CHAPTER 21
EMILY
He was there all day, standing in the corner, by the door, watching me. I tried not to be self-conscious, but it wasn’t easy. He took up more room than his height or mass, and the weight of him created its own gravitational pull.
I wasn’t in the zone until midmorning. Darlene was keeping up with the pros on her feet and singing at the same time. The whole team was hitting their marks. It was a beautiful thing whenever we got to the point where we were improving the show rather than learning it. By the time the lunch bell rang, I had an involuntary smile plastered on my face. I was jumping higher and thinking to the beat of every song. My soul was lubricated with endorphins. My brain was so crowded with joy I didn’t have the space to imagine anything but a constant upward trajectory.
Darlene pulled me to her table at lunch.
“How are you doing?” she asked, shoveling a kale and chicken salad in her face.
“Fine. Why?”
“I can’t care about how you are?”
I took a bite of sushi before answering. I was too hungry for small talk. Glancing around for Carter, I found him in a corner with Fabian, who was taking notes in a spiral book.
“You heard about last night, I guess.”
“Yeah. So. You all right?”
“I’m good. Carter was . . . Having him there was perfect. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I gotta apologize for something.” She cleared her throat, and I ate another piece of California roll. I didn’t want to react to the apology before she made it. “I’ve been a bitch about Vindouche. All yelling and up in your face.”
“You’re a bossypants. I knew that coming in.”
“It’s because I love you.”
“I know.”
“We’re the sisters we never had.”
“It’s okay. Really. The act’s coming along great, don’t you think? ‘More Than a Sister’ is really tight, and that’s the one they want to hear. I’m going to work on punching up the bridge in ‘Make Him Yours’ this afternoon. But I feel good.”
She nodded, flicking the cashews in her salad to the side. She was still a ball of energy and intensity, but she was more still than usual. As sure as a stress fracture, she had something on her mind.
“Spill it,” I said.
She wiped her mouth at the corners with slow deliberation. Timing perfect. Pure drama. I knew her so well, I knew when she wanted to land a statement.
“How’s he kiss?”
I released the tension in a shock of a laugh. The room silenced for a second. I snapped my eyes to Carter, and he met my gaze quickly before turning back to Fabian. I wasn’t much of a blusher, but I was sure I was another shade of pink.
When the ambient noise picked up again, I leaned into Darlene so no one else could hear.
“How did you know?”
Her big brown eyes got bigger, and her mouth stretched in a conspiratorial grin.
“Tell me first.”
“Pretty great.” I sipped my soup. Was that the only adjective I had? It was lame. “We haven’t done that much kissing, but it’s like when you’re doing a really tough lift and know your partner’s not going to drop you, but at the same time, you feel like you’re flying without being held.”
“Girl, as your friend, that’s music to my ears.”
“And I think he can handle Vince. Like, I don’t have to be alone while I deal with this. And maybe he’ll get scared away now.”
Darlene pushed away her tray. “Maybe.”
“What? You have that look like you’re about to storm on me.”
“Nah. Just thinking you got attacked last night. Physically attacked.”
“He attacked my dress.”
“Don’t minimize. You know what he did, then you fall into sucking face with your bodyguard.”
“God, Darlene.” It was my turn to push away my tray. “That’s such a bait and switch.”
“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me it wasn’t a reaction to feeling safe.”
“Of course it was. So? Why invalidate it? Why not just call it by its name and enjoy it?”
“I’m not saying not to. I’m sorry. There’s too much stuff. Listen.” She folded my hands in hers and leaned into me. “He can’t watch you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Fabian’s on you now.”
“What? Why? You’re a singer, not a security expert.”
“He requested it.”
Her expression wasn’t confrontational. Actually, she looked as if she hated saying it. I stood so quickly, my chair nearly fell.
“I got this.”
“You go.”
I stomped to Carter and Fabian, who was putting his little notepad in his pocket.
“What the fuck?” I said to Carter with my arms crossed.
“That’s my cue,” Fabian said. “See you at six.” He nodded at me and walked away. There was nothing wrong with him. He was a fine bodyguard and a decent human being, but he wasn’t Carter, who had the nerve to smile up at me as if I were amusing the hell out of him.
“I would have told you, but Darlene insisted.”
I pulled the chair out to sit so the table could keep me from strangling him.
“Don’t get comfortable,” he said, standing. “You have to go feed your cat.”
“No, I don’t. It’s a stray. It’ll be fine.”
“Have you named her yet?” He piled up the empty food containers.
“Shouldn’t Fabian be taking me?” I practically snarled it.
“We couldn’t revise the schedule before tonight. I’ll take you.”
He dropped the garbage and waited for me to follow him to his Audi.
“I have to be back by one,” I said.
“No problem.”
