I just want a normal life—one without pain. I’ve experienced more physical and emotional pain in my twenty-four years than most women experience their entire lives. People take for granted how easy they have it, running around, never worrying about when it will all come to a burning, crashing end. I envy those people, and am determined to one day be like them. My new motto is to live for tomorrow. Every decision will move me toward a future filled with light, one that cannot be dulled by harsh realities and unplanned inconveniences. I am the maker of my dreams. No longer am I the wallflower who allows myself to be hurt.

My position as fundraising manager for one of the largest charitable organizations for women in the United States brought me to where I am today, sitting in this bar. After a long travel day with two layovers, I sink into the plush cushioned seat that forms to my curves. Looking around, I’m glad I threw on my work blazer and dark trouser jeans. The sky-high BCBG peep-toe shoes and a long beaded necklace spruce up the business casual look.

I’m a little out of my league. Men and women in pristine suits and cocktail dresses congregate in small groups of people to enjoy “Happy Hour.” This is not my scene. If the Safe Haven Foundation board of directors meeting weren’t being held in this hotel, I’d be sitting at home in comfy pajamas, sipping wine, and watching a chick flick with my roommate, Maria.

The deep grooves in the bull nose edge of the bar are perfectly etched in a swirling pattern. The bar is backlit and shines light through each liquor bottle like a sunbeam shooting through a crystal. The different rays of colors scatter, looking more like art than glass shelves filled with a variety of alcoholic beverages. A tall ladder climbs each side so the bartender can reach the “top-shelf” liquor. The stuff that’s a few hundred dollars a bottle, possibly even per glass, is placed on those shelves of honor.

Scanning the wine list, I’m reminded of my station in life. Living in wine country, I have a pretty good grasp on what’s good, fair, and straight vinegar. Everything on this menu is priced by the bottle, the cheapest close to a hundred dollars—nowhere near my pay grade.

A furry little man behind the bar smiles at me, wipes the space in front of me with a damp cloth, and sets down a coaster. “What can I get for you?” His accent holds an Italian Chicagoan inflection.

“Um, not sure. Do you have wine by the glass?”

“You’re not from around here are you?” His question is genuine and friendly.

I figure honesty is the best policy. “Nope. Here on business.”

“Excellent. I’ll hook you up,” he says, smacking the bar. “White or red?”

“White, please. Thank you.”

The bar is something else. I had reservations about coming down, but I’m glad I did. My weariness from today’s travel starts to wear off. The bartender sets a generous glass of wine in front of me. He gave me well over the customary four ounces. I smile wide, probably all teeth and gums. He grins and sets off to assist another patron.

Hidden speakers play Amy Winehouse’s lilting voice crooning softly about her being no good for her man. People chat among themselves. I take a sip of my wine and am assaulted by the burst of the smooth, buttery notes in the Chardonnay. Reminds me of a little winery my soul sisters and I visited last year in Napa. Their wine was just as satiny smooth on the palate. It’s the taste of money. My only hope is that my bill isn’t over twenty dollars. Otherwise my little per diem splurge is toast.

Turning sideways, I take in the eclectic mix of contemporary art coupled with dimmed track lighting. A pristine black grand piano sits off to the corner. A soft light shines on it as if awaiting some lonely soul to tickle its ivories. A man places his hand on the glossy surface, breaking my trance. Following the hand up the arm, I find it’s attached to the most striking male face I’ve ever seen. His image could easily grace the cover of any high fashion magazine. Strong dark brows define what I suspect are dark eyes. Sculpted cheekbones rise as his head tips back in laughter. He’s the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome in the inky suit that sits on, quite possibly, one of the most perfect forms I’ve seen. He’s magnificent.

I skim his body from his leather designer shoes up to the most exquisitely tailored slacks, which hang on a trim waist in that sexy way you only see on men gracing the silver screen. I gulp down the wine, letting the burn of the too-large drink pierce my consciousness as my eyes continue the journey up a very broad chest. I imagine that underneath the silky fabric is a chiseled chest and abdomen. His tie is loose. He probably just finished his workday, in a hurry to meet the guys in downtown Chicago for a beer.

