just run over them. My eyes return to hers, asking. With another smile, she presses her lips sweetly to mine. Again my body lights up inside with a flurry of sensation and I sigh happily against her lips.

Leaving my mouth, she takes the feeling with her, only to bring it back stronger as she rolls a condom onto my ready dick. Forcing my eyes to stay open, even though pure ecstasy has them heavy as hell, I watch her every graceful move as she arranges herself on top of me. Meeting my eyes, she watches me right back as she slowly lowers herself onto my stem, and takes my breath away.

Closing her eyes as her head tilts back, Alexa moans softly as her eyebrows lift. Keeping her eyes closed, she moves her hips to slide back and forth on my dick and it practically blows my mind. The sparkles and fizzing fireworks have progressed to something even better. Gripping me in a hot, tight embrace, Alexa has shifted the feeling in my hands from humming, to all out singing. The sparkle bursts are still there, but the base notes have become insanely higher and way more intense.

I swear under my breath as Alexa moves above me. Her breasts bounce a little with her movement and it’s a glorious sight. She gasps and her eyes fly open as my dick twitches inside her. Falling forward a little, she moves a little faster and it feels amazing, not to mention her breasts are now even closer to my face.

I might not be able to touch her exactly, but I want to do something. Tilting my hips slightly beneath her, I change the angle, allowing me to go deeper. Again she gasps in what I’m fairly certain is pleasure, by the way she breathes a few cleaned-up curse words and bites her bottom lip. Bucking into me a little harder, she easily convinces me that she likes it. Her cheeks are flushed and there is a slight sheen to her skin that I want desperately to taste. Her breasts are so close, I could almost do it.

“Alexa?” I whisper, only to be rewarded again by one of her amazing body shivers. I lose my train of thought completely until she whispers back.

“Yeah?”

“Can my lips touch you?” I ask, having been re-distracted by her beautiful breasts as they come even closer, presenting themselves to me.

“Yes.”

It’s more of a breath than a formed word, but I hear it as if she’s yelled. On her next thrust, I lean in and take a nipple into my mouth. Pressing her lips together on some beautiful utterance of erotic noise, she changes the angle of her hips, taking me deeper again as she rubs herself against me. I moan in response, drawing her nipple further into my mouth before releasing it again so I can lavish attention on it with the tip of my tongue and hot breath. Before long, Alexa is panting and her movements are even more rapid as I feel her tightening around my cock.

Sucking her nipple back into my mouth, I tug it gently as I tilt my pelvis up to meet her thrusts. One more quick movement and Alexa slows as everything turns inward. Letting her nipple slide from my mouth, I watch her gorgeous face as she comes undone. Rendered helpless by the experience, I’m unable to keep from coming right along with her as her tight grip clenches around my dick.

Collapsing on top of me, Alexa releases a satisfied sigh and another shiver as her sex twitches with little aftershocks. We lie in silence, both catching our breath; maybe both thinking about the best sex we’ve ever had. I know I am. It was just now, with Alexa...

Fuck. I don’t even know her last name. What an asshole.

“You’re pretty good at that, considering you couldn’t use your hands,” she says, rolling off me and standing up. Donning her robe, she pulls her hair free from the collar and looks over her shoulder at me. “I’m going to go freshen up,” she says, stepping towards the door. “You don’t have to be here when I get back, but if you think you can keep following the rules, you can put your number in my phone,” she says, tossing her iPhone onto the bed next to me before disappearing out the door and shutting it behind her.

“What the -?”

Looking down at my softening cock as he slouches sideways in his raincoat, I look back at the door with a horrible sinking feeling. She really did just use me. In the best possible way, of course, but the sudden realization that this did not mean a thing to her, when I am fairly certain that I now never want to live without her, is a serious problem.

Idiot. Sitting up, I pull my hoodie back over my head and release my arms. As if she’d want me, anyway. The dull ache has returned to my phantom hands with a vengeance and I wince. Reaching for the box of tissues she dropped on the floor, I tidy myself up, tossing everything in the trash and pulling up my pants.

