Brett
I woke up in a full panic, unsure where I was and confused because I couldn't see anything. My wolf stood, legs wobbling on an uneven surface as I tried to sense where I was.
I jumped back as another wolf nuzzled his nose against my neck, but that only confused me more. I stepped away and went falling, hitting the ground hard. I growled as I rose up again, trying to understand why the world was dark.
The other wolf howled softly, a calming noise that had my wolf titling his head trying to understand. The other wolf was trying to reassure me, but nothing made sense. I turned, hoping to see something, but still only found darkness.
A soft whine from the other wolf, then his tongue on my face had me taking a deep breath. I caught his scent, paying attention to him as I realized he was my mate. Slowly, memories started to hit me, and I lowered myself to the ground whimpering as my mate curled up beside me, continuing to lick over my head, softly yelping to calm me.
I pressed against the wolf, finding that his closeness calmed me. Bayne, that was his name. He'd taken care of me. Helped me. I slowly started to relax.
Bayne moved away from me, and as I went to follow him, he nudged me away. I whimpered, feeling rejection from my mate.
"I just wanted to shift so I could talk to you." Bayne's hands were suddenly running through my fur, his lips kissing the top of my head. "You don't have to shift unless you want to. I'm going to get us breakfast in a minute. You need to be careful. The bandage came off when you shifted last night. Don't touch your eyes, okay?"
I pressed against him, enjoying the way he held my wolf in his arms.
"You're a beautiful wolf. I'm so lucky that you're mine," Bayne told me.
I hated how instantly my bond formed with him. I'd dreamed about finding my mate for years, but the fact it happened now, right after I'd been attacked and blinded, made me want to cry. I didn't want to be dependent on anyone, force anyone to take care of me, but as my mate, Bayne didn't have a choice. It would be a need for him, something he would do without thought. He didn't get a choice.
My parents were mated. I'd grown up seeing and understanding the bond between them. It was something that I always wanted. The difference in the relationships of a mated couple compared to an unmated one was immense. I wanted that complete bond. The full oneness that came from having a mate, but now, with me being blind, I hated to force Bayne to have to deal with my issues. It was like he had been cheated out of having a whole mate.
I took a deep breath as I rubbed against his chest. Taking a minute to enjoy the feeling of my mate's arms around me. I'd dated a lot, had a lot of casual sex, been intimate with many, but nothing compared to the feel of Bayne's touch. I was torn, one minute wanting to die, the next minute wanting to explore this mating bond with Bayne and live the dream I'd always imagined.
Stepping away from him, I forced myself to shift. I sat on the floor for a moment, wishing I could look up and see what he looked like. Hating that when he looked at me, he was forced to see the ugliness of two hollowed eye sockets.
Bayne sat down beside me, his hand pressed to the small of my back. "I never thought I'd find a mate, but you are more than I could ever have imagined being blessed with." He kissed my shoulder. "How are you feeling today?"
"Bruised, but better. The pain is gone." I licked my lips, thirsty. "Other than my eyes, is there any visible damage?"
Bayne ran his hands over my skin as if inspecting it. "Not that I can see. You're perfect."
"Hardly, I'm sorry this happened to you." I hated how I wanted to lean into his touch, feel him beside me.
"Happened to me? You're sorry we found each other? I didn't think Fate would ever bless me with a mate. I'm stunned that we found each other. Excited to get to know you, share our lives together."
I shook my head. "I'm blind."
"I know, and we'll work through that. I'll help you adapt."
"You don't get it, do you? I can't run with you, hunt with you, I can't even look up and see what you look like."
Bayne moved, taking my hands in his. "Your heart will know what I look like, but for now, you'll have to use your hands to see me." He placed my hands against the side of his face before releasing them. "Touch me, Brett. See your mate."
My palms pressed against the side of his beard, my fingertips near the corners of his eyes. I took a deep breath, trying to imagine him as I slowly moved my fingers over his face, through his beard, then back up again and through his hair. "What color is your hair?"
"Dark brown. My eyes are brown too." He reached out and held my hips as I continued to slide my hands down his body, over his chest, running my fingertips through the thick mass of hair that covered him. His stomach tightened as I touched him there, then I slid my hands to his hips, feeling my way to his thighs, liking the muscle I felt beneath my palms.
