CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Bocca
Where the hell did I begin?
That was…
I had no words at the moment. In fact, I currently didn’t have feeling in ninety percent of my body. Yep, I had fucked myself into numbness.
But I wouldn’t really call it fucking. Truth was, that was the most intense, most raw, most beautiful experience I’d ever had. It was so beyond anything that I didn’t even have a box to put it in.
If I had any doubts before that Rosemarie was a keeper, well that fucking went out the window the moment I slid inside her.
Neither of us could speak and that was alright with me.
Eventually, I reluctantly slid out of her and cleaned both of us up. Her body was limp and I could see that she was struggling to keep her eyes open. But the smile that was permanently plastered on her face told me all I needed to know.
“Stay,” she said half asleep as I tucked her under the covers.
Please, like I’d go anywhere.
“Always,” I said as I slid in beside her and pulled her body into mine.
“I want to keep you,” she whispered as her cool hand moved to rest on my hip. It came out garbled and I had an idea that she was practically asleep at this point.
A smile overtook my face as I hugged her tighter.
“I’m all yours, baby,” I whispered then kissed her head.
I fell asleep not long after that.
And I stayed asleep.
The first real, deep sleep I’d had in a month.
Then when I woke, I was comfortably warm, wrapped in a soft blanket of Rosemarie. Her head still on my chest, her body draped over my torso, her legs tangled with mine.
“You’re still here,” she said as she pulled herself out of slumber.
“Where else would I be?” I asked like she was crazy.
But for real, where the fuck else would I be? Not one single fucking place I would wish I was more than right fucking here.
“You’re so hard,” she said, her hand gripping my dick and giving it a firm squeeze. “Mmmm.” I wasn’t sure if that sound was because she was trying to wake or she was extremely hungry for my cock.
“Yeah, just like that, baby,” I said as she continued to stroke me slowly.
I spotted my pants on the floor, way too far for my liking right now. Damn. Should have thought of that last night. Wrapping my arm around her, I held on tight as I reached with all my might. I may have been trying to use some Jedi mind trick shit to get my pants to come to me. Just to let you know, it didn’t work.
Not so stealthily, I half fell off the bed. Luckily, she didn’t come with me. I snatched up my pants with lightning speed and fished out a condom. This only gave her the opportunity to slide down my body and take my cock in her mouth without me even realizing it until her hot, wet tongue circled my head as her lips closed around me.
“Oh, fuck!” I said half excited, half shocked by the unexpected act.
I was going to blow. I gritted my teeth and balled up my fists to try to stave off the embarrassingly fast orgasm that was about to rip through me.
I didn’t want to come in her mouth, at least not right now. Maybe another day. I hadn’t gotten enough of that glorious, tight pussy yet. As gently as I could, I pulled her head back off my dick and she actually whimpered in protest.
Hell, yeah!
I think I love this woman.
Uh, wait. Love?
Yeah, fuck it. I may have been clueless about romance and love but I was pretty sure that was what this was. It happened so quickly and I barely knew her, but I couldn’t ignore all the signs at that moment. I couldn’t pretend that my heart didn’t skip a beat when she looked up at me with a twinkle in those deep brown eyes. I couldn’t ignore the fact that just the thought of her name brought a smile to my face. Or that with a simple kiss the world melted away.
However, I couldn’t tell her that just yet. I got the feeling she was still trying her hardest to figure out what was going on here. And maybe was even doing her best to push her true feelings away.
That was fine. I was in this for the long haul. I had time. Right now, the important thing was to let her know that I really fucking cared about her. Not only that, but that I wanted something with her. I had to get her to understand that she wasn’t just a fuck to me. And the only way I could see to do that was to show her just how great we were together. Oh, and not leave her side until she forced me to. That last one was the big one.
After I rolled the condom down my throbbing cock, I pulled her body onto mine. I didn’t give her a chance to protest. I gripped her hips, lifted her up, and positioned her right where we both wanted her to be. Her hand slapped down on my chest as she sunk down on me.
“Ride me, naughty nurse,” I said with a sly wink.
She shook her head, but couldn’t hide the amused smile.
Then she did just that. She rode me hard and fast, her cute, small tits bouncing right in my face.
I sent her over the edge, her head whipping back and forth as she tried to hold back. I did my best to keep my balls from exploding. When she started to come back down, I flipped her over and plowed into her with everything I had in me. And this time when she came, I came with her.
We spent the day naked in bed. She informed me that I had her for the next two days and I told her that we weren’t leaving the bedroom.
For the most part, we stuck to that. There were times that we had to crawl out of bed, which we did on shaky, spent legs. We did have to stop and eat at some point. And I loved how we sat on the kitchen floor, me completely naked and her with the sheet wrapped around her as we devoured cold slices of pizza.
Those days we lived off of take-out and water and I seriously wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. That wasn’t to say that I wanted to keep her tucked away forever. No, I had plans to give her everything she deserved and wanted. And definitely, everything she needed.
It was so easy being around her. The little moments when I had her in my arms felt so freeing. Just sitting there talking about the small stuff was the best thing in the world.
I learned enough about her in those few days to know that I was never going to walk away from her. And I fucking hoped she felt the same.