No, that’s not right. He’s too elegant for beer. That would be the type of guy I usually date. This man, Mr. Superman, is far too classy. His tumbler is filled with a honey-colored liquid, confirming his taste. Scotch or whiskey on the rocks.

He’s sex personified as he sips the liquid. I imagine it burns as it rushes down his throat. I’ll bet the harsh alcohol warms his belly and soothes the trials of the day away. I’m thinking corporate lawyer or banker. Maybe he had a meeting in this very hotel and is schmoozing the men standing around him. Better yet, they could be trying to impress him. That’s more like it.

I settle my gaze on his face and am shocked to find his eyes boring intensely into mine. I want to look away, but can’t. It’s as if he’s holding me tethered to his focused stare. Heat swirls in my gut as our gazes meet and we dance around one another, assessing, considering the other. I try but fail to look away. After what seems like an eternity, one of his dark brows tips, and a sly grin slips across his face. Magnificent wasn’t the right word. He’s splendid.

Long fingers brush his dark hair. It falls in sexy layers that I’d give anything to comb my own fingers through. Chills run up my back as we continue our mutual staring contest. As I’m about to pass out from holding my breath so long, he looks away. It’s like tossing sand on a burning flame. The fire is out. Gone. Cold. Nothing but ash remains.

What the hell was that?

The day must have done a number on me. I’ve never scoped out a man before at such great length, nor have I been so taken with one. I’ll bet he’s good in bed. The thought flits across my mind, and I squash it. There be dragons in thoughts like that. It’s a good thing he looked away. Even better that he didn’t hear the silent siren’s call summoning him over to fill the desire pumping through my every pore. All he’d need is one match, and I’d go up in flames like a pile of fallen dried leaves.

With every fiber of my being, I face the bar and do everything I can to focus on anything other than the man in the corner. Delicately, I trace the rim of the wineglass, seeing if I can make it sing along with the music filtering through the room. Satisfaction flourishes when I’m able to circle out a soft hum, a tiny pitch to match the lyrics.

“Neat trick,” a deep voice booms behind me. It’s one of those voices that settles in your belly and tickles you from the inside out.

I twirl so fast my wineglass skitters across the bar. A quick arm reaches across me and catches it before a drop spills. I’m caged between a broad chest and the bar behind me. Instinctively, I balance my hands on the hard surface pressing into me. My nose is stuffed into a crisp shirt. Sandalwood and citrus permeate the air with a heady scent. I take a deep breath, sucking the flavor of nature and man into my being. The smell reminds me that it’s been far too long since I’ve been this intimate with the opposite sex.

A rumble destroys my happy place. The chest I’m wedged against is laughing. I push lightly and the wall moves to reveal stunning Caribbean-blue eyes. The light was playing tricks on me before. They’re not dark at all. I look from feature to feature. From those blue eyes, to the sculpted cheekbones, down to the heart-shaped pout. The sexy Superman is here, right in front of me, looking down at me. A halo of light behind him accentuates every delectable feature. He’s…laughing.

I wrinkle my nose and push hard against his chest to secure some much-needed space. In mere seconds, this stranger has completely invaded and caged me like an animal, saved my drink, and left me without the ability to speak.

“Cat got your tongue?”

“No!” I roll my eyes at how ridiculous that sounds, even to me.

He laughs and gestures to the open seat next to me.

“May I?” He sits without waiting for an answer.

“No, you may not. I’m expecting someone.” Perfectly reasonable reply. It’s a fat lie, but it always works when an unwanted suitor tries to saddle up next to me.

“They can sit in the chair on the other side of you.” He grins.

Damn his sexy face. I could look at it for days on end and still not understand how God could create something so perfect. That’s probably all he has going for him.

He snaps at the bartender, and he comes running.

“How rude. Do you always treat everyone like a dog?” I’m not even sure why I opened my mouth. I should have ignored him, finished my drink, and left. But no, I had to poke the sexy Superman.

He looks at me as the bartender waits patiently. Seems odd from a bartender. Why not just butt in and ask what Superman wants? He searches my face with his ocean eyes and speaks to the bartender without looking at him. Again, rude!