"Tell me about you."
Bayne laughed. "I'm never good at this. Um, I was born here with the Terrin Pack. Both my parents have passed, but I have a grandfather who lives in Bozeman. He is the only family I have left."
"How come he is with the Bozeman pack, but you're here?"
"He married into the pack, but my father met my mother and she was part of the Terrin Pack, so he moved here to be with her."
"Were they mated?" I brought my hands back up to Bayne's chest, pressing my hands to him.
"No. I'm the first in my family's history that I know of to have found their mate." Bayne gently pulled me onto his lap. He ran his nose up my neck, then kissed a sensitive area right below my ear that had me sucking in a breath. "I didn't think I'd get lucky enough to ever find my mate either. You were the last thing I expected to find when I got here last night."
I tried to ignore the way his touch made me feel. "Then you walk in and find Fate has given you a worthless mate, one who can't do anything to make your life better." I lowered my head to his chest. "I hate how hard it is to ignore this. The more I'm with you, the more I feel connected to you."
"That's normal. It's supposed to be that way. I'm looking forward to being able to feel your emotions, share feelings, connect in a way we can't with any other." Bayne kissed my cheek. "You're not a worthless mate. You are my mate. You are my other half. I've watched my friends mate and I want that. I don't care if you're blind. It doesn't mean we can't run together, hunt together. It means we have to adapt to all that."
"What if I don't want to adapt? Fuck, if only you hadn't walked in when you did." I sighed, still curled up against him.
"Would you seriously end your life over this? Would you hurt me, your family, your friends?" Bayne caressed my back. "We'll figure this out. It's new, it's scary, and it's going to be different, but we will find a way to make it work." He lifted my chin with his fingers, then kissed me softly. "Do you want to go out there and eat or stay in here?"
"Everyone will stare." I wasn't even sure how I could eat without seeing what was on my plate. "Can we stay here?"
"Of course, for now." Bayne pressed another soft kiss to my lips. "Let me go get us some clothes and breakfast. I'm sure Cohen will be in to see you soon too." Bayne stood before taking my hand and pulling me up with him. "Bridger's family will be here today too. They'll probably want to talk to you. And, you should think about calling your family. I'm sure they are worried."
I nodded, but didn't respond. I wasn't sure I was ready to talk to them, but Bayne was right, I owed it to Bridger's family to face them. I was the last one to see their son alive. "Thank you. I know this is hard, and not how meeting your mate should go, but I'm glad you're here to help me."
"I'm not going anywhere, ever." Bayne led me to the table. "I'm also going to grab some new bandages. Don't touch your eyes while I'm gone." He helped me find the chair and sit. "I'll be right back."
I heard what sounded like him getting dressed, then the door click open and shut. I blew out a long breath, overwhelmed and scared. I reached up, finally able to touch my face, running my fingers over my eyes with the eyelids closed, then again with them open. My heart raced as I realized I could put my fingers into my eye sockets. "Fuck!" I gently felt around the rim of my eyes. Panic filled me as I blinked, my eyelids closing over my fingers. "No…" I stood, my body trembling as the realization of what I must look like hit me. Every bad horror movie, every stupid social media meme, it all fit me now. How could Bayne stand to look at me? How would others? Would I spend my life behind eye patches or wraps?
The door swung open hard, banging loudly. "Brett?" Bayne was at my side. "Jesus, I thought you were hurt. I felt your panic through our link. I've never felt anything like it before. He gripped my hands, pulling them back from my face. "I told you not to touch them." He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to him.
"How can anyone look at me?" I buried my face against his chest.
"Hey, we're going to fix this, okay? You're not going to have to go around this way always. Give Cohen time to figure out how we treat this." Bayne kissed the top of my head. "I grabbed the stuff to wrap then again, but I didn't get time to talk to Corta about breakfast. Let me wrap your eyes before I go get breakfast."
I nodded, still shaking. "I didn't realize how bad it was. My eyes are really gone. There's nothing there anymore. It's just soft tissue. I thought they were just destroyed, not really gone. Why would they take my eyes?"
"My guess is a trophy." Kurt's voice came from the doorway. "Bridger was missing his as well. When Cohen did a closer inspection of the body, we found his eyes and balls were both gone."
