Current Day

As I ring for Mia’s apartment, the buzzing mimics the annoying vuvuzela sound and grates my last nerves. I hate the sound of that furkin plastic horn. My edginess isn’t from the fact that I’m here. It isn’t really about the octane level of the ringer. It all stems from not knowing what to do or say when I see her.

How do I tell the one girl who finally made me pause that I’m leaving? I mean, she already knows. Between the media and her brother shouting praises to the rooftops that I’m gone, how could she not? But push all that aside, and what’s left is telling her goodbye. That is the part gnawing at me. The part I don’t want to do.

The door clicks open, and I take my time walking the stairs to her apartment. My stomach hasn’t churned this much since entering the Phillies locker room for the first time. We’re all big bad athletes, but being around major league ballplayers the first day intimidated the hell out of me.

I take a deep breath and slowly let it out before knocking. I don’t want to stop seeing her. Maybe a long-distance relationship would work? People do it all the time, don’t they? Fuck, I have no idea. Even though it feels like we’ve been together for years, it’s only been a couple of weeks. I don’t think a relationship that hasn’t been defined could withstand the distance. A clean break. It’s my only choice.

Her door swings open, and my thoughts sway back to wanting to try. But I can’t blame myself. Her vivid blue eyes stare back at me with a hint of sadness and longing, and the desire to erase the distance between us and show her exactly what she’d be missing overrides my thoughts. I refrain. Instead, I remain standing and give a lame hello.

She steps aside and invites me in. After I shed my coat, I kick off my boots and follow her to the living room. There’s an awkwardness between us again, and I hate it. We were past this phase and, thanks to my chosen career, we’re right back at the beginning. Our life reduced to a replay button.

“Would you like a beer?” she asks.

“Sure.” I sink into her couch and tap my thumb against my knee as I wait. This isn’t going to be easy.

She brings back a Guinness Blonde American Lager. A soft smile crosses my lips when she hands it over. I can’t believe she went out of her way to get my beer. A strange sensation squeezes my chest. Her gesture must account for something. I tip the bottle to her. “Thanks, but I still can’t believe you troubled yourself for this.”

“Yeah.” Her left shoulder lifts to a shrug as a warm blush sweeps across her face. She drops her gaze to the floor; her knuckles, gripping the wine glass, turn a shade paler. She’s too adorable.

“Come here.” I pat the seat cushion next to me. As she sits beside me, I swallow back a drink while staring at her over the bottle. Her sweetness isn’t making this any easier.

I wrap my arm around her shoulders as she nuzzles next to me. The quietness lingers. Perhaps, each lost in our own thought or the same thought—where do we go from here? I still struggle with what needs to be said versus what I want to say. A little over a month ago, my life was simple. With her soft body pressed against mine, I don’t think I ever want simple again. I just want her.

“Any idea when you’re leaving?” The uncertainty in Mia’s tone surges through me, and I swear I can feel her reluctance as she speaks.

“Not until after Christmas. I go tomorrow for a physical, but I don’t anticipate any problems.”

She gnaws on her bottom lip for a moment. “I always loved that area. Are you excited about going there?”

“What do you think?”

Her features soften, but when her eyes gloss over, I feel gutted. I take her glass of wine and set our drinks on the end table.

Intertwining our fingers together, I look directly at her. “If you had asked me five weeks ago, I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat, but now? Now that you came back into my life, I’m not thrilled at all.”

“The timing sucks.”

“It always has,” I mumble and swallow down the pain lodged in my throat. I have to ask, but I fear I already know the answer. “We could try to keep seeing each other.”

The squeeze from her hand tightens my chest. But not in a good way. Her reassurance isn’t to encourage me; it’s to soften the blow. My jaw tightens when her eyebrows furrow, but there’s conflict to her stare. At least the decision to end things isn’t easy for her either. That means something.

“You don’t know how badly I want to, but you know as much as I do it could never work.”

