I stare at the bread basket. It seems to swim in front of me. Maybe I’m the one swimming? I blink a couple of times. Stare at the wine bottle and think again about pouring another glass.

Fuck.

The server approaches tentatively. I’m sure it’s obvious how drunk I am.

“Can I get you anything, sir?” she asks. She picks Sam’s cash up off the table and tucks it discreetly into her black half-apron. “Perhaps a bottle of sparkling water?”

A laugh erupts from deep inside me. A bottle of sparkling water. Fuck me.

Literally.

“A bottle of sparkling water would be great, thank you.” What the hell, right?

She returns quickly and pours out a glass, adding in a couple of lime wedges and a spring of mint. Classy. I swallow the whole drink without stopping, and when I’m done I refill my glass. The server has already disappeared. Leaving me alone to wallow on my own. Which is what I deserve.

Sam and Lila had left. I deserved that too. I was an asshole to them. I know that. I have no excuse.

I’ve been stewing ever since that night at Orchid. Wondering what I was doing. Why I was doing this. And, more importantly, why I was enjoying this.

Because I was enjoying it. So fucking much. Being with Lila and Sam had awoken something in me, something I didn’t even know existed. There’s no putting it back to sleep either. I can already feel the truth of that, deep in my bones.

Falling in love with Lila — that’s not surprising. She’s a beautiful girl with a zest for life that I find both charming and inspiring. When we’re together it feels right.

No, the problem is Sam. The problem is that it feels right with him too.

A man who stands for everything I hate … has weaseled his way into my bed. Into my heart.

I eye the wine bottle again, but focus instead on drinking my sparkling water. I need to sober up … because I have a feeling this night is far from over.

* * *

My head is starting to clear, but I’m still too drunk to drive, so I hail a cab outside the restaurant. I have him take me to the marina first, getting him to wait in the parking lot while I check Sam’s boat. It’s still moored, and bathed in darkness, so I know they aren’t here.

I get back in the cab. They’re probably at Sam’s place — unless he just dropped Lila off at her own home. Somehow I know they’re together though. Probably, rightfully, talking about what an asshole I am.

I debate going to Sam’s, but instead I ask the cab driver to just drive around for a while. He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, but then he just shrugs.

We cruise along for a while, as I take in the bustling city through the backseat window. There are beautiful people everywhere, dressed to be seen in the latest designer couture, shoes that cost a small fortune. Expensive sunglasses, even though it’s dark outside. Typical LA.

Somehow we end up in Echo Park. My old neighborhood. Despite living in this city my whole life, I’ve avoided this neighborhood since my mother died. It hasn’t been hard — I don’t have much reason to be out here, and it wasn’t like I felt the urge to drive by the old apartment. I prefer to focus on the new and developing areas of the city, rather than the old run down neighborhoods of my youth.

But tonight it seems fitting. The decaying buildings suit my mood.

But the more we drive, through streets I used to know like the back of my hand, the more I realize the old neighborhood has changed. There’s a revitalization happening here, one I’ve been willfully ignoring for the last I don’t know how many years. Now the neighborhood is a strange mix between new and old. Trendy new restaurants nestle in between authentic Mexican taquerias; boutique clothing stores butt up against pawn shops with iron bars over the windows.

There’s a tension in it, an oddness … yet somehow it seems to work. People bustle along the sidewalk, and the neighborhood teems with life.

I lean my head back against the back seat of the cab and sigh.

“Take me to Sunset Boulevard,” I tell the driver, and then I give him Sam’s address. “But another stop first.”

* * *

I find Lila and Sam on the couch. They hastily pull their clothes back on and I feel a pang of jealousy, wondering what I just interrupted. Then again, I deserve it.

“You might want to look into getting a new door guy downstairs,” I tell Sam, ignoring the surprised and wary expressions on their faces. “It only cost me a hundred bucks to get into your elevator and up to your apartment.”

Sam’s face looks alarmed, but I grin.

“Well, that and I told him I was your brother and that I wanted to surprise you for your birthday.”

I hold out the bottle of champagne I’d stopped to pick up on my way over. Both their faces turn worried, but I wave it off. “Not for tonight. I’ve had more than enough. But for next time.” I clear my throat nervously. “I guess I’m assuming there’s a chance we might still have a next time.”

There’s a beat of silence. A beat that stretches on. And on. And on. Lila and Sam look at each other and I watch something pass between them.

“Are you okay?” Lila finally asks. It’s not quite the answer I was hoping for, but it’s a start.