“Sam, I’ll have another. As will she.” He gestures to my mostly drained wineglass.

“Yes, Mr. Davis. Right away.” The bartender practically bows before running off to make the drinks.

“Mr. Davis? I take it you come here often?”

“Chase Davis, and yes, I own this hotel. It’s important to check in on my investments.”

My cheeks burn. I’m not sure if it’s from embarrassment or irritation. Maybe a little of both. Besides being distractingly beautiful, he’s pompous. I don’t care for it.

“I’m sorry if I appeared rude, but a snap did get Sam’s attention. I wanted to order you another drink before you ran off.”

Seems reasonable enough. “And why are you interested in buying me a drink, Mr. Davis?”

“Chase. You can call me Chase.”

“I get the feeling you’re used to being called Mr. Davis.” I use my most seductive tone. “You like the respect it gives you?” Where in the hell I’m coming up with this shit is beyond me. I feel like I’m playing a game I’ve never played before, and I have no idea if I’m winning or losing. Something about this man taunts my defenses to prickle and strike, but not in an uncomfortable way. More like I want to get a rise out of him.

“In my professional life, Mr. Davis is appropriate, yes. Privately, as in this conversation, I’d like you to call me Chase.” His eyes sparkle, and when he smiles, I’m gifted an even set of white teeth. Breathtaking.

I nod, not sure how to keep up the sparring. Every bit of his essence exudes confidence and control, and I’m wilting under the pressure of being near him. He’s the sexy Superman, but it seems as if he’s becoming my kryptonite.

“In answer to your question, I bought you a drink so I could get to know you better.”

My insides quiver as he skims my face and then moves down, his gaze landing on my chest. I’m so thankful I wore the tight tank top under the blazer. It accentuates my breasts, yet leaves just enough to the imagination. Thank you, What Not to Wear, for the fitted jacket and sexy tank technique.

I lick my lips and bite the bottom one, trying to decide what to say or do next. He inhales, and I see the rise and fall of his wide chest. Those blue eyes swirl with color and dilate.

“What’s your name?” he asks.

“Gillian Callahan, but my friends call me Gigi.”

“I will call you Gillian or Miss Callahan.” He clasps my hand and brings it to his lips for a kiss. “Pet names are earned. I prefer to choose my own.”

His husky tone sends bouts of pure lust twisting and curling in rivulets through me.

Jesus, this man is sex incarnate. It oozes through his words, the twinkle in his eyes, and the sly grin attached to a delectable pair of lips. I want to kiss, bite, and savor those lips. In that order. He yanks at his tie and pulls the knot free entirely. With a flick of his fingers, he undoes the top two buttons at the collar, exposing a nice tanned piece of flesh. I lean closer to him, riveted to that speck of flesh. Desperately, I want to reach out and give it a lick. Just a quick little taste. That’s all I’d need.

“You like what you see, Gillian?”

Before my brain connects and filters my reply, I nod dumbly. With the full spirit of a teenage girl with a crush, the lame drawn-out response slips out. “God, yes.”

“Mmm, I’m so glad. Shall we continue this conversation somewhere else?” His eyes go from Caribbean blue to black in seconds.

One large hand strays to my knee, and his thumb traces an infinity symbol there. With each small press of skin to denim, I feel his touch as if it is searing my skin with his mark. Ribbons of excitement rush out through my limbs until what he said crashes around me.

“Excuse me. What?” I jump from my seat, which takes a bit of effort, as my legs have turned to jelly. Take this somewhere more comfortable? Like I’m a whore ready to hop into bed with a man, albeit a sexy as hell one, ten minutes after meeting? I am not that girl. Well, I could be, but that’s not the impression I want to give.

His face twists into a confused grimace. He reaches for me, but I step back, escaping his grasp. Big men reaching for me often trigger a panic attack.

His eyes narrow. “You want me. I can see it very clearly. It’s written all over your gorgeous face, and you wear your emotions on your sleeve.”

Tingles of fear prickle my spine and shoot up to raise the tender hairs at my neck. I shake my head. “You must have misunderstood. I need to go. It was nice meeting you.” Turning, I clear my head and make for the lobby bar’s exit.