I felt as if I’d been dumped for no good reason. I shouldn’t have taken it personally. He was trying to do his job, and I was in the way. But to reject me outright, to deny me of his company, hurt to the core. So I stormed and seethed, even when he opened the front passenger door instead of the back. I threw myself onto the leather seats as if that would somehow teach him a lesson about how to treat a girl.
He didn’t say anything until we were out of the lot and on the street.
“You’re scary when you’re mad,” he said. He didn’t look scared at all. He looked charmed, if anything, which made me angrier. I felt like crap. Useless. Dispensable. And here he was with half a smirk looking in his rearview and driving the speed limit because he had no emotions at all.
“I’m mad at myself.”
“Why?” He flattened his hand, steering with the heel. The bandage had shifted over the course of the morning, revealing a scab on the top of his knuckles.
“For believing what you said this morning.”
“About?”
About how much he liked kissing me. How the taste of my lips made him wild and impulsive.
“About burning your hand on a frying pan.”
That wasn’t the answer he expected. He didn’t look away from the road but tilted his head as if recalibrating. There had never been a hot pan. I didn’t know why it mattered, but it did.
“Unless you grab a handle with your knuckles,” I said. “But even I’m not that double-jointed.”
He stopped at a red light with a jerk. “You’re double-jointed?”
I reached over and flicked his bandage with my nail. I did it harder than I expected, and he flinched.
“You know what?” I said. “I’m glad you dropped me. You’re a liar.”
“Wait a second.” When he held up his index finger, the others didn’t fold all the way down into a fist. I’d seen a lot of sore and bruised muscles in my life. If his hand wasn’t recovering from a recent trauma, I’d eat a roll of toe tape.
“Just say you didn’t burn your breakfast this morning and I’ll stop calling you a liar.”
“I was—”
“Liar.”
“This isn’t—”
“Liar.”
“Are you kidding?”
“Are you lying?”
I was almost smiling at that point but not quite. He hadn’t earned a full smile, and he knew it, because he stopped talking. Ten minutes went by without denial or reprisal. Neither of us said a word until he parked the car in front of my house.
“Last night,” he said after a deep breath, “I found Vince—”
“Wait. You found him? Like you tripped on him, or you were looking for him?”
“Does it matter?”
When he turned to me in defense of his stupid semantics, I could have broken and said it didn’t.
“It does.”
“Fine. I went looking for him.”
“Carter! Are you crazy?”
“You think I can’t handle myself?”
“He doesn’t play fair. He and his friends are drug dealers. There’s one of you and dozens of them.”
“Memorize the following . . . Carter can handle himself.”
I thought I trusted him to be safe when he was with me. I thought all I had to do was let go of the fear that I put men in danger. I thought if we were together, Vince would just realize he couldn’t get to me, and he’d go away. I had no idea Carter would go running into a fight to make some macho point.
“You know what? I’m going to just stay home. Tell Darlene I’ll work on ‘Make Him Yours’ here.”
I popped the door open and went to my gate. Punched the code like a prizefighter. Swung it open like a home-run hitter.
He caught up to me at the front door.
“First of all,” he said, “don’t leave the gate open behind you.”
“Go away.”
“I can’t.”
I put my back to the door. He stood with me on the narrow step, our bodies practically touching.
“Then why did you drop me?”
“Drop you?”
“Gave me to Fabian. Whatever.”
His face went full confusion. Open mouth. Knotted brows.
“What? Cat got your tongue?”
“I switched with Fabian so I could be with you.”
Now I was the one who went full confusion. The traffic in my brain stopped short, creating a ten-car pileup of reactions.
“What did you think?” he asked. “I kissed you in the car so I could get away from you an hour later?”
“No, I—”
“You think I hunted down the douche who crowbarred your last boyfriend’s face because I wanted to dump you?”
I clenched my fists and shook them. I was so pent up. So annoyed with him and ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even speak. Because goddamn if he didn’t make perfect sense. And he’d never said or indicated that he didn’t want me around. All he’d done was make a decision about his own life so I’d fit into it. And I’d yelled at him.
“Look,” he continued, “I’m not going to feel right about taking you as my principal if all I want to do is get my hands on you. You’re too distracting. I’m not going to do either job right if I try to do both. So I made a choice. It’s not a big deal. Carlos said I could do it if Darlene said it was all right, and Darlene wanted to make sure you didn’t feel pressured, so she told you instead of me.”
I felt a tickle on my ankles and a soft vibration. We both looked down. The gray cat twisted between my legs.
“She likes you.” He picked up my chin with two fingers, making me look into his ocean eyes. “So do I.”
“I shouldn’t have gotten mad about you switching without talking to you first.”
“It’s okay.”
“But about you going after Vince?” He dropped his hand, but my head stayed high. “That was stupid.”