Sighing, I sit on the bed next to her phone. I can’t work iPhones. They don’t respond to my stumps properly and I definitely won’t be accurate enough to add my number into it without using my hooks. Do I even want to put my number in there if I’m only a sex toy?

Of course I do. I’d rather spend my life as her sex toy than never have her touch me again. Being with Alexa, is by far the highlight of the last five years. The last twenty-seven years, probably. I don’t remember anything else in my life ever feeling that good.

Sighing, I realize that just makes the feeling of being used that much more painful.

Dismissing any romantic notions I might have had about enjoying each other for years to come, I tuck my stumps back into my pockets to keep them warmer. It lessens the pain, but only slightly. I need to find my bag and take some pain relief.

It’s stupid; taking pain relief for something that doesn’t even exist. Probably why it doesn’t help that much. Leaving Alexa’s phone on the bed, I make my way back out to the living room to find my bag, but run into Bruno in the kitchen. Reaching back into the fridge, he opens a beer and hands it to me. Up-ending it, I drink until it’s empty before passing it back to him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink a beer like that, Mr. Nurse-one-all-night-long,” he says, eying me warily. “How was your chat with Lex?”

“We didn’t talk much,” I say with a sigh, adjusting the band of my pants to straighten them up.

“You didn’t...” he says, looking me up and down. “You did?”

Shrugging, I look at the floor. “Dude, I need some help.”

“With what?” he asks, before laughing and lowering his voice so that no-one in the living room will hear him. “I’ve told you a hundred times, I’m not touching your dick. Work out how to put your own condoms on.”

Glowering at him, I shake my head. “If you even knew how hard that was to do, you would be offering motherfucker. Alexa already took care of that part anyway.”

“So you did?” Bruno asks, looking around to make sure he didn’t speak loud enough to be heard. “And?”

“And I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her, but I have a few problems. The first one being that she thinks I have hands.”

Bruno chokes on his beer. “What? How did you have sex with her, and her not know?” he whispers.

Scratching my beard, I look through the hallway door to where her bedroom is.

“How well do you know her?” I ask, looking back to him.

Shrugging, Bruno pauses for a moment, his face thoughtful. His gray eyes squint a little. “She doesn’t like to be touched,” he says slowly, looking at the empty cuffs of my sleeves. “She’s not blind.”

“She told me to keep them in my pockets,” I explain. “I tried to tell her, but she didn’t wait for me to finish and then I forgot all about it, because the singing started and I got to finish twice and fuck... I’m a total douche. I don’t even know her last name, or anything about her, and I need to know, Bruno.”

Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and release it. “I don’t know how to break things to her without freaking her out, because I need her in my life, man. And I’m already fighting an uphill battle, because even though we just shared something amazing, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t care if I fell off the earth tomorrow.”

Regarding me for a long while, he smiles. “There’s nothing else for it. You’re going to have to tell her and just take it from there. And maybe ask her what her name is, dumbass.” Shaking his head, he nudges me with his elbow on his way back to the living room.

Sucking in air to puff up my chest, I turn back to Alexa’s room to wait for her. Looking at the bed, still rumpled from our activity, I sit at her desk, looking at her math books. It’s high school stuff, and from her working out, it looks as if she’s struggling to understand it. On the bright side, her name is written on the front cover. Alexa Carrington. It has a musical ring to it, much like the feeling she inspires within me.

“Damon?”

She almost sounds surprised, but when I look up, she appears to have just a hint of a smile. “I thought maybe you’d be gone,” she says, opening a drawer and pulling out a pair of blue and white striped pajama bottoms. Slipping them on under her robe, she drops it off her shoulders and reaches into the drawer again for a white tank top. Pulling it on, she turns back to me. I can’t help but notice the slightly darker shade behind the fabric where her nipples are, and she doesn’t fail to see my interest. I can’t take my eyes off her as she releases the messy pile of hair on her head and re-ties it into a tail.

Giving me a strange look, she moves to the bed and checks her phone. Frowning at it, her eyes lock on mine.