“Gillian, wait!” he calls from behind me.

I debate breaking into a full run, but I know I’m safe here. This is a five-star resort hotel in the middle of downtown Chicago. People are milling around everywhere. With a deep breath, I turn and face the most beautiful man alive. Superman doesn’t do him justice. He is just…perfect.

When he catches up to me, he hands me a white card. “My business card. My cell is on the back. I’m not really sure what happened here, but I’d like to see you again.”

Fat chance. “I’ll think about it.”

He tilts his head in a way that makes me believe he’s never been let down by a woman before. He probably hasn’t. It would take a certifiable woman to turn down a romp with this sexy stranger, but I’m living for tomorrow, not today. A slow grin slides across his face. He leans forward and places both hands tentatively on my biceps. It takes everything I have not to panic. I instigate touching. It is part of my coping mechanism. I close my eyes as he leans close and kisses my cheek.

Sandalwood and citrus permeate the air around his large frame. God, he smells good.

Chase whispers in my ear. “Until we meet again.” Then he drags his lips along the side of my chin before he pulls away.

I could melt on the spot. He winks, turns, and walks back to the bar.

* * *

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

The internal rant runs in a constant loop as I pull off my heels and chuck them across the room. Poor beautiful shoes. They don’t deserve such treatment, but I have to get the aggression out somehow. Smacking my head against a hard surface is very appealing at this moment. It is concussion or shoe abuse.

Ugh, why can’t I just be normal? Walk into a bar. Sit down. Have a drink. Meet a beautiful man. Flirt. He asks you out. That’s how that meeting with Chase should have gone. But no. Not for Gigi Callahan, the broken girl from San Francisco. The man makes one overtly sexual suggestion, and I crumble into a weeping willow. Worse, I scamper off like a frightened little puppy. I should have stayed and given it back to him in spades.

It’s not as if I’m a prude or a saint. I’ve been approached sexually plenty of times. Even considered it a time or two. But with him, it was as if I couldn’t get my brain together long enough to put two sentences together. My lack of a filter egged him on, gave him the green light. He probably beds a different woman each night. With a face and body like Adonis, who wouldn’t want to fall into his bed? Hell, if I weren’t such a scaredy-cat, I’d be scratching at his leg right now, begging for a petting.

Chase. Just thinking about him has my stomach in knots and my panties moist. Arrrgggghhhhh.

I flop down on the bed and stare at the ceiling in defeat. When am I going to learn how to control my fears? Doesn’t matter. I’m here to focus on my work with Safe Haven, and that’s it. Though, maybe if I do unto others, eventually someone good will come unto me. Like someone tall with dark hair, ocean-blue eyes, and warm hands.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

My cell phone buzzes on the end table, bringing me out of my reverie. It’s my roommate. Thank God!

“Ria! I’m so glad you called,” I screech into the phone.

“Mi Amiga! What’s wrong? You don’t sound like yourself.”

Maria De La Torre is one of my best female friends and my roommate. We’ve been through hell and back and own matching T-shirts. Over the years, we’ve grown especially protective of one another. Her love and support got me through many nights full of tears and self-loathing. I’ve been her rock just as many times. Together, and with a great deal of therapy, we’ve learned to cope and be more open about our feelings. I’m still closed off, but there are a select few people in my world I trust. Maria is one of them.

“Girl, I met a man.” I sigh into the phone, disgusted with myself.

“So why do you sound like your dog just died?” She laughs.

“I don’t know. This man is different. He’s intense.” Intense is an understatement.

Maria sighs over the line. “Gigi, don’t tell me you met another bastard who just wants to get into your pants. I mean, you’re pretty bangin’, but you have to stop attracting these pedazos de mierda!”

I laugh. She thinks all men are pieces of shit. Useless. Her use of Spanish intermingled with English makes her incredibly endearing. It’s unique to her, and it’s taught me quite a lot about the language.

“He’s not like that. Well, actually, I don’t know much about him other than he’s hot. When I say he’s hot, I’m talking movie star quality, People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ kind of hot. Women everywhere probably drop their panties without question for him.” He probably knows it, too. Smug bastard.