“We don’t know for sure. Nothing is guaranteed, but it may work out.” Desperation strains my voice, but I don’t care; I hate giving up without a fight.

“AJ, we’re not even a couple. Not really. Or, whatever we call what we’re doing is too new. There isn’t any way it could withstand the distance. Besides, there’s always going to be some level of resentment, whether it’s with Drake or the fact we don’t get to see each other. We can’t possibly start anything now.”

Pulling her into a hug, I murmur against her ear, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t either, but—”

I place my mouth over hers to silence the words I don’t want to hear. If this is goodbye, I want one last kiss. One last taste.

Her body melts into mine as our lips find each other in a mixture of need and want. It’s the last act of desperation, at least on my end. One final plea.

Her hands slide over my pecs, and I run mine over the curve of her ass. God, I love her ass. It’s addictive. I grab hold and press her closer to me. A moan vibrates through my body as all my blood rushes south. I want her more than the air I breathe, but taking her now is a bad, bad idea.

The thoughts in my head swarm as my tongue plunges farther, exploring her sweet mouth. Intoxicated. That’s how I feel, but it’s not from the alcohol I currently taste. No, this feeling of drunkenness derives from the desire radiating between us.

“AJ.” My name comes out in a cry as her hands slip farther down my torso and land on the edge of my pants. I take full advantage and move my mouth to the crook of her neck.

“I need you.” Her heady voice claims me and takes away all my sense. That’s the only excuse I can fathom when she loosens the top button and then slowly lowers the zipper.

The smart thing to do is to leave. Walk away. But whoever said I was smart? Maybe, just maybe, if I play this right, she’ll change her mind about ending things.

This sliver of hope is why I don’t protest when she stops what she’s doing and leads me to her bedroom. Why, when I left eight years ago, I did so without saying a word. This girl brings me to my knees. Makes me weak. Desperate. Had I talked to her back then, I would’ve caved.

Just like now.

But none of that matters at the moment. The only thing that matters is the beautiful girl who brought me to her room and…holy shit, she’s performing a private striptease. For me.

And what a performance.

Down to her underwear and top, she’s too damn tempting. I shimmy out of my pants and close the distance. I try to help her out of her top, but she playfully bats my hands away and pushes me onto the bed.

“Patience, big guy.”

My chuckle slides out easily enough, but this fire brewing inside me is anything but humorous. “Okay, sexy girl, I’ll play along.” When my ass hits the mattress, I drag my shirt over my head and toss it to the side. Lust fills her eyes as her gaze roams over me. By the way she licks her lips, I suddenly feel like I’m the answer to her prayers. If her prayer was to devour a delectable dessert, that is. Hot damn, I do love this surprisingly wild streak in her.

Heat curls down my spine when she steps closer and runs her fingers along the planes of my chest. She doesn’t stop once she reaches my boxers. I lift my hips up as she works them off me. I think she’s about to make me a very happy man, but she slinks away. Threading her fingers through her hair, she tousles it into a messy pile on top of her head and lolls her head to the side. “Do you want me?”

“Fuck, yes,” I groan with approval. I want it all: her body, her lips, her heart.

God, I don’t want to let her go.

Seemingly satisfied with my answer, she lets her hair fall freely, her golden tresses bouncing over her shoulder. Then it’s my prayers that are answered when she rears her head back, just slightly, and rakes her fingertips down her neck to the curvature of her breast. She lingers for a moment, the corners of her mouth angling upward as she cups her breasts and squeezes them together.

Fuck me.

I grip the side of the mattress and swallow hard as my gaze follows the path of her fingers, wishing like hell my mouth trailed behind. Her delicate fingers wander across her abdomen and dip to her hips. As she palms across to the spot I ache to plant my tongue, she emits the sweetest moan as she rubs herself over the underwear. Oh yeah, I could watch Mia pleasure herself all day long.

“You’re fucking killing me here.”

She must hear the strain to my voice because she steps closer. Sporting the same sexy smirk, she asks, “You need more?”

