The venue deserved a proper wedding, not a wedding of convenience. It might only be a registry hall, but the building was old and beautiful. Yorkshire had history everywhere you looked, so I’d always walked past this building without giving it a second thought. However, when you truly stopped and looked, the beauty was impossible to miss. White marble pillars adorned the entrance, and the small set of steps leading up to the old door carried a surprising amount of grandeur.

Inside, the building was cramped, and the furniture was cheap, but the art on the walls, and the pictures of couples married hundreds of years ago, all lent a weight of authenticity.

Despite all that, we were able to squeeze in a wedding ceremony at short notice. People really didn’t appreciate what was right on their own doorstep.

“How do I look?”

I spun around and came face-to-face with the blushing bride.

Speaking of things that deserve better than a wedding of convenience.

Given the circumstances of the wedding, Sophia and I had agreed to forego all the formalities and traditions, but once she’d brought Ellie and Dani in on the plan, that all went out the window.

The girls insisted I not see Sophia on the morning of the wedding—which was quite easy to manage given that we weren’t sleeping together—and I hadn’t been allowed to see the dress.

Sophia had picked out a light green dress with a ruched bottom and sweetheart cut at the top. She looked more like a prom queen than a bride, but that was just fine with me. That was one American tradition I could definitely get behind.

“You look radiant,” I replied.

“That’s how you describe a pregnant woman.”

“Okay, then you’re glowing.”

“Also how you describe a pregnant woman. Do I look fat in this?”

“You look stunning,” I insisted. I looked down at the silver chain necklace supporting an emerald gem that hung tantalizingly just above her breasts.

“Eyes up, mister.”

“Just admiring the necklace.”

“Actually, with the amount of effort it took to get my tits into this thing, you might as well stare at them.”

“Well, if you insist.”

The one problem with a registry office wedding was that you basically had to wait in line. It was already midday—our allocated start time—but apparently weddings were like doctor’s appointments. You had to arrive on time even though the doctor was always running three appointments behind.

This didn’t feel right. I’d always thought of weddings as being pointless, and Sophia and I had always talked about this as being just a legal arrangement. Which it was. In theory.

However, it was hard to think about the theory when I had the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on standing next to me. She can’t have ever imagined this would be how her wedding day went down. Just because I hated the damn things, didn’t mean I was completely oblivious to the fantasy of the perfect wedding.

Sophia had two friends with her, but no family members. She wore a lovely dress, but it wasn’t white. The location was great, but she deserved a large church or cathedral. We could have had a grand royal wedding if we wanted to. Streets would have been closed, and the country would have had the day off work. Instead, we were waiting in the hallway of a registry office.

Had I rushed her into the decision? My proposal at the coffee shop had been a little abrupt, but she’d been leaning towards saying yes anyway. Plus, this benefited both of us. Sophia had confessed that she wanted a visa. This way she got to stay in the country after her degree, and I got to inherit a small fortune.

But still…

“It’s not too late to back out,” I whispered in Sophia’s ear. “I can take the blame if you want.”

“Are you having second thoughts?”

“No, not at all. But if you are… well, I just don’t want you too feel under any pressure to do this.”

“There’s no pressure. It’s just a piece of paper. My life won’t be any different tomorrow.”

“Actually, you’ll be a princess and potentially a future Queen of England.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Small change.”

“I can live with it.”

I couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across my face. If anyone saw us, we would look like a genuine couple in love and ready to spend the rest of their lives together.

Sophia started fiddling with her breasts, so I looked over her shoulder and caught Ellie’s eye. Ellie had been cool about this entire thing. She was close to Sophia, but she wasn’t a crazy, overprotective friend. That might have lulled me into a false sense of security, because looking at Ellie now, I knew that if I hurt Sophia there would be hell to pay. I also knew I would never do that, and not because I was scared of Ellie. Well, not just because I was scared of Ellie.

The staircase creaked as a couple walked down the stairs hand in hand, followed by a flock of bridesmaids, men in suits, and women hidden under big hats. They were all so caught up in the wedding that they walked right past us and out of the door without so much as a glance in our direction. That was how it should be.

A few minutes later, our minister walked halfway down the stairs and called out for us to follow him.

“Here goes,” I said to Sophia, trying my best to give a reassuring smile.

“Hang on,” Ellie yelled out. “George, you need to go up first, and then we need to walk behind Sophia and hold up her train.”

“I don’t have a train,” Sophia argued. “You’re just going to be holding up my skirt and getting an eyeful of my ass.”

“We’re doing it anyway,” Ellie insisted, as her and Dani got in position.

“I think I’d like to stand behind her as well,” I suggested. “Sounds like there’s a great view.”

“Get up those stairs, George,” Dani snapped.

“Christ, I knew married life would involve being bossed around, but I’d assumed that would be coming from the missus.”

I jogged up the stairs and introduced myself to the minister.

“Oh wow,” he said, when he shook my hand. “I’d seen the names on the calendar, but I assumed someone was playing a joke. It’s really you.”

“It’s really me.”

“Didn’t think I’d ever conduct a royal wedding.”

“Didn’t think I’d ever be in one.”

Our conversation ended with the ear-splitting noise of a northern girl and a welsh girl screeching “here comes the bride” at the tops of their already loud voices.

“You’re definitely going to remember this one,” I said to the registrar, who looked like he was on the verge of putting his hands over his ears.

He’d remember it, and so would I. The top floor of the building was a large open space which had probably once been a large attic, but now had a small archway and a modest amount of chairs for guests. Technically, we could have just sat down at a table, said a few words and signed the paperwork, but Ellie had insisted we at least make it look vaguely like a real wedding. Neither Sophia nor I had put up much of a fight. That still surprised me.

I blocked out the noise—I mean singing—and focused on Sophia as she appeared at the top of the stairs and walked towards me. Regardless of my feelings for marriage, I couldn’t help but be moved at the sight of her walking slowly in that dress with Ellie and Dani picking up the rear.

It’s not real, I reminded myself. It’s a legal requirement, and it means nothing.

So why was I nervous? Grooms were supposed to be nervous on their wedding days, but that was because they were in love. And stupid. The two usually went hand in hand.

“Please join hands,” the registrar said. I took Sophia’s hands in mine. It had been many years since the act of holding hands had ever been a thing to set my heart racing, but that’s what was happening now. “George, we’ll start with you. Please repeat after me.”