You had to be cold-blooded to give interviews on television. The bright lights had me sweating heavily and that was without the layer of makeup someone had tried to plaster on my face before I came out here.

It probably didn’t help that I’d come on television specifically with the goal of showing my erect penis to the public. That was bound to cause the odd bit of anxiety.

And that hadn’t even been the big news of the day.

“Do you want me to ask you any particular questions?” Kimberly asked during the break. The cricket was probably getting its best viewing figures in years. “If you like, I can just let you read a speech. It sounds like you have something you want to get off your chest.”

“I do,” I replied. “I’ll just make a short statement. It won’t take long. Then you can all go back to talking about me. Trust me, there’s going to be a lot to talk about.”

“We’re going to wait half an hour,” Kimberly said. “The execs want to let word spread online about the interview for maximum viewing figures.”

“I understand.”

I pulled out my phone and eagerly looked for a message from Sophia. Nothing. I’d taken a big risk, and I was about to take an even bigger one. I wanted her by my side, but as far as she knew, I’d betrayed her trust. Given time, I might be able to earn that back, but I wasn’t sure I’d get that time. I wasn’t sure I deserved it.

Ellie wasn’t responding to messages either, which meant she was likely comforting Sophia. The second all this was over, I’d go to her and apologize. I’d get down on my knees if I had to. Whatever it took.

I tried to stay offline, but boredom and a smartphone made that impossible. News sites were struggling to keep up, and as always, Twitter was way ahead of proceedings. My cock had already been hashtagged as #royalschlong, and I was being referred to as ‘George IX’ in honor of my greatest asset.

The plan had worked. No one was talking about Sophia’s breasts any more. Boobs were everywhere you looked, but erect penises were not often flashed about outside of porn sites. One particularly on-the-ball website was already crowdfunding to produce dildos based on a mold of my penis. I didn’t know how to feel about that, but for the time being I decided to treat it as flattering.

“Okay, we’re back on in sixty seconds,” a producer yelled.

A second later, I heard a familiar voice in the crowd of journalists, cameramen, assistants, producers, and pretty much every other BBC employee who happened to be in the building at the time.

“I want to speak to him,” I heard Sophia say. I looked around but couldn’t see her.

“Thirty seconds,” the producer yelled.

Screw this, I needed to talk to her before I went on air. I wouldn’t be able to explain, but at least she would know how I felt.

I leapt out of my chair, and ran towards the sound of her voice. She’d been through hell the last few hours, and yet she still looked dazzling. She still looked like a princess.

“Twenty seconds.”

“Hey,” I said, as we both stood face-to-face for the first time in what felt like months.

“Hey.”

“I’m so glad you came. There’s no time to explain, but you’re going to hear some bad things.”

“Ten seconds.”

“I just need you to remember that I love you, okay?”

Sophia smiled and nodded. She trusted me. Somehow, after everything I’d done, she still trusted me.

“Five seconds.”

I jogged back to the chair and sat down just as we went live. Kimberly spoke for a few moments, and then passed over to me.

Here goes nothing.

“Thank you Kimberly.” I took a deep breath. The entire country would soon hate me, but there was only one person’s affection I still cared about. Unfortunately, she might hate me too. “I have been living a lie, and have been ever since the news of my parenthood became public knowledge.”

I pictured families sat around glued to their television sets, until I remembered that families didn’t do that anymore. The parents might be watching television, but the kids would be in the same room bashing information into Twitter as fast as their thumbs could move.

What will be the hashtag for this one, I wonder?

“More accurately,” I continued, “Sophia and I have been living a lie. Our marriage was a fraud.”

I didn’t have to imagine the gasps of shock around the country, because everyone behind the camera did exactly that.

“I needed to be married to claim an inheritance left in my mother’s will, so I convinced Sophia to marry me as a favor. Sophia had nothing to gain from all this, and as you have seen, everything to lose. She’s the innocent victim here.”

Good job we never filed that visa application.

The only people who knew that I’d promised Sophia financial reward were Ellie and Dani, and I knew I could rely on them to keep the secret.

I looked for Sophia in the crowd, but I couldn’t see her through all the bright lights shining into my eyes. It was probably for the best; I didn’t want to see the look on her face when I said the next bit.

“Sophia and I care for each other a great deal, but due to the circumstances surrounding our marriage, we shall be immediately seeking a divorce or annulment.”

I just need you to remember that I love you, okay?

“I never wanted to be a prince, but the reaction from the public completely blew my mind. Unfortunately, as a famous man once said, ‘with great power comes great responsibility.’ It turns out that I’m not capable of taking on that responsibility. Sophia would have made a great princess—and she is a princess in my eyes—but I am not fit to be a prince. Therefore, I am officially abdicating and renouncing any claim I may have to the throne. Thank you ladies and gentleman, that will be all.”

I stood up and walked off the set to stunned silence. Royal analysts would have a field day over the coming days and weeks trying to figure out what the hell was going on, but right now I only wanted to hear from one person.

I didn’t need to find Sophia; she found me.

“So, we’re getting divorced?” she asked softly.

I nodded. “I think it’s for the best. I want to start from scratch. What about you?”

“I’d rather not.”

“Oh.”

“I’m fine with the divorce part,” she said, “but I don’t want to start from scratch. Otherwise we’ve got to do the whole dating thing again, and that’s tiresome.” Sophia smiled, which meant I smiled as well, because how could I not.

“You’re really okay with all this?” I asked.

“I never wanted to be a princess anyway. I thought I did, but I’d rather live a normal life. A relatively normal life anyway.”

“You’re still a princess to me, and as long as we’re together, I’ll always treat you as one.”

“Not always, I hope,” Sophia replied. She bit her bottom lip, and placed her hands gently on my side.

“Always,” I insisted.

“I don’t think you get what I’m saying.” She went up on tiptoes and whispered in my ear.

“Oh, right. Yeah, good point. I won’t always treat you like a princess. Speaking of which, I’m suddenly quite keen to get away from all these cameras. No need to give the media any more explicit photos.”

“I can’t believe you showed the world your cock,” Sophia said, as we walked away.

“You mad?”

“No,” she replied. “Seeing it is one thing, but I’m the only one who gets to sit on it. Now come on, let’s get out of here.”