9

 

MATEO

 

My eyes never drift away from Ricco, our familia’s cleaner, as he wraps a white sheet around my brother’s prone body. My soul feels like it’s splintered into a thousand pieces, each shard pricking a vital organ and causing them to bleed out while he deftly tucks the corners under Vinny.

Losing Vinny is the equivalent of losing my own son if I were to have one. I raised him from the time our mother died until he was eighteen. He was just a small lad when our mother was taken away from us. Her absence didn’t affect him like it does Gavino and me. We were there, sitting underneath a worn-down table in our familia’s kitchen as we saw the whole thing go down.

Witnessing the death of our mother left us with scars only we could heal. Now, a different wound has opened up inside my chest, screaming over the loss of the one who was the purist of us all.

Vinny was too young for it to end like this, and it’s all my fault. Every goddamn thing that’s happened to us all is because I didn’t make a move when the ball was firmly in my court. Instead, I wasted time worrying over a slit that doesn’t even deserve a second glance.

“I know what you’re thinking, Teo. You can’t blame this on Carina. She did everything she could to save him.”

“Yet,” I growl, turning my attention to Dom. “It still wasn’t enough. She still let this family down. She’s supposed to be Reap, goddammit. Where’re her flashy training skills now?”

“You cannot blame her for this. She was the only one clear-headed enough to go after the shooter while we were all stuck in a daze watching him die,” Dom whispers. The anguish in his words can be heard from an eternity away.

I break my stare down with Dom to look over at Vinny’s prone figure, fighting the emotions barreling through me. Anger over someone doing this to one of my blood. Sadness that I’ll never be able to laugh at Vinny’s antics. And worry … because it feels like this is only the beginning.

He’ll never be able to grow old. Never be able to have a familia of his own. He won’t be able to do anything, because within a few hours, he will be lying cold in our familia’s resting place. Buried like a thief in the night, per our father’s request.

Goddamn him and his motherfucking image he’s trying to protect. All of us know what he’s doing is wrong, but we can do nothing to change it. That’s not how it works in this world, and since Vinny has no wife and no kids, our father gets to choose what happens to him. Fucking bullshit if you ask me. He wasn’t even there when we were growing up, so he shouldn’t have a say so now how we honor his memory.

“Don’t. I know you’re trying to make excuses for her, but just don’t do it. She’s had more training than a goddamn doctor in the ER, she should have been able to save him.”

“With what, Mateo? She had nothing here to use. You can’t expect her to use a piece of glass and our shoe strings to tidy up the mess those bullets made. They were man killers. We were inept to deal with a situation like this. No one has ever had balls big enough to shoot up your house before.”

I know I’m being unreasonable, and I’d like to say I care, but I’m too lost in my grief. The only thing I remember is the desolate look in her eyes when they connected with mine. The finality I saw in them as I rocked my brother as he knocked on death’s door.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Dom. Apparently, there’s someone out there that has the balls to do this, or my brother wouldn’t be dead right now. Did they even find anything when they went to search the grounds?”

Shaking his head, he regards me with a stoic mask. “No. They followed the blood trail all the way to the main road about a mile from here. It just ends where tire tracks begin. They found nothing but the blood. We’ve been scouring for hours.”

“Goddammit!”

“Well, what do we do now?” he asks.

Heaving a sigh, I pinch the bridge of my nose to stave off another blasted headache trying to form. “We retire for the night. I’m too fucked to be any good.”

Shaking my head, I give one last look toward Ricco and Vinny before making my way up the stairs. Passing by the shattered windows, another reminder of what happened tonight, my heart breaks even more. No matter how hard I try to refrain, a stray tear leaks from my eye, trekking all the way down my face to drip onto the carpet.

Nothing will ever be the same again. All the progress I’ve made over the years? That’s long gone. I steadily feel myself spiraling out of control, uncaring where I end up. Only that I hope it ends with revenge and retribution for the brother that was taken too soon.

Running my hand over my face, I wearily swipe over it as my jaw clenches in irritation. “No one will come out of this alive once I’m through. I will avenge you, brother. This, I promise.”

Making my way to my room, I shoulder the door open, before slamming it shut once more. Leaning back, all fight leaves me. Sliding down to the floor, I allow every bit of my agony to rise to the surface. Tears flow down my face as memories of our lives play out before me. My chest aches from the pain tearing through me. We had forever; now all we have is what ifs.

I can’t show weakness in front of anyone, but right now, there’s no stopping it. It hurts to fucking breathe.

I’ve heard my whole life I would grow up to be someone who will never be phased with a simple death. That I would shrug it off like it was a natural occurrence. However, all of my grooming to take my father’s seat didn’t prepare me for this.

Nothing prepared me for the pain I feel inside; the pain that’s broken everything inside of me I’ve been trying to fix for so long.

They say a cold, dead heart never feels any pain, but what they don’t tell you is the fact it can be freed from its dark confines. That it can start feeling once more, even when you don’t notice.

Like I said before … it’s all her goddamn fault.

Every single bit of it.