I lowered my hands to my naked body, feeling my cock and balls, making sure they were still there. I blew out a relieved breath when everything felt normal. "Why? Why would they do that? Please tell me he was already dead when they did that." I dropped my head back to Bayne's chest.
"We're still trying to piece together everything that went on." Kurt sounded closer. "Corta's going to bring breakfast in. I've got some clothes for you both to change into if you want."
I heard something fall onto the bed.
"Thanks, Kurt." Bayne still held me to him.
"When you're ready, I'd like to talk more, Brett. See if you remember anything. Maybe find out if Bridger talked about any enemies," Kurt said from across the room again. "Bridger's truck is parked out in the lot. I'm guessing you left it there when you went to run?"
"Yeah. He said it was safe." I gripped Bayne's arm. "I'll need to get my stuff out of it."
"That won't be a problem. Come talk to me when you're ready," Kurt said
"Okay." I lifted my head. "But I don't know how much I can tell you."
"Get dressed and eat, then we'll talk." Kurt shut the door.
"I never want to feel that again." Bayne cupped my face in his hands. "I've never felt another person's panic that way. It was overwhelming. This mating thing is going to take some getting used to. We haven't even made it official yet. It's crazy."
I tried to remember to keep my eyelids closed, not wanting anyone to have to look at the holes. "There has to be a way to make it stop. A way to refuse the mating."
Bayne sucked in a breath. "No, I don't want to refuse it. I want to explore it. I want us officially mated as soon as you are ready. I'm not letting you go, Brett. I'm not losing you."
A knock on the door kept me from having to answer. I turned away, so whoever it was wouldn't have to look at me. I had to try and remember to keep my eyelids closed as much as I could, at least until the wrap was back in place.
Bayne left my side and I heard the door open.
"Corta, come in. Thanks for bringing food." Bayne's voice softened as he talked to whoever Corta was. It was clear he respected her from the tone of his voice.
I inhaled, catching the scent of a female wolf.
"Happy to do it, Bayne. It gives me a chance to meet your mate." The woman sounded older.
I made sure my eyes were closed as I turned to face her.
"Brett, I'd like you to meet Corta. She's like a mother to me. She keeps the pack house running. If you ever need anything, she's the one to talk to." Bayne's hand pressed to my back.
"Nice to meet you." I offered my hand, hoping I was directing it in the right direction.
A soft hand touched mine, but instead of shaking it, she pulled me close and wrapped her arms around me. I braced myself as something about her stirred my emotions. I clung to her, unsure why, but feeling as if it was my own mother's arms around me.
"It will be okay. My boys will take care of this. You're stronger than you think. You'll get through this," she whispered in my ear. "Bayne is the best man I know. You couldn't find a better mate. I'm so happy for both of you." She kissed my cheek before pulling back. "Now, you are too thin, and you've spent a lot of energy healing. I want you both to sit down and eat. There's plenty more in the kitchen if you want it. Just let me know."
I smiled, instantly falling in love with the woman. I hardly knew her, but she just sent out an energy, a scent, a feeling of instant trust and protection. I could see why Bayne saw her as a mother figure. "Thank you." I kept my eyes closed, hating that I couldn't see her.
"I look forward to getting to visit with you later." She sounded as if she was moving farther away.
I heard the door click shut, then Bayne was at my side again. The more time I spent with him, the more I became aware of him, not just in a physical sense, but an emotional one. I was starting to feel his emotions through the link forming between us. He was nervous, almost scared of me, and I wasn't sure why. It made me question if he really was happy about us being mates.
"Let's eat, then I can wrap your eyes, and then we'll talk to Kurt and Cohen about what's going on." Bayne gently led me to the table. Once I sat down, he stayed by my side. "How can I help you?"
I shrugged. "I don't know how to do any of this. I guess tell me what's on the plate first. I can smell ham, and I think maple syrup."
"Think of the plate as a clock. You have ham at nine, eggs at two, fried potatoes at five, and on a small plate at the top left corner are pancakes. There is coffee at twelve and butter and syrup are in the middle of the table. I can help you with that if you need." Bayne's hand rested on my shoulder. "I don't want to offend you offering to help more than you need me to, so if you want help, please tell me."
I sighed. "I feel like I should hide so you won't have to watch me try and eat. This isn't going to be pretty."