I was going to say no, that I just needed her, but as her fingers trace along the hem of her shirt, I lose my train of thought. She lifts her top slightly and exposes her flat belly. It’s just a flash. A quick tease. But enough to make my dick throb.

I can’t hold back any longer. I lift from the mattress and pull her next to me. Our mouths collide as I grind my hips into hers. Our hands are everywhere like I can’t get enough. I grab hold of her shirt and break our kiss just long enough to pull the shirt over. Then, my lips are back on hers, not leaving any space untouched.

Fuck, I need to slow down, or our last night will be remembered as the Battle of Endor with me behind the controls. The one time I played Battlefront II, I lasted a whole two minutes before tossing the controller across the room. Why the fuck am I thinking of Star Wars when this beautiful, partially naked girl is standing in front of me? No wonder she refuses to keep seeing me.

I break away, wanting to slow my pace and treasure our last time together. But her sexy, wanton look is too much to overcome, and because I need to taste her—right here, right now—I stoop to my knees, dragging her underwear with me as I lower to the floor. She places her hands on my shoulders and steps out of the panties. I wrap my fingers around her ankles and wedge her legs apart. I glance upward, and what do you know? Her pink pussy lips glisten back at me all willing and wanting.

I oblige and drag the tip of my tongue along her slit. My body sizzles with anticipation. Her gasp when I reach her sensitive spot makes me smile, and I think my new favorite activity is getting her off.

Maybe if I make her see how good we are together, she won’t push me away.

I plunge two fingers inside her heat while my tongue lavishes her clit.

“AJ. Oh, God. Just like that.”

A few more strokes with my tongue and pumps with my fingers and I have her right where I want her. She comes hard, bucking against my face and almost bringing me right along with her. I continue to lap up the last of her juices, but when her legs buckle, I move quickly to catch her. We collapse onto the bed, and I give her a second to catch her breath. She turns to face me, her eyes softening.

“That was incredible.”

“No, sweetheart.” I swivel around until I’m straddling over her. “That was just the beginning.”

I take her mouth with mine, and it’s like I can’t get enough of her. I reach up to cup her breast that I’ve sorely neglected. With a slight brush of my thumb, I sweep across her nipple. She moans and tips her head to the side as the hard peak tightens beneath the fabric. I snake my fingers around her back and unclasp her bra while planting kisses across her jaw to her shoulder. I’m almost dizzy with need as her round tits are freed. Not one to miss an opportunity, I swirl my tongue around the pink hardened tip as my hand cups her mound. Her body arches, and I start to work my way down her body.

“No,” she whines when she realizes what I’m going to do. I lift my head, and when our gaze connects, she shakes her head. “It’s my turn. I want to taste you.”

Who am I to argue?

She shifts her compact body out from under me. After I flip to my back, she settles in between my legs like a woman on a mission—a sex-crazed mission. She runs her tongue along the base of my cock upward and encloses those luscious lips I love so much around the tip. An electric current jolts straight to my toes when she cups my balls and gives a slight squeeze. She then slides her mouth lower, inch by painstakingly slow inch, until she can’t handle any more length. Her fingers wrap around the base, and when she strokes in unison with her mouth, it feels fucking fantastic.

But the building heat is a warning.

“Babe, if you want anything left for you, you better stop.” I don’t want to come in her mouth. I want to come inside her. Make her scream with pleasure, because maybe, just maybe, she’ll change her mind.

She lifts off, her hand still stroking my length. It takes every ounce of my willpower to pull away and roll her underneath me. Her sweet laugh trickles over my skin, and the heat radiating from her stare melts my insides.

I don’t want to lose her.

“Are you on the pill?” Horrible timing to ask, but I want to feel every inch of her body. No barriers.

She nods, and exultation surges through me. “Yes.”

“Do you trust me?” I line my cockhead at her opening but wait for permission.

“Yes,” she says with no hesitation.