Each night before we fell asleep, she would kiss my scars. Not all of them, but the most obvious ones. Her cool fingers would brush over them and then her soft lips would descend upon my skin, lingering for a beat longer than a second. And every time my body froze, half panicked because the memories were right there, and half afraid the moment wasn’t real.
“Am I ever going to know what happened?” she asked as she kissed the last scar for the night.
The hours were counting down. Even though her words and eyes begged me for another round, I forced her to get some sleep. She had to be at work in six hours and I knew we hadn’t gotten more than a good nap’s worth of rest since I’d shown up.
I knew this was coming and I had been anticipating it from the second I saw her. Only it threw me that she wasn’t asking what happened. No, she was asking if I’d ever open up and tell her. Or maybe even, if I could tell her. That was the thing about Rosemarie, she was smart. I could tell that she caught onto some things that I didn’t say. She saw the things that I left out, but she hadn’t questioned any of them yet.
I had two choices here.
Tell her no.
Or go into the whole thing. Because I knew if I were to tell her that one day she’d get to know, I’d end up telling her right now anyway.
On one hand, it was club business. Though, I felt like this was on the fringe of things we shouldn’t talk about, especially with people we trusted. And yes, I trusted her, there was no questioning that.
But on the other hand, she kind of had the right to know what she was getting into with me. Right? It would only be the decent thing to let her in. To get her to understand the dangers that came with being with me, and the club. It would be utterly fucked up to keep that from her.
It was a hard choice. Rock and hard place and all that shit.
As her fingers lightly traced the puckered, angry patches of flesh, I decided that I not only had to let her in, but I wanted to. I needed to.
“I wanted to save them,” I said feeling myself break.
Nadya’s words, her questions, they had been rolling around in the back of my head ever since I went to see her. I understood the point she was trying to make and I was also working to believe that she was right. Not that I would ever even think about arguing about it with her to her face. Each day, each second that ticked on, brought me closer to accepting my hell. It brought me closer to releasing my blame and guilt. But I knew it wasn’t something that was going to come easily or overnight.
I told Rosemarie everything, from beginning to end. I left a lot of things up to her imagination and skimmed over the worst of it, but I had an idea that she understood.
We talked about the fire and how awful it was. How there was nothing anyone could have done. She let me know that she suspected there was something shady about the news reports. She couldn’t believe that not one person made it out alive. After I explain to her why, she now had the answers to that.
She grew sad and quiet, but she still held onto me. Not even as she deeply breathed did her body lock up in a way that told me it was too much for her. I prayed that it wasn’t because she was still trying to process everything.
I didn’t want her to over analyze it. I didn’t want her to go down that road that I was currently walking. I had tried to look at the upside to this whole situation and I needed her to know that she was that. She was the light in all the darkness that was attempting to swallow me whole.
“I want to hate what happened—and believe me, I fucking do—but I can’t keep thinking that if it hadn’t happened then I would never have met you. It’s fucked up and wrong on so many levels, but I am grateful for that.”
She took me in for a long moment. Then she kissed me.
“I don’t like what happened to you. To those girls. But I can’t deny that I’m glad you came into my life.” Her words were soft and if I wasn’t mistaken, her eyes were shining with unleashed tears.
Now that was all out of the way, I could see her thinking hard. Her brows pinched together as she tried to put everything I’d told her in order. Her lips thinned as she tried to make boxes to put the information in.
“So is this what your club does? Is this a normal thing?” she asked softly.
“Sometimes,” I answered vaguely.
“There’s something you’re leaving out.” It was a statement and because she had lifted her head to look at me, I knew she could read the truth in my eyes. “I had a long talk with Sara Ann. I was…well, just down and kind of moody about things.”
“Any of those things have to do with me?” I asked with a wink trying to lighten the mood.
“Yes,” she replied with an eye roll. “My point is that she sort of filled me in on the club. She didn’t go into specifics and I honestly have no clue if she even knows any. But basically, what I got out of it was that you guys are a bunch of gruff saviors, in a way. That whatever it is that you do, you do it with good intentions behind it. And I can’t help but see that what happened is beyond horrible, but it is not your fault. You went in there wanting to end evil and save lives. How can I even hate you for that? And you shouldn’t hate yourself either.”
Not going to lie, I felt myself tearing up at her words.
“You’re amazing and beautiful, Bocca.”
She kissed the marred skin over my heart and I could have sworn I felt her soft lips on my soul. She scooted up, placing her mouth right next to my ear.
“Free yourself,” she whispered. “None of it was your fault.”
With a quick kiss to my jaw, she tucked her face into the crook of my neck. It only took a matter of minutes for her breathing to even out, letting me know that she’d fallen asleep. I couldn’t even blame her, I knew she had to be exhausted. I stared blindly up at the ceiling for hours after that, my hand stroking her thick hair over and over.
Free myself.
Was it really as simple as that?
Was it just a matter of letting myself believe that it was?
I’ll never forget. I might not even ever move on.
But right here in this room, I believed that it wasn’t my burden to hold onto.
So instead, I vowed to get revenge for each and every one of those girls. I promised to bring their souls justice, even if it would be the end of me.
It was only after I accepted that did I allow myself to fall asleep, wrapped in the warmest and most amazing comfort I’d ever had.