"I plan on hunting with you, tearing a deer apart as we eat together. Pretty isn't something you need to worry about. Use your fingers if it's easier. I don't expect you to know how to do all this in one night. I'd be as lost as you probably are and demand raw meat until I could figure all this shit out."
I nodded. "Would you put butter and syrup on my pancakes for me? I think I can do the rest."
"Sure." Bayne quickly did what I asked. Once he was done, he kissed the top of my head. "I'm going to sit across from you, but don't hesitate to ask for more help if you need it. We're a team now, we will learn how to get this done together, okay?"
"Yeah, it's just so unfair that you have to put up with this. It's not what you deserve. You deserve a mate who is whole." I reached out and grabbed the ham, using my fingers to tear it in pieces before taking a bite of it.
"Have you ever known of mates to be wrongly matched? I don't know what it's like in your pack, or how many mated couples you know, but every single pair I've met are perfectly matched. They belong together. This isn't something that Fate gets wrong. We are meant to be. I have no worries."
I focused on the food, thinking about what he'd said. We didn't have a lot of mated wolves in our pack, my parents and a few others, but when I'd gone to college, the pack there had several, and Bayne was right, they were all perfectly matched. Still, there was so much I'd be unable to do now. I couldn't walk across the room and even find the door, let alone race through the forest in my wolf form and hunt. I sighed, imagining myself running into trees and tripping over logs.
"I get you're overwhelmed and scared. Anyone would be. Still, I know you have to feel the same thing I do. We are linked. I know we don't really know each other yet, but as we do, this link is only going to get stronger. It scares the hell out of me to feel so close to someone. I've never let myself get close to anyone really, and suddenly, here you are, and you'll feel everything I feel. We won't have any secrets between us. That's a lot to deal with, but I welcome it. I want it. I never knew how badly I wanted to find my mate until I walked through the door last night and caught your scent."
I reached out, seeking the cup of coffee. "I've dreamed of finding my mate for as long as I can remember. Even as a little pup I thought about how cool it would be to have someone I was that connected with. I always imagined catching my mate's scent and suddenly everything would just fall into place. We'd rush off to make it official, never questioning if it was right."
"Me too," Bayne said. "It can still be that way. I mean, we didn't jump right into bed to make it official, but we could. I want you. I want this."
I bowed my head, taking a deep breath. I wanted it too, but now, with my eyes gone, with my blindness, it was like forcing someone to be with me was torturing them. Even though Bayne said he wanted me, wanted this mating, I found it hard to believe.
"Tell me about yourself. What do you do? What's your life like? You mentioned school in San Diego. What did you study?" Bayne seemed to sense I didn't want to talk about the mating.
"I'm a teacher. The area we live in is smaller, and we didn't have a lot of wolves in the schools for the younger pack members. I decided teaching would be fun. I teach fourth grade. I also have a degree in American History. I guess I'll have to find a new career now that I can't see. There's no way I can teach now that I'm blind."
"You don't know that," Bayne told me. "What else? Tell me what you enjoy."
"I love to hunt, but what wolf doesn't? I also like fishing and just being outdoors as much as I can. I guess that all changes now too." I took another sip of coffee. It was easier to drink than try and figure out how to eat the food on the plate. "Both my parents are with my pack, and I have a younger sister. She's twenty-six."
"How old are you?" Bayne asked.
"Twenty-nine. You?"
Bayne laughed. "Fifty-three."
The age difference would sound like a lot to the normal human, but to shifters it was almost as if we were the same age. The way our bodies aged, I imagined Bayne didn't look more than twenty-five. "You've always been with this pack?"
"Yes, I've traveled a bit, but this is home. I am good friends with Kurt. I stayed with the Bozeman pack for a time, but it was rough, not as organized as most. My grandfather is still there."
I nodded, feeling a wave of sadness from my link with Bayne. "What do you do here?"
"A little of everything. I'm a mechanic, a welder, I can build, do most anything construction-wise, but more often than not, I work for the pack, security or muscle."
"Do you enjoy that?"
"I do. I like helping the pack. We've had some attacks come our way over the last few years. I've been able to help. I like that I don't have a regular job. I can come and go as I want, help where I'm needed."
"Your alpha is good?"
