Lucy
I woke up first, and I woke up sore from the night before. Blade had made me feel like a virgin again, the way he stretched me out like he was my first sexual partner.
I looked at him as I slid out of bed, careful not to wake him. Even his sex had seemed possessive and protective of me, like he had been trying to claim me as his old lady in bed. The sex was amazing, and part of me certainly did want to be claimed. The rest of me, however, knew better. I wasn’t going to fall for anyone else’s love games again, not for a while.
I grabbed my clothes off the floor and dressed as I walked downstairs to the kitchen. I needed something to eat. He kept his kitchen stocked with plenty of food for any occasion, too much for one person to eat alone, especially if that one person took care of their body the way he did. He had a few vices I had noticed, but, for the most part, he seemed to try to stay healthy.
I was going to cook enough for two, but I needed some time alone first, before we sat down to eat breakfast together. I wasn’t pleased with him for pressuring me to stay with him after sex. As much as I appreciated what he was doing for me, I wasn’t looking to get involved with anyone. It hadn’t worked out so well the last time.
I didn’t mind exploring my body with him. I didn’t mind letting him please me or pleasing him. I didn’t know whether to blame my disillusionment from my recent breakup or the high I felt from being onstage and being free with my body, but I really felt empowered by having sex with him and not feeling obligated toward anything else while we were together.
There weren’t supposed to be any strings. I was supposed to be staying with him temporarily and sharing the bed with him only as long as I needed to stay. I had known from the start that he really meant sex when he talked about sharing the bed. At first, I had tried to avoid that aspect of our arrangement, but after dancing and stripping for him, I was ready to try just about anything.
“I smell bacon,” Blade announced groggily as he came downstairs and into the kitchen, wiping sleep out of his eyes.
For the first time, I saw his body in the light. He had put on just his boxers, but I could still see the shape of him swinging behind the fabric as he walked. That would have been a good breakfast, I thought.
His body was a work of art. I saw the muscles in his chest and stomach in the light for the first time. His body was perfectly contoured, and I saw the tattoos he had. He wasn’t covered from his neck to his feet like I expected. He had a tribal piece on one shoulder and a motorcycle engine on the other that had been done up to look like a skull and crossbones with flames coming out around it. I still hadn’t gotten a look at the ones on his forearms. They were some kind of symbols.
I found his coffee and started a pot for us while he sat down at the table, groaning.
“Good morning to you, too,” I said. “Breakfast is almost ready.
“What is it?” he asked.
“Bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast.”
“That sounds amazing.” He sounded oh-so-enthusiastic as he put his head down on the table.
I laughed and stepped into the dining room to kiss him on his cheek. He tried to grab me around the waist to keep me there with him, but I stepped out of reach too quickly. “Nope, I’ve got to finish breakfast,” I taunted him. I laughed as I walked back into the kitchen to pull up the last of the bacon and dump the grease.
After I made the eggs and toast, I brought two plates into the dining room to set on the table. I went back and grabbed a couple of mugs of coffee for us. I remembered he took his black. I added milk and sugar to mine since he didn’t have any creamer.
He was already eating the bacon when I sat down. He sipped his coffee and held the rest of his piece of bacon up to me.
“This is some good bacon,” he said.
“Thank you. I’m glad you like it.” I joined him, and we ate in silence for a little while.
He inhaled his food and sat back in his chair. He stretched and took another sip of coffee.
“So, how’d I do last night?” I asked him, trying to keep a chipper tone.
He eyed me over his cup. “Depends,” he said as he lowered it.
“Depends?” I asked.
“Yeah. In bed, you were phenomenal. But if you’re asking about how it went onstage, don’t worry about it, because you’re not going back out. I don’t want you dancing or stripping anymore,” he said with a stern voice.
“I know you didn’t ask, but I had a really good time last night. I really enjoyed it, and I felt like I did well, so I was kind of hoping to get your opinion,” I said. I was getting really tired of feeling like he wanted to take my dad’s place.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said again, flatly.
“Why don’t you want me to go back out? I just don’t get it,” I complained.
“It’s not where someone like you belongs,” he said almost dismissively, like that was supposed to be it, end of discussion.
“You sound like my dad,” I snapped.
“I’m sorry about that, but it’s the truth.” He stared at me with his gray eyes. His stare was a wall, as if he were telling me to drop it and not look for a way around the wall.
