Chapter Four
It surprised me to realize a month passed since I broke things off with Zack and since the disastrous date with Jess’ classmate. She did get the help she bartered a date with me for, and she was confident in finishing up the semester with a good grade that would let her go on to other more interesting classes. I managed to put Zack more or less out of my mind, and to prevent Jess from sending me on any more dates, or even trying to make me go out with her to party; in fact, getting closer and closer to finals, she was cutting back on partying on her own.
It had been a good break, and I was finally starting to really and truly relax into life once more. After a week or two, I stopped trying to hide out in my room and started to actually get involved in campus life a little more. It helped that in the time since the final game of the football season, the campus newspaper had put me onto covering the basketball team. The first game I went to, when I interviewed a few of the players afterward, one of them ventured the opinion that he had been proud of the way I’d stood up for myself with Zack, that I was an impressive woman.
I kept up with all of my classes and even started to take on a few other responsibilities on the newspaper, not just doing my own assignments but also taking some of the proofreading load off of the editors, reading through articles that came in and checking them for spelling and grammar before handing them off to the editors.
“I keep finding new reasons to thank Professor Grant for signing you on,” Lisa told me once, shaking her head at how much my additions had helped the whole team. I hadn’t been there long enough to start pitching my own article ideas; I was still on assignments handed out by the editorial staff — things they had no one in particular to cover — but I was gaining trust and I had gotten hints that in the spring semester I would start being able to put forth my own ideas in the weekly meeting.
I hadn’t even tried to date anyone at all in the time since the disaster with Derick. I told myself I was swearing off of boys for good and I’d just wait until I graduated and find some actual men to involve myself with once I could get started on my career. I knew it wouldn’t last, but for the time being, it was good enough for me. I had time to hang out with Jess, and I started to become better friends with some of the staff of the newspaper; I was satisfied with that and didn’t even want to try for more.
I went into Lisa’s office after classes, ready to be told I was going to be covering something other than the basketball team; her email to me hinted I was changing up duties. “Hey, here I am,” I said, opening the door to the office after knocking. “What’s the sitch, Chief?”
Lisa laughed. “Take a seat. Let me just finish this email and I’ll give you the lowdown.” I sat down and took my notebook out of my bag, watching as Lisa tapped out the last few sentences in an email in a rapid staccato. “So, Evie. As I’m sure you’re aware, we’re coming up on the championship game for the football team.”
My heart started to beat faster in my chest.
“Yeah, I’m aware of that,” I said, more because I knew she was expecting me to say something.
In the back of my mind I had been counting down the days — I knew everyone on campus was buzzing with excitement over it. Some of the students had booked their plane tickets and the boosters were trying to get as many people to the game as possible. I knew there were some people planning a road trip out to California where the stadium was at. I told myself over and over again that I didn’t care, whatever happened to the football team was barely my business, but I had been hoping against hope I would be too busy on other assignments when the game came up.
“Well, Coach Bullden specifically requested we send you to cover the game,” Lisa said, smiling broadly at me.
“That’s — Wow. I wouldn’t have expected that.” I felt my cheeks burning. It shouldn’t have surprised me, with the praise the coach lavished on me for my previous coverage of the team.
“I was pretty surprised, too. You must have really impressed him.” I nodded. Lisa watched me intently for a moment, tapping idly on the top of her desk. “Look, everyone on campus knows there’s been… issues with you and Zack. If you can’t handle this, let me know and I’ll tell Bullden you’re covering something else and we can’t spare you.”
It was tempting. If I could just back out of the situation completely — if I could avoid having to go to California and face the possibility of having to confront Zack again, it would be a major relief. But I thought about the fact that Bullden requested me specifically. And the fact that I knew I had done well in my previous articles about the team and its games. Besides, it wasn’t likely that I’d have to interview Zack — he might not even be at the game at all. I had determinedly not kept up with the drama surrounding his suspension; I banned all mention of him from Jess.
“Is Zack going to be playing, then?” I asked, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible.
“Oh yeah, he’s definitely in the game. Didn’t you hear? The investigation found out the picture they turned in was from like, two years ago or something. They had nothing against Zack that was more recent.” The words hit me like a ton of bricks; I felt awful. I hadn’t even listened to him when he’d tried to explain.
“That’s…good to know,” I said, smiling nervously. “I’ll let you know if I can do it with my classes.” I didn’t want to even hint at the possibility that Zack’s being present at the game would deter me. Even if Lisa knew — she mentioned it directly, after all — that I had personal issues with the star QB, I didn’t want to make that the reason I couldn’t go.
“Just as long as you give me a couple of days to find a replacement,” Lisa said, nodding.
I stood up and left Lisa’s office, my mind a blur with different thoughts. Could I really hold it against Zack that two years ago he’d had girls all over him? How could I know whether he’d changed? I sat down on one of the benches in the Student Union, watching people pass through on their way to classes or going to club meetings. I chewed on my bottom lip, putting my notebook back into my bag and trying not to look like I was a nervous wreck. It wasn’t that the idea of seeing Zack in person was so terrible, but knowing I misjudged him made me feel horrible.
But had I really? Just because they didn’t have anything on Zack — no evidence he was still partying or involved in potentially illegal activities — didn’t mean he wasn’t still the party-rager he had been. Could I really trust he had changed?
I thought about the fact that he tracked me down on my horrible date with Derick specifically to try and explain to me what the real situation was. I hadn’t even heard him out; I was already angry — and the way he’d gone about trying to convince me to listen to him was definitely a bad idea. But ever since then, he had left me alone — and I had avoided him. I judged him based on the thought that the picture had been recent, and I had been wrong. He probably already moved on. I didn’t know how I felt about that possibility; in spite of the fact that I’d been avoiding him, and the fact that I thought I was over him, deep down I knew there was still something unresolved between us. It wasn’t fair of me that I’d taken my initial anger at him and blown it all out of proportion, and didn’t even give him a chance to explain his side. And I may have lost him for good because of that.
I spent the rest of the day with my mind on the game and on Zack. I couldn’t really blame him if he had given up on me. It seemed like almost from the beginning of the time we’d reunited, things had been stacked against us — though I was mature enough to admit that part of that was my fault. I was afraid of getting involved with him, afraid of how easily I could fall head over heels for him. If he had given up on me, that would never be an issue; and while it was a relief to think that Zack had probably found another girl who was a little more able to deal with having a relationship with him, it also made me miserable to think I’d ruined my chances with him for good. I only had a couple of days to think about taking the assignment. Lisa sent me an email in the afternoon detailing what the newspaper wanted for the coverage; since it was a huge game and a major opportunity, it was going to be featured on the front page of the edition, with supplemental material in the sports section. She wanted interviews with the team and backgrounds and profiles on the different players. She also wanted full coverage of the game itself for the main story. It was a lot of work; it would be great for anyone’s portfolio.
I wasn’t sure what to do. I had to let Lisa know, and soon, but I had no idea how I was going to deal with the situation. I tried to go through my normal routines, to pay attention in my classes, but it was no use. Until I figured everything out, I was just going to continue being hopelessly distracted.