BRETT
Justin's screams cut right through me. I thought I'd be happy to see him suffer and die, but as Bayne held me in his arms as we waited outside, I didn't feel at peace. No matter how much Justin suffered or even when he died, it wouldn't bring Bridger back. It wouldn't make me see again.
I'd felt Bayne's letdown when I'd said I didn't want Justin's eyes. I just couldn't do it. It might have given me sight, but it would have taken much more than that from me. I needed to try and put all this behind me and that wasn't going to happen if I was looking into the eyes of the man who'd tried to kill me. I just wanted to go home, curl up on the bed and sleep for days. I was mentally and physically drained.
Again, I'd done nothing to wear myself out, but I could hardly keep my eyes open as I listened to Bayne's heartbeat as I leaned against his chest.
"He's all yours." Preston walked out in human form with Justice coming behind him still in wolf form, blood dripping from his jaws. They walked over to Bridger's parents and led them inside.
It was only a few seconds later that Justin screamed again. It was different this time. It was a death scream. My hold tightened around Bayne as I imagined Bridger's father tearing out Justin's heart and offering it to his wife.
I never understood the history behind eating your enemy's heart. I mean, it made sense in an old historic way, but it didn't work for me now. I couldn't have done it. Tear it from their chest, yes, but eat it no. Again, I didn't want any part of that asshole inside me, even if it was eating his heart.
I wanted to leave, but wasn't sure if Bayne had more to do. This was important to the pack, and we needed to finish what we started. There would be a body to get rid of and a story to start passing around to cover up why Justin was missing. Not to mention finding his friend Mark.
Bayne pulled back a bit, lifting my head with his fingers under my chin so he could brush his lips against mine. "Let's get out of here. They can handle the rest."
"Are you sure? If they need you…"
"You need me. They've done this before. I don't need to be here." He took my hand in his. "Kurt, we're leaving. Call me later with an update."
"And you call if either of you need anything," Kurt called to us.
I smiled, glad that he wasn't going to ask Bayne to stay. I was so done with the whole day. I don't know if it was the short length of time I was separated from Bayne, but I was restless. I just didn't feel like myself, but couldn't figure out why.
"You okay?" Bayne asked as he opened the passenger car door for me.
I nodded. "Just tired. I didn't think this would be so hard."
"Not a lot of satisfaction in it, is there? The only good thing about the whole day is that we won't have any more attacks now. The wolves are safe. It doesn't take away the pain of what is already done." Bayne shut my door and went around to get in the driver's side.
"I can't imagine what Bridger's family is feeling."
"Me neither." Bayne started the car. "You know, I always thought I'd like a couple kids, but after all this, after seeing parents go through losing one, I'm not sure I could handle it. I'm not the type who could handle a loss like that."
"You wanted kids?"
"I thought about what it would be like. Honestly, I never saw myself settling down to have kids. I never dreamed I'd find a mate." He reached over and gripped my thigh. "Did you want kids?"
"I never really thought much about it. I love the kids I teach. I guess I wouldn't mind my own. Maybe someday if the opportunity presents itself." The only way we'd have kids would be to adopt. In the shifter world that only happened if the parents died. It was rare. I'd only known of one instance where a child lost both parents. "I'm happy with it being just us."
"So am I." Bayne sent a wave of love to me.
I sent it right back, enjoying that we could say so much without saying anything out loud.
"You're not mad at me that I didn't take Justin's eyes, are you?"
"No, it was your choice. I understand why you couldn't do it. Cohen will find another donor in time. I just didn't want to pass up the chance if you wanted it."
"Even if he doesn't, blindness is better than having his eyes. I couldn't live that way, being reminded of all this each time I looked in a mirror." I leaned my head against the side window. "What will they do to his friend, Mark?"
"I'm not sure. I guess it depends on how much he knows. How big a part he played in everything? Kurt is fair, but you know how dangerous it can be to have any human know about us. He's a liability."
"This is so stupid. All this because he didn't take the time to talk to his sister and just assumed Bridger was hurting her. If she had bruises, it was because she wanted them. Bridger didn't leave marks unless his partner asked him to take things to another level."
"Was he really trained in autoerotic asphyxia?" Bayne asked.
"Yeah, we both were. It's dangerous and my ex back then was way into it. I refused for a long time, scared something would go wrong. I researched it and found a small group, I guess it was like a class, but it wasn't anything official. Bridger took it with me. They taught us how to be safer about it, things to watch for, ways to read our partner's body language, rules for doing it somewhat safer. I mean there is always a risk, but at least being informed I was able to feel safer about it. I also learned that with wolves, when it would get to the dangerous point, my partner's wolf would force a shift. It was an extra safety measure that helped reassure me I wasn't going to kill him."
"Is it something you got off doing?"
"To a point. I didn't like taking it as far as he wanted. I loved the power and feel of having my hands around his neck, holding him down so forcefully, but when I saw that his color would start to change, he was fighting to stay conscious, that freaked me out and took all arousal away for me, but he would come so hard there was no denying that it was what turned him on." I turned my head toward Bayne, even though I couldn't see him. "Does the idea turn you on?"