“I always use protection, but I want to feel you. All of you.”

“Yes. God, yes,” she says through a moan while lifting her hips to me.

Her sex molds around my length as if she’d been fitted just for me. And it’s the most incredible feeling in the world. Warm wetness surrounds me, and I want to stay in this exact spot for the rest of my life.

I swirl my hips, withdraw slightly, and then drive back inside. I hold her gaze as I keep this routine for a while. Then with each tantalizing slow drive, her eyes hood over as the heat builds between us.

She’s so beautiful. I don’t want to lose her.

I run the pad of my thumb across her swollen lips, continuing to roll my hips. Our gaze never strays, and I wonder if she’s thinking the same thing as me.

If she has the best orgasm she’s ever had, maybe she’ll decide to stay with me.

My hand slips behind her head, and she angles her chin to rest inside my wrist. I pick up the pace, rocking into her, giving her all I have. Each forward thrust is met with her moan, but I want to give her more. I run my hand across her chest and tweak her nipple before lowering it to where we’re joined.

If she can see how much I want her, how much I need her, she’ll stay with me.

My thumb rotates across her swollen nub, and by the way she moans my name, I know I did right.

“That’s it, girl. Let it go.” I sink deeper and pound hard and fast into her until both of our bodies surrender to the need.

I’m spent. I collapse next to her while my breath catches up to me.

“You’re right,” she says.

“Usually am, but what about.”

“That, what we just did, was incredible.”

I chuckle. “Told ya. We’re good together, you and me.”

She pauses, and I raise up to look at her. Her eyes glisten as she stares back.

“Let’s give us a try,” I plead. “I know we can work through this. We’re too good together not to.”

She blows out a breath and runs her fingertips through my hair. Her eyes bore into mine almost as if she’s searching for something. The truth, maybe? Whatever it is, she must find it because the corners of her mouth begin to rise. She opens her mouth, but my ringtone blares through the room and interrupts her.

“Shit, I told Cara to call when she made it back home.”

“You better get it.”

I dip my head and kiss her belly. “One second, babe.” My heart races like a pinch runner stealing bases. She was going to say yes, I know it. I search frantically for my pants, where my phone is buried. As soon as Cara confirms she’s safe, I crawl back beside Mia. Back to get my answer.

“She okay?”

It’s a simple question. But I may as well have been kicked in the nuts because her lifeless, monotone voice immobilizes me all the same. Fuuuucckkkk! She’s changed her mind.

“Yeah,” I answer, cautiously in case there’s a slight chance I’m wrong.

Her lips tug down at the corners, confirming my worst fear. I lost her. I let out a humorless laugh. A goodbye fuck. If that’s all this was, then I’m no longer needed. I push off the mattress and grab my clothes.

“Where are you going?” she asks as I pull my jeans on.

“Home, unless you tell me to stay.”

“Stay.”

“As your boyfriend?” God, I hate sounding like a sissified wimp, but damn it, I want the whole package. We can make it work, I know we can.

She bites her lip, and I almost crawl back into bed with her. Almost. When she grabs the sheet and drapes it across her chest, I have my answer. And I feel…used. She fucking used me. A pang of sadness tightens my chest, but then all I see is red. Hot, fiery anger boils my blood and races through my veins. It’s as if I’m on autopilot, rage fueling my next moves.

“Thanks for the goodbye fuck.”

Her small gasp makes me feel like the biggest asshole, but this is what she wants. No use sugarcoating it. I exit her room, and when she calls out my name, I don’t bother looking back. She’s made her mind up, and it doesn’t include me.

I don’t stop walking until I’m out in the street. My chest heaves up and down, the cool, crisp air invading my lungs and cooling my anger like a blacksmith heat-treating steel with ice water. Except it’s my heart being dipped, and the hit against it makes it shatter into tiny pieces. I clutch my chest as I stare back up at her apartment. It hurt the first time I left her eight years ago, but now? Now, it stings like a mother.