"Kurt?" Bayne laughed again. "He's the best alpha I've ever seen. His father worked hard to make sure the pack ran well, and when Kurt took over, he continued to do the same. He doesn't throw his authority around unless he needs to. I've stayed with several packs in the past, and I can tell you, I've never seen one run as smoothly as Kurt's. He's a good friend, but an even better alpha. What about yours?"
"Pete is my alpha. He's not power hungry, but he likes to make sure you know he is in control. He is demanding, harsh, but not violent like some alpha's I've heard about. He likes his women, and that causes more problems than anything else in the pack does. He doesn't care if a female is willing. If she is in the pack and not mated or married, he will take them as he wants. I never agreed with that. There are too many willing to be with him. He doesn't need to force the others who don't."
Bayne sat silent, but I sensed the uneasiness flowing from him.
"It's okay. If we decide to mate, I'll stay here. I wouldn't ask you to leave. I have nothing there other than my family that I'd regret leaving. My job is not an issue anymore now that I'm blind, and I don't have many friends there. Bridger was trying to talk me into moving here as it was."
"I'm sorry you lost him." Bayne's voice softened.
"Me too. I hope he felt no pain." I shivered at the thought of getting my throat slashed. "I don't know what to tell his parents. They are going to be so mad at me."
"Why would they be mad at you? There was nothing that you could have done to help him. You were drugged, knocked out. If they are mad at anyone, it's the person or people who did this to you both. I promise you, Brett, we won't stop until we find who did this."
I nodded, but was realistic enough to know that the person who did it could be halfway across the country by now. "I keep trying to think of any enemies either of us had, but there was really no one. There were some girls who Bridger had pissed off, but it wasn't anything major. He was selective in his women, and he liked control. Not in a bad way, just in the bedroom. He was a dominant and had to have submissive women."
"And the ones he upset weren't?"
"Bridger said that he'd taken two girls home from the bar about a month ago. He'd made it clear he was looking for something certain from them. He didn't play like it would be casual sex. Bridger always made sure his partners knew he had to have full control in the bedroom. He said when they got there, the girls tried to take control, telling him what to do." I smiled. "I've been friends with Bridger long enough to know that wouldn't have gone over well. He said he kicked them out, but the girls were mad, offended he didn't want them, especially together."
Bayne's chair creaked, and I wished I could see him.
"Are we talking about playing around with the dominance thing, or was Bridger a real dominant?"
"Real." I ducked my head, unsure how my mate would take what I was about to say. "Bridger and I both trained under a Dom when we were in California. We were pretty heavy into the scene while we were there."
I heard Bayne's hard intake of breath, but then smelled something that shocked me — arousal. I lifted my head, my nostrils flaring at the scent of my mate aroused. My wolf was restless, begging me to let him come forth. I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the scent and not think about how much stronger it could become.
"So, there is a chance Bridger could have lost control with someone, maybe partially shifted or bit them?"
"There's always a chance, but he never lost control before. I don't know why he would now. We worked hard to control that side of ourselves. We trained with another wolf. He pushed us hard, making sure we had complete control. My wolf knows that side of things is for me. He plays when we are with pack and can shift." I reached for my plate, feeling around the center of it, finding the potatoes. I used my fingers to pick them up and take a bite.
Bayne was silent for several minutes, and again, I wished I could see his face, his reaction to what I'd just shared with him. Few people knew about my dominant side, and those who did were always shocked. I'm not some big, bad, alpha male to look at. My usual personality is calm, collected, and almost meek at times, but in the right environment, with the right people, there is a side of me that demands complete control and submission of the person I am with. I wondered how that would change now that I couldn’t see.
"More coffee?" Bayne asked.
I smiled, aware he was avoiding the conversation we were going to have to have at some point if we decided we were going to mate. "Please."
"I'm just trying to figure out who might want to attack you, but it's pointless for me to ask all the questions now when Kurt will just ask them again. My wolf is struggling because he can't avenge his mate. He wants revenge on those who hurt you."
"My wolf wants the same. He's upset we can't go out and track whoever it was right now."
"Trust me, Kurt has wolves tracking, and I'm betting the bears are helping. The area you were found on is shared with the bears. It will be important to them to find who did this as well." Bayne's chair creaked again. "Are you going to call your family today?"