"I don't know. I have always loved being held down, all control being taken from me. I love when hands are around the back of my neck, holding me hard so I can't move, but I've never been choked. I'm not against trying it."
The thought should have had my cock rock hard, but it wasn't. Something was wrong with me if thoughts of holding Bayne down didn't turn me on.
"What's wrong?" Bayne asked.
I shrugged. "It's just I keep feeling more and more like something is off. That should have had me turned on and ready to throw you onto the bed the moment we got home, but it didn't. I think of bed and all I think of is sleep."
"I'm calling Cohen when we get home. He might not be able to see us today, but we need to get you in as soon as we can. At first, I thought it was just stress making you tired, but now, I'm not so sure. I can feel it through our link, but can't put a word to the feeling."
"Exactly. It's just different. Like I'm fighting off exhaustion all the time."
Bayne stopped the car. "We're home. Let's go in and get something to eat. I'll call Cohen, then we can let our wolves out and rest all night." He got out of the car.
A second later he was at my side as I got out, his arm around me to lead me inside. "Thanks for everything today. I know it can't be easy for you to torture someone."
"It's usually not, but today, it wasn't too hard. He was the man who hurt you, that made me want to tear him apart. He got off a lot easier than I wanted him to. I'd gone in planning on spending hours making him hurt, but it didn't go that way. I guess I'm glad it was over quickly, I know you didn't feel right being there."
"Like I said, it doesn't change anything. Doesn't bring Bridger back." I sat down at the kitchen table, stretching my legs out. "Is that what you do normally for the pack?"
"If Kurt needs information from someone he usually calls me. It doesn't happen often. I usually just help with security if we have to hold someone in the cells or have a problem with a wolf. If it bothers you, I can tell him I won't do it anymore."
"No, I'm okay with it. It's not like it's random. I know enough about your pack that I know if you need to torture someone, it's deserved."
"Oh, shit." Bayne was suddenly kneeling beside me. "I almost forgot. Hell."
"What?" I didn't like the wave of anxiety I felt coming off him.
"Pete called Kurt right after you joined our pack. He was pissed. Said he was going to fine your parents for you leaving the pack. Kurt said to call your family and get them here as soon as possible. He can pay to fly them out or help them pack and drive out. Whatever they want. We can go help them if you want, but if they don't want to stay there, they shouldn't. Pack Authority is on their way to investigate Pete, and that's only going to upset him more. I'm sure he'll know that Kurt called them and will blame you and take that out on your family too."
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I hadn't been using it because I couldn't see to punch in a number or read a text. "Turn it on and call Mom in my contacts."
Bayne took my phone and a second later he handed it to me. "It's ringing. I'll go shower while you talk to them." He kissed my cheek and left me alone.
For a moment I didn't think that they would answer, but finally, I heard my mom's soft voice answer.
I smiled as she asked how I was. I reassured her that I was fine, and quickly told her what Kurt had said and offered. After talking to her for a few minutes she passed the phone to my dad, letting me explain everything to him.
It was a relief to hear they'd already decided to move here and had started to slowly pack. Kurt was right, and Pete had called my parents almost as soon as I'd cut my link and joined a new pack. He'd threatened them with fines and tried to insist they would have to do more work for the pack to make up for the way my sister and I acted.
I was furious. If it wasn't for being blind, I would have been on the first flight out and handled Pete myself.
I talked for several more minutes, making them promise to call my sister so she knew what was going on. The last place I wanted her was around an angry Pete. Who knew what he'd try to force her to do. The sooner they broke ties with the pack, the safer they would all be.
I hung up after promising to start looking for a house for them. I'd tried to explain about the pack house where they could stay while they looked, but I don't think they understood what it was like here. They were thinking about what they were used to, and Kurt's pack was nothing comparable.
"Everything okay?" Bayne walked into the kitchen, smelling like soap and shampoo.
I reached for him. "They are going to leave in the next few days. They promised to call if they need any help, but my dad seems to think they've got it handled. He asked if I'd look for a house for them, but I'd almost rather wait and let them find what they like."
Bayne sat down on my knee, wrapping his arms around me. "I know of a couple places that are perfect for them. We can drive out and look at them tomorrow if you want. They aren't too far from the pack house, and one even connects to the land we own so they could shift and run from the house if they wanted to."
"I'd like to see them. It's going to be a big adjustment coming here, and Dad's worried about a job, but I figure there should be something for him. Hell, he could retire if he wanted to. I think he only keeps working for something to do. It's not as if they need the money now."
"Will your sister be okay with the changes?"
"Yeah, Cathy will love it here. I'm sure she'll be calling soon. If she's modeling, she might not come home for a while."
"I can't wait to meet her." Bayne nuzzled my neck. "You hungry?"
I shook my head. "Not yet."
"Then how about we shift and let our wolves have some time together?" Bayne stood.
"Sounds good."
"Let me toss a couple steaks out. That way we don't have to shift back if we don't want to." Bayne walked across the kitchen and I heard the fridge open. "I called Cohen. He said to drop by tomorrow afternoon and he'd be around. He isn't too concerned. He's thinking it's stress as well."