“I am,” I tell her, setting the bottle of champagne down on the lacquered console table, next to Lila’s purse. I haven’t exactly been invited in but I make my way into the room with them regardless. I sit down on the grey sofa across from them, leaning my elbows on my knees.

I eye them both for a minute but then I realize there’s no point in delaying any further. Not when the words I really want to say are right on the tip of my tongue.

“I’m sorry,” I say simply. “I was a complete and utter asshole earlier. I guess I just got overwhelmed by everything that’s been happening.”

“You could have talked to us,” Lila says softly. She won’t look at me and instead looks down at the sofa, where she picks away an invisible bit of lint.

“I know,” I say. I run my hands through my hair. “Believe me, I know. That’s all I’ve thought about since you walked out of the restaurant. Rightfully,” I add hastily.

Still no one says anything. I guess I deserve that. I lean back, spreading my palms on my knees. I look at Sam, and finding him still regarding me warily. I get it … he’s protecting Lila. I’d do the same thing in his position.

I shake my head, chuckling ruefully.

“God, how I hated you,” I tell him.

I can tell that isn’t what he expected to hear. He leans forward.

“Bennett,” he says, a note of warning in his voice, but I wave off his concern.

“I’m just being honest,” I tell him. “I fucking hated your guts. I hated how everything came so easily for you. Do you know how hard I had to work to get where I am?”

Sam shakes his head incredulously. “How hard you had to work? I’ve been one step behind you since you started Winning Bid. Always trying to keep up with the great Bennett McCardiff.”

The note of bitterness in his voice surprises me.

“I was the one coming from behind,” I point out. “You had the private schools, the Ivy League college. You were born into this life, Sam. I had to claw my way in.”

Sam chuckles ruefully. “You have no fucking clue, do you, Bennett?”

Before I can answer, he leans forward. “Was I born into wealth? Yes. And then it was all taken away from me when my parents died. Twelve years old and a fucking Charles Dickens-level orphan. I got into that Ivy League college on a scholarship, Bennett, and just by the skin of my teeth.”

His words take a minute to sink in. I look frantically at Lila, but she still won’t look at me. I can tell by the way she doesn’t react that she already knew all this anyway.

“I had no idea, Sam. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he says bitterly. “Just quit acting like you had it so rough. Everyone knows you’re Mr. Perfect”

“Mr. Perfect,” I scoff. “That’s rich.”

I can tell he doesn’t believe it though, so I tell him everything. About my junkie mother, about my non-existent father, about my glamorous community college education. Lila’s heard it all before, but Sam’s face softens as I talk.

“So that’s why I work my ass off to keep Winning Bid on top,” I finish. “Because there’s no way in hell I’m ever going back there.”

“I had no idea, Bennett,” Sam says softly.

“You two,” Lila says, shaking her head. She’s been quiet this whole time, but now her voice has the unmistakable note of irritation in it. “You’re more alike than you are different. I’ve been trying to tell you that all month. And not because you both had hard things happen in your childhood — that’s just life. Everybody has shit they deal with. No, you’re the same because neither of you can let anything go. You both cling to these old hurts, these invisible wounds. And in the meantime, you’re missing what’s right in front of you.”

Damn. Her words knock the breath from my lungs. I glance over at Sam and can tell that he looks equally chagrined.

“God, Lila, you’re a hundred per cent right,” I admit. I have no problem admitting when I’m wrong — not anymore. Not with her. “I guess I’ve kind of been a jackass, eh?”

“A little,” she sniffs, but there’s a smile on her face.

I take a deep breath. “I’m really sorry,” I say. “To both of you.”

Sam nods silently. “I am too.”

My throat suddenly feels parched. “Could I trouble you for a drink?” I ask Sam. “Water’s fine.”

“Sure.” He disappears into the kitchen and returns a minute later with a glass filled with ice … and a bottle of San Pellegrino. Sparkling water.

I shoot him a glance before I take the bottle, but Sam just grins.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to fuck you up the ass with it.”

I laugh. For the first time all night, it’s loud and genuine. “I deserve that.” Lila giggles.

I pour a bubbling glass and take a long swallow. I feel better than I have all night, since long before I started throwing back scotches at Zebra, the bar across from the restaurant where Lila and Sam and I were supposed to have dinner.

“Are you guys hungry?” I ask suddenly. “I kind of interrupted your dinner earlier.”

Sam and Lila exchange a look but don’t say anything.

“Unless you already ate,” I add.

“We didn’t eat,” Sam says quickly.

“But I’m not hungry for food,” Lila says, biting her lip in that foxy coy way that I love. She bats her long eyelashes once but I’m already standing and crossing the room towards her.