She giggles. “Nice. So are you going to?”

“Am I going to what?”

“Drop your panties for him, silly.” Her laughter gets louder, laced with a “duh” tone.

“No! I met him, had a conversation with him, and then ran off. I completely embarrassed myself. I doubt he’d want to see me again.” It’s true. Besides, if he knew my past, he’d take that sexy suit-wearing Superman body of his in the opposite direction.

“Cara bonita, no. I’m sure you didn’t.”

I cringe. She has always called me “beautiful face.” It’s her personal pet name. She busts out with the endearment when she feels I’m down or need encouragement.

“Did he ask you out or ask for your phone number?”

A spark of hope glitters in the distance. “Well, yes, kind of. He gave me his business card with his cell phone number on the back. Asked me to call him.” Technically, he did give me the card after the idiotic behavior, so maybe he is interested. What does that say about him though? I acted like a complete wackadoo, but he did make an overture as if he were soliciting me. That was uncalled for too.

“See, obviously there was something there. Are you going to?” She sounds hopeful. “You deserve a little fun while you’re in Chicago. Besides, when was the last time you got laid, anyway?”

Her question is rhetorical. She knows it’s been months.

“Ria! I just met him. You’re suggesting I fall into bed with him?” The girl has no limits. Though I can’t say the thought didn’t wiggle its way into my mind, especially when he loosened that silver tie, exposing a stimulating patch of skin.

“Yes, I am. You need to get fucked!”

I gasp at her crassness.

“You’ve been uptight lately. You said yourself he’s the kind of guy women want to bed. Just think about it. You’re young, mi amiga! Start acting twenty-four instead of forty-four.”

I sigh and blow out a long breath. “You’ve got a point. I’ll think about it. How ’bout I call you tomorrow after my first board meeting? I’m going to head to bed so I can hit the gym first thing.” I yawn loudly and realize I’m spent.

Maria really does have a point. I have been way too uptight. The last relationship I had, if you could call it that, was with Daniel the wimp.

That’s unfair. It’s not really that he was a wimp. He was just too sensitive for me. Treated me like a princess and cried at chick flicks. I rarely cry. He was also really boring in bed. Only interested in the missionary position, never straying from the norm. He freaked out when I suggested he take me from behind. His shocked voice rumbled in my brain, “You want to be fucked like a whore, Gigi? Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” The thought of the jerk makes me ill. I need a man who knows his way around a woman. One who will excite me, make me come regularly without fearing being hurt. Daniel never gave me much pleasure, but he never once touched me in anger.

Ria’s disgruntled voice brings me back from my reverie. “Ugh! You are always hitting the gym. Bree would be proud though. Me, I’m going to sit down and enjoy a fat dinner with Tommy. Things are heating up, and I think I’m finally going to get him to take me to bed!”

Watching Maria fawn over a man is completely new territory. Most men fall all over themselves to be near her, not the other way around. “Anticipation makes the experience all the better,” I remind her. “Enjoy the attention he’s lavishing on you. At least he actually wants to be with you, not just jump your bones.” I laugh and hear her frustrated growl.

“I want mis huesos jumped!”

“Good luck with that. Enjoy your dinner. I’m exhausted from traveling, and it’s two hours ahead here,” I remind her with another loud yawn.

“Goodnight, Cara bonita. Te quiero. Besos.”

“I love you too. Besos.”

I hook the phone to the charger and slip into a nightgown. After scanning my texts, I decide to do a mass text to the girls and Phillip. My other soul sisters will want to know I’m safe and sound in the Windy City. Phillip comes unglued if he doesn’t hear from me. One quick text to the group stating I’ll reach out tomorrow after the board meeting, and I’m ready to hit the hay.

I’m nervous about the day, never having been to a Board of Directors meeting for the Safe Haven Foundation. My hope is that I can impress them with my campaign statistics and fundraising accomplishments for the year. Closing my eyes, I slow my breathing, allowing my jumpy nerves to relax. I fall asleep dreaming of Caribbean-blue eyes and strong hands caressing me into oblivion.