Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cameron
How long had it been? I wondered. I smoothed her hair back, kissing her temple. How long had it been since I had woken up with someone in my bed?
That morning last week after we had had sex didn't count. She had been regretful that time, said she hadn't wanted me to touch her again. She didn't feel like that anymore, and thank god for that. It had been years since I had woken up next to someone. I had never lived with any of my girlfriends in the past, but we had had sleepovers so... Just like this, I realized.
Only in the past, I had wanted that to change; in this case, I didn't. I ran a hand up and down her arm. Her back was against my chest, and both of us were dressed. I vaguely remembered her coming to bed the night before after she had said she wanted to blow-dry her hair. I had been too tired to do anything but sleep when I felt her next to me. After spending all day harvesting wood, then the two rounds we had already had, I just hadn't had another in me.
I wondered whether... no, I'd let her sleep. I kissed her lightly again and eased myself off the bed, careful not to wake her. I walked down the steps to the fireplace, to warm the cabin up. I looked out the window to see whether anything had come down the night before. Not much, I assessed, not enough to keep Natalie here the way it had last week.
Too bad.
She had said that this time was just meant to be a short visit. I got that she had a life and making a trek up here whenever she wanted to see me wasn't the most convenient arrangement, but things had started looking a little different lately.
I knew that I liked her, I mean, I had been attracted to her before we had ever spoken to each other. And then she had shown up here, and the storm had happened, snowing us in. It hadn't started then, not yet. It had taken her leaving the first time and me missing her to realize what had probably been going on for longer than I thought.
Natalie Cooke was the first woman that I had felt about in this way in a long time. The only thing keeping me from asking her to stay was knowing she had to leave. Even then, I had already asked her to come back. Since she couldn't stay, I'd be making that request again. Maybe even making my own plans to go down to Provo and see her.
There was something there with her, something that was big enough that I couldn't ignore it. I didn't think I had ever met a woman like her before. She didn't hide who she was from me. She was real. She was honest, and she understood me. I didn't want to get ahead of myself, but I was thinking how to make sure the woman asleep in my bed right now would be back there sooner rather than later.
My thoughts got away from me making the coffee. I couldn't speak for a month from now, but right then, all I wanted was to do this with her, again and again. I wanted to get up in the morning and know that even if she wasn't waking up next to me, she was closer than a three or four-hour drive away.
You know the easiest way to make sure of that, I thought, filling our mugs of coffee. Go back. It's as simple as that. Go back to Provo. I didn't know whether my house there had sold yet, and that place had just been about ten minutes from where she lived. If it had sold already, no big deal, I could get another place. Or we could move in together, I thought recklessly. How about that? I had never wanted to live with anyone in the past, but with Natalie...
She'd probably think it was too soon. I couldn't tell her that. We could start talking about it, figure something out that worked for both of us if she felt the same way. I took the steps back up to the loft and saw Natalie on the bed. She was sitting up and noticed me coming towards her. She was beautiful when she woke up, still sleepy, her hair a little messy and her lips swollen.
"Morning, babe," I said. She smiled at me.
"Hey. Is one of those for me?" she asked. She thanked me, taking the cup. I sat on the bed, facing her. "How did you get up before I did?" she asked. I shrugged. Thinking about it, I probably should have been more tired than I felt, but I wasn't. I felt great. Yesterday had taken a turn for the better, and I wasn't sure I wanted to spend whatever time we had left asleep before I had to watch her leave again.
"Are you still tired?" I asked her.
"No, I'm just not really looking forward to getting back to the city today."
"What time do you want to leave?" I asked her.
"It has to be before noon, I'm afraid,” she said. I nodded.
"Are you hungry?" I asked. "I can get breakfast started."
"I'm alright, but you go ahead," she said.
"You okay?" I asked. She nodded, sliding out of the bed and walking over to the steps. I watched her leave. I got up and followed her down. She was in the kitchen, rinsing her cup out.
"Natalie?" I asked.
"Hm?"
"Is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Cameron," she said shortly. She didn't want to eat anything, okay, fine, whatever. It wasn't the end of the world just because of that, but she seemed a little off. She had been okay just minutes ago, but then I had asked her when she had needed to leave, and she had done a total one-eighty.
"Are you sure you're okay?" She turned the water off and turned, facing me as she dried her hands.
"It's nothing, okay?" she huffed, walking away from me, towards the living room.
"It doesn't sound like nothing," I said, watching her. "What's the matter with you?"
"How long were you planning on staying up here? Realistically. How long did you think you'd be able to run away from your real life back in Salt Lake City?"
"What?"
"Remember what you said? Before you came here?" she asked. "I was there when you told Brett that you just wanted some time to think. You told me you were going away for a while, but you'd be in touch. You weren't running away from responsibility; you just needed a minute to get back on your feet."
I frowned, looking at her. "I know what I said, Natalie. Why are you bringing it up now?"
"Because the clock’s been ticking, Cameron, even though you weren't there to hear it." No, I thought as it came together. Yesterday I had asked her why she had come here and she hadn't given me a straight answer.