"I hope that's all it is." I stood, rolling my shoulders as I waited for Bayne. It was easier to let him lead me back to the bedroom than try and find my own way. I was getting better at estimating where I was, but still not perfect.
Once in the bedroom, I stripped off my clothes, excited to shift and be with my mate. A night curled up on the bed was exactly what I needed. Well, no, I needed a night out running and hunting with my mate, but that wasn't going to happen right now with as tired as I was and my blindness. It was going to take time to learn how to move through the forest together when I couldn't see. I hoped a donor was found quickly so I wouldn't even have to try.
"You are the sexiest man alive." Bayne pressed his naked body against mine.
I grinned, enjoying the feel of him against me. "Other than you, of course."
"We make a good team."
"We do." I ran my hands down his side as I kissed him softly.
Bayne pulled back. "My wolf is growling. He wants his turn with you. I promise I'll remind you just how sexy you are when we shift back."
"I'm holding you to that." I took two steps back and went to my knees, ready to shift. "I love you."
"I love you too." Bayne sounded as if he was on the floor too.
I relaxed, and stepped back, ready for my wolf to step forward, but was surprised when my wolf seemed to ignore me and refuse to come. I closed my eyes, focusing inward on my wolf, finding him withdrawn and refusing to communicate with me. Again, I tried to shift, but my wolf didn't move.
I'd never experienced anything like it. My wolf always wanted out. He loved the freedom and hated that we spent so much time in human form. And now, with my mate, he seemed to always push me to shift, but as I thought back over the last day or two, he had been oddly silent. The only time I remembered him stirring was when we were watching Justin be tortured. He'd wanted a part in that. His anger at being blind was strong and he'd wanted to kill the man who made us that way.
Bayne's wolf licked my arm.
"I'm trying. My wolf won't come forward." I closed my eyes again, hoping that the nearness of Bayne's wolf would draw mine forward.
Still nothing.
I felt him inside me, but it was almost as if he was lying in the corner of my mind, refusing to get up, refusing to even acknowledge me. "Bayne, he's not coming. I can't shift." I tried again.
After several minutes I sat down on the floor, tired and sweaty from trying to force the shift when my wolf didn't want to come forward. I shook my head, unsure what to do. I'd never heard of anyone not being able to shift. There were times one side fought with the other and forced them to not shift, or even times my wolf had forced the shift on me, but the nothingness of this was scaring me.
"What is it?" Bayne was in human form again and pulling me onto his lap.
I shook my head. "I don't know. He's there, but it's like he won't come. He just lays there like he isn't interested in even paying attention to what is going on around us. He didn't even blink when your wolf licked me."
"Is he sick?"
"I don't think so. If he was, I would be too, wouldn't I?"
"I'd think so, but I don't know. Maybe it's something we don't know about. That could be why you're so tired. I'm calling Cohen." Bayne stood and grabbed his phone.
As Bayne talked to Cohen, I got a wave of worry from Kurt. It was the first time I'd really had him communicate through our link since I'd taken him as my alpha. I sent back a wave of reassurance, not wanting him to worry. It said a lot that Kurt would feel such a minor thing. Pete hardly noticed when his wolves called for help.
"Cohen is off work in ten minutes and said he'd come here but would have Stephen, his mate, with him." Bayne sat down on the floor beside me again. "When was the last time you remember your wolf active?"
"At the cells when you were torturing Justin. He wanted to kill him. He wasn't out of control or anything, but I had to calm him. He wasn't any worse than your wolf probably was. I get he wanted revenge."
"I had to hold my wolf back, especially when Justice shifted."
"Mine never got that bad, he was pacing in my mind, watching, wanting, but never tried to come forward." I brushed my fingers through my hair. "Before that, he's been really quiet, but I thought it was just because we couldn't go running. He didn't have a choice but to let me be in control for a while until we got used to being blind."
"I've never heard of a wolf not being able to shift. It's usually the other way and the wolf keeps trying to take over." Bayne sounded worried.
"I haven't either. He doesn't feel sick, doesn't seem hurt. He's just quiet. Won't move."
"Knowing Cohen, he'll rush right over." Bayne set me off his lap and stood. "Put on a pair of sweatpants and we'll start dinner. The least we can do is feed Cohen for coming out here." Bayne handed me a pair of pants. "Are you okay? You feel normal?"
"Yeah, tired, but I'm fine. Just worried. I've never had my wolf do this. He's always so active, he's part of everything I do, but now it's like he's almost gone." I slipped the pants on. "It's not possible to lose your wolf, is it?"
"I don't think so. He's half of your soul. I don't think we can survive without them. I've never heard of anyone losing their wolf. Hopefully, Cohen knows something about this." Bayne took my hand. "Come keep me company while I cook."
I wasn't hungry, but he was right. The least we could do was feed Cohen after he took the time to come out after a long day at the hospital. Letting him lead me into the kitchen I hoped that there wasn't something seriously wrong with me. I'd already lost my sight. I couldn't lose anything else. I just couldn't handle it.