“Look, I’m just doing this to make a little cash while I can. I could go somewhere else, but I only have a few months to dance before the baby starts to show.” I stopped on the last word, realizing I’d just let the secret slip.
“I’m sorry, the what?” Blade asked, his eyes wide open in surprise.
“Yeah, so, that’s my big secret,” I said, disgusted with myself for telling him.
“That’s why you and your father got in a fight. And that’s why he kicked you out,” he stated as he put it all together.
I nodded and braced myself for his response. I waited for him to yell at me for not telling him. I waited for him to tell me to leave and not come back. I closed my eyes as fresh tears welled up and threatened to spill down my cheeks.
But he shocked me again. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “That’s just rotten. That’s horrible.” He reached across the table and took my hand. “Your dad’s an asshole,” he added.
I smiled. “Yeah, he is. Thank you.” I didn’t know what exactly to say. I didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. I just wanted to fix it. I wanted to work toward being financially stable enough to support the baby when the time came.
“Now I definitely don’t want you dancing,” he said abruptly.
“What the hell? I was just going to do it as long as I could, until it was no longer healthy for the baby or until the baby started showing,” I tried to convince him.
He shook his head. “Absolutely not. You know, you need somewhere safe to stay while you’re pregnant. You need somewhere that will allow you to have some access to other old ladies who’ve had children and can help you out.”
I sighed I knew what was coming. I knew what she was going to say before he even said it.
“Somewhere like the clubhouse,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. He didn’t miss it, but that was because I didn’t want him to.
“Hey, you’ll be safe there. You’ll have other members of the MC around you at all hours of the day and night. You’ll have the old ladies of the MC to help you with your pregnancy,” he continued.
I sighed. “I didn’t sign up to be part of your MC,” I told him. “I didn’t even ask you to let me stay here. You took it upon yourself to let me take up space in your home. I agreed to it, and I agreed to share your bed, which apparently meant to sleep with you.”
“Hey, you wanted it. You kissed me at the door to the club,” he argued.
“Oh, I definitely wanted it. And I enjoyed it, but I didn’t want all this possessive nonsense that I didn’t realize came along with it,” I told him. “I just needed a roof over my head and the possibility of employment, and you refuse to talk to me about the job. You have this idea that this is more than it is, and you’re not listening to me.”
I slid my plate to the side. Some of my bacon was left, and I hadn’t touched my eggs. I couldn’t eat anymore. I was disgusted by how clingy and needy he’d become just because he’d seen me naked and had sex with me. I was starting to regret everything I had done.
“Look, I’ll work something out for you,” he said hurriedly, trying to fix what he saw as the main problem – my lack of employment.
“It’s fine, Blade. This obviously isn’t working. I knew it was all too good to be true anyway. I should probably just grab my things and move on.” I heard myself for the first time and realized what I was saying. When the hell did I get so cynical?
With my ex, I had been a hopeless romantic. It had even been worse before him, which was probably what led me to hold on to my virginity for so long. Before Dylan, there had never been anyone as sophisticated or educated or just in the know as he was.
What was making things so complicated again was that Blade was very much the same, in his own way. He had his own sophistication, his own brand of education and culture, and he definitely had this finger on the pulse of his world. He knew what was going on. He had to know. He took women in off the street and put them to work. He was a member of an infamous motorcycle club that stayed in trouble with the police. And he managed to keep it all under control because he was strong, physically and mentally.
That was what made him so attractive and so damn irresistible, but it also made him dangerous. The danger was that if I weren’t careful I was going to wind up right back in the same situation that had led me to him in the first place. I couldn’t afford that. My life had experienced a serious setback, and my main focus was to fix that. I didn’t have time for distractions.
“I’m going to go,” I told him. I got up to leave. I walked upstairs to grab my bag from the bedroom.
I didn’t hear him follow, but when I turned to leave his room, he was standing in the doorway, blocking me from leaving his room.
“Don’t go, Lucy. I’ll let you sleep in one of the guestrooms while you’re here, and I won’t mess with you while you’re at the clubhouse. Just stay. Let me help you work everything out,” he pleaded.
“I’m not your responsibility, and neither is the baby,” I told him as I pushed past him into the hallway. I walked back downstairs, heading for the front door. From what I could tell, he didn’t follow. He was just going to let me go.
I stopped at the door. I didn’t know where I was going to go, and it would have been nice if someone had stepped in to stop me. I was being stubborn and proud.
If anyone in my life was man enough to cut me back down to size, it was Blade.