"Did Brett send you?"
"The other stockholders have been breathing down his neck to communicate with you. Brett is paralyzed. He needs an answer. He needs to know what is going to happen with Porter Holdings and whether you're going to be part of it going forward." I had turned away from her, walking towards the kitchen.
Motherfucker, I thought. It had been minutes since I had been down here thinking about her, about us. Everything I had thought about the two of us, what I had been feeling lately... shit, even thinking how much easier it would be to see her if we were in the same area. Fucking moving, I had thought about moving to be close to her again, back to Provo. My heart was pounding hard enough for me to hear it. I couldn't believe it. Natalie Cooke, just full of surprises, huh? She had almost had me.
"Stockholders, huh?” I asked, turning to look at her again. “They had a meeting then, is that it? When?"
"Cameron, I—”
"Tell me when, Natalie," I snapped.
"It was the week after you left," she admitted. "I sat in on the meeting, and it didn't go well. They all wanted to see you, hear from you; what Brett had to say to them wasn't good enough. He asked me that day to come see you." I did the math in my head. She had showed up exactly a week since I had left Provo.
"When you showed up here and said it was because of the storm," I said.
"That was true, Cameron. We knew you were out here without a means of contacting anyone and you'd be in trouble if you got stuck without any supplies."
"You were here a whole week," I said, thinking out loud more than wanting her to say anything to me. "You talked to Brett while you were here."
"He wanted me to talk to you about it then, but I couldn't. It didn't feel right."
"But you can now? What changed?" I challenged.
"There wasn't any time before. I just stretched my luck as far as I could, and it finally ran out. Brett wants an answer from me. Today." My eyes almost bugged out of my head.
"Today? Fuck. You had an entire plan, didn't you? Come out here, stay the night so it was worth the drive, and finally get your answer."
"It wasn't like that, Cameron; I wanted to see you."
"So you could fuck me before you screwed me over?"
She cringed hearing that. "Please, Cameron. I didn't want to have to ask you this, but I have no choice. The company's completely stuck in the mud. Brett can cover for you, but his powers are limited. The other stockholders are talking about forcing a buyout, all kinds of stuff if they don't hear anything from you."
"I'm glad my dad had an employee who cared for the company as much as you do," I spat.
"Cameron—”
"What was it really that brought you up here yesterday?" I asked.
"Brett asked me to come," she said quietly.
"Because the last time he sent you, you didn't get the job done."
"Cameron..." she trailed off, not trying to fight it because I was right. She didn't care. If this had come out earlier, I wouldn't even have been mad. I had thought that about her from the beginning, but she had proved me wrong. Or she had tricked me well enough to believe her. She was smart. Smart and good at her job. That was all she cared about in fact: the company. If it wasn't all she cared about, she obviously cared about it more than she cared about us.
"Sorry I kept you guys waiting," I said to her.
"How long were you expecting for it to happen? Hundreds of people still work at the company, and they weren't just going to stop because you had."
"I didn't expect anyone to stop, Natalie. I asked for a fucking break. That was it."
"You knew that your father left you the company."
"I knew that, but I just found out five minutes ago that I actually had something to worry about."
"Come on. What did you think was happening without you?"
"Nothing, Natalie, because every time I asked you, you said nothing. You didn't tell me. You let me think that everything was fine, so I acted like it was. If you were sent here to say something, why didn't you do it sooner?"
"I hated that I had to be the one to break it to you," she said. "I didn't want to keep pushing this thing you ran from into your new life."
"I didn't run," I said, looking at her.
"Then what are you going to do?" she asked. Last night I had thought was the beginning. Things had changed. She had stopped being just Natalie, and she had become someone who I had started to think I wanted in my future, but not anymore. Just like that, I didn't want her in my cabin. I didn't want her in my bed again; I didn't want to hear her fucking name again.
"You tell Brett I'm done," I told her. "I'm selling." Her face went paper white.
"Cameron, you can't."
"Not the answer you were looking for? Sorry, looks like you came all this way for nothing."
"Cameron, think about this."
"I thought time was up?" I said. Her face was hopeless. She looked guilty and confused, almost betrayed. "You tell Brett what I said, then draw up the paperwork." I turned and started heading back up to the loft.
"Cameron, if the company goes through a change like this, dozens of people might lose their jobs."
"Won't be my problem if the company's no longer mine," I said.
"Why are you doing this?" I turned and looked down at her.
"Because I'm sick of it, Natalie. I don't want to sit in a fucking boardroom with a bunch of suits talking figures. I don't want the people, the conversations, the life that comes with that. My parents survived it, but I don't have to stay because they did. I won't."
"You're not like those people," she said.
"Maybe not, but you are." I turned and walked up the steps. She didn't follow me. I heard her unlock one of the doors and head outside, but I didn't turn to check. She would be cold, she wasn't wearing a sweater over the long-sleeved t-shirt she had worn to bed, but right then, I didn't care. In a couple hours, she'd be out that door for good, and with any luck, she'd stay gone.