I bit at my lip, wondering how I was supposed to explain to my mother that I was now blind. How to tell her my eyes had been stolen from me and I hadn't been able to do anything to protect myself or Bridger. "I guess I have to. They'll want to come, but I don't want them to. There's nothing they can do for now."
"Then we better call them before Bridger's family does, if they haven't already. Knowing parents, they'll probably still show, but we can have Kurt try and convince your alpha to have them stay there. Tell them you need time to heal and we're taking care of things. Your alpha will have felt our mate connection through his link with you."
"I know, and that's okay. I'm not going to deny it to anyone. It's not something I want to hide." I took a deep breath. "We can do the ceremony tonight if you want, but I want you to be sure that you want to be stuck with me. With my eyesight gone, I can't be a normal mate. I can't do the things other wolves can." My stomach knotted as I thought about Bayne doing everything alone.
"You want to be my mate?" Bayne was suddenly kneeling beside me. "You're serious? You aren't going to fight this, refuse it?"
I turned to face him, again, wishing I could look at him. "We both know that would be nearly impossible. I might have convinced my wolf to commit suicide before we caught your scent, but now, even that isn't an option. You know how strong this bond is between us. To deny it would nearly kill both of us. I don't know you yet, but Fate says we belong together and I won't refuse that gift. If we are meant to be, the sooner we do the ceremony and learn how to be together, the sooner we can move on. I just don't want to hold you back, keep you from doing all the things I no longer can, so promise me, when those things happen, you'll go, have fun, live, and I'll be here waiting when you get back." It was so odd to instantly love someone without even knowing the person. The feelings I had for Bayne were there the moment I caught his scent. I needed him, loved him, wanted him by my side. The more time we spent together, the stronger those emotions grew, and I feared how much stronger they would still become.
"I'm never going to leave you behind. We do things together. If there are things you can't do, then I won't do them either. We are in this together. I'd rather be by your side than out doing things alone. I never thought I would say this, but I now see how incomplete my world was before you came into my life. It's insane how I just know we belong together, how I don't have a doubt in my mind that I love you. My mind wants to argue that a connection like this should take years of getting to know someone, but my wolf knows already, he wants this, wants us together for the rest of our lives. I'm not being forced to be with you. I want to. I need to." Bayne cupped my face in his palms. "We're going to make it work together, okay?"
I nodded, keeping my eyelids closed so he wouldn't have to stare into the hollow voids. "Okay."
"I'm going to kiss you now," he warned a second before his mouth found mine.
I gave in to the need being with him sent through me, wrapping my arms around him as I finally released all doubt and hesitation. I was scared as hell. I was starting a new life with a man I didn't even know, but everything about it felt right. I trusted the mating call, and if he was who I was meant to be with, I wouldn't fight it. My wolf howled inside my head, wanting to finalize everything now.
Bayne pulled back. "It's all I can do not to throw you onto the bed and do this now, but Kurt and Cohen are waiting for us. When we do this, I want to have time. I don't want to rush, and I don't want to have to let you go right after." He bent closer, his beard brushing my cheek as he whispered, "and I want you to tell me more about your dominant side before we do this."
My cock went rock hard at his words. Could I be so lucky as to have a mate who would allow that side of my life into our bedroom?
Bayne smiled. "I can smell your arousal. You like that idea?"
I nodded. "It doesn't scare you?"
"Not at all. It turns me on. Remember, Fate doesn't get it wrong. We are a match in every way. I have no problem getting on my knees for you."
If it was possible to get any harder, I did. My heart raced at the thought of Bayne on his knees, submitting to me in every way possible. "Fuck, I wish I could see you." I lifted my hands to his face, running my fingers over his beard.
"You see what's important." Bayne nipped at my lip before pulling back again. "Finish eating and get control of your arousal. The last thing we need is to walk out there and have everyone else smell it. My wolf would kill every person who dared look at you."
I took a deep breath and turned back to my food as I tried to get my emotions in check. I needed to forget what Bayne had just told me, because if I didn't erase the image of him on his knees from my head, I was never going to make it through the day. Tonight, he would be mine, but until then, we had other things to deal with, and I couldn't do those things with my cock hard all the time.
Forcing myself to focus on my breakfast, I readied myself to call my family, and deal with Bridger's. Life had to come first, love would come later.