“Thanks, Mom.” He scooped up the cat, softening with the presence of the purring animal. “Now open up before Mrs. Grey starves.”
“Mrs. Grey?”
“Good a name as any.”
I ran my finger along the soft fur of her head. She purred. When he petted her with me, it felt as if we’d decided something.
“She looks too young to be married.”
“It’s easier to say than Miss Grey.”
“Just Grey, then?”
He picked her up and held her high. Her legs stiffened, and her claws came out.
“How’s that work for you?” Carter asked the cat. She made a noise that wasn’t quite a meow, clearly stating she wanted to be put down immediately. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I opened the door, and Carter put the cat on the ground. When we were both in, I turned and found Grey sitting on the step with her tail flicking.
“Are you coming in?” I asked.
She meowed with force, as if I were a stupid woman asking a stupid question.
“She’s hungry, and she eats in the backyard,” Carter said, on the way to the kitchen already. “Coming inside has nothing to do with eating.”
It felt weird closing the door on the cat, but I did. As soon as it was shut, she scampered over the fence that led to the back. Carter had been right. He knew cats, or maybe he just understood how animals, including people, behaved.
When I got to the kitchen, the bowl was full, and he was already sealing the bag of Meow Mix. I took the bowl to the back door and peeked out. Grey was waiting outside my bedroom, where I’d come out the last time she was fed. She was going to have to get a new habit. I wasn’t walking through my bedroom every time.
I put the bowl down, and she hustled over.
“You’re welcome,” I said as she ate.
I caught the scent of Carter before I felt his fingertip on the back of my neck. The pressure woke my sleeping skin, like the first move of a dance across still air. I let my eyes close.
“You’re my principal for the rest of the day,” he said into my ear.
“And then?”
“Then I’m going to take off your clothes and kiss every inch of your body.”
I sucked in a breath. Closed my eyes. A tremor of arousal went down my spine. I bent a little from the shock of it.
I tried to turn, but his arms went around me.
“I want to do stupid things when I’m around you.”
“How stupid?” My voice broke.
“I want to make you come.”
His fingertip slid under my waistband. His lips brushed my neck. My body went wild. Every drop of blood and fluid, every zap of electricity, was immediately rerouted to the space between my legs. The conduit that ran from brain to mouth was rerouted. I couldn’t say the word yes, but my hips thrust forward, pushing his hand another half an inch past the edge of my waistband.
“I thought you couldn’t. I thought as long as I was your principal . . .”
“I know. I can’t. And I can’t stop wanting you either. Do you want to come?”
Such a simple question, and such an array of answers.
Yes, I wanted to come. But I was just over being angry with him, and it seemed as if there were too many unanswered questions. I wanted to have a date, dinner, a little cuddling in front of a movie before I gave him my orgasm.
But his hand was so warm, and my muscles under it twitched and shuddered.
I nodded before my brain could engage my throat to make an answer.
His hand slid down my triangle and between my legs, pushing me against him. He was hard against my bottom, grinding against me as his fingers found where I was wet.
“Yes,” he said with deep satisfaction, sliding his other hand up my shirt to find my hardened nipple. “You’re so ready.”
He drew two fingers across my clit, holding me in the vise of his arms.
“Yes,” was the only word in my vocabulary.
He gently swirled my clit in my juices, gathering warmth, circling the pleasure to a central spot at the tip. My hips jerked with him, and he held me so tight I felt as safe as I’d ever felt.
“I knew you were this hot,” he said into my ear. “I can’t wait to get my dick in you. I’m going to fuck you blind.”
I answered with a series of short breaths. I was on my tiptoes, bent like a letter of the alphabet, muscles taut and ready for release.
“Say my name when you come.”
“Ca . . . ah . . . ah . . .”
“Whole word.”
“Carter.” I spit it out, the last R sounding like a freight train as I bucked in his arms. He held me up while I came, pushing his erection against me, lightening the touch of his fingers to extend the orgasm past any reasonable length.
He stopped, cupping where I was now sensitive without moving, as if he still wanted to touch it but didn’t want to hurt me. I went limp, and he held me up.
“Thank you,” I gasped, getting my bearings.
“I don’t want to freak you out, but the cat was watching the entire time.”
Grey sat next to a mostly empty food bowl and washed herself as if she hadn’t seen a thing. I flattened my feet, and once they held me, Carter let me go.
“You should have named her Perv.”
I straightened myself. Waistband up. Shirt down. Deep breath. I was going to have to reciprocate.
I couldn’t wait to get to it.
The feel of his cock against my bottom had sent me over the edge. I wanted to touch it, but when I went for his belt, he gently stopped me.
“I need to use the bathroom,” he said, then kissed my knuckles.
“Sure.” I wove my fingers in his and guided him inside.