I knocked on the door and waited in the old, moldy-smelling hallway.

“Hey,” Klaudia swung the door open wearing a towel around her hair, a sports bra and pair of old basketball shorts showing off her flat abs.

I stepped inside and sat on the couch like I still lived here.

“Well come on in. Make yourself at home,” she laughed and turned her head down to towel dry it.

“Is Birdie home?”

“No, she’s at yoga class,” her voice was muffled from under the towel.

I said nothing and waited for Klaudia to finish drying her hair. I didn’t want to talk to Birdie, because I already knew what she would say if I told her about everything. Bu after the voice mail I got three days ago, I hadn’t felt anything. Everything was eating me alive and all I wanted to do was stick my middle finger in the air, smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and curl up in a ball and cry.

I couldn’t get Leo’s voice out of my head. His shaky voice playing on repeat in my head like a broken record. I need you to pick up before I do something stupid, Mallory. My gut scrunched up tight, twisting and turning like a snake killing its prey. Klaudia threw the towel on the couch and took a seat to face me. She crossed her legs and pulled her wet hair away from her face.

“You okay?” she placed her hand on my shoulder and I broke down crying, an involuntary cry I couldn’t keep in anymore.

“No, I’m not.” I cried harder and this time Klaudia reached in and grabbed my head, pressing it down on her collarbone. “I fell in love,” I confessed.

“Wait, what?” she stroked my hair and looked at me with her brown eyes draped under her thick brown eyelashes.

“I didn't finish the list. I fell in love. I fell hard and he was perfect. Broken, but perfect.” I sniffled.

“That’s okay. Cry it out,” Klaudia smoothed my hair as I fell into her neck crying my eyes out.

I cried and cried until I didn’t have a single drop left inside of me. Klaudia petted my hair until she gave me a tight hug. We stayed in silence for a while, maybe at least ten minutes, if not more until she wiped away my tears.

“I never finished the list the last time I did it. I told Birdie I did, but in reality I got through three of them until I found Birdie. She was my public fuck.” Klaudia smirked.

I laughed.

“It’s a stupid game to play. Dangerous even. A game where you fuck people and use them as checklist to make yourself feel ready about dating. I know that, but I always play it, I always followed the rules and I always finished it. Except that one time.”

“Why give it to me then?” I sniffed.

“To play it? To finish it? To break the rules? To ignore the rules completely? To fail? To fall?” Klaudia sighed. “That was up to you. After all, it’s only a piece of paper. A stupid little pink piece of paper.”

Silence was everywhere again as I took in Klaudia's words. My memories of Leo wrapped around me like a cozy blanket. The good and bad still making me feel warm either from rage or love. I loved both feelings he gave me, even though I knew I should hate him after the “fake girlfriend,” but I didn’t.

I missed him.

And I loved him.

I loved him from top to bottom. I didn’t care about his past — I just wanted Leo in my future. I wanted him because I knew deep down he was mine. His forest eyes were mine. His white streak was mine. And even his cold, distant personality was mine.

“What happened?” Klaudia asked.

“He called me three days ago and left a message. He was angry, but scared. He said he needed me but I didn’t answer. And he said he was going to do something stupid, and I have a feeling I already know what he did, but I’m too afraid to admit it.”

“Are you going to at least talk to him?”

I shrugged. “Can we just stay here for a while?”

Klaudia nodded and dropped her head on top of mine.

* * *

“Hey, Lory how was hanging out at Birdie and Klaud’s? I thought they would be sick of you after you slept over?”

“Fine,” I muttered and headed upstairs, but before I could, Sara stopped me.

“Can we talk for a minute?”

I turned back into the kitchen and took a seat on the island counter. Sara was making a new dish that involved a lot of seafood and vegetables, but I wasn't going to eat it. I haven't really eaten much the past week anyway.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“How is Leo?” She hummed.

I swallowed my heart. “How should I know?” I narrowed my eyes on her back while she washed a carrot.

“There’s obviously something going on between you two.”

I huffed, placing my chin on top of my flat stacked hands resting on the counter top.

“I saw the way he looked at you at the party. He then asked for your number and came here out of the blue dressed like a dark garden. There’s something going on between you two.” She finally turned around, poking the end of the carrot at me like a sword. “Or at the very least he likes you.”

I raised one eyebrow.

“I’ve seen Leo for the past couple years at whatever bullshit party we had to go to and rarely, if ever, have I seen him with a smile across his face. But then when he is with you, he is all perky. Maybe he doesn’t show it with a smile, but it’s in his eyes.”

“I think you’re overthinking it Sara,” I stared at my fingernails. My natural nail peeked through the glossy white chipped polish.

Sara turned her back to me. “Apparently, Leo got fired Wednesday morning. It’s the office gossip and no one knows why. Mr. Rammus isn’t even responding to it either.”

My eyes focused on Sara’s apron bow, holding the loose garment tight against her body. My mind focused on one part of what she said.

… got fired?

… got fired??

… got fired??

I roamed into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out my thin wallet, which contained my ID, credit card, a twenty dollar bill and my stupid little pink sheet inside. Leo’s scent hit me hard when I pulled out the sheet. The same smell of the sketchbooks. I inhaled deeply and unfolded the list.

1. Send nudes and get nudes.

2. Get a lap dance

3. Have phone sex

4. Fuck a man 15 years older than you

5. Have sex in a public place

6. Let him do whatever he wants to you

7. Call the person you are fucking Daddy. Big Dad D if he has the biggest cock you’ve seen (did you see what I did there Mal. I’m punny :))

8. Have your first orgasm from a cock (It’s about time baby)

9. Have sex naked (No shirt Mallory)

10. Use any sex toy of your his choice during sex

- You can’t kiss the guys. No Kissing

- You have to go commando with any skirt or dress you wear.

- No hitting two birds with one stone. This means you have to do each number with different men. Ten men total.

- If you don’t finish the list within 30 days you have to restart. No roll overs.

- Do NOT lose this list!!!

- Once you are done with the list, start dating again :* you can go back to the original list